Disclaimer: None of the characters mentioned in this Fan Fiction belong to me. Any resemblance of original characters to real people is purely accidental. Let Me Let Go is sung by Faith Hill.
Quistis blinked back tears as she packed her bags. Today should have been happy, a day to hang out with her friends. After weeks of stress and exam binges,she had passed her instructor's test and was scheduled to start her training. But someone had ruined the occasion for her.
Turning to her table, she picked up a picture of her and Seifer and ripped it in half. Carefully she put her half of the picture in her suitcase and threw Seifer's half in the trash can. Last night she had gone to visit her boyfriend, Seifer Almasy, and discovered him in bed with their magic instructor.
Quistis shook her head. He had seemed so caring and understanding whenever he talked to her. She knew his reputation, he used women and treated them like shit, but he had always been gentle with her.
She trusted him with everything she had. She had given up her innocence to that sixteen year old boy. And then he goes off, not even a day later and cheats on her.
Shaking her head, Quistis pushed the top of the suitcase down in a desprite effort to close the overfloing bag. It wasn't a big deal. Friends told her it was bound to happen, and she wasn't exactly surprised.
She grinned slightly as she picked up her papers. Right after seeing Seifer and Caroline together, she headed straight to Cid's office and asked for permission to train in Balamb sister garden, Galbadia.
At least she wouldn't be stuck with Seifer and Caroline for the next year.
Quistis was startled by a knock on her door. Glancing up at her clock, she headed for the door. When she opened it, she was tempted to slam it shut again. There, in her doorway, stood Caroline, who had tears streaming down her face.
Quistis opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by her former instructor. "Now, before you say anything, I know you know. And I'm so sorry."
Quistis stepped back and allowed Caroline in. Caroline muttered a thank you, not knowing that Quistis planned to cut off all her escape routes.
Shutting the door quietly, Quistis turned to address the pretty young woman. "Why did he do it?" Her voice cracked slightly. "Am I not good enough for him?"
Caroline turned away from Quistis and walked over to her desk. Inside the trash can, she saw the torn picture of Seifer. "Quistis, you are a great woman. Too great, in fact." Caroline said the last part quietly, dripping with bitterness. "No one can live up to you and Seifer will soon find that out."
Quistis slid down the wall and sat on the floor. "Well, that doesn't help me much now, does it? Why did you do it?"
Caroline laughed. "What teenage girl doesn't want him? I knew his reputation and I felt like we were meant to be together. I had to try him and see if it would turn out alright."
Quistis pulled herself together and walked over to where Caroline stood. "I'll tell you this, girl. I don't ever want to see you around here again. I'm leaving in approximately," Quistis paused to look at her watch, "Thirty minutes. I have to pack and I want you gone."
Caroline took a step back. "Now hold on a minute. I wanted you to know that it was an accident. I didn't mean to break you and Seifer up, and I had to apologize. You hear? I should have never come."
Turning to continue packing, Quistis agreed. "You're right, bitch, you shouldn't have."
Caroline stopped walking toward the door. "What was that little girl? You wanna piece of me?"
Quistis spun around and laughed, "No thanks. Seifer's already had enough for the both of us."
Stomping angrily, Caroline left Quistis' dorm and headed back to her own, muttering darkly to herself the whole way.
Quistis picked up her luggage and headed for the front gates. Cid himself said that he would drive her to Balamb where she would catch her train.
Before she made it to the gate, Seifer came up behind her with a single red rose. He knelt down in front of Quistis and spoke, "Quistis, whatever I did, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"
Quistis laughed in his face. "No. How can you ask me that? I can't forgive you." She took the rose he handed her and snapped the stem. Angrily she threw it at him. "Get the hell away from me, asshole."
He grabbed onto her arm. "Quistis. . ."
Angrily she spun around. "No! Don't you ever, ever call me that again." Seifer's eyes filled with tears and Quistis could feel her heart begin to break. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "I'm Instructor Trepe now, especially to you, Seifer."
Pausing to dig around in her purse, she came up with Seifer's card key. "And you can have this back. I don't think I'll need it anymore."
Then she spun on her heals and continued her walk to the front gate without a looked back. Had she taken one last glance, the look on Seifer's face might have been enough to convince her to stay and give him a second chance.
