Observation & Analysis II
Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'.
This one's a wee bit long....
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"Wai! It's cold!" Goku giggled out as he felt the cool gel being applied on his abdomen.
Azuka then deftly switched the machine on and carried out the procedure.
"Eh? Nani kore???", he exclaimed as he stared at image in the monitor.
Gojyo looked up from reading, er rather, looking, no wait, drooling at the pictures of a smut magazine he scrounged out from somewhere and murmured a distracted, "What?"
"That!" Azuka gestured wildly at the image. "There's something moving there!"
That got everyone's attention and had them staring wide-eyed at the monitor.
"Oi zaru! Did you neglect to tell us that you were a girl and that you got yourself pregnant in one of our stops in town?" Gojyo smirked out. "Or maybe, you forgot to, say, KILL whatever that is," he said pointing to the mysterious wiggling thing, "and maybe COOK it, and THEN eat it?" He continued jokingly. "Or maybe-"
"Or maybe you'd like to shut your useless taboo mouth?" Sanzo cut him short gloweringly, aiming his revolver at his head. "If not, then I'd be happy to, say, blow your head off and send you to hell."
Gojyo sweatdropped. down, pretty monk. I was just fooling around."
"Well, I'm not in the mood!"
"Will you tell me if you are?" Gojyo waggled his eyebrows teasingly, implying a little more than he should have. (Hehe...naughty naughty naughty....)
"Why you-beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep half-youkai!!!!!!!!!!" Sanzo cursed furiously at Gojyo.
"Gojyo!" Hakkai admonished, looking sideways at Sanzo who was still letting out a steady stream of death threats and curses.
"And this is why I don't get bored, my dear Hakkai!" Gojyo grinned and slung an arm around Hakkai's shoulder. "You've got to try it sometime!"
"Anou, sumimasen..." The doctor said, hoping to catch their attention.
"Well YOU won't LIVE long enough to try it again!!!!!!" Sanzo roared, cocking his gun at Gojyo.
"Gentlemen..." Azuka tried again.
"Ahhhhhh! HAKKAI!!!! SAVE ME!!!!!" Gojyo ducked behind a paralyzed Hakkai.
Hakkai paled as the gun was levered at his direction. "Eto, m-maa S-Sanzo...Uh, you don't want to kill me do you?" He stammered out hopefully.
Sanzo blinked and considered his words.
"It wouldn't be fair, would it? I'm innocent! I didn't do anything!" Hakkai went on, while slowly backing away from the pondering blond.
"Hn! You deserve to die too. I saw you fighting a grin at what Gojyo said."
"Erm, fellas...guys?" Azuka faltered when he saw Sanzo slowly pull the trigger.
"Why are you so bloody sensitive anyway, blondie?!?! I was just teasing you!"
"Gojyo!" Hakkai hissed under his breath.
Silence. Veins popped on Sanzo's forehead in response.
"Now, now, no fighting minna-san!" Azuka crowed out, popping into the scene with a fake smile pasted on his face. "Here! Have a lollipop! It'll give you something to do besides smoking, which by the way, is like a slow suicide." He clucked reprovingly as he unceremoniously stuck a big lollipop in each of the three adults' mouths.
(Think: chibi Sanzo, Hakkai, Gojyo with big colorful swirly lollipops stuck in their mouths)
Doctor sweatdropped as he looked at their faces.
In Azuka's mind...
I knew I should have taken my day off! I knew it! But nooo, I had to be nice and kind enough to volunteer and switch shifts so my friend could go on a date with his girlfriend for the 4th time this week. sigh What did I ever do to deserve this....this...ugh...I can't even think of any word to describe them...
And that kid..../a bigger sigh/...that noisy, whiny kid! Somehow, I feel that there's something I should know about him...
(Let us remember, minna-san, that Goku is neither human nor youkai. He is a rock. Hmmm... a talking rock. /sweatdrop/ But Azuka doesn't know that. I mean, he was born from a rock right??)
They scare me half the time and make ME want to shoot THEM the next! They have a dangerous air about them but they act like little brats!!! Even the kids in the village are like angels compared to them!...
...blah blah blah blah...
