Title: Save Me From The Dark
Author: Princesspepper
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. They belong to J.K. Rowling.
Pairing: Harry/Draco (suggestion of Ron/Hermione, but, of course, that is not important).
WARNINGS: Sexual content, adult language, self-harm (cutting, more specifically—it says suicide, but it doesn't get that far), kinda dark, and some Ron-bashing.
(A/N) Eh, the chapter title is sooo random. It's just what the word processing program I'm using decided to call all the pages. O.o don't ask. Ehe, okay. So…!
Thanks to: Pure Black, twodollartrick, Beloved, in aCRIMSON love, Confused-Gal, black-ravenrose, clear venom, BlindingEchos, Dru Black, Lusten,ozumas girl, adina, fleep, and dreamerdoll!
(Chapter Ten: Deserted)
Draco was having nightmares again. He knew that as soon as one horror ceased, another began. Tonight Draco had slept alone because Hermione had insisted that Harry go to the hospital wing to make sure that there had been no permanent damage done in the last fight with Ron, so Draco was utterly alone. And frightened beyond all reason.
He missed his Harry even though he knew he would be back soon. He had become accustomed to sleeping with him in his arms every night, and without him he felt like he was not complete. When he woke up from one of his horrid dreams, there was no Harry hovering above him, making him realize that it was just a nightmare.
No, after that last nightmare, Draco was convinced it wasn't a dream, but instead terrible reality. He looked around the room for Harry, but all he found was his scent on the pillow next to him and his things on a chair across the room. He felt so lonely.
Draco got up and walked over to the chair, on which Harry's clothes were draped. Draco lifted Harry's bathrobe and embraced it lovingly, wishing it were Harry instead of just his clothing. Draco stripped down to his boxers and put on Harry's robe. The soft material caressed his bare flesh and made him feel a little better. It was so comforting wearing the robe, it was a bit too large on account of Draco was a little smaller than Harry, but it still felt just right.
Draco returned to his bed, hoping that now that he was surrounded by Harry's scent, he could pretend that he was there.
It didn't work.
As soon as Draco closed his eyes, images from his dreams came flooding back to haunt him. Harry lying strewn across the floor with vacant eyes staring up at him. Harry clinging to Draco's ankles, pleading as Draco stabbed him and Voldemort laughed.
'I need to see Harry,' Draco thought silently, staring at the ceiling, 'RIGHT NOW.' And with that, Draco jumped out of bed and rushed to the door, grabbing Harry's invisibility cloak on the way out. As he picked it up, something shifted and he heard something small and hard fall to the floor. He looked down to see his pocketknife on the ground. He hesitated, but then quickly picked it up and shoved it in the pocket of Harry's robe. Who knew what he would run into in the hallway? He ran all the way to the Hospital Wing and burst through the doors into the deserted ward.
Deserted…Harry wasn't there. Draco ran from bed to bed, but he was quite sure Harry was not in the room. One of the beds had thoroughly messed up sheets. He rushed over to it, cast of the invisibility cloak, and flopped onto it. It smelled like Harry. But where was he? Draco NEEDED to see him. He was panicking.
"Harry, where are you? Where are you…?" Draco sobbed. He didn't know why he was reacting so strongly to this. When he thought about it later, he figured that the foolishness was due to the dreams he just had, making him extra sensitive. But at the time, all Draco could think was, 'It is all my fault… it is all my fault…' And before Draco knew what he was doing, he had broken his promise to Harry yet again and his blood was dripping onto the floor. He hadn't cut that deep, but he didn't do anything to stop the bleeding. He poked absently at the wound when it began to clot, causing it to bleed more.
Eventually, Draco began to feel the blood loss, and just as he was about to give in to the darkness he heard footsteps…
It was Harry.
"Draco… Draco? What are you doing here?" Harry hissed; unaware that Draco was bleeding because of how dark it was in the room.
Draco merely moaned and turned over, sliding onto the floor slowly. Harry felt his heart pounding in his throat as he ran over to Draco's crumpled body.
"You did it again didn't you?" Harry whispered, sounding horrified. He didn't wait for an answer but rather pulled up the sleeve of his robe to see yet another wound. Harry was fully aware that he should be furious with Draco right now. He had broken his promise AGAIN. But Harry just couldn't bring himself to be angry.
Instead he lifted Draco into his lap so Draco's head was resting on his chest. Harry stroked his smooth hair softly and just watched him as he slipped out of consciousness. After making sure that Draco was really passed out, Harry inspected the wound again. It wasn't deep, but Harry could tell Draco had been squeezing it to make it bleed more. He sighed at his foolishness, but then recalled his own bout with this sickness.
