Suguru dressed himself in a flash and left the house even before Ryuichi had awoken. He felt sore all over and he hadn't stopped bleeding from his abused entrance. His stomach lined with bruises and his sides were imprinted from Ryuichi grasping onto his hips as he thrust into him at that violent rate. Sobbing, Suguru ran and ran until he could run no longer. His mind practically shut down. He didn't know if he wanted to be with friends and explain what happened or if he wanted to be alone. His limbs became weak and numb in no time. He stumbled, but was able to lean onto a wall before he fell. He paused to catch his breath.

"I shouldn't have gone to Sakuma-san's! I should have stayed with K! Damn it all!"

He collapsed to his knees willingly, sobbing in his hands. Ryuichi's stench still filled his nostrils and his solid kisses continued to linger on his lips.

He had never thought of Ryuichi in that way, and that made him feel dirty all over. He had always heard of this happening to kids, but he never thought he of all people would be the next victim.

Confused and scared, he stood up and ran non-stop home. Luckily, no one was there. He threw himself in the house and ran immediately to the bathroom, sniffling and trying to see through blurred vision. He tore off his clothes in any which way he could and turned the shower on as hot as it could possibly go.

"I must get the dirt off," he whispered in a cry, looking around to see what he could use. Opening the cabinet beneath the sink, he pulled out a wire brush and stepped inside the scalding hot shower, instantly starting to cleanse himself the hard way. The hot water sprayed down on his shoulders, turning them red on the spot and would turn into blisters in just a few short moments. He cried loudly as he scraped the skin free from his arms. No words escaped his lips, just loud cries of determination. He felt no pain, only the joys of coming closer to his goal.

Blood dripped from the deep scratches as he continued to scrub his hardest.

"Oh god," he whispered as he felt a trifle dizzy. It wasn't long before he ended up unconscious at the bottom of the tub.

__________________________

"You were right Mrs. Seguchi, it appears, from the autopsy, that Seguchi Tohma-san was shot. Now, we don't know if it was a self-inflicted wound or not, but—"

"My husband wouldn't kill himself," she said, still disturbed about the whole issue. She was more disturbed with the fact she didn't know what was going on. "There was blood on the railing. The same railing he fell over!" she declared loudly, standing.

"And was it there when you went back, Mrs. Seguchi?" the cop asked, a little fed up with her ranting and raving.

"No, but I do have a witness! My brother was with me!"

The cop sighed. "Listen, I know you're a little...shaken up here with the death of your husband, but—"

"Do you even KNOW who he was?!" Mika asked loudly, slamming both hands down on the desk before her. "He was part of Nittle Grasper! He had no reason in the world to commit suicide!"

The cop rubbed his face. "I'm very well aware of who he was, Mrs. Seguchi, but perhaps you didn't know him as well as you think you did."

Mika's face formed into a saddened frown.

"The gun was in his hand when we found him off the bridge. He shot himself in the heart and fell over. If a murderer was involved, I highly doubt the gun would have still been sealed in your husband's own hand." Teardrops fell from Mika's eyes. "That still doesn't explain the missing blood," she said in a low tone. "It's almost like someone went back to cover it up."

The cop stood. "Good day, Mrs. Seguchi. I big you farewell."

He gave a slight bow, then went off elsewhere.

It didn't take Mika long to walk on foot where they found her husband's body. The cement was still stained with his blood, making sobs escape her lips.

"Tohma...oh why would you do this to me?! What did I do wrong?"

Hearing something faint, almost like a chuckle from atop the bridge, she looked up to the same place Tohma fell from and shielded her eyes from the sun just in time to see a head disappear from sight.

_____________________

"Are you okay?" Hiro asked Shuichi as they got out of his apartment to walk around and get some fresh air.

"I'm not afraid Hiro, if that's what you mean," Shuichi whispered.

"You know, maybe it's just a fluke! I don't see any changes in you. Well, just your personality, but...we all have a reason to be saddened now."

Shuichi shook his head slowly. "I don't know about that. I mean, I used to worship Tohma Seguchi, but then he became very cold towards me, so I don't know what to feel."

"Hmm."

"After I get my strength back, I'm going back to Yuki."

Hiro knew this was coming sooner or later. His heart sank.

"Of course you are," he muttered. "Shuichi, haven't you even thought about that? You wouldn't be in this situation right now if it weren't for him! Stay with me. Don't go back. He'll never love you like you want."

Like he expected, Shuichi's glare was forced upon him.

"I don't remember asking for your opinion. I love him. That's all that matters. I need to spend time with him before I'm six feet under."

Hiro didn't want to start a fight with his friend and that's exactly what would happen if he kept going. He concluded it with a sigh.

"You're right...I'm sorry. I was wrong."

Shuichi said nothing more and continued walking. Hiro hated to keep being reminded that his friend was going to be worm food at such a young age.

They had gotten no further than a few feet away when Hiro's cellular phone rang. Raising his eyebrows he gathered it in his hands. Who would be calling him at this time of the day? Aiyaka wouldn't be calling him for another few hours yet.

