Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own Saiyuki. Never did, never will. Sad, sad, pathetic me.

A/N: Well I'm glad and thankful that there are actually people reading this piece. Mucho Gracias!

Ah this one's... I don't know... I have mixed emotions about this one...

Here goes nothing...

Waking

Part 4 Running

Darkness. Light. Patches of black and white. Silence. Walking. Running. Stop.

Where am I?

'Here.'

Where?

'Simply here.'

Here?

'Here and nowhere'

She comes, an ethereal vision in white. Bright. My eyes hurt. I can't move. That face, that smile, those arms... Something came crashing down. Images. Memories. She calls out to me. Her mouth moves without a sound, but I can hear her as if she spoke in her soft serene voice. Her soulful green eyes pleading. Her arms opening for me... how I wanted to melt in her embrace... I tried but I cannot reach her. She silently fades...

Nooo!

Darkness.

Laughter. Hateful laughter. It made my blood run cold as it achingly throbs in my eardrums. Make it stop. Someone make it stop! It calls to me, that mocking voice. 'Come to hell with me', it says. Repeatedly. I loathe it with every fiber of my being...

Darkness.

Blood. So much blood. In my hands. On my clothes. Seeping through my pores. So much blood. Bathing me in crimson...

Corpses. Behind me. Before me. Under me. Bodies strewn everywhere. Make it stop.

She lays at my feet, looking up at me with those empty emerald orbs. A vacant look that pierces deep into my soul. No. She was covered in blood. Her blood. My blood. The blood of those I took to eternal darkness. Blood who stained these hands... tainted forever. I reach for her. She wastes away as if she was never there. Here and gone... Again...

Darkness.

They come, I see them, beckoning for me to join them. Three figures slowly approach... a lonely child... a vengeful lover... a murderous demon... tortured souls... battered spirits... they come nearer.

I recognize them. How could I not? I look at them in the mirror every night. Yet I do not. They stare at me with glazed eyes. Stop it!

They are so familiar, yet so alien at the same time. Who are they? Who am I?

They are me and I am them. We are one. Yet we are not. They are dead. I am alive. Or am I not?

What is happening to me? I can see them. These distant memories I've buried, haunting me, hounding me like shadows in the gloom. I realized something. They are nothing but illusions. They are not real. But how can they be so vivid...

I know, this is a nightmare. Everything's a mirage. Nothing more. They cannot touch me...

There's a light before me. I see it. I saw her again standing before the light. As beautiful as I remembered, with arms wide open for me to come into. Into the light. Yes...

If this is really a dream, please don't let anyone wake me up. I felt her arms, they were cold...

Voices. I hear voices calling. Familiar voices. Calling me back. Asking me to come back. Back where?

I looked behind me. Back where? I repeated. Into the darkness?

More voices. Silent pleas reaching my ears. It's like the sensation of cold water being poured over my head.

'We need you here.'

'Come back to us.'

'Don't you dare leave.'

Somehow I feel as if...

I run again. This time straight into the darkness. Away from the light. They chase me. These ghosts of yesteryears. I keep running as fats a my legs could carry me, running without any idea where I'm suppose to go. Where am I to go?

My pursuers, I can hear them now...

'Why do you run? Did you not want this? You have been longing for this? So why deny yourself now?'

'My love, don't you want to be with me forever?'

'Come with us.'

'No more masks, no more pretensions.'

'Feel pain no more.'

And another set of voices.

'Please come back...'

'Make things right...'

'Don't leave me hanging...'

My mind is spinning. My head feels like it's about to burst. I continued running in the darkness. I cannot see anything. Until I felt something. Something warm. Something alive. A lifeline. I looked up. It was bright...

Images again.

Crimson eyes. I know them. My savior, who snatched me from Death's door.

Golden orbs. My teacher, who gave me back a part of humanity. And...

Amethyst orbs, my... No... I couldn't. He's needs no one. He...

Darkness...

We choose our own path. I smile.

I want be rid of my mask.

I want to be with her.

I want to end my pain.

I want to be at peace.

But then...

I said I'd stay... I said I belong here.

I offered my friendship.

I offered my services.

I offered my life.

And then some...

What am I gonna do... Oh well.

I've made my choice...

A/N: Okay... This is not a good chapter, ne... short and bad... Please don't curse my soul to eternal damnation! I don't know. Was it too OC? It's kinda hard for me to take Hakkai's POV while in his catatonic state as Sariyuki had said. I mean I love the guy, he's my fave, but it's really kinda hard for me to pick up his frame of mind 'coz he's so unpredictable. Oh well... I'm not thinking straight these past few days with all the papers I had to do. Darn. It makes me think I should just stick to drawing. Oh well... What do you think? Doodling over a boring lecture today, I actually (gasp!) contemplated on killing Hakkai! Bad Kage. Very bad Kage. I'm still not sure about whether... oh well. Pls. R&R. Comments, suggestions, reactions...

I think this piece it coming to an end.

Ja, mata ne.