A/N: I made slight changes to the previous version of Chapter Nine because
I didn't like some of the original dialogue so I took it out. This is the
new and current version. Please ignore the previous one. Thanks
-----------------------
It was a cool night with a gentle breeze. The sky was clear as the moo shone through the dark waves of the night sky with twinkling stars shining through. Leah and Ethan walked towards the barn in an awkward silence but she could tell that he was nervous by his heavy breathing. The walked an arm's distance away with a wall of awkwardness in between their bodies. The unease and uncomfortable silence was finally broken when Ethan finally spoke. "So how are you?"
"I'm good. I plan to become a nurse; I'm in college now. I'm taking some time off school right now. So, how about you?"
"I'm also good. I'm quite busy on the farm with the harvest and everything. You'll be a great nurse just like Molly." He smiled as they approached the barn.
"You still remember her?" Molly had been the nurse that took care of her when she was at the hospital, where she first met the Longacre family, most of all, Ethan. Molly had been her inspiration to become a nurse and care for people who were ill.
"How could I forget ever her? Or the hospital... I'll never forget that it was where I met --" He quickly stopped himself before uttering "you". I'm with Martha! I'm with Martha! I'm with Martha, he kept thinking to himself. He quickly tried to cover himself by explaining it was where he first met an English person.
Leah knew him very well and could tell he was trying to lie, something he was horrible at, especially with her. "Ethan... we've grown up a lot since we've last seen each other. We don't have to pretend nothing ever happened between us because we both know it's over and done with. You don't have to try to avoid the situation." She sounded as if she was an adult who was mature but deep down her heart ached for Ethan and she burst with joy when he mentioned he would never forget the hospital... or her.
"You are right Leah. Since we are older now, we should be able to talk about things like normal adults." He nodded and looked towards the sky. She noticed that he avoided her eye contact and often talked to the air rather than towards her face.
"It's a nice night! The stars are out, brightly shining."
"It is... So... are you here in town for long?"
"I'm helping out a doctor I worked with back at the hospital. I'll be here for quite awhile... not sure exactly how long."
"Oh I see... so are you seeing anyone now?"
"You mean dating? As in a boyfriend?" She found it interesting that he would ask her that question and wondered why he brought up the subject.
He reddened with embarrassment. "Yes... a boyfriend."
She smiled, knowing Ethan was still the same shy Ethan she said goodbye to. "No, not at the moment. I've dated lots of guys..." She glanced to see that he seemed uncomfortable at the thought and quickly tried to ease his unease. "But nothing serious ever happened."
"How many have you dated? It is hard to have feelings for so many people. There should only one or two that are special to you." He found it hurtful to know that Leah had dated many other people and began to wonder if he was just another person on her list.
"Not THAT many. A few here and there. One or two dates with each of them, nothing more... It's different in the English world... you go on a lot of dates. But only a few are special and those few are the serious relationships that last longer..."
"How many were special?" He sparked an interest and was curious to know where he stood compared to the others she has dated.
"Not very many. Actually... only one that really sticks out." He looked down at her in curiosity and she smiled back innocently. "But... that was a long time ago."
"Are you talking about... us?"
"Yeah, believe it or not, even with your odd simple ways you were special to me." She smiled as she noticed his face blush with embarrassment. "But that's in the past. I hear you and Martha are quite close. Engaged and everything... I'm glad. You deserve a nice Amish girl." She tried her best to sound supportive and happy for him. Well I am happy for him. He got what he wanted... an Amish girl and I want him to be happy... even if he's happier when he loves someone else. But I Martha could have been me. Why was I born English! But I want him to be happy, end of story, she thought to herself.
He was confused with many emotions as he processed all his thoughts. He was surprised when she told him she was glad. Was he nothing but a burden to her? But of course he was, he took up so many months of her life and he left her in the end anyways. His reasons for being with Martha were renewed as he watched Leah smile. However, deep down he had always wanted to stay in the English world. "Err... Yes... Thank-you. So how did you hear about the engagement?"
