Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me. Idea/format doesn't belong to me. Is there anything that belongs to me?!?!?! Um....nope!

A/N: Idea/format belongs to the lovely Kielle....and the characters belong to the riveting J.K. Rowling.

A/N2: This is dedicated to Kielle for the awesome parody she wrote: Nine Men and a Little Lady. Hope it meets your expectations....

Warning: Bashing of Mary-Sues. Don't like, don't read. Also a bit o slash of the Harry/Draco variety. Meant to be fun...don't take it seriously...would you like a cuppa tea, luv?

Hermione's Diary

Hogwarts Express, September 1st

Honestly! Even though it is extremely improbable for Hogwarts to have an exchange student transfer here from America/Japan/France/Bulgaria, it appears that we have one. The exchange student, obviously a seventh year like us, has long blonde/black/pink/silver/red/blue wavy hair that is soooo silky and in lovely condition. Of course she can't have bushy hair like me. And her figure is quite voluptuous and perfect with generous breasts and an extremely thin waist--even though she eats all the sweets she wants. And no exercise! How does she do it? Phft... Ron looks at her as if she was a huge chocolate frog...if only we were so lucky.....

Ron's Journal

Hogwarts Express, September 1st

Blimey! Bloody gorgeous girl! Wonder if she's taken? Mmmm.... chocolate frog.....drools

Ginny's Diary

Hogwarts Express, September 1st

Must. not. pass. out. Brr! After my very horrible experience with diaries, you'd think I'd learn my lesson. But noooooo... my psychiatrist thinks writing in one would be a good way for me to get over my fear of-- shhh! don't say it!--diaries. Ahhhhhh!!!!!!! The horror!!!! Hmm? Oh, poor Elaine or is it Draconia... or maybe it was Brianna? It seems that she too was possessed by Tom several years ago. What?! Oh, no sister. The whole Getting-Possessed-By-Lord-Voldemort-AKA-Tom-Riddle is MY gig. Go find your own!

Harry's Journal

Beginning of the Year Feast, September 1st

Well, that was interesting. I thought that Lorelei--or is it Destiny?-- would be placed in Gryffindor, but it seems as if the Hat decided to put her in Slytherin. But it did take several hours for the Hat to come to that conclusion. Huh? What's that blond/brunette/whatever the weird hair colored people are called/redhead doing?!?! Everyone knows Draco's mine! After all, we found out that we were hopelessly in love last year and had been together ever since. It's a good thing Draco's gay or he might have fallen in love with her....

Draco's Diary, er, Journal

Potions Class, September 26th

I can't believe she's been placed in Gryffindor! Oh wait...I can. If that girl flirts with MY guy one more time...I'll sabotage her potion. Or have Crabbe and Goyle beat her up. Wait...they began to follow her around instead of me....Blast you Dumbledore's granddaughter! Or was it Voldemort's niece/daughter/sister? Grr! Make up your bloody effing mind!

Hermione's Diary

Arithmancy class, October 12th

ARGH!!!!!!!!!! How can she be in twenty different classes and maintain perfect marks?!?!?! She's even got better marks than me! Me, Hogwarts genius! The smartest witch in the whole flippin' school! But noooo, she's now the smartest witch. I swear on Merlin's grave that if she beats me in marks one more time, she's going to be cat food! Isn't that right, Crookshanks? coos What a good half kneazle!

Professor Flitwick's Journal

After Charms Class, October 25th

By Merlin! Tranquility/Hope/Chastity/Liberty can do all of the charms to pass her NEWTS right now! I've never had a perfect student like her before! She's even better than Hermione! Too bad she's Draco's illegitimate cousin...or was it Harry's long lost sister? I'm so confused!

Hagrid's Journal

COMC class, December 18th

How strange... th' Gryffindor an' Slytherin seventh years were studyin' dragons an' it appears tha' th' new girl--Harriet or sumfing--can talk t' animals. It was th' strangest thing. I think th' girl was part unicorn/dragon/fairy/elf to be abl' to do tha'. Maybe I should talk t' 'Arry? He looks a bit down....

