"Hey Leah! Can you please help me with this patient?" Dr. Barlow
was examining a young child, no more than six years in age. The little boy
had fallen from his bike and had scrapped his knee quite badly.
"Sure thing, Doc." It was another Monday morning and she was back at work in Dr. Barlow's medical office. She thought about what she should do about her situation but her mind was still a blur. She had many uncertainties floating around in her mind and she was very confused in her emotions.
Leah quickly closed the folder she was working on and walked into the examination room. The little boy was crying and was very scared. His knee was in fairly in bad shape but it could easily be fixed. "Thomas, this is Leah and she's going to hold your hand while I help clean up your knee, is that okay?" The Doc began to gather the bandages and other necessary things in his cabinet.
The little boy was very small and his eyes were swollen and red from crying. He timidly said, "Hi..." as he sat nervously.
"Hi Thomas. How are you feeling?" She took a seat beside him and held his hand and smiled kindly.
"I'm... okay." Thomas was a little boy with red hair and clear, blue eyes, with a very pale complexion. He explained to her that he was biking outside and was distracted by one of the passing buggies and fell from his bike. She continued to smile and listened to him intently while gently holding his hand while the Doc did his work on his knee.
After about ten minutes, Dr. Barlow was done and Thomas was all fixed up. "Well I think everything is done. Are you feeling better now?" The little boy quickly nodded and smiled contentedly. "That's good. Why don't you go with Leah and she'll give you a little treat, okay?"
Leah helped him off his seat and led him outside. "So Thomas, because you were so brave inside you get a treat." She walked to a cabinet and pulled out a small box of toys, stickers, and lollipops. "Here... you can take one of each."
She lowered the box into the arms reach of the little boy whose eyes lightened up as the candies and toys came into his sight. He smiled as he grabbed a grape lollipop, a sticker, and a small toy car. "Thank-you Leah!" He quickly put his arms around her leg as he gave her a hug.
"Aww... no problem Thomas!" She put her arms around him and carried him to her desk. "You just have to be more careful, alright? Try not to get so distracted. I'll call your Mommy to pick you up, okay?" He nodded as he opened his lollipop and began to enjoy his sweet treat.
Thomas's mother arrived at the office twenty minutes later and thanked as she led her son to her car. He continuously waved as they drove out of sight. "Well Leah... I think you're going to be a great nurse. You're a natural!"
"Thanks Doc! You're pretty good yourself!" They laughed as they took a break before their next patient who was due to arrive in about fifteen minutes.
"So Leah, what's up?" This was the Doc's way of asking about the letters. He never asked anything directly. He always waited Leah to bring the subject up before he got himself involved.
"Hmmm... you know... that's a good question! I wish I knew. I think I'm even more confused than I was before! I don't know... there are so many things to keep in mind and I want to do the right thing. "
"Were the letters that bad?"
"Well... the letters were good. I now know he still thinks about me. But I don't think I want him to. He's so well set in his life... his Amish life. Then I come along and I interrupt everything. I've interrupted it once; I don't think I could live with myself if I suspend it again. You know what I mean?"
"Yeah. Well, love is never easy. Do you have any idea of what you're going to do?"
"Well... I know I want to tell him that nothing can happen again. I won't let anything happen again. He has a path and I want him to stick with it. But if I say goodbye to him, I'm worried he'll continue to think of me and become distracted from his real life."
"Well if that's what you want then you should follow it. But I don't think you need to say goodbye exactly." He wouldn't consider himself young, he hasn't for a while, but he can still remember and relate to his earlier days when he dealt with his past girlfriends and old relationships. It took him awhile before he found the right woman.
"What do you mean? If I don't, he might still think something is going to happen, which it's not."
"I mean... tell him you don't want to have another relationship but you don't have to say goodbye. I think he'd be able to deal with it better if you made it clear nothing would happen but still be present in his life."
"Hmm... like... be friends with him?"
"That's one thought. Plus, you said you were really good friends with his sister, Charity. There's no reason why you should stop being her friend because of what happened. If you and Ethan are able to see each other, as friends, things might become less awkward and more comfortable."