"Your sister told me and your father hinted it to me when I..." She quickly realized no one knew that Mr. Longacre had been seeing a doctor for the past few months so she quickly made up a story about bumping into him in town. He nodded and she quickly steered the conversation away from her 'meeting' with Mr. Longacre. "Before when I saw you on the weekend when I was picking up Maxine and Brian, you said you wanted to talk. What about?"
"Oh... umm..." When he was put on the spot he became lost in his thoughts. He wanted deep down to tell her how he felt about her but he couldn't gather up the courage. "Oh nothing! I just wanted to catch up on everything. It has been four years since we've last seen each other. I just wanted to know what was happening in your life, that's all..."
"It didn't seem like anything when you saw me. It seemed quite urgent and important. If you wanted to catch up, I don't think you would have ran after me like you did... And you do know that you're a horrible liar." She hoped that he would give her some sign that he still thought of her the same way but it didn't seem to be swaying towards her hopes. He seemed very happy back on the farm with his family and sadly, with Martha.
"Yes, lying has never been my strength or my liking. I like to be honest." His thoughts and emotions became entangled as he tried to hold his tongue, hoping not to speak too much and accidentally reveal he has been thinking of her ever since he left the English world.
"Good, so tell me what you wanted to talk to me about?"
"I just wanted to talk to you again."
She soon became annoyed by his vague answers that didn't explain anything. She tried to listen to the Doc's advice and try to understand where Ethan was coming from but she found it extremely hard when he was trying to avoid her questions. "You had four years worth of opportunity and chances of talking to me but you didn't take any of them."
"Leah... please let me exp --" He tried his best to keep Leah calm and composed by her anger and frustration became enraged as they continued to talk.
"No! Let me do the explaining to you. You left me and you said I would always be in your heart until angels close your eyes and that you loved me. I understood that you had to be with your family but after you left you don't know how hard it was for me. To return back to my life without you in, to have other people ask you what happened to you, and to start dating other guys that didn't even come close to measuring up to you. It was hard for me! But I did it and now you're here telling me you want to talk but now that I'm here you don't have anything to say to me? Look, I'm willing to talk but right now you're wasting my time!" Leah didn't realize that her anger was so great until she noticed that she was yelling. Her breaths became deep and heavy as she tried to control her emotions.
Ethan stood there; taking in all of her words, and was stunned with disbelief and shock that left him speechless. He didn't know what to do or how to make her feel better. He was confused and lost and felt out of place. He wanted her to feel better but he knew that he was the one who was causing her pain and he soon realized that he had hurt her to great proportion and he began to feel horribly at fault. He was only able to speak two words. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? I haven't been waiting all this time for an apology Ethan. After you left, you didn't send anything. No visit, no phone call, no letter. You just left me."
"I wanted to write to you so many times but I was never able to gather the courage to send them to you. My heart and mind were all entangled with each other and I didn't know what I wanted."
"There's a huge difference between wanting to and actually doing it. You didn't know what you wanted? What was I? An option you could pick from? Is Martha another option? Do you choose your different options depending on your mood?"
"Of course not! I am not that type of person! Martha isn't an option, you aren't either."
"Oh right... I was the fling and she's the real thing. Oh okay. I got it, I understand. Now that we've got that cleared up I'll be leaving now."
"Wait... Leah. Please... don't go yet. Martha..." He couldn't lie or hold it in anymore, not to her, not to His Leah.
"What about Martha? Is she pregnant too? Just want to throw me another curve ball?"
"No of course not! Look... I understand you were very hurt after I left but I wasn't happy either. I'm not even happy now!"
"You seem quite happy to me. You're with your family and you're engaged with the perfect Martha... life seems good to me..." Tears rolled down her eyes as she spoke in between her sniffing. "Look... I'm sorry I yelled. I just lost control over my emotions. I should leave now."