When Harry had cut, he hadn't been able to stop either. He kept telling himself, "this is the last time." But he kept doing it again. So in all fairness, he couldn't expect Draco to stop just because he had told him to. He needed something more. So Harry was going to talk to him when he woke up.
In the mean time, Harry grabbed his own wand and begun cleaning the wound and then healing it over. But then there was the question of where Draco was going to go and how he was going to get there. Harry wanted to be there when Draco woke up, but he was sure Draco wouldn't want Madam Pomfrey fussing over him. So there was only one thing to do. Harry scrawled a note to the Medi-witch and slowly picked Draco up from the floor, draping his invisibility cloak over the pair of them. He slowly walked all the way back up to their room, laying Draco on the bed softly.
He backed away slowly, marveling at how peaceful Draco looked when he was unconscious. But he knew it wouldn't last, so why drag it on? Harry retrieved his wand from his pocket and performed some quick spells to bring Draco back to consciousness.
As Draco's eyelids fluttered, Harry rushed over to the bed and stared at him. Draco slowly opened his eyes, and from the expression on his face, he did not remember what had just happened. Harry glared at him sternly and Draco watched, confused. Then, the dawn came, and Draco looked terrified but didn't say a word.
"You've done it again, Draco." Harry said stiffly, not sure how he should approach the predicament that faced him.
Draco nodded solemnly, but still refused to break down. He was going to face this and not let Harry get to him.
"Now listen, I've got some things to say that I think you should know," Harry said, his voice softening slightly.
"First of all, I'm very upset that you did this again. I love you, and it breaks my heart to see you do this to yourself. I'm afraid one day you'll take it too far and when you pass out you'll never wake up. I don't know what I would do if that happened," continued Harry, almost angrily. "And I don't think it would be wrong to just leave you at this point; you're causing me so much heartache that sometimes I feel you're just not worth it. But I would still love you, and that would really hurt. And plus, if I did leave you, you would probably be so upset you would slit your wrists." Finished Harry with a smirk.
"Don't flatter yourself, Potter," muttered Draco bitterly, still trying to preserve his dignity and failing miserably.
Harry shot Draco a look that basically said, "Shut the hell up," and Draco complied.
"Furthermore," continued Harry with a dismissive tone, "I think there's something I should show you." Harry whispered. Slowly, Harry rolled up the sleeve of his left arm and revealed his forearm, which looked seemingly flawless. But Harry picked up his wand and lifted the concealment charm he religiously placed on it. The milky skin revealed color, and Draco gasped.
"Y-you… you… you used to cut?" stammered Draco, feeling awfully confused and shocked.
"Yes, Draco, I did," answered Harry, almost defiantly, "and I stopped. But it took a lot of work and support. And I'm willing to give you that support as long as you try to stop." Said Harry, now very serious.
Harry watched in amazement as Draco's eyes filled with tears. Harry had never really seen Draco cry before, so this was a very weird, new thing. Draco ran his fingers over Harry's arm, tracing the words and shapes. Tears started to run down his cheeks as his eyes traveled from Harry's arm, all the way up to his emerald eyes.
"I'm so sorry…" Draco whispered, tears streaming down his face, "I had no idea."
Harry quieted him by covering Draco's mouth with his own. "It's alright, don't be sorry." Harry said firmly when they broke apart, "but remember, you must really try to stop."
But at this point Draco was no longer paying attention. His eyes were fixated on Harry's arm again, this time looking at a particular cut. He was staring at the broken heart.
Slowly, Draco pulled up his own sleeve and looked at the broken heart on his own arm. He looked from Harry's to his own and back again. Harry was watching him intently.
"Yes, I know about that, strange, huh?" Harry offered, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Draco just nodded and continued to stare.
"Why?" Draco finally gasped.
"Er, why what?" Harry stammered nervously.
"Why did you do that one?" Draco whispered.
"Er… well uh, I had a broken heart?" Said Harry, hoping that Draco wouldn't question it further.
Draco nodded suspiciously, obviously very curious but didn't want to ask. "Well I did this one… because-uh. Because of… you." Said Draco, gesturing to the heart on his own arm; afraid of how Harry would react.
"Really?" Said Harry, grinning despite himself, "Aw, did I break your heart, Dray?"
"Shut up you git, and don't call me that," said Draco, responding negatively to Harry's comment. Harry opened his mouth to respond, but Draco would have none of that. "I said, shut up." And with that, Draco pounced on Harry, knocking him to the bed. Draco straddled him, kissing him forcefully, making sure he couldn't talk.
