Authors note: Thanks for your reviews! I'm glad you weren't as disappointed in that chapter as I was. I hope this one ends up being longer and more detailed. Harry starts his training and a whole bunch of stuff happens!
Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.
Chapter Thirteen: Misery
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I lay on my back, watching the top of my bed intently. My glasses lay somewhere beside me, causing my vision to heavily blur everything it saw. There was a small clash of lightening as the first storms of October began to strike Hogwarts.
A small hand came to my forehead and brushed away some of my hair. I closed my eyes tightly; not wanting to shed anymore tears in front of my friends. I was showing weakness, something Harry Potter shouldn't show.
"H-Harry?" The small voice said softly, stroking my forehead, lovingly.
I felt glasses being slid onto my nose and I turned my head to face Hermione, who was sitting on the edge of my bed, along with Ron who looked extremely worried.
I turned my head back towards the wall, the tears brimming my eyes. I was afraid to talk, to let them know how much I was hurting.
"Harry, what's wrong?" She asked again, her other hand squeezing Ron's tightly.
My hand reached up to wipe my eyes. "Nothing." I said softly.
My hand trailed back down slowly, reaching down across my chest where my heart was beating furiously, angry with me for letting go of everything. Angry with me for not letting Draco know how I felt. Angry that he died and that he left me.
The truth was, I felt absolutely miserable. Hermione was still very much shook up about Draco's death and I was asking for her pity. Slowly I turned around completely and sat up on my bed, throwing on a shirt.
"My training starts today." I stated worriedly, my voice coming out high-pitched.
Hermione nodded, her hand once again reaching up to my forehead. "Yes, but are you sure you're all right?"
"Yes." I said grabbing black pants and a tie that I slid around my neck. "I'm fine." My voice was matted and slurred with tears.
Ron looked at me unconvinced. "Harry, Dumbledore told us you could start later, if you're not feeling well."
I combed my hair, ruffling what was ruffled. "No, I'm going." I said, almost irritated.
Ron was about to speak again, worry clearly shown in his eyes when Hermione stopped him. At least she understood I needed something to keep my mind of this tragedy.
When I reached the Gryffindor Common Room, it was as cheery as always. I stumbled down the stairs, wondering what the Slytherin Common Room would be like. Would they even care?
My mind flashed back to the day I found out Draco was gone forever. The Slytherin table was half sobbing and half outraged. Especially Millicent Boulstrode and Blaise Zabini. Though, I couldn't help myself to remembering Pansy with that satisfied smirk on her face. It was almost as though she was happy about his death. It was true, Slytherins were incredibly cruel.
Some of them at least...
When I reached the large area where Dumbledore had told me my training would be held, I cringed. Inside there were thousands of mirrors, barrels, spinning objects and pieces of cloth. In the middle stood Dumbledore, his robes not bright and cheery but dark navy blue. He gave me a smile while folding his hands neatly by his side.
"Good Morning, Harry." He said, looking at me intently.
"Morning, Professor." I said, choking on my words.
He gave me concerned look before smiling once again. "Today we will begin you're training in detecting magic." He said cheerfully.
I nodded and he beckoned me to follow him to the table where the pieces of cloth lay neatly side-by-side. Slowly he took off my glasses and tied a deep green one around my eyes, blinding me.
"Detecting magic can be either very easy or very difficult." Started Dumbledore, his hand leading me to another corner of the room.
"I want you to look deep inside yourself Harry." He said as my eyes moving uselessly underneath the blindfold. "Follow the beating of your heart."
I swallowed and shut my eyes tightly. Following the beating of my heart wasn't too hard, considering nowadays it was always drumming loudly in my ears. Slowly it started to increase speed and grow louder, echoing slowly in my ears.
Dumbledore's voice hardly made it through the loud drumming. "Now Harry, once you've followed it, you should see a thread of glowing magic. I suspect you can feel your magic whenever you cast a spell. This is your source of magic. If it's glowing brightly it means you're using magic at this exact moment, if it's dull and thin then you're not using magic at all."
An image formed in my head. I saw a thread of green magic that was completely dull. "It-it's dull." I managed, my breath coming in short gasps.
Dumbledore nodded and led my hand so that it was pointing straight ahead of me. "I have cast a spell on one of these 20 barrels here. I want you to move you're hand around until you see the thread glowing."