"I don't blame you having these hateful feelings for me but I truly did care for you greatly and it pains to me know that I have hurt you so much. Leah, you must try to understand why I could never comeback to you... my family needed me... I couldn't let them be clothed in shame as my brother had done to them... you must understand..."
"I do... You don't have to explain everything to me. I had no right to become to be so angry and yell. I should go... it's getting late. I'm going to go back inside and say thank-you and goodbye to your folks." Without looking at Ethan, she turned and walked back to the house.
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"You're leaving already? It's so soon though! Please stay for a bit longer. I would love to catch up some more." Charity smiled as she greeted Leah when she returned to the house.
"I wish I could but I can't. The family I'm staying with will be waiting for me. It's good to see you all again and thank-you for a wonderful dinner!" The Longacre family nodded in response as she turned towards the door and walked to her car. "I'll come by once in awhile and we'll keep in touch. Don't worry; I'm not going to disappear." She smiled at her friend as she entered her car.
"Goodnight Leah." Charity smiled and returned back into the house.
As Leah started the engine and was about to put her car into gear, Ethan came running out of the house with a box in his hands the shape of a shoebox, more or less. She rolled down her window as Ethan spoke in between his gasping breaths. "You said before that I never sent you any letters, phoned you, or visited you. I hope this provides you some comfort or.... I don't know. Take this and go through it when you get home..."
"Err... Okay... But you don't have to make me feel better. I'll be fine." She took the box and placed it on the passenger seat of her car.
"Just go through it... please..." He smiled and quickly walked back to the house.
Leah began to drive away and was confused by what Ethan had told her. And her curiosity grew as she wondered what was in the box. When she reached the main street of the town and was stopped by a red light, she turned to look at the medium-sized box and decided her curiosity could no longer wait. She picked it up and opened the top. Inside of if were pieces of paper... some folded, others not... some sealed and stamped in envelopes, and others were left in open envelopes. She looked at the front of the envelopes and they all were addressed to:
Leah Lewis-Hall
A/N: I love to hear your reviews! And if you have any suggestions, feel free to give them! Thanks! : )
-----------------------
It was a cool night with a gentle breeze. The sky was clear as the moo shone through the dark waves of the night sky with twinkling stars shining through. Leah and Ethan walked towards the barn in an awkward silence but she could tell that he was nervous by his heavy breathing. The walked an arm's distance away with a wall of awkwardness in between their bodies. The unease and uncomfortable silence was finally broken when Ethan finally spoke. "So how are you?"
"I'm good. I plan to become a nurse; I'm in college now. I'm taking some time off school right now. So, how about you?"
"I'm also good. I'm quite busy on the farm with the harvest and everything. You'll be a great nurse just like Molly." He smiled as they approached the barn.
"You still remember her?" Molly had been the nurse that took care of her when she was at the hospital, where she first met the Longacre family, most of all, Ethan. Molly had been her inspiration to become a nurse and care for people who were ill.
"How could I forget ever her? Or the hospital... I'll never forget that it was where I met --" He quickly stopped himself before uttering "you". I'm with Martha! I'm with Martha! I'm with Martha, he kept thinking to himself. He quickly tried to cover himself by explaining it was where he first met an English person.
Leah knew him very well and could tell he was trying to lie, something he was horrible at, especially with her. "Ethan... we've grown up a lot since we've last seen each other. We don't have to pretend nothing ever happened between us because we both know it's over and done with. You don't have to try to avoid the situation." She sounded as if she was an adult who was mature but deep down her heart ached for Ethan and she burst with joy when he mentioned he would never forget the hospital... or her.
"You are right Leah. Since we are older now, we should be able to talk about things like normal adults." He nodded and looked towards the sky. She noticed that he avoided her eye contact and often talked to the air rather than towards her face.
"It's a nice night! The stars are out, brightly shining."
"It is... So... are you here in town for long?"
"I'm helping out a doctor I worked with back at the hospital. I'll be here for quite awhile... not sure exactly how long."
