A/N Well buckle up people this is the chapter that most of you have been waiting for...Jack and Pete (begins to sing Ultimate Muscle theme song)! Oh please excuse me using the wizard of oz analogy AGAIN it just fit, anyone who wants to write to em and say you had it first please feel free...Spoilers for Heroes 1 and 2.
Shanks-Away!
CaptainDoctor
Pete sat on the couch with the beer in his hand, from what he could remember it was number five or six. Sam's house was more like a home than his own, as he sat in her living room he tried to take some comfort in his surroundings. The small touches that were all Sam, photos, various gadgets, books on space and physics, should have made him feel closer to her, but instead he felt like they were all mocking him. Flaunting the life she did not want him part of in his face.
He had to know, he had to figure out what was keeping her from committing to him totally, what it was that was holding Sam back. The thing that terrified him the most, was that he was sure he already knew.
Pete opened the closet in her bedroom and said a silent prayer for forgiveness as he began to move around her clothes and pull out the various boxes from the bottom. He went through them one by one, carefully examining everything in them. He tried not to read things in too much detail, most things he did not have to.
He had lost track of time as he started on the top shelf going through the few shoeboxes there. He was fretting, was he doing this for nothing? Was he really not going to find something after all this? He was feeling the beer wear off as he moved a few things from his path and his eyes came to rest on a small brown wooden box in the very back of the small space. Pete took the box and sat down on the bed, watching it like it would move on it's own and answer all the questions he had. He was expecting to need a key, but was thankful he was able to click the clasp across and open it without one. Well that's one thing, must have forgot to lock it last time she had it, he thought.
Pete studied the contents from the outside of the box without disturbing them. He could see the small piece of paper on the top that sat on what appeared to be five envelopes. A few other things were in there, but he was unable to move past the letters. He removed them carefully and put the box aside. The small piece of paper was the first thing he read.
'To whom it may concern,
In the event that I do not fulfill my ambition of becoming an old woman watching the stars please make sure that these reach their owners.
Sam Carter'
Pete looked through them, Cassie, Dad, Daniel, Teal'c and Jack. Not General, not Sir, Jack. This is it, Pete thought. He put the other letters back in the box and held the last one in his hand. He weighed up what it would mean to read it. If he read it, he would know, he would find out just what was there and would be able to decide if he could go through life being second best. However, Sam could find out he had read it, hate him for it and he would lose her. If he didn't he could go on in a haze of ignorance induced bliss and pretend like he was her world. But he could not do that, he had to know. He slipped the letter open carefully and pulled out the contents out, surprised to see more than one piece of paper. He took a steadying breath and began to read.
'Jack,
It seems funny to call you that and not be there to see you raise your eyebrows and look kind of shocked. I think the best thing to do is to begin this with a cliché, if you are reading this, it means I am gone. A sad thought, but one I cannot get out of my head.
You dropped Cassie and me home after Janet's funeral this afternoon and even walked us to the door. You may not admit it or like it, but you have such a nurturing streak in you Jack, it's a wonderful thing. Cassie fell asleep after not eating her dinner and I had the urge to do this. I hated the idea that I could be taken and those around me may not know just how much I care about them. Yours is the last one, and the hardest.
I think I must have done something great either in this life or another one to be blessed with such a wonderful family in you guys and Cassie. Having a ,some times rocky, relationship with my real family made me think I was missing something, and I know that the day I joined SG 1, I found what it was.
It makes me feel like we were a somewhat sorry knock off of the Wizard of Oz, and the way you spoke about that movie makes me think you felt the same way. Me, a more mature Dorothy looking for a place to call home, trying to find what I had in front of me the whole time. Teal'c the Tin Man, searching for that more sensitive human element he was forced to live without for so long. Daniel forced to take on the role of soldier after living as a scholar, looking for a power inside of him he never knew he had, much like the cowardly lion, but he showed us so many times he was anything but a coward. And then you, my scarecrow, by best friend, the first thing I found on my journey and the greatest gift anyone could ask for.
You hid behind your wit and humor, I always wondered why you never wanted people to know how smart you really were, and I'm not there for you to disagree with so just accept it ok, we all saw right through the tough guy act.
Pete had never thought about it, but the more he did the more he realised she was right they were like the Wizard of Oz.
I have no idea what has been happening in the lead up to you getting this letter, but I have no doubt that great things have happened to you. All I know is that right now I have started up a relationship with someone and I need to explain something to you.
I'm lonely Jack, I love my work, I love what we do and who we are, but when I can come home, I hate coming home and being alone. I've been doing it for too long and it feels good to have a message saying call me, when I walk in the door. But I have to be honest now, I wonder how long I can be content with just having someone to come home too. I care for him deeply, but how long is he going to be able to deal with me disappearing for days or weeks at a time, is it fair of me to ask him to do that, to sit and wait. I really don't know.
Pete felt his breaths coming faster and faster.
