Despite Annatar's frequent visits to what was now my tower, I still missed Kendriun and my mother. For many moons after Kendriun's death, I tried to contact him in the Halls of Mandos but had little success. I had never been much of a necromancer to begin with and Kendriun had refused to teach me that particular "art" for he deemed it unnecessary.
"There is nothing that the dead know that the living cannot," he told me one more than one occasion. He put his trust in his scrying mirrors, runes and crystal gazing and felt there was no need to disturb the peaceful dead. "Let them sleep, Mikal, they deserve a rest." He told me on more than one occassion.
But I was frightened and alone and I needed my master or my mother to advise me. The King was now depending on me to dispense wise advice but how could I advise him when I could not even help myself?
I was weak and foolish, believing that if only I could speak to Kendriun one last time that all would be well. It would be fair to say that I was obsessing over contacting him. But the door to the Halls of Mandos remained closed to me and I was left utterly alone save for Ghost and Annatar.
Gradually, Annatar began to pay me more frequent and longer visits in the tower. On many a warm summer evening we would gaze at the stars and speak of the passage of time. What was time? Why did men die and the Eldar live on? What of dwarves and trolls? Were they immortal? Why were man and beasts the only mortals? Could man become immortal? Should man be immortal?
It was through these frequent and stimulating conversations that Annatar perceived my weakness. It was my innate curiosity. The same trait that Kendriun had admired and the reason he had chosen me to be his apprentice in the first place.
Of course, I did not know it at the time, but Annatar had also chosen me to be his apprentice. He had completed the first part of his nefarious scheme – to tear me away from those I loved, the steadying and balancing influences in my life so he could more easily control and manipulate me.
For that is what Annatar is ultimately about – he seeks not to destroy completely but to control completely. His only desire is complete and total domination of all wills, thoughts, pleasures and ideas. He accepts no half measures and will devour or destroy any who stand in his way. And he will stop at nothing to achieve his designs. But I have strayed from my story once again.
So let me return to that summer when Annatar first began to manipulate me in earnest. Once he had discovered that my curiosity was boundless, he began to question me on various aspects of sorcery and divination. He understood that if I could not answer his question that I would search for an answer. At first, I found this an amusing and diverting game between the two of us.
Gradually his questions became more challenging. Little did I know that he was covertly leading me down a very dangerous path. His manipulations were so subtle that before I knew it, all of my suspicions about him were replaced by a grudging admiration.
All of the questions he had asked Kendriun and I had scorned I now attacked with vigor – especially the question of the Eldar – why they were immortal and men were not. It was our favorite topic and we never tired of it. He knew this and continued to pull me along, my curiosity insatiable. He had me in his clutches and his grip was growing ever tighter although I was oblivious to it.
Yes, I had grown to consider Annatar a "friend". He was everything I needed him to be. He stimulated my intellect, challenged my ideals and gave me confidence. Oh, yes, he offered sweet friendship and I accepted. There was no one to warn me anymore about his true nature. He had seen to that. And so I slipped farther and farther under his spell.
Forgive me if I recall these days and Annatar's friendship fondly. He and I had become quite close after Kendriun's death (as was his plan all along). How much different would my life be if Annatar were an honest man? How different would this world be if he had been an honest man? It pains me to even think of such things.