Chapter 6

Withdrawal

"Sometimes destiny leaves us heartbroken, striving for the fighting chance to see what great things the fates have planned, and sometimes hopelessness is the only way to lead us to the inevitable… love is worth forgiving for."

-- Albus Dumbledore

à from  Love is Worth Forgiving For written by arielx

Grissom woke Catherine and Lindsey at seven to head home. Catherine had long since decided that Lindsey was not going to go to school but they still needed to get home. They couldn't sleep the day away in Grissom's office. Lindsey's overnight bag hadn't been unpacked and Catherine had nothing but her purse so they left. Grissom had insisted on driving them home and after a twenty-minute quiet argument – they didn't want to wake Lindsey up – Catherine had relented, considering the stupidity of the argument in the first place. Lindsey, needless to say, was very happy about Grissom driving them home and took the opportunity to half ask, half order, him to stay for breakfast. Catherine giggled slightly at the innocence Lindsey possessed and her ability to have Grissom wound around her little finger. He lifted Lindsey out of the SUV and settled her on the sidewalk as he reached in to get her overnight bag. Lindsey and Catherine made their way up the front walk pausing only to open the door. Grissom picked up Lindsey's bag and followed them into the house. He dropped the bag just inside Lindsey's room where Catherine was tucking her daughter in and moved away to sit on the couch in the living room. Catherine emerged moments later and flopped down beside him.

"She's asleep," she said quietly as he drew her into his arms. Catherine cuddled up to him, feeling safe and secure where she was.

"How are you doing?" Grissom asked, pulling her tighter against him. Catherine sighed heavily, the sound portraying her emotions better than words ever could. She was scared, frustrated and blamed herself for Sara's hospitalized state but at the same time, she was content in his arms and happy that her daughter was safe.

"Lindsey wants to see Sara," she said after a long comfortable silence.

"She's in bad shape," Grissom warned. Catherine lifted her head from his chest and looked him in the eye.

"I've had just as bad, Gil." Her statement made him shiver in the truth they held. She had suffered the physical wounds before, many times, but the physical element was not what her words were referring to. Catherine was referring to the mental and emotional wounds that Sara would take forever to get over.

"You'll help her through it Cath, I know you will."

Neither had realized they had fallen asleep until Lindsey wandered into the room and climbed onto Grissom's lap. He stirred, waking Catherine in the process. She groaned lightly, her eyes fluttering open to land on her daughter. Lindsey's smile was completely innocent and Catherine groaned again.

"What is it, Lindsey?" Catherine asked. Lindsey's smile got wider. Then she started humming a song under her breath and Catherine's eyes widened.

"Lindsey…" Catherine started, recognizing the song.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Lindsey squealed rushing towards the kitchen, Catherine fast on her heels.

Grissom missed Catherine's warm body as soon as she had jumped after her daughter and fully woke, bolting upright on the couch and looking around for Catherine. He heard the laughter coming from the kitchen and smiled, wandering towards the fun. Lindsey was on the floor, trying to roll away from her mother who was attacking Lindsey with her agile fingers. Lindsey was squealing and Catherine was laughing. Grissom couldn't help but think of them as his family. Catherine finally looked up a huge smile on her face.

"She was teasing me first," she said childishly. Grissom grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. He gently lifted her away from Lindsey and helped Lindsey to her feet.

"I'm glad to see you laughing." Catherine looked confused before the memories of the last couple of nights came back to haunt her.

"Oh my God. We… we need to go see Sara," she said, walking to her bedroom and pulling on a new set of clothes. Her movements were jerky and frantic, and Lindsey and Grissom watched with worry. Finally, Grissom stepped in.

"Cath, Sara can wait. She's not going anywhere." Catherine looked up into his face and Grissom resisted the urge to gasp. There were many emotions running through Catherine's eyes, none of them were positive.

"Lindsey, can you do me a favour and get changed? We need to go and see Sara," Grissom asked. Lindsey nodded, the happiness that used to be in her eyes fading quickly at her mother's reaction. Grissom pulled Catherine into his arms, halting her movements. Then Catherine broke down again, tears flowing without any sign of stopping. She had thought of it as a nightmare, really, and hadn't considered it being real, especially when she woke up in Grissom's arms. It was, after all, something she'd always wanted to do.

Lindsey returned moments later and they piled into Grissom's SUV. The drive to the hospital was made in silence, both Lindsey and Grissom wanted to talk, but for Catherine, stayed silent. Catherine was lost in her own world, away from the reality she lived in and safe in happy memories. Lindsey hated when her mother was like this, it had happened before when she'd come back from a particularly nasty case, and Lindsey felt utterly helpless. There was nothing she could do to help her mother.