"Nakano-"

"No time to explain, get your ass down here, Nakano!" a booming voice demanded, interrupting his famous greeting.

Hiro quickly picked up the frightened voice of K. The voice was so loud it was heard by Shuichi, causing him to stop and look curiously back at Hiro.

"K? What is it?" Hiro questioned, exchanging glances with Shuichi.

"Just get down here! I'm at the hospital with Sakano-san!"

Just as Hiro went to speak again, the phone line clicked in his ear. Hiro disconnected.

"What happened? What is it? Did they find out about me?" Shuichi asked in one breath.

Hiro squared his shoulders. "I...have no idea what's going on. K's requested that we go there."

During the way, they couldn't think of anything that was going wrong. Nothing seemed plausible. Guess they would have to wait and find out.

When they got there, it wasn't hard to point out K and his outrageous height. Sakano was beside him, shaking like a leaf. The two entered, looking as dumb as ever.

"What's the big idea, scaring us like this?" Hiro asked, furrowing his eyebrows at K.

K looked like he had been crying just recently, shutting Hiro up permanently. All he could do was utter sounds, mouth agape. He had never cried before, not even when they found out Tohma had died.

Sakano on the other hand, always cries over everything, so that wasn't anything new.

"What...happened?" Shuichi asked, speaking for Hiro looking back and forth from K to Sakano.

"Are you two here to visit Miss Fujisaki too?" a nurse asked solemnly, approaching them.

Hiro and Shuichi's eyes gaped. Hiro was still unable to find his voice, and, at the time, Shuichi had too.

"Yes, they are," K answered.

"You may go in now, but two at a time. He's still recovering from the shock. We don't want to excite him too much."

K nodded. The nurse departed.

"What happened to Suguru?" Shuichi blurted.

K said nothing, just closed his eyes.

"Tell me, dammit!"

K took in a deep breath and gave his answer on the exhale.

"They think he tried to commit suicide. He's suffering from second-degree burns on the surface of his arms and has minor cuts and scratches everywhere else."

Both boys felt their limbs grow numb. Hiro's mouth dried out instantly.

"But...why?!" Shuichi asked, getting up in K's face.

"Because he misses Tohma, it's obvious," Hiro said in a choked whisper. "He was his only living relative, the only one who ever understood him."

Shuichi looked shocked. "What are you saying, Hiro? We understood him just fine!"

Hiro shook his head sadly. "No we didn't. We never took him seriously. We goofed off, fucked around, and he was the only one who believed in the group after awhile. I don't know about you, but I'm going to see him."

Hiro left. Shuichi followed afterwards, jogging to catch up. Getting to the last room on the left, Suguru laid down, arms wrapped up in gauze pads. He was only hooked up to one machine, which was a good sign, a machine that gave him a liquid painkiller.

He was plenty awake and looking at them when they entered. The look on his face was disturbing and frightening. It scared them both dramatically.

"Suguru...are you alright?" Hiro asked, sitting beside him, resting his hand on the roof of his.

Suguru couldn't meet his eyes. He was relieved to have his friends with him now, but felt embarrassed at the same time.

"What happened to you?"

Suguru stayed silent. He knew what happened. He REMEMBERED every horrifying second in Ryuichi's household. When he came to in the cold shower, he panicked and rushed to get help right away. He was in a house of pain and desperate for something to cure it.

"You can trust us. We won't say anything if that's what you want, Suguru." Suguru nodded almost unnoticeably. "I wanted to wash away the dirt," he voiced low, mostly mouthed. "I wasn't clean."

Hiro and Shuichi exchanged frowns.

"What do you mean?" Hiro questioned, rubbing his hand in circles over his. Suguru choked back tiny sobs. "Suguru?"

"I want Tohma!" he cried out of the blue, making Shuichi and Hiro jump backwards a few inches. "Where is he? I want my cousin! I need him!"

This time, their eyes did meet. Suguru looked horrified, but that didn't compare to the looks on Shuichi and Hiro's faces.

"Suguru..."

"Get him!" he cried, trying to break out of Hiro's struggle to keep him down on the bed. "I won't talk to you!"

Suguru's outbursts had reached the ears of a lingering nurse and they were asked to leave immediately, all questioned unanswered.

Hiro felt most awful.

"What did I do?" he asked no one in particular while in the waiting room. "Did I hurt him?"

Shuichi rubbed his back. "He's just scared, Hiro. He lost the one person he loved more than anything on this entire planet. I wouldn't be surprised if he was seeing things or thinking suicide."

Hiro deeply sighed, running his fingers through his hair, thinking profoundly.

"I don't know. Suguru's always been the sane one among the lot of us as far as I'm concerned. Something had to have caused him to go this far. Remember him that day we found out about Tohma's death, Shuichi? When he was talking to me? He showed his emotions, but I could definitely tell that suicide was the last thing on his mind. Someone drove him to do this. I don't know what or who exactly, but I'm going to get to the bottom of it."