...A BLOND MONK who smokes and threatens to kill at the slightest provocation. Whoever heard of such a thing? And the fact that they're so NOISY!!!!!! GRRRR.... I hope they leave soon before they turn ME into one of them. /shudder... /
"Oi, Sanzo! Gojyo! Hakkai!" Goku called out with teary eyes.
Everyone turns to Goku.
"Can we go now??? I'm really really hungry! Listen..."
/grrrooowwwl/
"See??!!"
Sweatdrops on everybody's foreheads.
"Ahem!" Azuka cleared his throat. "We need to identify that mysterious wiggling thing inside Goku's stomach."
Surprisingly, they all nodded.
"Therefore, I propose we use this!" He declared, holding up a tiny black object the size of a cigarette butt for them to see.
"Uh...what exactly is...that thing?"
"It's a miniature camera!" The doctor beamed happily. "We will let Goku here, swallow this and I will control its descent and motion by virtue of this," he held up a little joystick, "remote control. And then that monitor will show us in full color what the foreign lifeform could be!"
"Oh..." Group nod.
"Ne, Azuka-niisan?"
"Yes, Goku?."
"You said I have to swallow it. Does it taste good?"
Gojyo, Sanzo and Hakkai facefaulted, while the doctor sweatdropped. Yep, just like a kid alright.
"Does everything equate to food to you, kono baka zaru?!" Gojyo mumbled while crunching on his enormous lollipop.
"HEY! HOW COME HE GETS A LOLLIPOP!!!! AZUKA-NIISAN!!!!!" Goku leapt from the bed to wrestle with Gojyo.
"Now, now Goku," Azuka tried to restrain him by holding his arms tightly. "Remember, after this you can have whatever you want."
Goku sniffed. "Promise?"
Azuka nodded. Yes already!
"Now Goku, close your eyes and imagine that you're about to eat a plate of spaghetti and meatballs."
The others stared silently as Goku did what the doctor said. What's the doc doing?
"Can you imagine it now?"
"Uhuh! Mmmm..." Goku drooled.
"Now open your mouth and eat a forkful."
Chomp, chomp, chomp.
"Excellent! Oh no! Wait! You're choking!"
Goku, as if on cue, starts choking. (On what I wouldn't know. His own saliva maybe? Or air. /nods seriously/ He's choking on air.)
The others stared, fascinated.
"Quick! Drink this glass of water." Azuka quickly hands him a glass of water and Goku immediately guzzled it in two seconds flat.
Goku inhales sharply and pants. The others still stare at him when an exuberant voice sliced through their baffled consciousness.
"YEESSS!!!!" Azuka exclaimed as he pumped a fist up in the air victoriously. "I DID IT!!!!!!!"
"Uh, did what, Doc?" Gojyo asked as he lifted an eyebrow questioningly.
"Hn. Not at all impossible considering the size of the zaru's brain." Sanzo mumbled as he stared balefully at the doctor.
"Did what???!"
"I can't believe it." Hakkai whispered. "I mean it's just too much..."
"WHAT????"
"He tricked Goku into swallowing the tiny camera."
"??????!!!!!"
"Kyahahahahahhahaha!" Azuka laughed like a maniac. "I didn't expect it either! But---Bwaahahahahahahahahhahaha!!!!!!"
Goku stared at him stupidly, er I mean cluelessly.
Gojyo joined the laughter. "Ngiahhahahahahahahahaha! You mean--the-the spaghetti thing---it's...it's...MWAAHAHAHHAHA!!!!! It's actually to get Goku to swallow the thing?! Woohoohoohoohoo!!!! Wahahahhahaha!!! The baka zaru really is a baka!!!!"
"What are you laughing at???" Goku glared at Gojyo, annoyed at being left out of the joke.
"You-you-you..." Gojyo failed to complete his statement as another round of boistorous laughter bubbled from him. "Wahahahahahhahahahaha!!!! You're so stupid, stomach-brained monkey!!"
Hakkai grinned slightly at the unexpected turn of events. As he caught sight of Goku's frustrated expression however, he wisely refrained from commenting. But damn! That was so funny!!! He paused to replay the doctor's surprising little trick. Goku eats the imaginary spaghetti and then chokes. 'Concerned' doc hands him a glass of water and slips the camera in. Goku gulps the water along with the little camera. Hakkai stifled a snort.And to think Goku's still hasn't got a clue about it...
