Rated: PG for romantic content
Pairings: lily/james and lily/lupin
Disclaimer: I still don't own anything or anyone. Well, I do own the plot, but, uh, read and review! (The song belongs to Michelle Branch)
Chapter 2: Empty Handed
Remus' POV:
We arrived at James' house that summer via Apparation. We had just gotten our licenses and were eager to show off our skills. Sirius barely passed the test; I passed with flying colors along with Lily and James.
Mister and Misses Potter were the most pleasant people you would ever meet. They were always making accommodations for us. They even let me use the basement to transform. They were much more accepting of my condition then my own parents. That's why I loved those summer trips.
We knew this year would be different. We were too old to climb trees and Lily didn't like it when James cursed people so we'd have to leave Snivellus alone. This posed the question: what will we do? Of course, James and Lily were covered. Kissing was enough to occupy them. But I daresay, Sirius and I weren't going to do any kissing anytime soon. So, we played Wizard's Chess and Gobstones and Exploding Snap a lot. We all lived in harmony, until the twenty-fifth of July. The day I fell in love with James' girl.
We were preparing dinner; it was just like any other day. But, when Lily asked me if she could use the knife I was using, it hit me. I loved Lily. That was why I had been getting butterflies in my stomach every time I looked at her. It was just one of those things. How could being asked for a knife trigger true love? Who knows, but it happened.
Well, that ruined the whole night, if not the whole summer. Every time it was my turn to deal in Exploding Snap the cards flew everywhere. I kept seeing visions of me and Lily kissing, either that or it was Lily's laugh. So musical, so beautiful, like her. Finally, when James kissed Lily goodnight, (he didn't have to bother, he had just kissed her in the living room when she won the last game). I stayed for week after that until I realized I couldn't stay.
Here I am, take me
It's easier to give in
Some people mistake me,
They only hear what they wanna hear
I spent the night crying and writing plans of action. That's how I worked things out, I wrote it down. Made it more plausible and tangible. Sirius woke up four or five times to tell me to shut the heck up. But, I couldn't. I knew I couldn't stay in this house for the remainder of the summer pretending I was happy for James.
If you're losin sleep,
Forgive me,
I just can't keep,
Pretending
I got up and, as quietly as I could, packed my duffel bag. I couldn't go home. My parents were glad to get rid of me and the full moon was in two weeks, they much rather I transform somewhere other than home. They're terrified of me. So, I decided to walk through the Muggle barrier to a simple, inexpensive Muggle hotel to cry and live out the remainder of my lonely summer until school started.
I'm packin my bags cause I don't wanna be,
the only one who's drownin in their misery,
and I'll take that chance cause I just wanna breathe,
and I won't look back,
and wonder how it's supposed to be,
how it's supposed to be.
I silently crept through the house to the back door, which was always left unlocked. A foolish thing, I thought. But, nevertheless, it was to my advantage that night. I crept around the house and jumped onto the street. I had expected it to hurt, going through the barrier, but it didn't hurt me at all. I pressed on.
there's a prism by the window,
It let's the light leak in,
I wish you would let me,
You feel the water but do you swim?
I wondered, while I walked, whether Lily would like a guy like me. No, she was the sort of girl who went for looks, money, and charisma. She went for guys like James, even Sirius, but not me. Not poor, average looking, shy Lupin. I wondered if perhaps she did like me but was intimidated by my intelligence or use of big words. Maybe those thoughts just came from the side of my head begging for sleep. I wished I could show her I was just like her, that we needed each other.
and it's only me,
empty handed,
with a childish grin,
and a camera
I finally got to the hotel and checked in. I had a little Muggle money from my mum, who happened to be a Muggle. She had said it might come in handy since James lived so close to the Muggle world. I would have to thank her later.
I'm packin my bags cause I don't wanna be,
the only one who's drownin in their misery,
and I'll take that chance cause I just wanna breathe,
and I won't look back and wonder how it's supposed be
I spent the night crying myself to sleep. I didn't care about anything but Lily. I wished the night away, thinking if I came back with chocolates or flowers that she would choose me instead. Those thoughts were always shot down by the voice of reason with an arrow. "She'll never choose you", the voice would say over and over, "she loves James. You didn't even tell her you like her!" So I sat there, demoralizing myself all night. I must've fallen asleep eventually because I felt well rested in the morning. But I was not going back. I was through with the lovebirds.
Cause I'm packin my bags,
And I won't be back
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