I'm an anime-lover. My country is in summer season (it's really hot!!) I'm near to be bored. I'm an SMJ fanatic… then I surfed at fanfiction.net. What more could you ask for?
Well, Hello… this is an SMJ fic. It's my first fanfic ever. It came out from my mind b'coz of boredom… sigh I hope readers would like it… (reviews… reviews… reviews…)
Thanks to my bestfriend, Avon for editing my… (can I call these) piece… (?) Ehehehe…
Setting: Otaru and Lorelei had a relationship… Lorelei died in an accident, living Otaru in guilt. The marionettes and Hanagata help him recover but it seems he won't tell why he can't. Lime's lost again her maiden circuit and decided not to come back either… she was hurt… just find it out...
DISCLAIMER: I don't own SMJ… Well, if I am… it's… wow…
The Longing Heart of A Marionette
Chapter One: See But Darkness
L I M E
I've lost it… I've lost it again…
To think I've been here before, now the second time… I reckon I would rather stay here forever than to be treated as if I'm nothing by him.
I know, things changed especially when you fell for the person you didn't ask for—or worst, facing the fact of losing the one you love.
Here I am again in this place, tears chasing down on my cheeks, hugging my knees close to my chest, feeling the fear and the hurt that I had received a while ago. When I first got here, I've made a decision of staying, but someone had helped me comprehend I must go back and surmount all the fears I shouldn't be feeling.
But now that Lorelei's gone, I don't have any reason to go back… even if Otaru would wish for it. I would rather stay here even if I have nothing to see but darkness, nothing to hear but deafening silence.
I had gathered all the memories why I am in this darkness again.
And I remember…
---------------------
It was one hot afternoon. I hear birds chirping to delight as they fly. The sun had a good night sleep the last night, I guess, giving me such scorching heat. But Bloodberry told me once that if the weather is as hot as like this, it might rain later. I don't care if the clouds would go nuts and cry, but I prefer looking for Otaru 'coz he didn't get home last night. We can't sleep, we were worried.
A new day is here, so good to start again for a change, and I don't see marks of a bad weather. Anyway, the heaven can cry anytime later, I thought.
"Now this time I must make a score for him to see his wide smile again!"
We were all anxious. We were used to see Otaru going home late at night, holding a bottle. I suspect it might be saki, I smelled he's always drunk. I know it's still hard for him to accept that Lorelei was gone. Yes, he found Lorelei stunning ever since he saw her portrait at the museum where he had found me the first time. Maybe he really loved her so much, 'coz I can see in his eyes the pain of Lorelei's death.
For all we know, Lorelei had died in an accident—an accident which made Otaru guilty somehow. That was six months ago… and until now… He felt he was so stupid for letting Lorelei leave him just like that.
No way can Otaru spill all the thoughts in his head to us, or even the main reason why it all had happened. We know he loved Lorelei—that is all we really know. From then on, he didn't utter a word that much. He would manage to stare at our ceiling for a whole day, or spend the hot afternoon watching the river, or go home late—worst, drunk.
All those new and abnormal routine is in him for the long six months… and still counting if he continues to do so. And we, Cherry, Bloodberry and Hanagata would do something to cheer him up. We always remind him that it wasn't his fault. Cherry would cook his fave food. Bloodberry would use Hanagata to let Otaru see her new fighting and kicking skills. That made Hanagata do stunts—well, no… forced stunts for Bloodberry.
And me? The only thing I could do is to follow wherever he goes. I really did nothing, I can say. I have no easy way to make him smile again.
I miss the old times we were happy, always laughing as if we won't be fooling around the next day. I miss how he chuckles, how he cracks jokes, how he places his hand over my shoulder and laughs like crazy. What I don't understand is that he seems to be avoiding me than the rest nowadays. It was unbearable for me, the fact that I secretly love Otaru.
I love Otaru so much, so much that whenever I see him grieving, it's like I'm the one who's hurting inside. I want to be part of his misery. I've never felt this stupid before. He only treated me as a crybaby, a sister and a pal… but I treated him as my only one… my only Otaru… Maybe I love Otaru more than I imagined and claimed it to be.
The first three months were tiring. Then all of them slowed down. Bloodberry is meeting a certain Akashi, whom she met before. Cherry volunteers to help taking care some android babies while Hanagata's busy putting up a new business.
I was the one left behind—still, watching over Otaru. Even though I can spend the rest of the day with my friends (rats), I feel the emptiness inside of me. I found myself looking for him, and then again falling for him just like before (maybe even more), wanting to see him curve a smile… just for me.
Now I know, Now I realize no one could ever replace Otaru for somebody else. I love him. Maybe if he knew, he might laugh at me. The others love him too. All in all, we love Otaru. But me… One time, he told me he loved me too, and he'll tell it also to Cherry, and to Bloodberry. From the start I knew it was only like that.
How he could possibly love a marionette like me? Like us? What hurts me so much is that I can't face the fact that I am only a replica of a woman… a total machine… that I don't fit for someone who is human. Otaru is a human. She also was… We already knew that. I should be happy for them… But I wish I could be happier if I'm human too myself.
And then my heart would ache—as if I really have one. Cherry says it's because we have this maiden circuit—as she calls it. I call it "heart" just like humans has their own, like maiden circuits. That makes us way different than the others. Well, I can't figure out the difference, anyway.
---------------------
All these thoughts were on my head at that time. And then I thought I lost track of time. The heat of the sun had gone, maybe Bloodberry was right. It was cloudy, and Otaru still hasn't shown up. Fear rises up on me. Something awful might have happen to him. He might go home soaking wet, I pictured. We were all distressed of the entire thing that might take place to him.
Bloodberry couldn't take it much longer. The rain started to pour the town.
"This isn't right anymore. I will go find him." She said, with a shaky voice.
"I'll go with you!" I pulled out two umbrellas in the drawer and gave one to her. I forgot another umbrella for Otaru so I gone and searched for another one.
"Good. Cherry, you stay here so that when he arrives; someone will be here to check what he needs."
"Okay, you two take care. The rain will come heavier this time." Cherry said, worry sketched all over her face.
"Let's go, Lime!" Bloodberry shouted as she was walking near the door.
"Coming!" I said.
We were about to leave when a strange sound knocked the door.
---------------------
to be continued…