( After a long day in the bar, Tifa decided to take a nice, long nap. )
-Dreams-
Tifa
"The sky?"
"..."
"It's so...bright."
"How did I get here?"
(Tifa "floats" in the sky looking down)
Tifa
"Where is everyone?"
"......"
"He's mine."
"You'll never get him back."
Tifa
"Who's there?"
"He never liked you in the first place."
"You weren't friends, it just seemed that way"
Tifa
"....We were friends?
Wait...Yes... I mean NO! Stop confusing me!
Who is this?!"
"You know who I am."
Tifa
"Is it"
"YES! "
Tifa
"Se"
"NO, you dimwit! Can't you tell I have a wonderful female voice!?!?"
Tifa
"(You're the dimwit for screwin' up my dream..) Who the heck is this?"
"You'll figure out soon enough ."
Tifa
"I hate suspense..."
"Well you'll have to deal with it! Hmph.."
-Tifa's Home- (Midgar)
(Tifa wakes up and sees a female figure in her room)
Tifa
"What the?"
(She starts to laugh)
Tifa
"The bar is closed, Miss. You'll have to wait a few more hours till we're open."
"Oh Tifa! You're very ignorant. Why can't you realize that he is mine and never could be yours! Why, I'm better-looking anyway."
Tifa
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING IGNORANT! At least I'm not the one who can't show up in person.
ALSO, Your ugliness is unbearable and never could be compared to my beauty. "
"..."
Tifa
"Can't say anything can you? You ... thingy!
Also, are you talking about Cloud?"
"It took that long to figure it out?"
Tifa
"Grrr"
"If you wish to find me in person"
Tifa
"And beat the living crap out of you..."
"Ahem... You can find me in a forest near Gonganga.
Tifa
"...."
(The figure slowly disappears)
Tifa
"Well, that was interesting"
(Tifa starts to have a bad feeling)
Tifa
"Gonganga... That's where Cloud went some time after he came here..
(Flashback)
Tifa
"Hello, Cloud"
Cloud
"Hello"
Tifa
"How are things?"
Cloud
"Um, good I guess."
Tifa
"Where are ya' going today?"
Cloud
"Gonganga, well actually somewhere near it.
I got a letter from there recently, so I thought I'd check it out."
Tifa
"Oh..."
Cloud
"Well I'm leaving... (Don't tell Barret or Cid I was here.)"
Tifa
"Okay... (Geesh, he's like a rock...)"
(Flashback end)
Cid
"Tifa? Tifa? Tifa?!?!"
Tifa
"Who, huh? Oh! I gotta go! Bye!"
Cid
"?"
Barret
"Where the is Cloud!?! HE owes me 2300 GIL!!!! AGG!"
Cid
"Calm down, man"
Barret
"DON'T YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! If I don't get my money.. (I pity a foo')
Cid
"STOP WITH THE MR. T THING!"
(Back to Tifa)
-Outside of Midgar-
Tifa
"Now where is Gonganga? Um... wait! Cloud has the map! ... I'm screwed."
RANDOM BATTLE
Tifa
"Huh? Not right now! I wonder what it is? Probably some stupid little frog trying to take up my time... Come on out you little worm, and let me finish this!"
(A dragon materializes)
Tifa
"Oh $..."
-Back at the mystery person's hideout-
Mystery Lady
"Hmph... If she doesn't come then this won't work.."
Other Mystery Lady
"Give her a chance... she'll be here."
Mystery Lady
"Okay... (Why do I have to be mystery lady...)
Other Mystery Lady
"Our identities haven't been revealed yet... that's why.
Mystery Lady
"Oh... can I reveal myself yet?"
Other Mystery Lady
"No! We must wait till at least the next page
Mystery Lady
"Fudge."
(Back to Tifa who successfully defeated the dragon... or did she?)
Tifa
"(Ha Ha, Narrator, very funny.)...Almost there... (sigh)... That looks like it over there!"
(She runs to the forest quickly, but quietly)(Thanks for your sarcasm, Tifa!)
Tifa
"(Welcome any time) Why do I feel like I'm being watched? Oh, these cheap video cameras...