"Hmm... maybe. I guess I'll go talk to him and see what happens." And with that said, their next patient had arrived. Ironically, it was her favourite patient, Mr. Jacob Longacre.
"Good afternoon Mr. Longacre."
"Afternoon Leah." He turned to the Doc. "Afternoon to you too, Doc. Can I have a few minutes with Leah before I go for my check-up?"
Surprised, "Oh, sure Jacob!" He turned and began to prepare in the examination room as Mr. Longacre walked to Leah's desk.
What would he want to talk to me alone? Did I do something wrong? Oh man, she thought. "Is anything wrong?"
"No, not at all. Is everything cleared up between you and Ethan?"
"Oh. Well, I took some time to think about it and now that I've thought about it, I wanted to talk to Ethan again. Is that okay?" She found this odd that she had to ask for permission to talk to Ethan, something she had never done before.
"That is fine. Come by tonight after supper and you can talk to him."
"And there's one more thing..." He raised his eyebrow in curiosity as Leah continued, "I want Ethan to live his life... his Amish life." Mr. Longacre nodded in agreement. "And, for that to happen, I want to make things clear that nothing can happen between us two, like before. But I still want to be friends with Charity, and maybe even Ethan if things work out." Why am I telling him this? This is none of his business, she thought. But he is his father and... oh well. It's too late now to go back!
"Okay. I guess I can accept you two being friends."
"But that means I'll be at your farm once in awhile with Charity... or Ethan." When did I ever have to seek for approval? Especially from him...
"Very well. You can come by the farm anytime." He nodded as he turned to walk to his examination room.
---------------------------------------
Leah quickly finished her supper that night and helped Mrs. Barlow with the dishes. She was very anxious to get to the Longacre farm. She was much less nervous, surprisingly. She knew her choice was the right one that would serve both of them. She wanted to get it off her chest and have things return back to normal, close to normal, at least.
"Mrs. Barlow, is there anything else you need help with?"
"Oh, no dear! You can get going now. If I need anything Maxine can help me. Don't worry!" She gave Leah a quick peck on the cheek and returned to the kitchen.
She smiled in returned and went towards the front door when she bumped into Maxine who was coming down from upstairs. "Well... here I go. Wish me luck!"
Max returned a smile and said, "You don't need any luck. You'll do fine. If you know in your heart this is what you want then you'll do just fine. Just trust in yourself! It always seems to work for me!"
She laughed and thanked her as she opened the door and walked down to the driveway and drove off in her red convertible.
Before she knew it, Leah was turning from the road into the long driveway of the Longacre farm... again. It was almost eight o'clock and the moon has just risen into the dark blanket of the night sky. The twinkling of the night's stars was beginning to peeped through the darkness as the moon shone rightly.
"Leah!" Without surprise, Charity was the first one to greet her. Her friend quickly ran to her car and gave her a big hug and smiled happily as if they haven't seen each other for ages.
"Hey Charity! Nice to see you too!" They both laughed and they walked to the back of the house and went into the kitchen. Leah greeted the many members of the Longacre family as she entered the house. All of them returned the greeting politely.
Charity quickly pulled her arm and dragged her outside towards the barn. She was surprised to see all the Longacre children talking in the barn casually as she entered and was greeted with many smiling faces, but Ethan was not there. "Hi Leah!" It was Simeon, Charity's younger brother. "Have a seat. We were just talking about stuff. Come join us." He pulled a stool from behind him and gestured for her to sit down.
"Oh thanks Simeon. So what were all of you talking about?" She slowly sat down as the rest of the Longacre children continued with their conversation.
"Well I'm sixteen now so I'll be starting my 'fling' any day now. I can't wait," said Simeon enthusiastically. She found it odd that Ethan took so long to begin his fling but Simeon actually looked forward to it.
"Don't get yourself in trouble now. Plus, the English world isn't that exciting."
"Yeah it is! Man, when Ethan came back to the farm, he told me about some of the things he did and it was so cool! I can't wait to experience the English world! Ethan made it sound so --" Before he could continue, Elizabeth elbowed him hard in the ribs. Simeon soon realized that he shouldn't have brought up Ethan and the English world. He smiled awkwardly and looked away, trying to look distracted.