Snape's Journal

After Potions, December 22nd

I. will. not. murder. her. Trying to take over MY job as Potions Master, eh? Ha! As if! Being a Potions Master takes more than looking pretty and making potions! It takes finesse! So what if she's my sister? Or was she my niece? Or daughter? She is verrryy pretty....no! Must. not. be. taken. by. her. charm. Bloody h will I be committing incest if I fall in love with her?

Dumbledore's Journal

Office, January 13th

Hohohoho! Having It here is making for a fun year....I wonder what will happen next?

Harry's Journal

Boys' Dorm, January 31st

Oh bollocks! It seems Trelawney has come up with a new prophecy concerning Tania. Er...I think that's her name....Anyways, it seems as if Lucinda is the one who has to go to Voldemort and weaken him so I can kill him. It seems as if she's way more powerful than me. After all, she is a Seer/Healer/Mage and/or part unicorn/dragon/fairy/elf and/or Voldemort/Dumbledore/Snape/Mine/Draco's sister/daughter/granddaughter/niece/cousin so of course she's way stronger than me. At least I have Draco.....

Ron's Journal

Dinner, February 14th

Heh...Valentine's Day. Think Marion/Drusilla/Ashley will like the chocolates I got her? Huh? Why is 'Mione glaring at me? Oooohhh...chocolate frogs...drools

Mary Sue's Diary

Gryffindor/Slytherin's Chambers, February 14th

Like, since I'm the descendant of Godric/Salazar, like, I get to have his room! Oooooh. Lookie! Like, I got, like, sooooo many chocolates! It's, like, so hard to be, like, perfect! After all, there's, like, no one like me! I wonder who I should, like, have for my boyfriend. Oh, the, like, tragedy of my, like, life! My life had been, like, soooo bad! It's a good thing, like, I'm, like, sooo perfect or, like, I wouldn't have, like, moved on with, like, my life!

Ginny's Diary

Potions Class, March 28th

That, that, that evil wench! Just because she was abused/orphaned/despised in the past doesn't make her sadder than me! I was the one who was possessed! Not her! Me! Where's my sympathy?!

Random Kid's Journal

Under the table in the Great Hall, April 11th

Everyone lurves Elizabeth! Everyone lurves Elizabeth! Everyone lurves Elizabeth! Everyone lurves Elizabeth! Everyone lurves Elizabeth! Everyone lurves Elizabeth! Everyone lurves Elizabeth! Everyone lurves Elizabeth! Everyone lurves Elizabeth! Everyone lurves Elizabeth!

Hermione's Diary

Transfiguration Class, May 28th

THAT. IS. THE. LAST. STRAW. I didn't do anything when she defeated me in Charms, etc. but when she beats me in Transfiguration....she's going down! I'm sure Draco would help me, after all, she has been after Harry for a while. Maybe Ginny would like to take her frustrations out on her as well....

Draco's Journal--not Diary! and Ginny's--shudder--Diary

Slytherin Boys' Dorm and Gryffindor's Girls' Dorm, June 16th

Plan in motion. Georgia--or whatever her name is-- is going down.

Ron's Journal

Platform 91/2, End of the Year

Noooooo!!!!!!!!!! Oh the horror!!!!!!!!!!!! Perfect, lovely, ravishing, bloody hot Victoria was accidentally pushed and ran over by Hogwarts Express! Oh woe is me!!!! Is that a chocolate frog? drools

Hermione's, Ginny's, and Draco's Diary (Bollocks...fine, it's a diary! Happy?)

Platform 91/2, End of the Year

Mission completed.

Finis

This amusing--as if!--production was written by me. Tell me if you enjoyed it! Ta!

Do remember to review... pretty please? puppy dogs eyes