"Hn. Now I wonder how the zaru actually defeated Homura."
The doctor finally regained his composure and smoothened out his rumpled lab coat. The only evidence left of his very undoctor-like behavior was a twinkle in his eyes and the small smirk gracing his lips.
Suddenly...
"Minna! Look at this!!!"
They quickly gathered around Hakkai who was staring at the monitor and fiddling with the joystick. All except Gojyo who was still laughing his head off.
"May I?" Azuka asked politely, holding out his hand to Hakkai.
"Oh, sumimasen doctor, I got curious and well--you know." Hakkai shrugged and lifted one corner of his lips in a sheepish smile.
The doctor wordlessly waved his apology away and turned to maneuvering the little camera down Goku's digestive system.
Little by little the camera carefully descended into the crimson depths of Goku's um, stomach. And little by little, the monitor showed its passage.
"Wow, sure is dark down there, Doc."
"It is isn't it? Then I guess we have to use this." Azuka pushed a tiny button on the side of the joystick. A bright light illuminated the screen of the monitor. "Oh sorry, have to adjust the settings a bit. Hmm... let's see..."
The light dimmed enough to let them see where the tiny camera was going.
"Ok guys, we're in the stomach."
"Won't the camera be affected by the gastric juices in there?" Hakkai inquired.
"Nope, we designed this camera specifically to enter the digestive system so we've taken that into consideration."
"Ahhh..."
"Well then, how come the screen is starting to sizzle?" Gojyo pointed at the slowly flickering screen.
"WHAAAAT???!!"
"Goku's not normal in case you haven't noticed. Everything about him is exagerrated. His fighting skills, his appetite, stupidity, and of course his gastric juices." Sanzo commented boredly.
"But--but..."
"Anou, Azuka-san, don't you think you better get out of the stomach before the camera melts?" Hakkai gently suggested.
"Y-yes, of course." Azuka immediately did what Hakkai said. This is impossible! How can the camera melt?! We--
"Hey doc."
Azuka cut his thought short.
"With us, the normal 'impossibles' don't apply. So you better rearrange all your can's and can'ts." Gojyo advised, after seemingly reading his stupefied thoughts.
The doctor nodded numbly. He was beginning to do just that.
By then, the camera reached the intestines and bumped into the THING.
"So what do we do now?" Hakkai wondered out loud.
"Well, we can't really get a good view of the THING so we just have to get a sample and have it tested."
Gojyo and Hakkai aaaaahhhed. Goku merely scratched his head in reply. He was still a little piqued about Gojyo's laughing fit and their refusal to let him in on the joke.
"How?" Sanzo finally succumbed to his curiosity and asked.
"By this, Sanzo-sama." Azuka replied and the camera proceeded to brandish a tiny scalpel and tweezer.
"Whoa! Where'd that come from?"
"It's built in."
"Hmmm...fascinating..."
"Hn."
"Can you guys hurry up? I'm really really really hungry!"
The doctor swiftly cut into the THING and dropped a small piece of it in a waiting compartment on top of the camera.
"There we're done."
"YYYEEEEEEE---"
"Not yet Goku, we still have to get the camera out."
"Oh." Goku stopped and sat down again.
Sanzo snorted at his disappointed expression. Baka zaru...
"Ok Goku, this might tickle a bit, but whatever you do, don't try to clear your throat, cough or try to swallow. If what you guys are saying is true, I'm worried about the camera being crushed flat.
"Hai!"
"Here goes nothing." Azuka muttered as he shifted the position of the joystick.
"Ah-" Goku began to work his throat to clear it.
"Don't do it, Goku"
"But--"
"No." He paused. "Just wait a while longer. It'll be out in no time."
Two seconds after he said that, Goku broke into a coughing fit and made pitiful retching sounds with his head down on the floor.
Hakkai rushed to the aid of the gagging and seemingly choking (for real this time) Goku. "Goku!!! What happened?!?!? Are you alright??? What's wrong?!" Then he turned to the doctor. "Doctor!!!! What's wrong with him?!?! QUICK!! DO SOMETHING!"