Elizabeth tried to change the subject and turn away from the sore subject. "So Leah, what are you doing here in town? Are you staying long?" She was still quite young when she first met Leah but she had always thought that she was very kind, especially to her little sister when she was in the hospital. She felt that it was a shame the Amish ways was so strict. She had always wanted Ethan and Leah to stay together because Ethan seemed so happy and Leah was so fun and exciting but she knew Papa would never approve of it.
"Oh I'm right now in college, studying to be a nurse. I have one semester left before I'm done my schooling. But I decided to take some time off school and help a doctor who recently moved here to town. So I guess I'll be here for awhile then."
"Wow! How exciting! Being a nurse, just like Molly! I've always wanted to continue going to school but you know..." Leah knew it was Charity who spoke. She had always known her friend found it hard to leave school after grade eight.
"Yeah. Molly was my inspiration. I think I'm going to enjoy being a nurse. I like knowing I made one person's life a bit easier." She thought about this morning and how she helped Thomas calm down when he was with the Doc. She also remembered the happy feeling of having him hug her in appreciation. She knew this was what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. "So, what's up? What's been happening on the farm?"
"Just the usual. The harvest and everything. Nothing that new! The only exciting news is Charity's engagement but we're suppose to keep it quiet," replied Simeon.
"Oh really? Why not? An engagement is a happy event. Shouldn't it be spread around and everything?"
Charity blushed at the talk about her and Jonas' engagement and glanced away, pretending to be distracted by something on the ground. Elizabeth giggle at her sister and explained, "Amish engagements aren't announced. About a month before the wedding, which is usually in November, after the harvest, they announce the date of the wedding. If we announced it earlier and others congratulate us, we would be proud and that is something we, Amish, are not suppose to feel. So it's suppose to be kept quiet until a month before the wedding."
"Oh really? Oh okay. Well... now I know!" She felt dumb for asking now at least now she knew. Over the years, she has learned many traditions and customs of the Amish and she recognizes one strong point – Amish are never to be proud.
Charity finally returned back into the conversation when she knew the topic of her engagement was exhausted. "So Leah, when will you visit again?"
"Well, I talked to your father and he said I can come anytime."
"Oh really? When did you talk to him? I didn't see you with him tonight."
Panic began to crowd her mind as she quickly tried to devise a story to cover her mistake. "Oh, I bumped into him in town today. And he said I can come by anytime so... here I am!" She smiled, hoping they didn't pick up on anything suspicious.
The topic quickly changed and Leah's nerves slowly relaxed. A sudden silence fell upon the group when Ethan walked into the barn. He glanced around and finally stopped at Leah, "Papa said you were here. You wanted to talk to me?"
"Oh hi Ethan! Yeah, I wanted to talk." She quickly stood up and waved goodbye to the Charity, Simeon, and Elizabeth.
Ethan and Leah began to walk beside each other into the darkness of the night, away from the glowing of the barn. "So what do you want to talk about?"
"Umm... well... I really don't know how to say this." She paused for a moment in thought and tried to organize her thoughts as Ethan watched her patiently. "Okay, first of all. I want to apologize for yelling the other night. I overreacted and lost my temper. I'm sorry. I should have kept my emotions in check and kept my cool." That's a good start, she thought. Hmm... okay what should I say next now? Come on, think now!
"It's okay, Leah. I understand why you lost your temper and I don't blame you." He stared up into the night sky as they continued to walk into the night.
"Well...okay. But that's not exactly the reason I wanted to talk. Umm... I've realized why you left when you did. I know it took me a long time but I understand now and I don't have any bad feelings about it anymore. The letters and our talk before was the closure I needed and now I'm ready to move on. You left me because you loved me. And now I'm going to do the same." That sounds okay, doesn't it? Oh man! This isn't as easy as I thought. Well, after tonight things will be better off, I hope, she thought.
"I don't quite understand. How are you going to do the same?" What is she talking about? Ethan became confused and was unsure of what Leah meant by coming here again. He thought she would forgive him and they could be together again but he was puzzled by his words.
