Aeryn rolled over to face the portal and stared out blankly. She couldn't face John after what she had done. The guilt was insurmountable, and she wished he hadn't shown up when he did as death would have been an easy way out.
"What the frell did you think you were doing?! You do realise you are carrying my child don't you? I mean suicide? For God sake... you frelled Velorek...it was your decision... I didn't make you but you go and try something as stupid as ending it all... couldn't you live with the guilt? 'Cos you know what? I don't think I could live with your betrayal... you betrayed me Aeryn. You promised yourself to me and as soon as I'm not around you go and frell another man. Perhaps that was your plan was it? Get Velorek to kill me so you wouldn't have to marry me and have a child and then you two could go off and you could be Peacekeepers again..."
Aeryn flew off the bed and lunged at Crichton, pushing him against the wall. "You bastard..." she hissed. "Do you really think I would get Velorek to kill you so I could be with him? After all these cycles? What I did, I did for you... I couldn't sit back and watch you die in my arms just like before. I want you and I want your child... and you know what... I am guilty for what I've done and no I don't think I can live with myself. So if you'll kindly go, I'll end it so you won't have to look at me and feel betrayed. Okay?!"
John stood gob-smacked and his eyes filled with tears. "Aeryn..." His voice softened. He tried to stroke her cheek, but she pushed him away with a violent shove.
"Don't touch me!" Aeryn snarled. She had always thought Crichton loved her and hoped that he'd understand, but her first fears seemed to be confirmed. John hated her more than she used to hate lesser species when she was a Peacekeeper. "Just stay the frell away." She had known John would be angry with her, but the amount of anger he had shown had surprised her. She half wished he'd pulled his gun on her and shot her dead; it was what she deserved. She stood in a corner staring at him. "Just go... please."
"I'm sorry..." he replied weakly. "I'm real sorry..." he tried to pull Aeryn into his arms but she moved further away again. He'd been so caught up in his anger he hadn't realised the hurtful things he'd said. He hadn't even thought about what had happened and the reasons. 'Man I feel bad' he thought to himself, realising that she had willingly risked their loving relationship just to save his pathetic life. "I'm not angry at you... I mean you must have been pretty distraught to try and... you know..." he paused and walked over to the bed and sat down. "... You know who I'm really angry with? Myself... I should have realised what would happen... and I'm angry at Velorek for what he has done to you..."
"Really?" she asked brushing a tear away from her eye quickly. She sat next to him on the bed and took his hand, "I... I really did do it for you..."
"Shh... I know. You don't need to explain anything to me. Now come closer and let me warm you up. It's damn cold down here." He said as he pulled her into his chest. He smiled as he felt her wriggle closer. He wanted to protect her and take away the pain he knew she was feeling. "I do love you, you know."
Aeryn sighed deeply, "I love you too, but why do things keep screwing up for us?" Truth was she honestly didn't know how much more the relationship with John could stand. Perhaps this was the very last chance they had to get things right, and she hoped John would forgive her and trust her enough to give it one last try.
"I guess fate just likes screwing us around."
Aeryn shook her head, "No... No... I'm going to stop believing in fate. If keep believing in fate, then I will keep hoping that things will go right for us. I don't want to spend the rest of my life hoping fate won't screw up our relationship... I figure we should make our own fate and then I know our relationship will survive."
John smiled and kissed the top of her head lightly, "I never really thought of it like that... you know for someone who uses muscle more than brains that was pretty insightful. Perhaps you're right... perhaps there is no such thing as fate and we are to blame for our relationship screwing up. I mean... fate has taken far too many shots at screwing up our happiness... perhaps it's not fate, but it's us thinking it will screw us about... and then we are so busy worrying, we're not focusing on the important thing in our relationship and that screws it up."
Aeryn blinked in confusion. Sometimes the human did far too much talking. "Well I never believed in fate before you showed up and frelled my life up..." she sighed thoughtfully, "...but I can't help thinking I frelled your life up."
"No you didn't Aeryn. How could you? You didn't frell up my life... if anything you gave me one. If I hadn't met you, then you would never have shown me all those different alien worlds or taken me combat flying in your Prowler. And I wouldn't have found my soul mate..."
"If I hadn't been stabbed by Larraq, you wouldn't have gone to the Gammak base and Scorpius would never have put that frelling chip in your head... and a lot of things could have been avoided... like Crais stealing Talyn, you having to marry Katrala, the Scorpius clone killing me, Zhaan dying by saving my life... need I go on?" Aeryn sighed. "See... I did frell up your life. You could have been back on you planet living a peaceful life a long time ago if it hadn't been for me..."
"Aeryn... that was in the past. We can't change that... like I can't change the fact you slept with Velorek to save my life... can't we just look forward to the future? We are getting married and we are gonna have a baby..."
"We can't look to the future while Velorek is still aboard..."
"You didn't kill him?!" Crichton exclaimed.