"Hakkai-san it's--"
Before the doctor could say something, Goku wheezes for the last time, coughs, and then---WHAM!. An ebony projectile flew from his mouth and ricocheted off the walls of the hospital room.
"Doc, what the--"
"Gojyo! Get down!"
"Huh?" Gojyo turned to face a black blur headed straight between his eyes. He instinctively ducked and narrowly missed it. "Whew! Thanks Hakkai, and here I thought---"
"GOJYO-SAN!! BEHIND YOU!!" Azuka shouted in warning to our dear-soon-to-be-unconscious red-head.
"Nani yo Do--" Splack! Gojyo collapsed like a downed fighter jet, swirly eyes and all with a crumpled little object beside his body.
"Oh no! Gojyo-san! Gojyo-san! Daijoubu desu ka?! Gojyo-san!" The doctor demanded as he slapped Gojyo lightly.
"Hey, pretty lady." A soft sultry voice said.
He stopped checking for a concussion and stared. "??!!"
"What do you say to ditching this place and have a drink in that restaurant down the street?" Gojyo murmured seductively.
"H-h-h--!!?" Azuka suddenly couldn't breathe. "H-H-Hakkai-san! What's wrong with him?!" He whispered, wide-eyed.
"Nothing's wrong with him." Goku chirped out helpfully. "He's always been a stupid, good-for-nothing ero kappa." He paused thoughtfully. "Although, this is the first time he's tried to ask a guy out." He absent-mindedly tapped on his chin. "Maybe he's tired of girls."
Sigh. "I'm surrounded by idiots. It (pertaining to the black zooming thing from awhile ago) must have hit him too hard. Stupid weakling. Can't even dodge properly." Then, suprisingly, Sanzo rolled his eyes and said, "How he survived our previous battles only the gods will know." (--);
"So, how 'bout it?" He winked suavely.
The doctor and Hakkai sweatdropped. "Uh...so...what do you suggest we do, Hakkai-san?"
"Uh...well...anou...I don't know..." Hakkai sweatdropped some more.
/silence/
"Ah-HAHAHAAAA!" Azuka glanced slightly at his left (i.e to the direction of the door). "Well, um Hakkai-san, I've got to go get this tested, k? While you stay and ah, take care of this? Thanks! I knew I can count on you! Bye! Be back in a jiggy, I mean a jiffy!" With those last panicked words, the good doc zoomed out of the room and out of Gojyo's leering gaze.
Silence once again filled the room as Hakkai gulped and solwly dragged his eyes back to the-now-winking-Gojyo.
"Well?" Gojyo practically purred.
Hakkai sighed and walked slowly to Gojyo.
Sanzo's eyebrows shot up at the sight. What is he doing?
"Sorry Gojyo,but desperate turn of events call for drastic actions," Hakkai looked at him apologetically as he pulled a chair from behind him and matter-of-factly smashed it down the red-head's skull.
Crack!!!! Gojyo fainted again before his brain could even register the pain.
"Was that Gojyo's head?"
"Nah. I think it was the chair. Look! The seat's smashed to pieces! That must have hurt!" Goku commented.
Hakkai just sighed in silent apology and proceeded to check for blood. Having found nothing more alarming than a small bump on Gojyo's (incredibly hard) head, he sat down on the sofa on the other side of the room and pulled out a book to read.
"Uh...Sanzo..." Goku called out.
Sanzo tore his gaze away from the window and pinched the bridge of his nose before replying a disgruntled 'What' at his smaller companion.
"Well...what do we do now?" came the innocent reply.
In a voice that promised death to any who dared to contradict, he said, "We wait." Sanzo looked straight at Goku's wide eyes before laying the final commandment. "QUIETLY."
And that was that.
...Until 5 minutes later, when Gojyo woke up and started propositioning the floor. To which Hakkai smashed another chair on his head and rendered him unconscious...
"Now THAT must have REALLY hurt."
Sanzo fought the itch to either blow his teammates' brains out or his own.
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A/N: yeah see y'all till the next time I get the guts and imagination to update... :D p.s me points to self, sorry for any errors...but i tried my best to avoid them...some of them are probably intentional...or not... --;;