My spirits lifted with the temperature. It would be a fine summer if the beautiful spring were any indication. The soft spring rains would come at dusk, making a fine pattering noise on the roof and lull me to sleep. Ghost and I were happy and content.
Even Annatar seemed soothed by the fair weather and his questions regarding the scrolls, the ring and the elves were much more consiliatory. He did not press me for answers nor challenge my opinions like he had in the past. Little did I know that this was the calm before the storm!
I can still remember the colors of that year – the bright yellow of the daffodils against the green of the new grass and the glorious red tulips bursting with their vibrant color. I miss such simple things now and long to even hear the sound of a bird singing in the trees if only for a moment.
But my path has been chosen for me and I can no longer enjoy such things! I am cursed among men! Cursed to wander in this foul form, to do the bidding of a being so nefarious he is second only to Morgoth himself in wickedness! Never again will I feel the warm sun on my face or smell the scent of daisies in the air!
Had I only remembered my mother's suspicions and Kendriun's warnings! Both of them realized that Annatar was not all that he seemed. But both of them had been taken from me – Annatar had taken them from me. Yes! I know that now. He took them from me to leave me helpless and vulnerable to his attack.
Enough! I will not speak of this for it makes me angry even now. I cannot say that my life was "taken" from me. Had Annatar simply approached and demanded by submission, I would have refused. He knew this. He knew this the day he arrived in our fair kingdom and offered me this accursed ring so long ago. When I refused, he determined to find other ways to bring me under his influence. And find them he did! Were he not already condemned to the depths of despair, I would soundly curse him to that dreadful place!
One lazy spring afternoon after planting some herbs in my garden, I decided to take a short rest in the sunshine. I eased myself into Kendruin's old chair and began to relax, enjoying the warm sun on my face and the sounds of the birds in the trees. A faint smell of the stables hung on the air mingled with the smell of fresh bread from the kitchens. It seemed as if the entire world were contained in that one moment of time for me. My mind began to drift and wander as my body continued to relax and grow heavy in the chair.
A very odd feeling came over me – almost as if I were floating but I could still feel the hardness of the chair behind me. I tried to stand up and when I did, the floating sensation became much stronger and I found myself standing outside of my own body! I could see myself clearly there in the chair but I was looking at me as if I were someone else!
Instantly, I was back inside my physical form, eyes staring wildly about and my mouth gaping open for breath. I was terrified and exhilarated in the same moment! I had not experienced such a thing before although Kendriun had told me it was possible and that he had managed to accomplish this on several occasions.
Quickly I darted upstairs to the library, determined to search through Kendriun's old writings to see how he had accomplished this and how to control it. There were so many questions I had and no one to ask save for some old books and my master's writings.
Over the next few days, I searched high and low for all references to anything like this and found only a handful. Kendriun had, indeed, managed to separate himself from his physical body on a few occasions, saying it had happened when he was at once relaxed and yet very aware of his surroundings. Like having a waking dream. As I read I realized that he had begun experimenting with this sort of thing as he aged, perhaps trying to find a way to overcome the physical limitations of the physical body and ultimately death. This excited me even more! Perhaps there was a place where I could meet my master again and seek his advice!
His last notes on the subject intrigued me. Written on an old scrap of parchment and tucked away in one of the Quenya scrolls explaining how elves viewed the passage of time was this note: "The spiritual body does not age nor does it die. Elves are more spirit than flesh?"
The writing sent a shiver through me. I would recognize Kendriun's neat penmanship anywhere. Had he discovered the secret to their immortality? Why had he not spoken to me of this? Had he spoken of this to Annatar? I sat down heavily in a straight-backed chair holding the scroll and precious note in my hands, my mind a jumble of thoughts.
Had he truly discovered the secret to elven immortality? If so, was he still "alive" somewhere that I could speak to him? What about my mother? Did he forsee his own death and try to make himself "immortal" outside of his physical body? I blinked and looked at the note again. ". . . nor does it die." The passage taunted me. Now I was more determined than ever to re-create these circumstances and see just how much I could learn of this spiritual body if there were any hope of speaking to my master again!