(Looks into camera)
Hey! CAN YOU HEAR ME YOU OLD RAGEDDY SCUMBAG! Where's the entrance to this less-than-lovable bucket of worms?"
(Back in bucket of worms)
Mystery Lady
"Shut up narrator."
(I was just trying to be funny...)
Mystery Lady
"Who does she think she is? Put this in the loud speaker.
Ahem, Testing..1..2..3"
Tifa
"I think you failed the test."
Mystery Lady
"You shuddup you...you... slum drunk"
Tifa
"Ditto"
Other Mystery Lady
"Heh Heh... You should let her in before you break the door system... again."
(Door opens, freezes, and then explodes under Tifa's feet) (She slides down a long dark tunnel before being deposited in a pitch black room.)
Tifa
"Hello? Anyone here?"
"You've come (and made me break that door... it cost about, 900 gil to get that repaired!)"
Tifa
"Hello creepy female voice of "terror." What did you bring me here for?"
"(Claps two times bringing on light) To see this"
Tifa
"(gasp) Cloud?"
(Cloud stands there with a glassy "I'm not here" look on his face)
"He's mine now and you can't do anything about it!"
Tifa
"Who are you?"
Mystery Lady
"I am (takes off cloak) the beautiful, butt-kicking Mai!"
Tifa
"Oh my God! Put some clothes or something! You look like a person from a dirty magazine or something.
Mai
"You're the one to talk! I've SEEN you in one of those dirty magazines!
Tifa
"... Well, at least I'm popular...and at least I get a lot more attention. (and a sequel too)
Mai
"I've been in many sequels!"
Tifa
"Each one was the same exact thing, you turkey."
Mai
"Well, at least I don't wear orthopedic undies!
Tifa
"At least I WEAR undies..."
Mai
"Can you believe he dumped you for a younger chick!"
(Aeris in background: What's a chick?)(Narrator: Hey you're not supposed to be in this issue)(Aeris: Oops, I'm out)(Narrator: I better get paid for this.. and why do I have to speak in brackets?)
Tifa
"(Shut up Narrator! Let's continue with the issue)
He didn't like her! If I recall, he was just being... sympathetic...
(I hate bracket speak)(Tifa: How about a free drink at the bar if you be good?)(Oh Boy Oh Boy... Um... okay then)
Mai
"Play it off as much as you want, you know Cloud doesn't like you."
Tifa
"Ditto"
Mai
"..."
Random Battle
Tifa
"The heck! I was just talking to her
Who is this? Hmm..
Tifa uses Sense
Cloud Mai Forever Fanatic Level 2 Weak against Tifa Lockheart
Tifa
"The Heck..."
Tifa uses Fire
Fan
"Oh Muy Gosh! Tiffa! You knows that Cloud and Aerith were soposed to be together! "
Tifa
"Die fan! Die!
Battle over
Tifa
"... That was strange"
Mai
"You see now! Even Cloud could say he didn't like you. See!"
Cloud
"I didn't like you "
Tifa
"I know this is a trick! You just brainwashed him, you glutton."
Mai
"Brainwash? I a
Other Lady
"Mai would never sink to your pitiful level! She actually used an ancient spell to put Cloud under her con
(Mai punches her hard)
Other Lady
"Oww"
Tifa
"So that's what you did. Well, I'm taking Cloud back
Mai
"I don't think so."
(Black mages start to surround Tifa)
Tifa
"...Uh...(think think!) Oh! ...Grr..."
Limit Break: Tifa
Tifa
"Beat Rush! "
( Tifa jumps on the head of mage as she flows in the air toward Mai.)( Tifa successfully..
(fails to reach Mai)
(Mai kicks Tifa backward and she falls in front of Mai's throne-like seat)
(The mages cast a spell on her and she starts to sink through the floor)
(She looks at Cloud as she starts to sink)
Tifa
"AGGGH! Cloud!"
Cloud
"..."
Tifa
"CLOUD!"
Cloud
"...Ti...Tifa?
Mai
"(Insert evil laugh)!!! Oh, I guess I have to bring up the takeover spell's level a little."