"I want you to live your life. On this farm with your family as an Amish, and most of all with Martha. She's a smart, kind, pretty, and most importantly, she's also Amish. And considering everything you've gone through in your past and now, you deserve a normal, happy life in your Amish world. There's no need for me to come disrupt everything. I've done it before and I can't allow myself to do it again." This is the right thing to do. This is the right thing to do. This is the right thing to do, she kept telling herself in her mind.
"Oh. But Leah --" Unfortunately, before he could speak any further, she interrupted him. He didn't want Leah to go away. He had made that mistake years ago and it has been a burden on him ever since and he could not endure it again.
"I do care for you and I always will. You are very special to me and you always will have a place in my heart. But things are so complicated now and I don't want to make it worse. Our worlds are simply too different." It's true though. She doubted she would be able to survive without electricity or without a mall! And it would be unfair for her or his family to have him leave his life for her. Things were best to be left as they were.
Ethan's mind became a blur as he listened intently to her words and tried to process the meaning behind them but it was very difficult for him. He soon realized that Leah had already made up his mind that nothing would happen and he knew he couldn't say anything that could change it once it was set. "So, that's it then. Well... thanks for coming to tell me in person." He tried to keep his composure and hide his disappointment.
"Not quite." He raised his eyebrow in interest and wonder. "I know nothing can happen between us, nothing like we had before. However... I don't want to lose contact with you. I want to remain friends. I asked your father and he said I can visit you and Charity and your other siblings whenever I want. And when I return back to school, we can write to each other. Just keep in touch. Is... that... okay?" This is almost over, she thought as her breaths began to soften.
After a few moments of thought, Ethan agreed as they both walked back to the barn where Simeon, Charity, and Elizabeth were still talking. They all became quiet when they saw them two walk back into the barn. Ethan grinned and said, "What are you all looking at?" He and Leah smiled and grabbed two stools and joined them. They all began to talk animatedly with energy and excitement as they all talked about their day and everything that had happened for the past few years.
Ethan sat quietly observing as the night slowly rolled by. He still felt disappointed but was somewhat relieved and glad that he would still see the uplifting smile of His Leah. He would learn to adjust but at that moment, he would appreciate having Leah back in his life, even though she is just a friend.
"Sure thing, Doc." It was another Monday morning and she was back at work in Dr. Barlow's medical office. She thought about what she should do about her situation but her mind was still a blur. She had many uncertainties floating around in her mind and she was very confused in her emotions.
Leah quickly closed the folder she was working on and walked into the examination room. The little boy was crying and was very scared. His knee was in fairly in bad shape but it could easily be fixed. "Thomas, this is Leah and she's going to hold your hand while I help clean up your knee, is that okay?" The Doc began to gather the bandages and other necessary things in his cabinet.
The little boy was very small and his eyes were swollen and red from crying. He timidly said, "Hi..." as he sat nervously.
"Hi Thomas. How are you feeling?" She took a seat beside him and held his hand and smiled kindly.
"I'm... okay." Thomas was a little boy with red hair and clear, blue eyes, with a very pale complexion. He explained to her that he was biking outside and was distracted by one of the passing buggies and fell from his bike. She continued to smile and listened to him intently while gently holding his hand while the Doc did his work on his knee.
After about ten minutes, Dr. Barlow was done and Thomas was all fixed up. "Well I think everything is done. Are you feeling better now?" The little boy quickly nodded and smiled contentedly. "That's good. Why don't you go with Leah and she'll give you a little treat, okay?"
Leah helped him off his seat and led him outside. "So Thomas, because you were so brave inside you get a treat." She walked to a cabinet and pulled out a small box of toys, stickers, and lollipops. "Here... you can take one of each."
She lowered the box into the arms reach of the little boy whose eyes lightened up as the candies and toys came into his sight. He smiled as he grabbed a grape lollipop, a sticker, and a small toy car. "Thank-you Leah!" He quickly put his arms around her leg as he gave her a hug.
"Aww... no problem Thomas!" She put her arms around him and carried him to her desk. "You just have to be more careful, alright? Try not to get so distracted. I'll call your Mommy to pick you up, okay?" He nodded as he opened his lollipop and began to enjoy his sweet treat.
