By; Tenshi no Nanimo
I am not you—But you will not
Give me a chance,
Will not let me be me.
"How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from that midget?! Can't you understand that I don't want you to be even near them? Are you that dense?!" Bakura's voice was seething with anger. It was terrifying. I tried to stand tall and straight, but fear can clearly be seen in my eyes as I stand there shaking because of fear under his glaring eyes.
"Demo Bakura-sama, I just wish to stay with my friends! I just wanted to talk to them..." I didn't had the chance to finish my statement because Bakura punched me, making it hard to breathe.
"How many times do I have to remind you to never talk?!" He continued beating me while I was gasping for air. I was so used to his beatings that I just took all of his strikes without even shouting. Although my body is used to the pain, I never was able to get used to it emotionally. I laid there on the floor, never complaining but tears continued flowing from my eyes.
"Why can't you let me be me?" As I said that, he stopped with his actions and stared at me. That was the last thing I saw. I wasn't able to hear his reply because darkness was waiting for me. I gladly accepted it and fell in a deep slumber.
If I were you—But you know
I am not you,
Yet you will not
Let me be me.
"Look who it is? Pretty boy is passing here in a dark alleyway. I didn't know that he could stand the smell here." A group of bullies was taunting me. They kept staring at me, advancing towards me. Suddenly, someone grabbed me from behind and tied a rope around my hands. They started beating me but stopped.
"This boy really is pretty isn't he?" One of them said.
"He looks delicious too."
"Do you think we could rape him?"
Suddenly, I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't even aware that our mind link is open. I wasn't even aware that Bakura just appeared beside me. I was so scared that I closed my eyes then suddenly I heard someone shouting and falling to the ground. I slowly opened my eyes and was shocked to see the scene that greeted me. There on front of me was my Yami together with the man-eating bug. He killed everyone in the alleyway. I was so disgusted by the scene that I vomited.
"You're so weak Yadonushi! You can't even protect yourself from those weak thugs! How pitiful you can be!" He suddenly walked towards me. He started beating while complaining about how weak I am then he left. He left me there all alone, too weak to move, almost in the verge of death. I really thought that I was going to die so I escaped through the darkness again. I lost consciousness while thinking "Why can't you let me be me?"
You meddle, interfereIn my affairs
As if they were yours
And you were me.
"Goodnight Ryou." Marik said while turning away to leave. I was waving goodbye when he suddenly turned back again and kissed my cheek.
"I forgot the good night kiss." He said.
I was blushing there when he left. As I was about to open the door, someone grabbed me roughly by the wrists and dragged me inside my house. Everything was dark and it made me uncomfortable but it wasn't only the darkness that was making me fee afraid but also because of my other half's anger. This was the first time I saw him this mad.
"What were you doing?" Bakura asked me, voice ice cold and dripping with venom.
"I-I was just..." I stammered. His eyes were so cold that I couldn't even breathe. I couldn't speak.
"Answer me when I am asking you!" He grabbed me roughly and started shaking me violently. He continued shaking me until I felt the wall against my back. Swiftly, he grabbed my head and hit it against the wall. Blood dripped from my head and slashed against the wall. There was blood everywhere! He looked at me and stared until I was lying on the floor, staring at him too, asking him questions.
"You can't really accept me can you?"
You are unfair, unwiseFoolish to think
That I can be you,
Talk, act
And think like you.
I was lying on my bed, thinking about everything that my yami said. He said that I am only a thing that he needs in order to achieve his goal. I am nothing more than a thing for him. He even said that after he obtained all the millennium items, he'd kill me. I am nothing more than an object for him. I made up my mind.
I stood up grabbed a pen and paper and headed to the bathroom. I'm glad that he's not here right now. No one can stop me. I wrote something in the paper and looked for my knife. I placed the blade on top of my wrists and slowly slashed it. It was agonizing. I lied there, remembering everything he and I did. All the things when he was beating me and all the things when we were happy. Tears flowed from my eyes as I remembered him, my beloved for the last time before I fell into the abyss of darkness.
"Yadonushi! Come down here." Baura shouted. He suddenly felt uncomfortable and afraid. He headed to the bathroom. There he saw his light, broken and bathing on his own blood.
"Ryou!" Bakura shouted. He quickly checked Ryou's pulse and was happy that the hikari was still alive. He called the hospital and went back inside the bathroom. He noticed the paper that his hikari was holding and opened it.
Dear Yami,
You are so unfair! Why can't you answer my questions when I always answered yours. I hope that you are happy now that I am gone and I wish that you'd find the person that is right for you now that I, the obstacle is gone. I really hope that you'd be happy with your life. I just wanted you to know that I've forgiven you for everything that you did and that I love you and I always will. I hope that you'd answer my question: Why can't you let me be me? Just shout you answer and I promise you I'd hear it. Farewell Yami!
Yami Bakura cried for the first time in his life.
God made me me,
He made you you.
For God's sake
Let me be me.
I opened my eyes and was shocked to see my other half's face in front of me.
"Am I in heaven?" I asked him. Maybe this was God's gift to me...to be near my other half.
"No Ryou. You're still alive." He answered gently.
"Oh." It was only the answer I could give. Silence then surrounded us. Suddenly, I spoke.
"Why can't you let me be me?" I asked again. I really wanted to know the answer to the question that my other half always avoided. I have a strong suspicion that he'd answer it now.
"Because I was afraid that I'd fall in love with you." Was his short answer. I stared at him for a long time and tears started to gather in my eyes.
"I love you Ryou. Please forgive me." He said with tears in his eyes.
"I love you too Yami." We hugged each other and waited for darkness to come. I welcomed it with free arms knowing that the darkness loves me and that I'd be safe when I'm wrapped in its protective arms. Isn't that right my other half? My darkness and my beloved.