"No... I was too confused. John... I want to pay him back for what he has done to me, but not yet. I want to show him he hasn't won before we do anything else."
"You do? And how are you going to do that?" he asked.
Aeryn told John her plan in detail. "...do you understand?"
He nodded. "Yeah... I understand perfectly."
Aeryn and John stood outside Velorek's quarters once more. Aeryn was standing in his arms, her back against his chest with her hand on her pulse pistol, ready to shoot in case he decided to take a second try at killing Crichton and Crichton had is arms wrapped tightly around her waist with his head resting protectively on her shoulder. John hated Velorek for what he had done to Aeryn and if it hadn't been for Aeryn telling him not to, he would have shot him right then and there. Velorek had nearly cost them their whole relationship when they had only just made the commitment and promise to be with each other forever.
"You know Velorek..." John sighed sarcastically.
"... we love each other..." Aeryn continued in a cold tone.
John kissed her hair softly still staring at Velorek. "...and what is really sad about this situation..."
"...we still have each other..." she groaned as Crichton kissed the sensitive part of her neck.
"...and you still haven't accomplished anything." John finished as he slid his hand into her pants.
Velorek glared at them both. He had failed. He had hoped that what he had done to John and Aeryn would have broken them up. Seeing them together infuriated him but he resided himself to the fact he had failed. "Crichton... she slept with me! Doesn't that mean anything? She betrayed you..." Velorek couldn't understand the loyalty of this male. If a mate betrayed him, he would punish her, but the human didn't seem to care.
"NO... no... She did it to save my life. She didn't do it because she loved you... she did it for me," he replied.
Aeryn glared bitterly at him, "You know Velorek... once... I loved you, but now... now I hate you. I hate you more than I hate the Peacekeepers; I hate you more than the Scarrens even... I feel sorry for you... I used to respect you for your kindness as I had never seen in anyone before, but now... now you disgust me and I want you off this ship as soon as possible." Her glare died and turned neutral, "I am not going to kill you... even though it's what you deserve... I will escort your ship in my Prowler to the Commerce Planet we are approaching and then I never want to see you again... do you understand?"
He looked sorrowfully at Aeryn, "I do still love you... and I am truly sorry for what I have done," he said sincerely.
She shook her head, "You don't love me and don't apologise... It's far too late for those now... just get your stuff and get to your ship."
Aeryn sat in the cockpit of her Prowler in John's arms. "This is the right thing to do?" she asked.
John shook his head, "It's your call... if you really want to do this then I am right behind you... I always will be behind you."
"Thank you John." She said, leaning back to kiss him tenderly on his lips. It was a comfort to have him right there in her Prowler at this moment and she wondered what she would have done had she not slept with Velorek and John had died in her arms again. It wasn't something worth thinking about although she figured she'd probably really lose it and re-join the Peacekeeper renegades or end up doing a Kamikaze mission in her Prowler.
Pilot's voice crackled over the comms, "Officer Sun... Lt. Velorek you are clear to leave."
"Thank you Pilot." She replied.
The two ships zoomed out into space, Aeryn's Prowler trailing Velorek's pod. Velorek smiled to himself. He had gotten away with it and he knew to be freed Aeryn must truly love him."Prowler to Velorek..."
"Yes Officer Sun" he replied.
"Did you really think you'd get away with hurting John, putting my unborn child at risk and doing what you did to me? If so you are the naive one..." she said. "Locking on to target now..." She said, flicking some switches in her cockpit. "What you have to realise Velorek..."
"...is that nobody messes with Butch and Sundance." John finished. And placing his hands on Aeryn's they pressed the fire button."
Velorek's ship exploded in a massive fire ball, and Aeryn fought to hold back the tears that threatened to roll down her cheeks. She'd killed a man that had once been her lover and although he had hurt her and John, she felt guilty. The only thing Velorek had really done wrong was love her and show it in the wrong way. But the pain he had caused her outweighed the pain and guilt. "It's okay..." John whispered in her ear. "Lets go home..."
Aeryn sat in a portal in the centre chamber drinking a Raslak. Half of her regretted killing Velorek in such a cowardly way, but the other half of her knew he had deserved it after what he had done. Like John had said, nobody messed with Butch and Sundance and got away with it. So many lives were taken by their hands, and now Velorek was just another to add to their kill count. Okay so he wasn't innocent like so many others... he had cut her deeply and very nearly ruined everything for her.
"Penny for them..."
Aeryn looked up puzzled, "Even after four cycles I still don't understand half of what you say..."
"It means 'What ya thinking?' So what are you thinking?"
Aeryn sighed, "I am just wondering if there was another way he could have been punished... so many lives have been taken by our hands..."
John sat down next to her and pulled her into him, "Come on... let's forget these past days. We've got a future to look forward to and Wedding plans to make!"
She smiled lightly, "But how can I forget? He was my first love..."
John remained silent and hugged her closer. It was now obvious that Velorek had got what he wanted after all and Aeryn would never forget.
The End.