A/N: Ok, since I've fallen awfully behind with this story, everyone who reviewed will now be in the story and is currently going to attend Open House (so you're not at the school except me, Breck, and PopcornLeader) and then you'll come in one by one or so. So, sorry, but other stories came up, but here it is! I didn't leave it by the wayside!!

Chapter Thirteen: Anatomy with Merry and Pippin and overcoming Addictions with Gollum (I've changed the title layout, so pah!)

ANATOMY with MERRY and PIPPIN

"All right, kiddies, we're gonna learn the basic anatomy of the human body. Master Meriadoc esquire is gonna teach you this. I'm just here for support and junk." Pippin says.

"Ok, kids, now let's see how much you know! The longest bone in the body is the..." Merry asks.

"Oh! I know! THE FEMUR!" Kid #2 says.

"Incorrect! It's actually the drinking bone." Merry says.

"The what?" ask the Kids.

"Pippin, should we strive to teach these simple-minded children anatomy?" Merry asks.

"Why, they're in dire need of it! Yes!" Pippin says.

"All right. This is basic anatomy. If you fail this, you are hence named 'More Dunce than Pippin'. And you don't want that!" Merry says.

"So what's this anatomy?" Asks Kid #4.

"The drinking bone's connected to the party bone, the party bone's connected to staying out all night long, she won't think its funny and you'll wind up all alone and the lonely bone's connected to the drinking bone." Merry says. (That's actually a song.)

"That makes so much sense!" Pippin sniffs.

"All right, I want you all to diagram the anatomy of the Hobbit body, and use the three new bones you've learned. And re-fill your Big Gulps with this Rohanic water." Merry says.

"What?" Ask the Kids.

"You heard him! Move, move move!"

Overcoming Addictions with Gollum

"What now?" asks Kid #2.

"Well, we've got DARE and overcoming addictions." Kid #5 replies.

"Are any of us addicted?" Kid #2 asks.

"I'm addicted to chocolate." Kid #4 says.

"Besides that. I mean, who here smokes pot?" Kid #2 asks.

Crickets: CHIRP! Chirp...

"Ok, it's proven!"

"Hey, at least it's not counseling! That was bloody hell!" Kid #3 screams.

"Got that right." Everyone says as they walk into the classroom, which smells slightly of fish and is very dark, with a little pool in the corner.

"Weird isn't it?"

Suddenly, Gollum pops in.

"Good day, preciousss. We'll ssstudy the finessst pointsss of how to overcome your addictionsss. Any quessstionsss?" Gollum asks.

"Uh, yeah, why are you wearing a ratty loincloth??" asks Kid #2.

"Becaussse, preciousss, we're forced to. Ssstupid Peter Jackssson!"

"Ok..."

"Anywaysss, let'sss ssstart, ssshall we? Now, let'sss go around the room and introduce ourssselvesss." Gollum says. "I'll ssstart. Hi, I'm Gollum. Now you all sssay, 'Hello, Gollum'."

"Hello, Gollum."

"All right, preciousss, sssometimesss I'm called Sssmeagol, and I'm a nice little hobbit who happened to have murdered hisss friend. Sssad, right? Anywaysss, my addiction isss the Ring. It'sss the preciousss! Mussst have it!! YESSS!!" Gollum screams.

"Dude, take a chill pill!" Kid #5 screams.

"Don't freak on us!" Kid #4 says.

"Sssorry, peoplesss. Anywaysss, let'sss move on. Next childrensss?"

"I'll go!" Kid #2 says. "Hi, I'm Kid #2."

"Hello, Kid #2."

"Ok, I'm really not addicted to anything. I like sugar, though. I really hate the Basketball coach, Boromir. And Aragorn. He's mean too." Kid #2 says.

"Well, finesss. Deny your addictionsss. DENIAL!" Gollum says.

Fortunately, the bell rings at that moment and everyone runs out.

A/N: Ok, now, review! Next will be computer and Math. A deadly combination.