Grissom, on the other hand, was worried about her physical well being, as well as emotional. Catherine wouldn't eat. She didn't have the appetite in her own world. It was like that world had no food, and so, Catherine had no appetite. He could try to do anything, next to forcing it down her throat, and she just wouldn't eat.

They had one stop to make before they reached the hospital and Grissom and Lindsey were the only ones to enter the card store. Inside Lindsey's eyes scanned everything, trying to find the perfect gift for Sara. She found it in a simple ty stuffed toy. The little, fuzzy Dalmatian reminded Lindsey of a rescue dog that were used in fire departments.

"And a rescue dog," she said, "is always brave."

They climbed back into the SUV and Lindsey quickly signed the card for her and her mother. Catherine was still out of it all.

That wasn't to say he admired her ability to put on a strong front with her daughter present, but Grissom knew that Catherine recognized Lindsey's knowledge of her pain. He was sure he saw Lindsey open her mouth more than once, as if to say something to them, but then closed it again.

"We're here," he said quietly, his voice sounding foreign to his ears. Catherine jolted out of her world and dropped back into reality.

"Sorry," she murmured, getting out and helping her daughter down the big step. Linking hands with both Grissom and Lindsey – the dog and card tucked safely under her arm – they made their way into the sterile building. Grissom led the way to Sara's room, pausing only to knock on the door. Nick's voice sounded, granting them permission to enter.

"Hey," Sara said weakly from her bed. Nick was sitting beside her, her hand grasped firmly in his. Grissom wouldn't be surprised if he failed to show up to work.

"Sara, I'm so sorry…"

"Don't apologize, Cath. With my past, I would have done the same thing you did had I been in your situation." Catherine still looked caught, ready to bolt because of Sara's bruises. Grissom had never realized that Catherine blamed herself for everything that had gone on in that interrogation room, but now he did, and he vowed to himself to help her get out of that. Lindsey, sensing the tension, held up the dog and the card.

"We brought these for you, Sara." Sara accepted them gratefully and smiled fully at Lindsey.

"Thanks, Lindsey."

"The dog is one of those dogs that the fire station uses. Those dogs are brave. So I thought it suited you," Lindsey explained with childish innocence. Sara smiled, a tear coming to her eye. Catherine hadn't realized they had entered the store and felt tears welling up in her own eyes, not only for her colleague turned friend lying in the hospital bed, but in pride for her daughter's insight.

"Cath?" She started at Sara's voice. "Are you alright?" Catherine's eyes darted from Grissom to Nick to Lindsey.

"Can you guys give us a couple of minutes?" Grissom looked worriedly at her but she tried her best to convey with her eyes her desire to talk to Sara about what had happened without them there. Grissom sighed, taking Lindsey's hand and dropping a kiss on Catherine's cheek.

"Why don't we go get a cookie, Lindsey?" Grissom suggested.

"I could use one myself," Nick agreed. The three of them left and Catherine turned painful eyes to Sara.

"Before you apologize," Sara began as soon as Catherine opened her mouth to speak, "for the record, I don't blame you one little bit for what happened. It was completely my decision to go in there in the first place."

"Was there an officer on duty?" Catherine asked, keeping away from the heartfelt and focusing on how Jack Banning could have possibly beat Sara as he had. Sara shrugged.

"One, but I wasn't going to give Banning the satisfaction of screaming. His voice was quiet anyway so the guard would have just thought we were doing the usual question answer thing. No one walked by until you."

"And I didn't do anything."

"You screamed which was more than enough to get people to notice that something wasn't right. Cath, if you hadn't come when you did, I would have been dead."

"And you wouldn't have been as badly beaten if I had the presence of mind to get you out of there." Sara sighed heavily, sensing she was not about to win this argument with Catherine. Instead, she moved on.

"I see this ordeal did something to put you and Grissom where you belong." The statement took Catherine by surprise but she couldn't stop the small smile from breaking through her cement walls.

"And I'm guessing Nick won't be at work until you get out." She saw red creep up Sara's cheeks and took that as an affirmative.

"He's been fantastic, Cath. I can't… he's been so supportive. My second support column, along with you. I swear he hasn't left my bedside since I got in here."

"And Amanda?"

"She's been here too. I just sent her home to get some sleep." Catherine shot Sara a confused look. Why did she try to get Amanda to go home and not Nick?

"I tried, really I did, but he will not leave. Do you think Grissom would leave if you were in this bed and not me?" Catherine had to agree. She'd seen the worry flicker in Grissom's eyes and knew he had good reason to be worried.

"Good point." Sara smiled. Catherine sighed.