"We… should really… get back… to sleep," Said Harry in between kisses when he could. Draco was very obviously trying to prove his dominance and Harry could do nothing but be silently amused.
"Fine then, have it your way," said Draco, very disappointed. He was enjoying being in control for once. "But I'll make sure we pick up where we left off tomorrow."
Harry smirked and kissed Draco again. "Good night Draco," he whispered.
"Mm," responded Draco sleepily. Harry moved over to the other side of the bed, wrongly assuming that Draco wanted some space.
"Where do you think you're going?" muttered Draco, pulling Harry closer to him. "I couldn't sleep without you, you know," said Draco, sounding slightly embarrassed.
Harry laughed genuinely and then said, "You know what? Neither could I."
Draco smirked, his head inflating almost visibly, and then put his arms around Harry, whispering, "I love you" in his ear.
"Love you too," said Harry dejectedly; he had been hoping this time he, Harry, would say it first.
The next day was Saturday, much to the boys' relief. After their packed night, they needed a lot of extra sleep.
Harry was the first one to wake up. He cast a sleepy gaze over the room, and then glanced at Draco. Their arms were still around each other. Harry smiled as he realized what a precious moment this was. Harry held Draco closer and kissed him on the cheek before getting out of bed and showering. Draco was awake and staring at the ceiling when Harry came out of the bathroom, wearing only a towel around his waist.
Draco appeared to be very pensive; he didn't even look when Harry entered the room. Harry crossed the threshold and went to sit on the bed next to Draco. Draco only looked at him when he felt him sit on the bed, merely smirking at his vulnerability but then just returning to staring at the ceiling.
"Draco, what's wrong?" Harry asked curiously.
"Hm?" said Draco, very distracted still, "oh, um, nothing. What makes you think there's something wrong?"
"Well for starters, usually when I walk into our room just wearing a towel, you make a desperate attempt to wrestle it off of me." Said Harry with a smile, but still managed to sound concerned.
"I've just got other things on my mind is all," snapped Draco, oblivious to Harry's concern.
Harry just looked at him until he returned the gaze. "What 'other things'?"
Draco avoided Harry's eyes and muttered, "How did you do it?"
"Do what?" Harry said eagerly, quite pleased he was getting somewhere.
"Stop." Said Draco softly.
Harry's smile faded, now even more concerned. He grabbed Draco's arm before answering, first making sure there were no new cuts. When he was satisfied that his suspicions were wrong, he turned to Draco.
"Well, that's a good question," Harry said thoughtfully. "Are you getting the urge to do it again?" he asked gently.
Draco nodded, looking ashamed. "Well that's to be expected. You are ready to commit yourself to stopping though, aren't you?" Harry said. Draco nodded again.
"Okay, good. Well, is there anything artistic that you enjoy doing?" questioned Harry.
"Yes… but I never really told anybody," said Draco reluctantly.
"You can tell me, can't you?" said Harry softly, "I promise I won't judge you."
Draco paused before answering. "Well alright. I like to paint."
Harry grinned broadly. "That's excellent! You see, I like to write poems. When I committed myself to quitting, Hermione told me I should channel my bad feelings into something productive. So instead of carving words into my arms, I wrote them down on paper and made poems. For you, every time you feel like cutting, well, turn it into inspiration and paint something."
Draco nodded. "Thank you, Harry," he said sincerely.
"Any time," started Harry, "but now that you are feeling better, aren't you going to attempt to wrestle my towel off?" He said coyly.
Draco gave him a sexy smirk but said nothing. Instead he pounced. Harry was thrown off balance by Draco's sudden aggressiveness and nearly fell over, but Draco stopped his fall by grabbing him by the shoulders. He pushed Harry, causing him to back up against the wall. And the snogging began.
Draco stopped kissing Harry's mouth and moved onto his neck, giving him a fresh love bite. He bit and sucked until it drew a few droplets of blood, and then he licked that away and moved on. Harry was untying the robe that Draco was still wearing, and fighting to get it off without breaking contact with the other boy.
When Harry successfully removed the robe, Draco pressed himself closer to Harry's body, still traveling down. When he reached the towel, he wasted no time in yanking it off…
(Edit)
Once the two of them caught their breath, they clung to one another and kissed. Once their lips separated, Draco kissed Harry's forehead and whispered, "There wasn't much point in that shower, was there, Potter?"
Harry shook his head weakly, still fazed from their activities. "Hmm, it's not over yet, Malfoy," he said, overemphasizing Draco's last name. He pressed his hips into Draco's, letting him know that he was ready for another go. Evidently, Draco was too, for he was just as hard as Harry was.
