Disclaimer: At this point I'm not sure who they belong to, but I know it isn't me.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Donna and Josh
Spoiler: Gaza
Juxtaposition: 1. an act or instance of placing close together or side by side especially for comparison or contrast. 2. The act of placing close together.
Juxtaposition
By
Lattelady
The receiver of CJ Craig's office phone slipped from her fingers unnoticed as she tried to shake off a nagging sense of déjà vu. One short call from Danny Concannon caused past and present to collide. She was sent spinning back four years, to a night when her ideas of safety were forever shattered by bullets fired by two gunmen. Suddenly it was her own husky voice that filled her thoughts. The words that tumbled through her mind weren't Danny's from moments ago. They didn't speak of Gaza or recent deaths and injuries, but begged to find out if the President had been shot, and tried to reassure paramedics that she was unharmed. As she looked out her office door, the sudden sounds of beepers going-off and phones ringing were easily confused with gun shots and screaming from that night in Rosslyn.
"Oh no!" CJ gasped and tried to appear calm. Her long-legged stride propelled her through Communications and into the Operations Bullpen. She was determined to out-distance the frenzied activity that was sweeping through the West Wing of the White House. The alert was being sounded and she didn't want Josh Lyman to hear it in a careless manner. Her steps never faltered, even when she saw him standing in his office, with his pager held tight in his hand. Though she felt the reassuring presence of Carol when she moved in behind her, it wasn't enough to balance out the despair that weighted down her spirit.
This time it was CJ instead of Toby who had to utter the words that might damage another's heart. "Josh…an explosion in Gaza-the Codel-there were fatalities." She blinked quickly to help catch her breath. For one moment it had been as if they were back in the surgical waiting room at GW, but this time it was Josh instead of Donna who looked as if he were being spoken to in a foreign tongue. This time it was Josh instead of Donna who had to shake his head as words seemed to hit him and bounce off.
The man, who could cause errant congressional leaders to shake in their boots, suddenly appeared open and vulnerable as he processed what was being said. Then the politician in him slowly took over. One muscle group at a time he pulled himself together until he was the picture of control, only his eyes told a different story. He stared unseeingly over CJ's shoulder, as if he was looking into a distance too far to be seen with the naked eye. Off across continents and oceans, to a land of dune-covered costal plains that was marred by violence and bloodshed.
In that moment the Press Secretary longed for the presence of Sam Seaborn. After the shooting, four years ago, he had been a source of gentle calm and strength for all those around him, even though his best friend had been in surgery for hours with no end in sight. A clear picture flashed into her mind of the surgical waiting room. Donna had been focused on a point on the far wall, as if she could see through it, along a beehive of intersecting hallways where only people wearing blue scrubs were allowed to walk. CJ remembered Sam had reached for the slim blonde's arm and had given it a reassuring squeeze, as he'd whispered words of comfort meant for her ears alone. Since Sam wasn't there to do it for Josh, she laid her hand gently on his arm.
In response to CJ's touch, Josh sighed and automatically looked to Toby. The Director of Communications was the only other person in the crowd who knew what he might be feeling, because Andy was in Gaza, too. Andy and Donna were two strong women, who were cherished by two powerful men. They had placed themselves in possible harms way, in hopes of doing some good. Now the only question that remained was the extent of the harm that had been done. There was very little doubt in anyone's mind that all good had been blown to smithereens along with a black SUV.
Toby felt something move inside of him. Not only was he consumed by worry for his ex-wife, but he felt the floor shift and he was pulled back to that hazy night in the past when they had all waited for the results of a surgery that had seemed endless. Unlike that night, the uncomprehending eyes that searched his face were brown instead of blue, but the feelings they carried were the same.
He heard his own words from four years ago, 'Josh was hit,' as clearly as if he were saying them now. Unlike four years ago, the ringing of the cell phone gripped tightly in his fist pulled him back to reality, back from that terrible night at GW Hospital. Back to the White House, to the here and now, back to this terrible morning, when some of them were once again victims of a violent attack.
Toby Zeigler had thought the worst moment in his life had been when he had found Josh Lyman on the ground bleeding from a gunshot wound to the chest. Now he knew it wasn't the worst. With Josh, he'd felt helpless, but at least he'd been there and been able to do something. He had been able to call for a doctor, as he'd begged his friend to live until help arrived. This time he could do nothing except feel helpless and guilty as relief swept through him. Helpless because he was six thousand miles away when disaster struck and guilty because he could talk to Andy on his cell and see her on national news. The mother of his children, the woman he'd loved for most of his adult life, was safe, but Donna's fate was unknown. Donna who was his friend and it appeared, much more than that to Josh Lyman, had been in the SUV that had been bombed.
Josh Lyman caught his breath. 'Donna…my beautiful sweet Donna,' his mind couldn't function. Everything seemed to have stopped. Fleetingly he wondered if it had been like that for her when she had heard he'd been shot. It was something they'd never discussed, but one night when Sam had been very drunk, he'd said some things…things Josh had not been ready to hear. Now they had come back to haunt him as he was unable to pry his eyes away from the television monitor. He kept hoping to catch a glimpse of a bright blonde head and long slim limbs. He squinted his eyes as he watch Andy wave to the television cameras to let Toby know she really was unhurt. 'Come on Donna,' he whispered to himself. 'Come on, run up behind Andy and give her a hug. Let us see that you're all right, too.' But no matter how hard he tried to make her appear, all he could make out a dark vehicle, in the distance, with black smoke billowing around it.
'Breathe in, breathe out,' Josh told himself as he turned numbly away from his friends. He couldn't stand the look on their faces. It was equal parts pity, worry and fear, which was all aimed at him. It made him want to yell at them. Didn't they know Donna was the one to be afraid for? She was the one they needed to worry about. 'Was she safe? Oh please God,' he prayed. 'Keep her safe, don't let her be afraid or in pain.' As the thoughts slipped through his mind, he wanted to pull them back, because the alternative might be much worse.
At a time when Josh thought he should have been leaning against a wall, fighting off a panic attack, he felt his spine straighten and he was filled with an inner strength. He wasn't sure what was happening, but whatever it was, it was radiating from the core of his being. Some deep essential change was taking place and he knew he'd never felt stronger in his life.
It wasn't until hours later, when he was sitting lost in thought, somewhere over the Atlantic that it dawned on him what had happened. The new strength that he'd found that morning had flowed through him to will Donnatella Moss to live! With every beat of his heart and every breath that he took, he was determined to support her life force until she was well enough to do it for herself. For the first time in his adult life he realized that he loved, unquestioningly and unconditionally and he had refused to believe she was dead. She was his and he would protect her.
When he pulled his laptop open to begin reading Donna's e-mails, he was struck by a thought. 'Was this how Donna had done it all those years ago? Was this feeling of absolute resolve and determination what had given her the strength to sit though his surgery almost unmoving, and then bully him and the entire Senior Staff for the three months of his recovery?' The idea gave him peace for the first time since he'd heard about the explosion, because if that were true, then it meant she loved him too.