Title: Dreams in Which I'm Dying
Author: Scarby
Warning: Nothing major this time
Disclaimer: Not mine. Ever.
Blame: my friend Afton, who thought... "Shinji Naota Drowning In ANGST!!!"
Dedication: to Afton, I suppose
Note: Title is from the song "Mad World" by Tears for Fears.

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Dreams in Which I'm Dying

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The bare lightbulb swung methodically from the ceiling of the bare room. It flickered once, then brightened again.

"Shin-chan."

"Ta-kun."

"Eva 01."

"Kanchi."

Both boys paused, studying each other's shoes as they sat on opposite ends of the bare room. Naota looked up first, just a simple eye flicker, followed closely by Shinji tentatively raising his head to look over the other boy's shoulder. Hesitantly determined, Naota fluttered his eyes up to look Shinji in the eyes. His hands kept fidgeting and playing with anything they touched, unlike Shinji's, which clenched the sides of the chair he sat on, causing his head to dip and his back to become awkwardly straight. When he saw Naota's eyes rest on him, the Eva pilot took a breath and resolutely looked the other in the eye.

Together, they stated, "Redheads."

"Father?" Naota asked.

"Made me pilot the Eva. Used me. Abandoned me. Almost killed me himself with the Eva."

Naota nodded understandingly. "Mine shot at me. I think I killed him. I'm still not sure. He's fine now though."

One of Shinji's hands released, only to slither up to a button of his shirt to fiddle with it. As if that motion sparked the reaction, he brought his legs up, wrapped his other hand around them, and rested his cheek sideways on his knees. Wrapped in a long sigh, he breathed out, "Rei."

"Mamimi."

"Asuka."

"Haruko."

Shinji bit his lip for a second. "Do you think we're powerless because we're male or because we're us?"

"I don't know."

"Are we powerless?"

"I don't know."

"Dr. Ritsuko once told me I had a 'Messiah complex.' Maybe you, too?"

"Maybe we do."

They sat in silence then, Shinji staring at the wall to his side and Naota staring over his head. The light dimmed before brightening once more. Finally, Shinji lifted his head enough to rest his chin on his knees, looking back over at Naota.

They said simultaneously, "Government."

"It's always foggy," Naota whispered, closing his eyes.

"Yeah."

"Like my head's still full of Haruko's robots."

"Yeah." Then, Shinji frowned. "Adam."

Naota opened his eyes. "Atomsk."

"Angels."

"Kanchi with wings."

"Pen-pen."

"Possessed cat."

"Misato."

"Haruko."

Shinji frowned. "Older women?"

Naota shrugged. "Mother figures maybe?"

A pause lengthened into silence, made dense by the lightbulb once more dimming but not brightening this time. Then, Naota raised himself from the chair, surprising Shinji into blinking. With his natural tentativeness, Naota walked one slow step at a time until he was looking down on the other boy, who looked up. They stared at each other for a long minute, until Shinji reached over one hand to take one of Naota's, grip firm, a pilot's grip.

"We have a lot in common," Shinji stated.

"Yes."

Shinji unbent his legs and stood, helped up by Naota. He didn't remove his hand.

Shinji whispered, "The end of the world."

"It's always been the end of the world."

Turning their palms over, Shinji looked down at their hands. "Then why are we here?"

Naota shrugged, his eyes looking downward again. "So that someone can witness it?"

Shinji nodded. "Are we all that's left then?"

"Maybe."

Dropping their still-joined hands to hang limp, Shinji stepped forward and tentatively rested his head on the other's shoulder, closing his eyes. After a pause, Naota leaned forward and mimicked Shinji's action.

"Then, I don't want to be alone," the both whispered inaudibly.

When their other arms came up to wrap each other in security, the single lightbulb swayed, dimmed, then all darkened to silent blackness.