I do have to say this, after having this thing, I have realised, I still care about you Jack, a hell of a lot more than I'm supposed to. And if I am being totally honest, I have to tell you I love you. And I have a feeling I always will. I thought you had moved on, I was sure of it. But yesterday, when you held me, I know you were thinking the same thing as me, why are things so complicated. Do you know how I felt when I saw you take that blast to the chest? I felt like a part of me was ripped out. I knew then that I could never lose you, funny I say that in a letter that is written under the pretense of you losing me.
I wonder what is going on with you now...what was happening with me. Was I still at the SGC, have we found the lost city? Or did something happen and things have changed, I'm at the Pentagon or Area 51. So many possibilities that could have come to fruition, I don't know where to begin.
Maybe you still do care for me? Maybe we were able to explore if there was anything between us, or if the feelings we thought we had were just a product of our circumstances. Or we could have had a huge fight and you are not actually reading this and I am wasting my time right now. Maybe we went out to dinner and a movie and realised we were just meant to be friends.
Or maybe, just maybe things worked out the way we imagined. Maybe our last private moment was waking up in each other's arms. I can see us now; my head is tucked into the crook of you neck, my hand is resting on your chest and your fingers trailing softly up and down my spine was what pulled me from my sleep. But I don't care because you give me this small grin that makes me melt, and thank whoever is responsible a thousand times over that you were sent to me.
Pete drew in a shaky breath and felt the first tears begin to fall from his eyes.
Is that a little too intense Jack? Does it worry you that someone cares for you that much? I know that you would turn away with a blush in your cheeks if I actually said those words to your face. But I can't help but think that is where we ended up, or where we would have eventually.
I don't want to stop writing but there are only so many ways I can tell you I love you Jack. That you were the true north I always looked for, the friend I needed and the partner that I always desired. You made me who I am and I thank you everyday for that.
Goodbye my scarecrow, I always have and always will miss you most of all.
All my love
Sam.
P.S In case you missed my point, these are the words to a song I always wanted to sing to you, never know, maybe I did end up doing that, either way, here they are.
I guess I'm just one of those Who believes there has to be a reason For living and breathing Every time you pull me close Something tells me there'll be no more reaching You're everything I'm needing.
Oh, I don't know how it happened, I never thought I would Find someone to complete me Oh, I just can't explain it, this feeling that I get Oh, ain't no way to name it, but I'm thinking baby
Maybe it's the way you look at me Like there'll never be another I get swept away, baby when We get so caught up in each other I don't know where you end and I begin Where you end and I begin
All it takes is just one kiss I just wanna get lost in this emotion Like the river and the ocean Oh, when you wrap your arms around me, it happens every time Time don't seem to matter
We'll always be together, I don't know what it is That tells me it's forever But I'm thinking baby
Maybe it's the way you look at me Like there'll never be another I get swept away, baby when We get so caught up in each other I don't know where you end and I begin Where you end and I begin
Pete could not even blink. He was so stunned by the revelation of how much Sam felt for this man, to the point where she had not even written him a letter. Maybe it was somewhere else. He shook his head, who was he kidding? There was no letter, there never would be.
He was stone cold sober now, he flicked through the small book on Sam's coffee table and grabbing his keys and his jacket flew out the door.
It was just after 11:30pm when he got there, the light in the front room letting him know the owner of the house was home. Steadying his hand Pete knocked loudly on the door. He heard the occupant making their way to the door. The porch light came one and Pete braced himself.
"What are you doing here?" they asked.
"She doesn't love me does she?"
"You'd have to ask her that."
"Damn it Jack don't screw with me." Pete said slamming his hand against the doorframe.
"Come in." Jack said opening the door fully allowing enough space for him to enter.
"I don't want to come in Jack, I wan to know what the hell is going on. Are you together but you just mess around with other people before you can make it official?" Pete said in an accusing tone.
"There is nothing going on with me..."Jack was cut of by Pete letting out a loud roar like scream
"Can you just give me the god damn courtesy of being honest with me! No one is going to come slapping you with a court martial if you are honest with me just this once."
Pete and Jack stood eye to eye, neither giving in. Jack wanted to, he wanted to scream out at the top of his lungs of course he loved her, but he wouldn't. Jack had more class than that.
"Fine, if you want to be like that go ahead, but this pretty much answers all my questions, I just thought maybe you would have been man enough to admit it. If I were lucky enough to have a woman like Sam Carter in love with me, I'd tell everyone I knew, and all those I didn't." Pete said handing Jack three pieces of folded paper.
"She does love you Pete." Jack said in a vain attempt to give the man some hope.
"I said in love Jack, and there is a very big difference." Pete walked back to his car and saw Jack from his review mirror go back into the house. Pete drove back to Sam's to collect his things and checked into a motel later that night.
Jack was not sure how long he sat just looking at the letter. He had read it three times already and each time it seemed more and more surreal. The fact that Carter, his Sam, had been so open and honest knocked him for six. His confusion only growing as he thought about how he would act now, what he should do. He knew this was something he was not meant to have read yet, if ever, but he had, and nothing could change that.
Realising no solution would come that night, Jack folded the letter carefully and as he climbed into bed, he slipped it under his pillow, hoping it would act as some kind of good luck charm and bring him an answer.