Thomas's mother arrived at the office twenty minutes later and thanked as she led her son to her car. He continuously waved as they drove out of sight. "Well Leah... I think you're going to be a great nurse. You're a natural!"
"Thanks Doc! You're pretty good yourself!" They laughed as they took a break before their next patient who was due to arrive in about fifteen minutes.
"So Leah, what's up?" This was the Doc's way of asking about the letters. He never asked anything directly. He always waited Leah to bring the subject up before he got himself involved.
"Hmmm... you know... that's a good question! I wish I knew. I think I'm even more confused than I was before! I don't know... there are so many things to keep in mind and I want to do the right thing. "
"Were the letters that bad?"
"Well... the letters were good. I now know he still thinks about me. But I don't think I want him to. He's so well set in his life... his Amish life. Then I come along and I interrupt everything. I've interrupted it once; I don't think I could live with myself if I suspend it again. You know what I mean?"
"Yeah. Well, love is never easy. Do you have any idea of what you're going to do?"
"Well... I know I want to tell him that nothing can happen again. I won't let anything happen again. He has a path and I want him to stick with it. But if I say goodbye to him, I'm worried he'll continue to think of me and become distracted from his real life."
"Well if that's what you want then you should follow it. But I don't think you need to say goodbye exactly." He wouldn't consider himself young, he hasn't for a while, but he can still remember and relate to his earlier days when he dealt with his past girlfriends and old relationships. It took him awhile before he found the right woman.
"What do you mean? If I don't, he might still think something is going to happen, which it's not."
"I mean... tell him you don't want to have another relationship but you don't have to say goodbye. I think he'd be able to deal with it better if you made it clear nothing would happen but still be present in his life."
"Hmm... like... be friends with him?"
"That's one thought. Plus, you said you were really good friends with his sister, Charity. There's no reason why you should stop being her friend because of what happened. If you and Ethan are able to see each other, as friends, things might become less awkward and more comfortable."
"Hmm... maybe. I guess I'll go talk to him and see what happens." And with that said, their next patient had arrived. Ironically, it was her favourite patient, Mr. Jacob Longacre.
"Good afternoon Mr. Longacre."
"Afternoon Leah." He turned to the Doc. "Afternoon to you too, Doc. Can I have a few minutes with Leah before I go for my check-up?"
Surprised, "Oh, sure Jacob!" He turned and began to prepare in the examination room as Mr. Longacre walked to Leah's desk.
What would he want to talk to me alone? Did I do something wrong? Oh man, she thought. "Is anything wrong?"
"No, not at all. Is everything cleared up between you and Ethan?"
"Oh. Well, I took some time to think about it and now that I've thought about it, I wanted to talk to Ethan again. Is that okay?" She found this odd that she had to ask for permission to talk to Ethan, something she had never done before.
"That is fine. Come by tonight after supper and you can talk to him."
"And there's one more thing..." He raised his eyebrow in curiosity as Leah continued, "I want Ethan to live his life... his Amish life." Mr. Longacre nodded in agreement. "And, for that to happen, I want to make things clear that nothing can happen between us two, like before. But I still want to be friends with Charity, and maybe even Ethan if things work out." Why am I telling him this? This is none of his business, she thought. But he is his father and... oh well. It's too late now to go back!
"Okay. I guess I can accept you two being friends."
"But that means I'll be at your farm once in awhile with Charity... or Ethan." When did I ever have to seek for approval? Especially from him...
"Very well. You can come by the farm anytime." He nodded as he turned to walk to his examination room.
---------------------------------------
Leah quickly finished her supper that night and helped Mrs. Barlow with the dishes. She was very anxious to get to the Longacre farm. She was much less nervous, surprisingly. She knew her choice was the right one that would serve both of them. She wanted to get it off her chest and have things return back to normal, close to normal, at least.
"Mrs. Barlow, is there anything else you need help with?"
"Oh, no dear! You can get going now. If I need anything Maxine can help me. Don't worry!" She gave Leah a quick peck on the cheek and returned to the kitchen.
She smiled in returned and went towards the front door when she bumped into Maxine who was coming down from upstairs. "Well... here I go. Wish me luck!"