Cid was waiting for her when she reached her destination. Slowly, she placed her bags in the trunk and got into the front seat of the car.
Cid grinned at her, "Is my favorite student ready to go train? You are the perfect person to represent Balamb Garden."
Quistis grinned at Cid momentarily, and then turned to stare out the window. Cid took the hint and the rest of the drive was done in silence.
I thought it was over, baby
We said our good-byes
But I can't go a day without your face
Goin' through my mind.
Quistis' eyes filled with tears as she leaned closer to the window so Cid couldn't see them. She hadn't been away from Balamb for twenty minutes and already she was missing her home. And Seifer.
The trees outside her window passed at a frightful rate, making her head spin. Feeling sick, she searched for a focus to hold her thoughts. She searched for a place to hold her attention. That was what Seifer had been. He was her focus. He was her safe haven.
Caroline had always seemed so nice, too. She was always there to help Quistis along. It was Caroline who had suggested the possibility of becoming an instructor. In fact she had offered the opportunity for both Quistis and Seifer to become instructors, but Seifer failed.
Not being able to stop, Quistis began wondering if Caroline failed him on purpose; to break his spirit down and make him depressed enough to turn to her.
That was nonsense. It was Seifer's fault he failed. If he had kept his health up instead of worrying about her own. . .
"Damn it." Quistis muttered to herself.
Cid slightly looked up, but realized that he was intruding on a private moment.
Quistis put her forehead to the cool window, now seeing beyond the blurred trees. In her mind she always seemed to make him her hero.
In fact, not a single minute
Passes without you in it
Your voice, your touch,
Memories of your love
Are with me all the time.
A heartbreaker. That's all Seifer was. Quietly, Quistis banged her head against the window. How could she let herself fall for such an idiot? Especially an idiot with the reputation Seifer had.
Or she could have stopped the whole thing when Seifer called her a bitch in the Balamb forest when they were supposed to be training. She had, in fact, tried to leave, but somehow he made her stay. And her made love to her.
Smiling softly at her reflection in the window, she thought about what a funny phrase that was. Make love. Did she and Seifer have a love? Did she give up her innocence to become so guy's conquest, or was there actually feeling behind it?
She loved him. He gave her strength. She gave her confidence. Quistis knew that Seifer was the one who had pushed her the extra length to make instructor.
She suddenly remembered her birthday present. Putting her hand in her pocket, she drew out a small silver cross on a silver chain. She eyes filled with tears once more. Her birthday wasn?t for another few months, but he had given it to her the day of her instructor's exam. Had he known what would happen?
Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart,
Are you still in my soul, let me let go
Quistis fingered the small cross softly. Moonlight bounced off the silver object and projected a faint glimmer. Hesitantly, she pulled the chain over her head and let the cross fall to her chest.
Cid pulled the car into Balamb and stopped at the car rental shop. He turned to Quistis. "I'm going to park the car here. Do you want me to come with you and help you with your bags?"
Quistis opened her door and got out of the car. "No. You can go on back. I'll be fine."
Cid got out of the car and walked over to Quistis. "I've known you ever since you were a little girl. It's like I'm sending my youngest daughter to college." He laughed. "But you deserve this chance. You will show all those city folk how our country girls do it."
Quistis giggled. "We aren't exactly country, Cid. I grew up in a big town, ya know."
Cid smiled slowly. "Yes, you did." He mentally shook himself. "You best get going. I don't want you to miss your train on the account of an old man."
Quistis giggled and hugged Cid. "You're like a father to me. I'll only be gone a year."
Cid patted her on the back and waved her off. "Be gone with ya, girl."
Quistis headed toward the train station. When she got there, she bought her ticket. Since her train didn't leave for another hour, she sat down on a bench to wait. Unable to stop her mind from wandering, she started thinking of Seifer.
I talked to you the other day
Looks like you made your escape
You put us behind, no matter how hard I try
I can't do the same
Quistis couldn't understand how he could get over her so quickly. It was mind-boggling how quickly he moved on to Caroline.
The only thing that grounded her was the memory of Seifer begging her to stay. She must have been better in bed then Caroline, since that was all Seifer seemed to care about.
