Heaven Help Me (Prayer)
By:eScapefreak
When all hope is lost and you have nowhere left to turn you pray.
This is a mirror scene from the fourth season episode 'Prayer', John's point of view. I was inspired to write this when listening to 'Heaven Help Me' by Wynonna.
Dedicated to:
# For Analise, thank you for writing those beautiful stories in the true spirit of John and Aeryn.
# For Colly E of twinmuse, thank you for being so positive in the first ever public review of my work.
This is my second published fan fiction and second FarScape fic, but I stopped work on a Voyager fic to write it. All reviews are most welcome.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything FarScape, well except for my DVDs, posters, videos... okay a lot of stuff. Except for the things in my head I have no control over the characters or the show whatsoever. FarScape and its characters were created and controlled by others...
It cut me to the bone
But somehow I've held on
'Cause I could feel your touch
But Heaven help me
If I ever lose your love
'Cause you are the one light that shines on me
Without your love God knows where I'd be
Lost without a prayer
Somewhere way out there
My soul would turn to dust
Heaven help me
If I ever lose your love
Extract from 'Heaven Help Me.' From the album 'What the World Needs Now is Love' By Wynonna Judd.
Heaven Help Me (Prayer)
She was dead. They all said it. She would have gone down fighting but there was no way she would have survived this long. The Scarrans would have killed her by now. 'Well she would have fought, that was for sure. If she was able,' John thought despondently to himself as he wandered aimlessly through Moya's corridors. But Aeryn was alive.
He had shot the bi-loid Aeryn with Winonna after it had given him that 'what are you talking about look' when he asked her if the baby would be okay. John knew instantly this was not 'his' Aeryn. He had done the only thing he could. And now they all knew the Scarrans had Aeryn. Everyone else on Moya thought she had little chance of surviving. But John could feel it she was still alive.
All they knew was they were taking her to a Scarran base called Katratzi.
It had taken a deal with Scorpy for wormhole tech and a trip to unrealised bizarro Moya, but they had discovered the location of the secret Scarran base and were now headed to Katratzi. It was just all so big. Bigger than anything they had ever done before. To John there was only one plan of attack. 'Rescue Aeryn and the baby with her or die trying,' he thought to himself. But how?
John stopped his wandering when he realised where he was, the door to Pilot's den. He waved his hand over the sensor and walked in through the open door. Barely casting a glance at Pilot John dropped to his knees before his console. This was the last place he had been with her. Had held her in his arms, felt her kiss, heard her say 'I love you.' 'I love you Aeryn, so much,' John thought almost in reply to the echo of Aeryn's voice. John closed his eyes and tried to remember the sensations, the feeling of her silky black hair as it ran through his fingers, her scent when she rested her head on his chest, the sound of her soft laughter as they whispered to one another. He had wasted so much time denying his feelings for Aeryn and now so soon after he got her back she was gone.
Pilot looked down at Commander Crichton kneeling broken on the floor. He felt his friend's pain, sorrow, and helplessness. Words were not necessary at this time, each understood the feelings of the other, the love all on Moya have for Officer Sun. Pilot looked towards his friend knowing that he and Moya would do what ever was necessary to help John get Aeryn back.
John cast an anguished glance towards Pilot. Pilot's eyes moist with tears reflected John's sadness. He looked up into Pilot's face simply feeling the love, support and total sorrow coming from his friend until the pain overwhelmed him. John returned his glaze to the spot on the floor of the den where he had last seen her. John despaired. He was about to succumb to the desire to curl up in a ball on the floor when he felt a strange sensation and returned to his kneeling position right there in front of Pilot's console. His emotions were racing, he faced an impossible task to rescue Aeryn from the high security Scarran base, to save her life and in the process his. He didn't think he could go on without her. He had no idea how. It was hopeless.
Suddenly he was praying.
"God I love her so much," he burst out.
"Even when I was denying it she was all I could think of. Why? Why now, when I finally got her back? Why did you take her from me?" John yelled becoming angry.
"It's all my fault. She didn't want to go... why did I let her go? How am I going to get her back? It's too hard. I don't know what to do." He whispered slumping back down onto his heels.
"Please let her be alive. And the baby, it means so much to her. Oh God please don't let them hurt the baby. Hell I don't even know if it is mine! But I love them both so much. I don't even care if it is mine; it's a part of Aeryn, that's all that matters. Please, please God help me save them." John's tone turned from anger to honest prayer, supplication. "I love her. Oh Aeryn. God. Please help me. Heaven help me." Then with Pilot looking on in sorrow John was silent once more.
John sat there on his knees in the silence, his eyes closed, his kneeling frame shaking, taking small shallow breaths. After a few moments he suddenly spoke. "Thank You." He simply said inclining his head slightly upwards. He was on his feet and now looked towards Pilot with new hope, that unique glint in his eye. Pilot smiled back at his friend, he knew that look.
"Hey, D" John said into his comms.
"Yes Crichton," D'Argo replied somewhat hesitant at what he believed was an upbeat tone in John's voice.
"Do ya wanna come down and help me torture Scorpy some?" John asked his friend in a playful tone.
D'Argo hesitated, the stress of losing Aeryn had become too much for John. His friend had gone completely fahrbot. "Ah John, I don't think torturing Scorpius will get you any more information. He told us all he knows about Katratzi when you agreed to give him your wormhole knowledge. I know you want to hurt someone, but John we might need him when we get there," D'Argo explained.
"I know that D I just thought it might be fun," John replied a mischievous grin on his face as he headed towards his friends in Command.
"I've got a plan!"
THE END
A/N: Thanks everyone for reading. When I was writing this I kept coming back to a subsequent conversation between John and Aeryn in 'Bad Timing' so I thought I would include it here.
John: "You know what scares the hell outta me? From the first moment I laid eyes on
you... I could never see the end."
Aeryn: "What scares me...is I always could."
To all of you who will get to see ' The Peacekeeper Wars' soon I hate you all, I am so jealous. Well not really, maybe a little bit. I hope everyone enjoys it so much that the Powers That Be decide to make another series. Well here is hoping... God bless and remember to always reach for the stars.
eScapefreak.