Max returned a smile and said, "You don't need any luck. You'll do fine. If you know in your heart this is what you want then you'll do just fine. Just trust in yourself! It always seems to work for me!"
She laughed and thanked her as she opened the door and walked down to the driveway and drove off in her red convertible.
Before she knew it, Leah was turning from the road into the long driveway of the Longacre farm... again. It was almost eight o'clock and the moon has just risen into the dark blanket of the night sky. The twinkling of the night's stars was beginning to peeped through the darkness as the moon shone rightly.
"Leah!" Without surprise, Charity was the first one to greet her. Her friend quickly ran to her car and gave her a big hug and smiled happily as if they haven't seen each other for ages.
"Hey Charity! Nice to see you too!" They both laughed and they walked to the back of the house and went into the kitchen. Leah greeted the many members of the Longacre family as she entered the house. All of them returned the greeting politely.
Charity quickly pulled her arm and dragged her outside towards the barn. She was surprised to see all the Longacre children talking in the barn casually as she entered and was greeted with many smiling faces, but Ethan was not there. "Hi Leah!" It was Simeon, Charity's younger brother. "Have a seat. We were just talking about stuff. Come join us." He pulled a stool from behind him and gestured for her to sit down.
"Oh thanks Simeon. So what were all of you talking about?" She slowly sat down as the rest of the Longacre children continued with their conversation.
"Well I'm sixteen now so I'll be starting my 'fling' any day now. I can't wait," said Simeon enthusiastically. She found it odd that Ethan took so long to begin his fling but Simeon actually looked forward to it.
"Don't get yourself in trouble now. Plus, the English world isn't that exciting."
"Yeah it is! Man, when Ethan came back to the farm, he told me about some of the things he did and it was so cool! I can't wait to experience the English world! Ethan made it sound so --" Before he could continue, Elizabeth elbowed him hard in the ribs. Simeon soon realized that he shouldn't have brought up Ethan and the English world. He smiled awkwardly and looked away, trying to look distracted.
Elizabeth tried to change the subject and turn away from the sore subject. "So Leah, what are you doing here in town? Are you staying long?" She was still quite young when she first met Leah but she had always thought that she was very kind, especially to her little sister when she was in the hospital. She felt that it was a shame the Amish ways was so strict. She had always wanted Ethan and Leah to stay together because Ethan seemed so happy and Leah was so fun and exciting but she knew Papa would never approve of it.
"Oh I'm right now in college, studying to be a nurse. I have one semester left before I'm done my schooling. But I decided to take some time off school and help a doctor who recently moved here to town. So I guess I'll be here for awhile then."
"Wow! How exciting! Being a nurse, just like Molly! I've always wanted to continue going to school but you know..." Leah knew it was Charity who spoke. She had always known her friend found it hard to leave school after grade eight.
"Yeah. Molly was my inspiration. I think I'm going to enjoy being a nurse. I like knowing I made one person's life a bit easier." She thought about this morning and how she helped Thomas calm down when he was with the Doc. She also remembered the happy feeling of having him hug her in appreciation. She knew this was what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. "So, what's up? What's been happening on the farm?"
"Just the usual. The harvest and everything. Nothing that new! The only exciting news is Charity's engagement but we're suppose to keep it quiet," replied Simeon.
"Oh really? Why not? An engagement is a happy event. Shouldn't it be spread around and everything?"
Charity blushed at the talk about her and Jonas' engagement and glanced away, pretending to be distracted by something on the ground. Elizabeth giggle at her sister and explained, "Amish engagements aren't announced. About a month before the wedding, which is usually in November, after the harvest, they announce the date of the wedding. If we announced it earlier and others congratulate us, we would be proud and that is something we, Amish, are not suppose to feel. So it's suppose to be kept quiet until a month before the wedding."
"Oh really? Oh okay. Well... now I know!" She felt dumb for asking now at least now she knew. Over the years, she has learned many traditions and customs of the Amish and she recognizes one strong point – Amish are never to be proud.
Charity finally returned back into the conversation when she knew the topic of her engagement was exhausted. "So Leah, when will you visit again?"