Draco leaned on Harry's shoulder and whispered, "I want you in me, Potter."
Harry backed away a bit, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. This came as quite a shock. "N-no, I don't think so." Stammered Harry nervously, "I'm not really ready for that. Sorry?"
Draco looked severely disappointed, but nodded nonetheless. "Okay, but I want to know when you're ready." Harry nodded. "Prude," Harry heard Draco mutter under his breath as he dragged Harry into the bathroom for another shower.
Later that day at lunch, Draco had gone up to the room early to study for an upcoming Transfiguration test, so Harry told Hermione what had happened.
She giggled the whole time, which Harry thought was extremely irritating, so he asked why. "Well Harry, girls just think it's so hot when two guys snog." She said logically, as if he should know that already. Harry just rolled his eyes and continued.
"…And then he said… 'IwantyouinmePotter,'" Harry said very quickly, sort of embarrassed.
"He said WHAT!" Hermione gasped, amazed.
"You heard me…" muttered Harry resentfully.
"Ohmygosh. What did you say? You didn't do it did you?" Hermione asked eagerly, fascinated by her best friend's sex life.
"NO, of course we didn't do it!" screeched Harry; surprised that Hermione was even asking him that.
"Oh…" said Hermione, unable to hide her disappointment, which resulted in Harry raising his eyebrows at her. "Uh, well why did you say no? Is he mad?"
"Well, I told him the truth! I'm not ready for that yet! And no, of course he's not mad. Disappointed, but not mad," said Harry with a smirk.
"But why did you say no? It's not like you haven't…" started Hermione, but Harry silenced her with a glare. "Okay then, you don't want me to talk about it! But still! What does he have to do to make you deem him worthy?"
Harry looked thoughtful for a moment before answering. "Well I've got to be certain that he isn't just going to leave me when he's through," Harry began quietly, "like… last time."
Hermione nodded, showing she understood. "But how will you know?" she questioned.
"Well we have to get into a fight and survive it. And he's got to stop cutting." Harry whispered that last part, making absolute certain nobody could hear.
"Oh, and I suppose that's not it. He's got to do something really sweet. Draco's got to be able to shelve his pride and make me feel generally good." Harry finished with a smirk. Hermione looked thoughtful and slowly nodded.
"I see," she said. Hermione was not going to let Harry turn Draco down again. She knew Harry wanted it, he was just too afraid. And she also knew Draco wasn't going to leave Harry. She just had to help him prove it.
Draco was very confused. He had no idea why Hermione wanted to talk to him. He was kind of scared, to tell you the truth. He knew Hermione was very skilled with a wand; he just hoped that she wasn't under the impression he was making Harry unhappy.
When Draco reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, Hermione was standing there as she had promised she would be.
"Er, hullo Granger," Draco said nervously.
"Hey Draco. And I think we should be on first name basis by now. After all, you're dating my best friend," said Hermione. She didn't sound angry; this relieved Draco quite a bit.
"Alright then, Hermione," said Draco, "Now what is this all about anyway? You said you needed to talk to me about something?"
"Er, yes, I suppose I should get to the point. Well this isn't easy to discuss, and I daresay you'll probably feel a bit uncomfortable," started Hermione, "but I understand Harry didn't want to get too… er, intimate with you yet?" she asked tentatively.
"Blimey, does he tell you everything?" Draco said, looking slightly disturbed.
"He sure does," Hermione answered, looking smug. "Just answer the question Draco, I want to help you get some." She said quite bluntly.
Draco flushed red. "Erm, you were right. He freaked out when I asked him to go all the way."
Hermione nodded in acknowledgement of his answer. "Well, I personally think he's being foolish holding back like that—he's afraid to tell you the truth. I don't think I'm the right person to tell you why, but he's afraid that you're going to shag him then dump him." Said Hermione.
"WHAT?" gasped Draco, "Is that why he's afraid? I told him I would never leave him!" he fumed.
"I know, I know! Calm down," whispered Hermione, shooting nervous glances about the hallway, making sure nobody was listening.
"You've got to get him to trust you, and I can help you out. I'll do anything to assist; once Harry gets past this he'll feel a lot better about a lot of different things."
Draco opened his mouth and was clearly about to ask what it was Harry was uneasy about, but Hermione quieted him. "Ssh, I'm sorry Draco but I think Harry should be the one to tell you that. He won't even talk about it with me and I know what happened already." Said Hermione.
Draco nodded in understanding. "Okay, but what specifically do I do?" He questioned.