(Tifa lies there on the ground for a while. She was immobilized, but still conscious.)
Tifa
"...Sigh...(I almost got him out of it.)...(Something's holding me down, but I can't move to smash it)...(Maybe I'll take a nap)
No I...I'm tired.
(Tifa sleeps and starts to sink down more)
Distant Voice
"Tifa?"
Tifa
"?"
Distant Voice
"Tifaa!"
Tifa
"You mean Tifa, right? I'm sleep"
(Clunk!)
Tifa
"Ow"
Mystery person
"Kagome?"
Tifa (still asleep)
"The heck is that?"
Mystery person
"Kagome?!?"
Tifa
"I'm no Kago-me. I'm"
Mystery person
"Wake up!!!"
Tifa (wakes up)
"Huh... OH!! I'm Sinking!! AGGHH!! ...Hey I'm not sinking."
Mystery person
"Ka"
Tifa
"ACK! Who's there!? ...(puff puff)"
Mystery Person
"Come with me toward the light, Kagome! It might be a way out of here!"
Tifa
"I already said, I'm not Ka"
(Before Tifa could finish her sentence, the mystery dude lifted her onto his back and started running toward the lights)
Tifa
"!"
Mystery Dude
"(She got heavier...)"
( They emerge in a forested area )
( The Mystery Dude puts her down and turns around)
Tifa "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
& Mystery Dude "Huh?!?!?!"
Tifa
(faints)
Mystery Dude
(scratches head)
(The Mystery Guy carries her to a small tree structure in the west-ish area of the forest)
Tifa
" ...mmm...Hu....AHHHHHHHHH!!!! GET AWAY OFF AWAY ACKKKK!!!!
(Tifa punches and scratches the mystery guy until he drops her. She then ran to a corner)
Tifa
"(breathing heavily)....puff puff...wheeze...Who Who What Who are you?
Mystery Guy
"The name's Inuyasha, and I guess I've mistaken you for someone else."
Tifa
"Are you...with Mai?"
Inuyasha
"If she's the one who took Kagome then I'm against her."
Tifa
"Oh... (sigh)... Um, what's with the ears? And the outfit, and...
Inuyasha
"Same thing I'd ask, (but without the comment of the ears..)
(They start to examine each other with stares)
(Inuyasha then took a full look at Tifa, at which point she punched him)
Tifa
"OH YOU LITTLE PERVERT!"
Inuyasha
"I didn't do anything!"
Tifa
"(Insert evil look here) ANYWAY, why do you have ears? You look like a doggie"
Inuyasha
"I'm actually a demon"
Tifa
"Ooooooooh, a deemen!!!
Inuyasha
"Heh Heh (sarcastically)"
Tifa
"Wait... this doesn't seem right. How about we re-introduce ourselves and say what we're doing now."
Inuyasha
"Hmph... The name's Inuyasha. I'm a ...hal-fcough...Demon"
Tifa
"Getting a little choked up there... Hee Hee."
Inuyasha
"...And I'm looking for a girl named Kagome."
Tifa
"My name is Tifa Lockheart, and I'm the owner/bartender of 7th Heaven. I'm searching for my friend Cloud. He has bright, yellow, spiky hair, and he has a big sword. (Kind of like yours...Hmm...) I also know how to beat someone down using myself as a weapon. "
Inuyasha
"Yawn..."
Tifa
"Grrr..."
Inuyasha
"Well, I'm leaving"
Tifa
"!"
"Wait! How about this... we should team up and go against Mai so we'll have a better chance of getting our lost friends back."
Inuyasha
"You'd slow me down, and plus you're too heavy to carry."
Tifa
HEAVY?! (Calm yourself Tifa...calm down...) I don't NEED anyone to carry me; I can keep up by myself. I've been through a lot of stuff and I can definitely keep up... even against a semi-demon.
Inuyasha
"Grrrr..."
"Well then come on then."
Tifa
"One question, WHERE THE HECK ARE WE?!"
Will they be able to find their friends? Will they be able to find out where they are without being killed? Will they be able to survive ... each other?
You'll have to wait until the next installment of:
Universal Fantasy V:1