"Oh I see... so are you seeing anyone now?"
"You mean dating? As in a boyfriend?" She found it interesting that he would ask her that question and wondered why he brought up the subject.
He reddened with embarrassment. "Yes... a boyfriend."
She smiled, knowing Ethan was still the same shy Ethan she said goodbye to. "No, not at the moment. I've dated lots of guys..." She glanced to see that he seemed uncomfortable at the thought and quickly tried to ease his unease. "But nothing serious ever happened."
"How many have you dated? It is hard to have feelings for so many people. There should only one or two that are special to you." He found it hurtful to know that Leah had dated many other people and began to wonder if he was just another person on her list.
"Not THAT many. A few here and there. One or two dates with each of them, nothing more... It's different in the English world... you go on a lot of dates. But only a few are special and those few are the serious relationships that last longer..."
"How many were special?" He sparked an interest and was curious to know where he stood compared to the others she has dated.
"Not very many. Actually... only one that really sticks out." He looked down at her in curiosity and she smiled back innocently. "But... that was a long time ago."
"Are you talking about... us?"
"Yeah, believe it or not, even with your odd simple ways you were special to me." She smiled as she noticed his face blush with embarrassment. "But that's in the past. I hear you and Martha are quite close. Engaged and everything... I'm glad. You deserve a nice Amish girl." She tried her best to sound supportive and happy for him. Well I am happy for him. He got what he wanted... an Amish girl and I want him to be happy... even if he's happier when he loves someone else. But I Martha could have been me. Why was I born English! But I want him to be happy, end of story, she thought to herself.
He was confused with many emotions as he processed all his thoughts. He was surprised when she told him she was glad. Was he nothing but a burden to her? But of course he was, he took up so many months of her life and he left her in the end anyways. His reasons for being with Martha were renewed as he watched Leah smile. However, deep down he had always wanted to stay in the English world. "Err... Yes... Thank-you. So how did you hear about the engagement?"
"Your sister told me and your father hinted it to me when I..." She quickly realized no one knew that Mr. Longacre had been seeing a doctor for the past few months so she quickly made up a story about bumping into him in town. He nodded and she quickly steered the conversation away from her 'meeting' with Mr. Longacre. "Before when I saw you on the weekend when I was picking up Maxine and Brian, you said you wanted to talk. What about?"
"Oh... umm..." When he was put on the spot he became lost in his thoughts. He wanted deep down to tell her how he felt about her but he couldn't gather up the courage. "Oh nothing! I just wanted to catch up on everything. It has been four years since we've last seen each other. I just wanted to know what was happening in your life, that's all..."
"It didn't seem like anything when you saw me. It seemed quite urgent and important. If you wanted to catch up, I don't think you would have ran after me like you did... And you do know that you're a horrible liar." She hoped that he would give her some sign that he still thought of her the same way but it didn't seem to be swaying towards her hopes. He seemed very happy back on the farm with his family and sadly, with Martha.
"Yes, lying has never been my strength or my liking. I like to be honest." His thoughts and emotions became entangled as he tried to hold his tongue, hoping not to speak too much and accidentally reveal he has been thinking of her ever since he left the English world.
"Good, so tell me what you wanted to talk to me about?"
"I just wanted to talk to you again."
She soon became annoyed by his vague answers that didn't explain anything. She tried to listen to the Doc's advice and try to understand where Ethan was coming from but she found it extremely hard when he was trying to avoid her questions. "You had four years worth of opportunity and chances of talking to me but you didn't take any of them."
"Leah... please let me exp --" He tried his best to keep Leah calm and composed by her anger and frustration became enraged as they continued to talk.