Quistis knew, from the moment she saw Seifer look at Caroline that they could get together eventually. Quistis thought herself to be stupid for not seeing it sooner.
She looked up as her train was called and she stood. The time has come to let him go. The time has come to leave his memories behind in Balamb. She was off to a new home. She was off to a new life.
On the train ride, Quistis attempted to test out her new wings by flirting shamelessly with her 'cabin buddy'. About half-way through the journey, her advances were rewarded with a kiss.
The guy she was with didn't have his own name, or at least not one Quistis cared to remember. She felt slightly guilty for using him as a guy to get over Seifer, but that guilt was replaced with the intoxicating feeling of making a guy swoon over her.
The train's first stop was Timber and thankfully, Quistis' new friend got off there. Since the next train didn't leave for another hour, he invited her to his house. She politely refused, not wanting to intrude.
Or at least that's what she told him. The truth was she wanted to be left alone with her thoughts. She wanted to dwell on memories one last time, before she crossed the threshold into a new life.
Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road
Let me let go, darlin', won't you
I gotta know, yeah
If this is for the best,
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Without realizing it, Quistis climbed on the train and headed out toward Galbadia Garden.
Later that night, she arrived at her new home. She waved good-bye to the lady who drove her through the woods and went up to the headmaster's office.
He greeted her warmly. "You must be the young lady that Cid has told me so much about. You will be our youngest instructor we have ever trained. I hope you can stand it." He winked at her.
Quistis smiled politely. "When will my classes start?"
Martine laughed softly. "Classes? What classes? You, my dear, are an instructor now. You will begin by being a teacher's assistant. Eventually, you will be able to have your own small beginner class. After this year is over, you will be able to go back to Balamb and handle your own advanced class, if you so wish. By the way, what kind of classes do you want to teach?"
Quistis thought for a moment and smiled. "I want to instruct students who are going to take the SeeD exam. I would love to help students succeed in their own personal way."
Martine nodded curtly. "Ok. You will be assisting Instructor Heise two days from now. I'll give you tomorrow off so you can acquaint yourself with the school. Should you have any questions, speak to my secretary. She will help you. Your dorm is room 34A. I trust you'll be able to find it, Miss Trepe?"
Quistis nodded her head and left the office quickly. Her first stop was the training center. The one at Balamb had a 'Secret Area' that she used to go to for quiet time. That was the place she went the night she found Seifer and Caroline together.
She found it after wandering around for a while and didn't have any trouble finding a balcony near the back. Besides a couple making out in the corner, it was empty.
She stood, leaning on the rail looking at the bright lights of the garden. It was so different from home, yet exactly the same. A young man walked up beside her.
"Hey. You new here?"
Quistis barely looked up. "Yup."
The guy didn't move. "My name's Locke. I got here yesterday."
Quistis nodded, concentrating on the small dots walking down below them. "Isn't that nice?"
Locke smiled. "You're in a good mood. Did you leave someone behind? A boyfriend?"
Quistis looked at Locke and found herself staring into a pair of amazing green eyes. "Is it that obvious?"
"Yup." Locke nodded. "But that's ok. I left behind a whole string of girls back home. All of them are pinning away for me."
Quistis quickly averted her gaze. "That isn't funny."
Locke sighed, realizing he hit a nerve. "You're right, it isn't. I've never had a girl in my life. I always choke in front of them and screw up."
She grinned at him. "I know how you feel. I've only had one boyfriend and he was an asshole. We broke up shortly before I left. I'm studding for instructorship."
"An instructor, huh? Impressive."
"Yeah." She stopped grinning. "Seifer, my boyfriend, was supposed to pass the test with me."
The lights of this strange city are shinin'
But they don't hold no fascination for me
I try to find the bright side, baby
But everywhere I look,
Everywhere I turn, you're all I see
Locke frowned. "I'm sorry."
Quistis turned away from the brightness of the garden below. She hated it when people faked apologies. WHy was he sorry? He didn't cheat on her. "It's ok. Really it is."
Locke grinned and daringly draped his arm over Quistis" shoulders. "Then how about letting me show the new girl to the cafeteria for dinner?"