"You don't have to apologize, Catherine," Sara said forcefully.

"It feels like it's my fault. It feels like you wouldn't be here if…"

"Damnit Catherine, stop! You've been through this, I've been through this and we're both stronger for it. These are not the worst bruises I have had and they will heal. The only major injuries were my broken arm and dislocated shoulder. They will heal. I'll be back as good as new in no time." Before Catherine could argue further, Grissom, Nick and Lindsey returned, followed closely by Amanda.

"Hey, Sara. How are you feeling?" Sara painstakingly pushed herself into a semi sitting position, wincing only slightly as she strained her shoulder.

"Freight train, enough said." Every one in the room chuckled slightly.

"I thought I told you to go home and sleep," Sara said, directing the statement at Amanda.

"You did, I didn't. My best friend is in the hospital and I'm worried. So sleep wouldn't come," Amanda replied with a shrug. Catherine watched the exchange slightly withdrawn from every one else around her.  Lindsey approached and wrapped her arms around her mother, grounding her. Catherine absently smoothed Lindsey's hair.

"Right, Cath?" Catherine jolted, catching Sara's eye. She looked disoriented for a minute. That minute was long enough for the room to become worried.

"Cath?" Sara said, pushing her self up further.

"I'm… sorry. Didn't hear the point," Catherine replied on a sigh. Sara's smile contradicted the look in her eyes. She was worried.

Of all of the people to be worried… Catherine thought casting her eye around the others. A knock on the door interrupted the silence as Brass walked into the hospital room.

"Sorry to break up the party, but Sara, I'd like to ask a couple of questions."

"Brass…" Catherine began but Sara held up a hand.

"What do you want to know?" Catherine once again felt withdrawn from the conversation and backed out into the hallway. Lindsey and Grissom followed, Lindsey lightly gripping Grissom's sweater.

"Catherine?" Grissom inquired softly, speeding up his pace to catch her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

"I just want to go home, Gil." Grissom looked into Catherine's face, searching for a clue that may help him understand what exactly was bugging her. When he couldn't find it, he sighed, gripping her hand lightly and leading her and Lindsey back to the car.

Opening the door to her home, Catherine left it for Lindsey and Grissom and headed straight for the stairs. She was on a mission. Something had clicked in her brain on the ride home and she had to check it out. Everything had to be linked, Sara's abuse, Ellen Bizet, Emily Turner, and even Amanda. Catherine was determined to find that link, for Sara's sake. She opened the door to her attic office where she had put the home computer.

It had been a joint decision between her and Lindsey to turn the room into an office instead of just a storage space and it now had two desks for writing and one with the computer on it. It was 'their' space and Catherine and Lindsey enjoyed their mini homework sessions spent there.

Catherine made a beeline for the computer, flipping it on with nimble fingers. She had never been so relieved that she had remembered to hook her home computer up with as much of the software from the lab as she could. Her hacker abilities had been worn down since Greg and others had taken over from her when they were hired to the lab, but Catherine decided it was time to fix those rusty skills.

Meanwhile, Grissom and Lindsey were sitting on the couch, worried about the woman who had literally run out of the car and up the stairs.

"Is she going to be okay, Uncle Grissom?" Lindsey asked quietly, turning to look him in the eye.

"I'm sure she'll be fine, Linds. This is just something she needs to go and do." He knew he was trying to reassure himself as much as he was trying to reassure the little girl beside him that Catherine was going to be fine but she worried him. He had never felt emotions this strong where a woman was concerned but then again, he'd never – not in all of his years of comforting her – had he seen Catherine this withdrawn and upset. It tore his heartstrings to pieces trying to consider everything that had happened since they had gotten the call for Ellen's murder. It had all gone down hill from there.

Lindsey snuggled herself safely into Grissom's arms, away from the demons that haunted her mother. She wished she could help, get those demons to go away and never attack her mom again, but even in her young mind, she knew that there was nothing to do but be there and hope things worked out in the end. For not only Catherine, but Sara and the others too.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This took me forever to write! I'm hoping to get back on the case and work more on the evidence that Warrick will have found since Grissom and Nick are helping Sara and Catherine.
Oh, and thanks to every one who reviewed. I have been so happy with them all especially since this is my first CSI fic. I hope you guys enjoy all of it and think about reading the Nick/Sara side story because it goes into Sara's perspective on the case and you don't just get what's going on in Catherine's head.

Coming soon:

Catherine pulls further away from the graveyard shift

New evidence is pulled up… and it doesn't point to Jack Banning

Lindsey tries to break through to her mother

Grissom shares his feelings

Another murder leads to new perspectives

Enjoy!

~Kavi Leighanna