"No! Let me do the explaining to you. You left me and you said I would always be in your heart until angels close your eyes and that you loved me. I understood that you had to be with your family but after you left you don't know how hard it was for me. To return back to my life without you in, to have other people ask you what happened to you, and to start dating other guys that didn't even come close to measuring up to you. It was hard for me! But I did it and now you're here telling me you want to talk but now that I'm here you don't have anything to say to me? Look, I'm willing to talk but right now you're wasting my time!" Leah didn't realize that her anger was so great until she noticed that she was yelling. Her breaths became deep and heavy as she tried to control her emotions.
Ethan stood there; taking in all of her words, and was stunned with disbelief and shock that left him speechless. He didn't know what to do or how to make her feel better. He was confused and lost and felt out of place. He wanted her to feel better but he knew that he was the one who was causing her pain and he soon realized that he had hurt her to great proportion and he began to feel horribly at fault. He was only able to speak two words. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? I haven't been waiting all this time for an apology Ethan. After you left, you didn't send anything. No visit, no phone call, no letter. You just left me."
"I wanted to write to you so many times but I was never able to gather the courage to send them to you. My heart and mind were all entangled with each other and I didn't know what I wanted."
"There's a huge difference between wanting to and actually doing it. You didn't know what you wanted? What was I? An option you could pick from? Is Martha another option? Do you choose your different options depending on your mood?"
"Of course not! I am not that type of person! Martha isn't an option, you aren't either."
"Oh right... I was the fling and she's the real thing. Oh okay. I got it, I understand. Now that we've got that cleared up I'll be leaving now."
"Wait... Leah. Please... don't go yet. Martha..." He couldn't lie or hold it in anymore, not to her, not to His Leah.
"What about Martha? Is she pregnant too? Just want to throw me another curve ball?"
"No of course not! Look... I understand you were very hurt after I left but I wasn't happy either. I'm not even happy now!"
"You seem quite happy to me. You're with your family and you're engaged with the perfect Martha... life seems good to me..." Tears rolled down her eyes as she spoke in between her sniffing. "Look... I'm sorry I yelled. I just lost control over my emotions. I should leave now."
"I don't blame you having these hateful feelings for me but I truly did care for you greatly and it pains to me know that I have hurt you so much. Leah, you must try to understand why I could never comeback to you... my family needed me... I couldn't let them be clothed in shame as my brother had done to them... you must understand..."
"I do... You don't have to explain everything to me. I had no right to become to be so angry and yell. I should go... it's getting late. I'm going to go back inside and say thank-you and goodbye to your folks." Without looking at Ethan, she turned and walked back to the house.
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"You're leaving already? It's so soon though! Please stay for a bit longer. I would love to catch up some more." Charity smiled as she greeted Leah when she returned to the house.
"I wish I could but I can't. The family I'm staying with will be waiting for me. It's good to see you all again and thank-you for a wonderful dinner!" The Longacre family nodded in response as she turned towards the door and walked to her car. "I'll come by once in awhile and we'll keep in touch. Don't worry; I'm not going to disappear." She smiled at her friend as she entered her car.
"Goodnight Leah." Charity smiled and returned back into the house.
As Leah started the engine and was about to put her car into gear, Ethan came running out of the house with a box in his hands the shape of a shoebox, more or less. She rolled down her window as Ethan spoke in between his gasping breaths. "You said before that I never sent you any letters, phoned you, or visited you. I hope this provides you some comfort or.... I don't know. Take this and go through it when you get home..."
"Err... Okay... But you don't have to make me feel better. I'll be fine." She took the box and placed it on the passenger seat of her car.
"Just go through it... please..." He smiled and quickly walked back to the house.
Leah began to drive away and was confused by what Ethan had told her. And her curiosity grew as she wondered what was in the box. When she reached the main street of the town and was stopped by a red light, she turned to look at the medium-sized box and decided her curiosity could no longer wait. She picked it up and opened the top. Inside of if were pieces of paper... some folded, others not... some sealed and stamped in envelopes, and others were left in open envelopes. She looked at the front of the envelopes and they all were addressed to:
Leah Lewis-Hall
A/N: I love to hear your reviews! And if you have any suggestions, feel free to give them! Thanks! : )