I moved my hand slowly until finally the image started to glow. I closed my eyes tightly and focused my hand on the barrel I suspected the spell to be hidden in. Suddenly, I felt the usual surge of my own magic through my veins accompanied by something stronger. Dumbledore's magic.
"This one." I breathed, the thread starting to flicker excitedly in my head.
Slowly the blindfold was taken off my eyes and I saw the barrel I had chosen was glowing white. Dumbledore smiled at me and nodded.
"Now that the basics are over, lets begin on the mirrors."
I took a deep breath to slow the drumming of my heart as I followed Dumbledore towards the mirrors that were in the other corner of the room.
When I arrived back in the common room after my huge lesson, I was drained of all my power. The training was harder then I had ever expected it to be. Sweat clung to my hair in wavy, damp strands. I leaned my head back and sighed. I hadn't gotten too far in my training, I was actually behind. I had only learned the basics, as Dumbledore called them, Why? Because my mind was elsewhere.
Thinking about things I hated to think about.
I slumped on the couch and watched the fire. These hated things always included Draco. Especially one question that was always prickling so close to the surface of my skin, itching to be asked.
How exactly did Draco die?
I wanted to ask so badly, but I was afraid of the answers...afraid of the nightmares that would come with them.
My mind seemed to get the better of me as it started thinking of all the possibilities. I saw the image of Draco lying lifeless on the floor after being hit with the killing curse; I saw his face twisted in pain after being tortured with crucio. I saw him dieing in accidents of all possible kinds.
Slowly I scampered out of the portrait hole. I needed to find out, and I needed to find out now. No matter the consequence, the life I was living now was completely unbearable. It was like living without a soul.
Without a heart.
Dumbledore was sitting in his office, scribbling on a piece of parchment furiously. I watched him for a moment, flushing at the fact that I had just barged into his area without so much as a greeting.
"Harry, I would have thought you'd be too exhausted to even move by now." Said Dumbledore, without looking up, his voice edged with amusement.
I cleared my throat and walked towards the desk he was lingering behind. My mind seemed to be swelling with regret and embarrassment, though my heart swelling with need and hunger.
"I've come for..." I let my voice trail off, giving me a chance to think about what exactly I had planned to say to the wise man. "I've come for an explanation." I stated simply, though my eyes were reflecting worry and discomfort.
Dumbledore's eyebrows creased together and he looked up, for the first time, from his parchment. He put his quill neatly on his desk and folded his hands, staring at me. "Explanation?" He asked, his voice bubbling with wonder.
I managed to nod, my throat dry and my head starting to ache. His eyes studied me closely before he continued.
"What kind of explanation, Harry?" He asked, his voice hitting my eardrums painfully.
"I—" I stared directly into his eyes, almost with confidence. "I want to know..." I paused, my throat clogging up again, blocking my voice from escaping. "How D-Draco—"I gazed at him, hoping he understood. Saying died would make it so final, so painful to my heart.
Dumbledore, knowing all, understood. "Harry, why exactly would you want to know about this horrific piece of news?"
My head fell to look at the floor, concentrating on my shoelace. "Curiosity." I said, quietly.
Dumbledore's eyes searched mine and he nodded. "Harry, as you know Draco was working on very important business for the order."
Anger swept over me. "No, I didn't know." I said irritably, watching as his eyebrows rose. "You hardly tell me anything these days."
He looked at me sternly, then sighed. "Harry, Draco insisted he become a spy, like Severus."
My mind, at that point, was swirling with anger. "Spy." I said ruefully, watching him nod.
"Harry, he was attending Deatheaters recruit meetings. But, we weren't as...careful as we thought." He paused and looked up at me with a sulky look in his eyes. "One of your fellow peers, who has connections with Voldemort, found out about his betrayal to the dark side."
I listened with horror. "Found...out?" I said uneasily.
He nodded and swallowed. "Yes Harry. I believe you know her... Pansy Parkinson?"
My mouth opened wide, wider then I ever thought possible. My mind flashed back at the image of Pansy and her smirk. I started to shake with furry. So it was all her fault. It was all her fault Draco was gone, gone from my life.
"So we had to do something extreme, Harry. I'm going to tell you the complete truth, please don't overreact." He continued, his voice thin. "No, Draco is not dead, Harry. He is very much alive."
