Uncertainty
"The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next."
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
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Darkness began to recede from Catherine's vision and she groaned slightly.
"Mommy!" she heard Lindsey's voice call. She lifted her head, focusing on her daughter.
"God, Cath," she heard a voice breathe as she shifted to sit up.
"Slow." Her eyes finally focused on her surroundings, such was quickly followed by memory of the last couple of hours. She spun quickly and her head swam but she forced herself to focus on the collapsed form of Anthony Lopez. She looked for the shooter and found him as Bobby stood, talking to Brass.
"Bobby?"
"I was finishing up an experiment when I heard him shout so I came out and aimed," he shrugged. "Got his shoulder. He's in shock." Catherine smiled a more than gratitude thanks. Grissom helped him to stand and move to the couch in his office, Lindsey on her lap, Bekki on one side, and Grissom taking a seat on the other. Greg brought her a bottle of water and asprin that Grissom had directed him to find. Catherine took them thankfully then remembered Nick and Sara.
"Greg, can you find Warrick and get to the hospital? Nick said the place is in shambles." Greg nodded and left without questions.
"Catherine?"
"I'm just shook up, Gil. I'll be okay.
"Ms. Willows? Can we go see my mommy?" Bekki asked. Catherine flinched visibly.
"Linds, can you and Uncle Grissom go get me something to eat? I'd like to talk to Bekki." Lindsey nodded and took Grissom's hand. Grissom kissed her cheek lightly before leaving. Bekki looked slightly apprehensive.
"Bekki, that was your daddy out there," Catherine began.
"Mommy always told me he was a bad man," Bekki said as an aside.
"Honey, he brought a gun."
"That's why you didn't want me to come out earlier."
"Yes… sort of… Bekki, I don't know how to break this to you gently. Your dad showed up at the hospital before he came here."
"Mommy?" Bekki asked, tears in her eyes. Catherine looked heavenward before shaking her head in the negative. Bekki burst into tears. Catherine wrapped her arms around the little girl as she sobbed over the loss of her mother.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Catherine felt as helpless as she had for Lindsey after Eddie's death. All Catherine could do was to wrap her tightly as the little body shook violently.
"I'm sorry Bekki."
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Bekki had cried herself to sleep by the time Lindsey and Grissom returned and even Catherine was dozing after allowing silent tears to slip down her cheeks.
"Cath?" Grissom touched her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open.
"Gil! Lindsey!" She looked down at the little girl curled in the fetal position, her head on Catherine's lap. Lindsey gripped Grissom's pants.
"Traumatic?" he whispered.
"Did anyone tell you about the hospital?"
"I just got off the phone with Warrick. He says there are bullet holes everywhere."
"How many dead?"
"Two shot. A guard and a patient."
"Patient was this one's mommy," Catherine said softly, stroking Bekki's hair.
"Amanda?"
"Nick told me. It's destroyed Sara." Lindsey sat on her best friend's other side.
"She can stay with us, right?" she asked in a small voice.
"Unless her mommy said otherwise, sweetie, of course she can," Catherine replied without hesitation. Grissom took his seat on Catherine's other side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, her head resting on his shoulder.
"She's too young to have to go through this, Gil."
"I know honey."
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Sara looked worse than what Catherine had expected when she walked, redeyed, into the lab. However, Catherine also knew that if any one should be taking care of the little girl asleep in Grissom's office, it should be Sara, not her. Therefore, when everyone else had moved off to attempt to get work done, Catherine took that chance to speak to Sara.
"Chances are you'll get Bekki," Catherine said without warning. Sara continued to stare forward.
"Sara," Catherine sad beside her, shaking the other woman. "I know you lost a best friend, and trust me, I know what that feels like, but you have a little girl asleep in your boss' office that needs to see you as a strong woman. You can't shut down on us Sara, you can't shut down on her." Sara met Catherine's eyes albeit reluctantly and Catherine held them relentlessly.
"You missed how she shattered, Sara. She's ten years old. Her mother and most of her adopted aunts were killed by her psycho father." Catherine could tell she'd gotten through to Sara and so, threw in her final plea.
"She needs someone, Sara. She needs you."
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Thanks to every one that's reviewed over the last three chapters. You've been really supportive now that I've picked this up again. I'll try to get another chapter of Blossoming but I really want to finish this one first so I have a base to work off of. Thanks so much for the support though!
Coming soon…
Final steps to close this case
And…
Stay tuned for Blossoming!
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Kavi Leighanna