Quistis hesitated slightly, startled by Locke's bluntness, the nodded her head. "Sure. Let's go, Locke."
Two months passed without much change. Quistis proved herself to be the best protégée ever to take the instructors course. She was already teaching a beginners course for first level magic.
Quistis also allowed Locke to get close to her. He seemed so kind. Plus he didn't have a harmful reputation. He was genuinely interested in her.
About halfway through the second month, she opened up even more and slept with him.
She woke up that morning with a queasy feeling in her stomach. At first she thought it was guilt, but it became evident that guilt was not the problem. She cared about Locke and hadn't thought of anyone else for the longest time.
She felt a hot liquid begin moving up her throat. Quickly, she detangled herself from her lover's arms and crawled for the bathroom.
Locke awoke to the sound of Quistis vomiting in the toilet. He climbed out of bed and put on his robe. He walked across the carpet and found Quistis sitting on the freezing bathroom floor.
"Hey baby, not feeling so hot today?"
Quistis glared up at him. "No, I feel wonderful. Get me my robe."
Locke smiled at her. "I like you like this. What if I don't want to get your robe?"
Quistis moaned pitifully. "Please, Locke. I'm not in the mood."
Feeling sorry for his love, he went to fetch her robe. He came back and gave it to her. "I'm going to get something to eat. I guess I don't have to ask if you want anything."
Quistis stayed bent over and waved her hand, gesturing him to leave. As Locke started for the door, Quistis stopped him. "Wait."
Locke started back. "What's up honey?"
She rested her elbows on the toilet seat. "I think I'd like some chicken broth."
"Chicken broth. Got it. I'll be back soon." He started for the door again.
"And some fried chocobo wings, some goat's milk. And some turkey giblets. Fried in some lard. Yeah. That'd be good."
Locke walked back to the bathroom door. "Anything else?"
Quistis flushed the toilet. "Ummm, some cheese and pickles. Trough in some Doritos and I should be fine."
Locke rolled his eyes as he started out the door. "Women." He muttered as he heard Quistis begin to throw up again in the toilet.
After dressing and eating all of the food Locke brought her, Quistis headed for the doctor's office. He had forced her to make an appointment. Lock was worried and Quistis saw no reason not to go.
Dr. Johnson came out of his office holding some papers. Quistis stood up to greet him.
He smiled gently at her. "Good morning, Miss Trepe. I think you might want to sit down before I tell you what I found."
Quistis collapsed in her chair. "Is it a bad thing, doctor? Am I terribly sick?"
Dr. Johnson shook his head. "No. You're in excellent shape. My news isn't bad at all, that is if you were trying."
Confused, Quistis looked up at the doctor. "Expecting what?"
"A baby, of course."
If she hadn't been sitting she would have collapsed again. "A baby? How? I don't understand."
Dr. Johnson laughed again. "Well, usually when a man and a woman. . ."
Quistis interrupted him. "No, I understand that part, but the last time. . . Last night . . ."
Looking at his papers, he shook his head. "No. You are two months pregnant. Are you ok? You do want the child, don't you?"
Quistis nodded her head. "Yes, I want it, I mean, no, but. . . I just need some time."
She walked out of his office, holding tight to her stomach. Quistis had to find Locke. There was something they had to talk about.
When she found him and told him, he looked at her, confused. "What do you mean two months pregnant? We only slept together once, last night. How?"
Quistis looked at the floor. "Two months ago, I slept with my ex. It must be his."
Locke smiled, "Good. You can just abort it."
Shocked, Quistis glared at him. "This is my baby. How can you just say 'abort him'?"
Locke stopped smiling at her. "Do you want to stay with me or not? I won't be father to your illegitimate brat."
Quistis glared at him one last time. "Then leave." He walked off slowly.
Quistis crouched down against a wall and started to cry. She had never felt so alone, so helpless. Seifer would have never left her if he knew she was pregnant with his child. She knew he would have stayed. His honor was that great.
Could she tell him now? No. What proof did she have that the child was his? None.
Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you
Let me let go
It just isn't right,
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road
Alone and pregnant, Quistis struggled through the next ten months at Galbadia Garden. When the time came, she gave birth to her and Seifer's baby, a little boy.
