Chapter Five: The Truth of the Matter and Secrets Told OR Nastily Ever After

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

-- "She Will Be Loved," Maroon 5

"I've had enough." Those words, and Pansy's tone, were enough to send chills down Draco's spine, for her knew that she meant it. He also knew that he had gone too far, but Pansy's outburst had maddened him. He wasn't mad at her; no, he was mad at Millicent. She had ruined something that could have been wonderful, ruined it with petty jealousy.

"Do you want to know the truth Draco? The real, honest-to-god truth, because I'm willing to give it to you." Draco nodded, not ready for words at the moment. "I'm sick and tired of you and your bloody annoying mouth talking about me as if I was a nuisance. No one really knows what it was I did for Voldemort, but what it was helped him a whole hell of a lot. "

"And what might that have been, Pansy?" Draco asked, that familiar edge seeping back into his voice. The initial shock of Pansy's tone had worn off, and he was now ready to face her head on.

"Do you remember, Draco, the Anima Exedo spell that Voldemort used to kill Dumbledore?" Pansy asked.

"Of course I do. I was there, wasn't I?"

"Well, I made it. Anima, Latin for "soul," and Exedo, Latin for devour. Do you know what that spell does, Draco? It's the equivalent of a Dementor's Kiss, so while it sucks out the soul it also rejuvenates the caster's soul. I developed it during 6th year." Pansy got it out all in one breath, and then continued. "And that's not the only spell I created for him, Draco. I've always been a staunch supporter of the Dark Lord and you know it! If I had been a nuisance, he would have killed me like he did your father."

There was no pain; her jab at his heart had hit steel instead of flesh. He didn't care about his father, not really. What he did care about, however, was this thing she had claimed to do. He had never really thought about who had created Anima Exedo, he had assumed that it was just another of the super-smart Granger-type death eaters who worked in Malfoy Manor.

He had never expected it to be the chubby, annoying little 6th year version of Pansy. "Well, expect the unexpected I guess," Draco thought, shifting from one foot to the other. His feet were beginning to grow tired, so he quickly moved over next to Pansy and sat on her bed. She followed his lead and sat down next to him.

"And how do I know that you're not lying to me, Pansy?" Draco asked, being extremely careful with his choice of words. He didn't really feel like having an even angrier Pansy on his hands than what he had right now.

"I don't know, but if you can't trust me after a month of being friends then I don't know how you'll ever be able to."

"What, I'm going to get a chance? You're not going to shun me for the rest of my life because Millicent Bulstrode decided to be a jealous slut?" Draco asked, careful to lay all the blame for the incident on Millicent, and rightfully so. He had had no intention of kissing the foul toad; he hadn't even gotten a chance to speak up in his own defense!

"No, I guess I won't," Pansy remarked, her voice taking on an edge of... something... something that he didn't quite recognize. It was some kind of powerful emotion, admiration perhaps? Devotion? He couldn't quite tell, but at the moment he was a little more preoccupied with her lips.

He had never quite noticed them before, not really. He had always known they were there (obviously), but it was only recently that he had actually noticed them. They were a tad bit too full, but it added an endearing quality to her face, one that he quite appreciated.

The urge to kiss her was so sudden that it almost made him fall over. What was even more sudden was his immediate reaction, which was to lean forward, closer to Pansy. Eventually, all of the space between them was gone, and nothing lay between them.

Kissing Pansy was like nothing he had ever experienced. He couldn't very well compare it to kissing Millicent, because that hadn't really been a kiss in the first place. He also couldn't compare it to the kisses those of his "slutty conquests," as Pansy had put it, because those kisses had simply been in the midst of a haze of alcohol and amazement at being a star.

This kiss however, this kiss was much more. It was so many different sensations that Draco barely had time to think about it, let along actually believe it was happening. Every place that their bodies touched, which was mostly just lip-to-lip and hands to shoulders, tingled. It was pure heaven, and Draco didn't want it to ever stop.

But it did, as do all things wonderful. But, the ending of this kiss was not so wonderful as Draco had expected it to be. Pansy pulled away so suddenly that he almost smashed right into her as her presence left his side. Within another instant, she was standing over him, a look of pure and utter disgust covering her face. "Oh dear," Draco thought, "This isn't good."