"Well, I talked to your father and he said I can come anytime."
"Oh really? When did you talk to him? I didn't see you with him tonight."
Panic began to crowd her mind as she quickly tried to devise a story to cover her mistake. "Oh, I bumped into him in town today. And he said I can come by anytime so... here I am!" She smiled, hoping they didn't pick up on anything suspicious.
The topic quickly changed and Leah's nerves slowly relaxed. A sudden silence fell upon the group when Ethan walked into the barn. He glanced around and finally stopped at Leah, "Papa said you were here. You wanted to talk to me?"
"Oh hi Ethan! Yeah, I wanted to talk." She quickly stood up and waved goodbye to the Charity, Simeon, and Elizabeth.
Ethan and Leah began to walk beside each other into the darkness of the night, away from the glowing of the barn. "So what do you want to talk about?"
"Umm... well... I really don't know how to say this." She paused for a moment in thought and tried to organize her thoughts as Ethan watched her patiently. "Okay, first of all. I want to apologize for yelling the other night. I overreacted and lost my temper. I'm sorry. I should have kept my emotions in check and kept my cool." That's a good start, she thought. Hmm... okay what should I say next now? Come on, think now!
"It's okay, Leah. I understand why you lost your temper and I don't blame you." He stared up into the night sky as they continued to walk into the night.
"Well...okay. But that's not exactly the reason I wanted to talk. Umm... I've realized why you left when you did. I know it took me a long time but I understand now and I don't have any bad feelings about it anymore. The letters and our talk before was the closure I needed and now I'm ready to move on. You left me because you loved me. And now I'm going to do the same." That sounds okay, doesn't it? Oh man! This isn't as easy as I thought. Well, after tonight things will be better off, I hope, she thought.
"I don't quite understand. How are you going to do the same?" What is she talking about? Ethan became confused and was unsure of what Leah meant by coming here again. He thought she would forgive him and they could be together again but he was puzzled by his words.
"I want you to live your life. On this farm with your family as an Amish, and most of all with Martha. She's a smart, kind, pretty, and most importantly, she's also Amish. And considering everything you've gone through in your past and now, you deserve a normal, happy life in your Amish world. There's no need for me to come disrupt everything. I've done it before and I can't allow myself to do it again." This is the right thing to do. This is the right thing to do. This is the right thing to do, she kept telling herself in her mind.
"Oh. But Leah --" Unfortunately, before he could speak any further, she interrupted him. He didn't want Leah to go away. He had made that mistake years ago and it has been a burden on him ever since and he could not endure it again.
"I do care for you and I always will. You are very special to me and you always will have a place in my heart. But things are so complicated now and I don't want to make it worse. Our worlds are simply too different." It's true though. She doubted she would be able to survive without electricity or without a mall! And it would be unfair for her or his family to have him leave his life for her. Things were best to be left as they were.
Ethan's mind became a blur as he listened intently to her words and tried to process the meaning behind them but it was very difficult for him. He soon realized that Leah had already made up his mind that nothing would happen and he knew he couldn't say anything that could change it once it was set. "So, that's it then. Well... thanks for coming to tell me in person." He tried to keep his composure and hide his disappointment.
"Not quite." He raised his eyebrow in interest and wonder. "I know nothing can happen between us, nothing like we had before. However... I don't want to lose contact with you. I want to remain friends. I asked your father and he said I can visit you and Charity and your other siblings whenever I want. And when I return back to school, we can write to each other. Just keep in touch. Is... that... okay?" This is almost over, she thought as her breaths began to soften.
After a few moments of thought, Ethan agreed as they both walked back to the barn where Simeon, Charity, and Elizabeth were still talking. They all became quiet when they saw them two walk back into the barn. Ethan grinned and said, "What are you all looking at?" He and Leah smiled and grabbed two stools and joined them. They all began to talk animatedly with energy and excitement as they all talked about their day and everything that had happened for the past few years.
Ethan sat quietly observing as the night slowly rolled by. He still felt disappointed but was somewhat relieved and glad that he would still see the uplifting smile of His Leah. He would learn to adjust but at that moment, he would appreciate having Leah back in his life, even though she is just a friend.