"Hello?"
"Hello, does Harry Potter still live there?"
"Yeah."
"Oh... do you know where he is right now?"
"I do."
"Erm, well, where?"
"Oh, you wanted to know where."
"I did. That's why I asked."
"You didn't."
"I did."
"Not the first time."
"Stop being a jerk. Where is he?"
"Well, right here."
"So... this is Harry?"
"It was last time I checked. Who is this?"
"Hermione Granger."
"Oh. My. God. I thought you moved to Australia."
"I did."
"Oh, wow. How are things, Hermione?"
"Well, not so good, to be honest."
"Oh? How's your marriage to Fred?"
"Erm. Bad."
"Bad?"
"I think we're splitting up."
"You think?"
"Harry, things have been so bad between us recently. And I'm sick."
"Give it time. It'll get better."
"You sound like my mother."
"I'm serious, Hermione. Everyone always thought you two made a great couple."
"I never did."
"Hermione..."
"Don't think about lecturing me. I'm serious."
"I don't doubt that."
"I'm really bloody serious. I wish I'd never married him in the first place. Why did I marry him in the first place?"
"You're in love with him."
"I'm not."
"What? Hermione, don't be stupid."
"I'm not being stupid. I was in love with him. And I do love him in a sense... but it's all... different. I've fallen out of love with him."
"True love is forever."
"So it wasn't true love then."
"I never said that-"
"I never said you did. But it's true."
"Hermione..."
"Harry, I want to come home."
"Home? Where are you? Are you not at home?"
"Well, I'm at my house-"
"So you are home."
"- but that wasn't the home I meant."
"Erm.... Hermione, I don't get it."
"What don't you get?"
"Where's your home?"
"...."
"Hermione?"
"Well... it's kind of..."
"Kind of where?"
"Harry... my home... is with you."
"...."
"Great. Bloody brilliant. I wish I'd never said it now."
"No... it's just that..."
"See? I've spoilt everything."
"I... I... what do you mean, your home is with me?"
"Well, think about it."
"I am. And I'm drawing a blank."
"You're so stupid, Harry."
"I'm not. Tell me what you're on about."
"You're making this so difficult. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut?"
"Hermione, you've lost me."
"I lost you five years ago when I married Fred, Harry."
"Hermione... bloody explain!"
"God, you really are quite dense."
"Hermione..."
"Okay, okay. Erm. Right. Well, my heart doesn't belong to Fred. It kind of... belongs to you."
"Kind of?"
"Don't mock. You sort of stole it."
"That wasn't too nice."
"Harry, be serious. This is hard."
"Mmm."
"You could sound slightly more interested. I'm baring my heart here."
"The one I stole?"
"Harry..."
"Okay, okay. But I still don't get you."
"Dear God. I'm not saying it. Let me put it another way. You have my heart. But I want you to keep it."
"..."
"Harry, you're the reason I know I don't love Fred."
"Don't blame me for your marital problems."
"I'm not, idiot. I don't want to be with Fred. I want to be with you."
"Erm. What?"
"I want to be with you."
"..."
"This is so bloody embarrasing."
"Well. It's kind of funny."
"Erm... how?"
"Because I feel the same way."
"And that makes it funny how?"
"Well. I knew already you felt the same."
"You knew that's what I was trying to say?"
"Erm. Yes."
"Why did you-?"
"To imagine you blushing. I love it when you blush."
"..."
"Are you blushing?"
"Yes."
"Goody."
"So..."
"So...?"
"Where do we go from here, Harry?"
"I think you need to come home."
"Yes."
"I'll be waiting."
"I won't keep you waiting too long."
"Good."
"Well... goodbye."
"For now."
"Yes. For now."
"Bye."
"Bye, Harry. And..."
"And?"
"Thanks."
"For what?"
"Your heart."
"No problem. Well..."
"See you soon. Bye."
"Hermione-"
"What?"
"I... love you."
"Good God, I thought you'd never say it. I love you too, Harry, you plonker."
"That's nice."
"It is really. And kind of funny."
"Don't mock, Hermione."
"Hypocrite. Well, goodbye."
"Bye, Hermione."