Pansy was mad. Pansy was steaming. Pansy was so steaming mad that she was surprised her brain hadn't melted from all of the pressure in her head. Oh yes, the kiss had been wonderful, much better than she had ever imagined. And yet, she knew it could have been better still, if the underlying knowledge that he didn't fancy her hadn't kept coming into her head.

He doesn't really want to be doing this Pansy, or He's just caught up in the moment Pansy, or even You're just another one of his many conquests Pansy. What she had wanted to say to those voices was, "Sod off," but she had known, deep in her heart, that those voices were right. Draco had never, didn't, and would never love her, and she couldn't very well kiss him if he didn't love her.

She had pulled away abruptly, and had reacted so quickly that she barely noticed what she had done. Within a few seconds, she was looming over Draco's startled figure, and she was sure that the angry expression on her face rivaled in intensity that of Voldemort.

"How dare you!" she screeched, her voice a lot louder than she, or obviously he (since he covered his ears with his hands), was used to. The stunned expression on his face also showed this.

"What do you mean, how dare you? I kissed you, is that so wrong?" Draco asked. Pansy felt her anger growing. He didn't know what he had done was wrong? What kind of sick, twisted man was he? Even a Death Eater knew that playing with another Death Eater's emotions in such a way was only for Voldemort to do.

"You bloody well know what you did, you slimy bastard! You kissed me, that's what! You know how I feel about you, and yet you still continue to play with my emotions as though they were a little rag doll!"

"Play with your emotions? Bloody brilliant deduction that was, Pansy. I never knew that kissing someone you loved was playing with their emotions," Draco responded. He had bounced back quickly, as he always seemed to.

"But you don't love me Draco! That's the problem, you know! You just kissed me to, well, I don't know what you kissed me, but you bloody well knew that it was toying with my emotions!"

"Pansy, you talk about emotions as if I don't have any! Have you ever thought that perhaps I love you as well? Have I ever said to you outright that I do not love you?" When Pansy looked at him quizzically, he continued. "No, I haven't. So how do you know that I don't feel that way towards you?"

"Because you hate me," Pansy whispered feebly. She wasn't going to give up without a fight, and she certainly wasn't going to let on that Draco had a point. A valid point, and one that she would love to believe in. But, she knew that it wasn't true.

"I don't hate you Pansy! Why would I have spent nearly every waking moment with you for the past month if I hated you?" Draco asked, the pitch of his voice rising dangerously high.

"But you've always hated me," Pansy said, sounding stricken and alone. "Ever since 1st year, Draco. Ever since you realized that I was the Parkinson who you would be marrying. Ever since then, you've hated me. Don't deny it, because I know it's true."

"Yeah Pansy, of course I hated you, just like I hated everyone else. But I don't hate you any more, do I? Do you really think I would kiss someone like that if I hated them?" Pansy quirked an eyebrow, telling him that she did. "Honestly Pansy, your opinion of me has always been so low."

"And your opinion of me has always been lower." She wasn't going to let that go, was she?

"During Hogwarts, yes. Now, however, I see you in a completely different light."

"And what light would that be?" Draco rolled his eyes, stood up, and pushed Pansy against the wall.

"You're going to be the death of me one day, Pansy. What light do you think I'm talking about, you daft prat?" When he received no answer, he continued. "The kind of light that Potter sees that Weasel girl in, the kind of light that Weasley sees Granger in, and the kind of light your parents saw each other in. Now do you know what kind of light I'm talking about?"

"No." Pansy knew that he could see recognition in her eyes, but she wanted to make him say it. She wouldn't really believe it until the words came flying out of his mouth. And then she would catch them, just like he had caught the Golden Snitch, and she would put them in her heart so she would never forget.

Draco frowned slightly, but then smiled when it dawned on him what she was trying to do. "Honestly, you're do slow to let go of my hatred for you, Pansy. I would almost think that you thought of it as a safety net, something, one thing, unchanging in your life." When Pansy nodded, he realized that he was right.

"Please don't try so hard to dismiss my love," he whispered in her ear, his breath on her skin causing shivers to run up and down her spine. She smirked a little and turned his face so it would meet her own. She wasn't going to try so hard any more.