With hair still damp from labor, Quistis named her son as it passed into his adopted mother's arms. Smiling weakly, Quistis named him Michael.
Dr. Heise, the chosen mother for her son, took him and held him close to her body. "Quistis, you are doing the right thing."
Quistis looked away from Dr. Heise and her little boy. "I know it's the right thing, but that doesn't stop it from hurting."
Dr. Heise laughed. "Girl, you just went through labor. Of course you hurt. But you are going to go shopping in Deling with me next week."
Quistis smiled softly, listing to her baby, no, not hers. Dr. Heise's baby cry. "Ok, Jane. I will go shopping with you."
Locke stood outside the door, listening to the two women talk. Dr. Johnson came out of the washroom. "Do you want to go in?"
Locke shook his head. "No. I don't belong. She still loves the father. I'm not meant to be a part of it. Did you send notice to him?"
Dr. Johnson sadly smiled. "No. Quistis wouldn't tell us who it was. She requested that he not know. He never knew she was pregnant and she doesn't want him to have anything to do with Michael."
The small baby stopped crying in his new mother's arms as Jane named Quistis his guardian angle.
The next week, Jane and Quistis took a train to Deling and went shopping. Jane bought Quistis a new outfit; a pink tank top with maroon sleeves that came separate. The tank was tight fitting and opened slightly at the bottom showing off her mid-drift. She also bought Quistis a tight pink skirt and mid-calf maroon boots.
Quistis profusely thanked her mentor. Jane hugged Quistis tightly. "You are the closest thing I'll ever have to a daughter."
At the mention of offspring, Quistis felt her eyes water. Silently, Jane cursed herself for being so inconsiderate. "Quisty, honey, I'm so sorry."
Quistis wiped her tears away. "It isn't your fault. I'm just going to hurt for a while. I'll be ok eventually."
Quistis dragged through the rest of her time at Galbadia Garden. When her year was up and she had to go home, all her friends gave her a going away party. But out of them all, the hardest person to say good-bye to was Michael.
After all the tears were shed and hugs were given out, Quistis found herself alone in a messy room filled with popped balloons, wrapping paper, leftover cake, and Locke.
He slowly walked up to her. "Hey. I heard you're going back to Balamb today."
Quistis began cleaning the table of plates and half eaten pieces of cake. "Yeah, I am leaving. What's it to you?"
Locke started to help her. He picked up a plate and twirled it in his hands. "I care. I came to see you of didn't I?"
Angrily, Quistis stuffed a wad of paper in her trash bag. Turning around, she ran into Locke. She walked over to the door. "I'll get Jane to help clean up later. I have to go pack."
Locke opened the door for her. "Can I come and help you pack?" He winked at her.
"No." Quistis said simply and left Locke standing in the doorway of the party room.
Quistis took her train and got to Balamb later that day. Cid met her in the school van and drove her back to Garden.
The moment she entered the front gates, her classmates and her fan club surrounded her. Standing in the back of the crowd was Seifer. She attempted to make eye contact with him, but he avoided it. With a smirk, he disappeared into the people swarming the hall.
Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you,
I just gotta know
If this is for the best,
Why are you still in my heart
Yeah, you?re still in my soul, let me let go
Let me let go, let me let go
Quistis felt her heart break for what she swore was the final time. No man was worth the aggravation. Even after all this time, he could still make her heart pound. But he could also make her angry as an all get out.
Nothings changed, Quistis though to herself. He's still the same arrogant bastard.
Quistis almost laughed out loud when she saw the roll call for her first class. Number one on the list was Seifer Almasy. As she stood in front of the class and looked at all the fresh faces pretending to want to learn.
She introduced herself as Quistis Trepe. Seifer snickered loudly as Quistis began explaining the syllabus.
It was then that it dawned on her. She would never be able to let go of what they had. There was always going to be a reminder. She glanced at the picture of Michael on her desk.
She grinned as she reprimanded Seifer and continued with her instructions, as well as an assignment for the weekend.
What they had might be over, but it would forever last.
As her students filed out of the room and Quistis was surrounded with admirers who pretended to have questions, she found herself smiling wistfully.
Let me let