The words struck me hard with shock, joy and confusion. Though Dumbledore did not stop talking. "But, we couldn't let anyone know that, Voldemort wanted him dead for his betrayal, so we had no choice but to do just that. Harry, we faked his death so he could live."
I opened my mouth, tears brimming my eyes. He was alive and no one ever told me. I swallowed hard and watched as Dumbledore's eyes searched me once more. Slowly I felt my hand spread over my face to wipe the on coming tears. "No one told me?" I asked, my voice quivering. "Why?" Once again, showing my weakness, though I had no choice but to cry.
Dumbledore didn't even look startled at my tears; instead he unfolded his hands and laid them neatly on the table. "We wanted to let the least amount of people know, for his safety. We didn't think you would mind, we didn't know you were so...closely attached to the boy." He finished quietly, confusion finally reaching his eyes.
I wiped my tears again. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked furious. "I'm the saviour of the world and yet you wont let me in on anything about the battle. For god sakes, I should know what I'm up against; you're not protecting me! Keeping me in the dark is not protecting me!" I cried out, my voice cracking.
Dumbledore cringed. "I know, Harry—"
"Where is he?" I asked, seething.
"He's in hiding Harry." Dumbledore said quietly, watching my fuming state.
"Where?" I demanded, watching with guilt as Dumbledore's neat exterior became to look distressed. "Please...I...I need to know." I said softly.
Dumbledore's face softened. "Grimmauld Place, but Harry, please don't make any rational—"
That was all I heard before the door slammed behind me and I trampled down the stares. Draco was alive. The stupid order was hiding that from me. It was so hard to believe yet seemed so... believable.
I sped towards the Gryffindor common room, extremely furious yet extremely happy at the same time. I quickly ran to the fireplace and threw some floo powder, which I stole from Ron, into the burning flames. Almost instantly they turned emerald.
"Number Twelve Grimmauld Place!" I yelled, clearly, my heart thudding with anticipation.
The colours swirled around me and I soon found myself standing in the middle of the Black Manor hall.
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"Draco?" I yelled, waiting for a reply. "Draco?" This time louder.
Slowly I realised they must have hidden him deep inside the house, inside wards of all kinds. Strong ones.
My mind went back to what Dumbledore told me earlier, in my training session. Imagine the object of which you are looking for, Harry, and your magic will lead you.
Quickly, I shut my eyes tight, imagining that thread of magic. My wand was gripped tightly into my hand. Slowly the thread started to glow and I took a deep breath, picturing Draco closely in my mind.
First I saw the beautiful, rich, blonde hair that reflected even the smallest amount of light, making him look like a rare gem. Next his beautiful milky forehead appeared, accompanied by to silver eyes that stared at me with passion and love. Soon his delicate nose and ears were being moulded into my head. It wasn't long till his slender form was smiling down at me.
My magic started to flicker and I followed the trail it guided me in, leading me passed halls and halls until I was in the basement. Slowly I stared at the dead end and could feel my magic sensing someone else's.
Dumbledore's.magic.
These were the wards. The wards that held Draco captive. Slowly I pointed my wand, thinking of the strongest spell I could cast to break them apart.
Nothing happened.
Again and again I tried, desperately, tears brimming my eyes. It burned my heart to know that he was oblivious to the fact that I was standing right outside his wall. Only thin layers of magic separating us. I took in a deep breath and leaned against the wall, slipping down slowly.
Finally I let my head fall into my hands and I began to cry. Harder then I've ever cried in my life.
I was miserable. Completely, utterly: miserable.
It wasn't until then I realised the wall that was supporting me had disappeared.
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A/N: Okay, so what did you think? This one was a bit rushed as well, but I don't know, I think it's okay. If you're wondering about the whole lame detecting magic thing, well I had to find someway for Harry to find Draco...and the 'love led me to him' thing was a bit cliché. Anyway, I know that part is confusing, I'm not to good at the action adventure stuff, so please try and comprehend as much as you can. As for the wall disappearing thing, you'll find out soon enough, don't worry. If you have any suggestions to help me with the whole training lesson thing, please tell me... I want to rewrite this chapter so it's not so rushed! Anyway, thanks for the reviews!
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