"Do something very romantic. Harry totally goes for that stuff. Believe me." Hermione said enthusiastically.
"Okay… wait—how do you know?" Draco asked in a threatening voice, glaring at Hermione.
Right then she started laughing madly, which just made Draco glare harder. "Draco I haven't… Oh my, you're possessive aren't you?" Said Hermione between giggles, wiping tears from her eyes. "That's so hot."
Draco started laughing despite himself. "Well actually," she continued, "Harry hasn't always known he was gay, but never… with me? That's classic!" Hermione said, still very amused.
"Okay, this is losing its humor now." Said Draco bitterly, "anyway, anything else I should know?"
"Er, well yes. He thinks you should get into a fight and make it through. But you can't make that happen, it must happen by itself." Said Hermione.
Draco nodded, "That all?"
"Er, no. He also said… you er, have to stop cutting." Hermione whispered.
Draco was shocked. He had no idea it meant that much to Harry. All he could do is nod. "I'll see you later then?" He whispered.
"Er, yes, see you Draco." Hermione said with a wave as she walked off.
As Draco walked down the stairs back to the third floor, he felt very shaken up. How many people had Harry told about his problem? He really hoped it was only Hermione; he could live with that. In fact, he had already known that she knew—she was the one who saved him that first time. Draco dismissed the thought as he reached the landing of the third floor.
But then another thought crossed his mind. He was supposed to be romantic. He needed serious help in that area. Sure, he might be one of the sexiest wizards alive, but he was really bad with the lovey-dovey stuff. 'Who can I get to help me?' he thought nervously. Almost nobody remained friends with him after he had come out about his relationship with Harry. In fact, only one person did.
Blaise!
He had always been Draco's best friend. His only real friend, actually. While Crabbe and Goyle were merely Draco's bodyguards, Blaise was always there for him emotionally. He had been the first person Draco told that he was gay. But that was only because he had said he was as well.
They had never had a real relationship. They may have snogged once or twice when nobody was watching, but that was about it. It was because they realized soon after that we were just friends, and that's all we could ever be. But Draco knew that Blaise was a true romantic, so he passed the third floor and made his way down to the dungeons to find him.
Draco slowly descended the dungeon stairs; afraid of whom he could bump into that might give him hell. Thankfully, it was completely deserted. And much to his luck, when he did bump into someone, it was the person he had been looking for.
"Hey, Malfoy!" Blaise shouted good-naturedly.
Draco smiled and said, "Hello Zabini. Just the man I was looking for."
"It's been a while Draco, what's up? I hear you've been with Potter lately." Said Blaise, obviously hinting at something.
Draco smirked. "Actually, that's what I needed to see you about. Why don't we go up to my room so we can talk?" suggested Draco.
"Sure thing; lets go. I'm eager to hear how he is…" commented Blaise with a distinct wink.
Draco shuddered involuntarily and said jokingly, "Hands off Zabini, he's mine. And besides, I wouldn't know how he is. That's more specifically what I needed to see you about."
"Do continue," Blaise said, his interest obviously piqued.
"Well Harry isn't ready to do anything too, er, serious yet." Draco explained.
"You mean you haven't gotten any action!" Blaise exclaimed, obviously shocked.
"Er, I wouldn't say that." Muttered Draco.
Blaise smirked and bid him to continue.
"Well I spoke to his friend. You know, Granger?" Blaise nodded vigorously. "Well she told me that he might give in if I do something romantic for him. But, as you well know, I'm very bad with that sort of thing. So I need your help, you know, creating the atmosphere."
At this point they had reached Draco and Harry's room. Draco muttered the password and motioned for Blaise to stay out of sight while he made sure that Harry was not inside. He motioned for Blaise to follow and they went in.
Draco sat on the bed and Blaise sat next to him while they continued their conversation.
"Well that's an easy one Draco. You've come to the right guy," Blaise said with a grin. They began discussing plans to make the atmosphere romantic. Zabini suggested scented candles and dim lighting. He said he thought Harry would really go for that.
"And then he'll shag you!" Blaise said emphatically.
"What makes you think he'l be shagging me?" Draco said, feigning surprise. He shoved Blaise a bit to hard, resulting in him toppling off the bed.
Both boys started laughing so hard that they couldn't move, Blaise still on the floor and Draco watching him from the bed. "Here…" Draco was saying in-between bursts of laughter, "I'm sorry, let me help you up." Draco leaned forward in order to help Blaise off the floor, but quickly lost his balance and toppled off the bed. Another bout of laughter ensued, Draco still leaning on Blaise's chest. When Draco regained his composure, he propped himself up so that one arm was on either side of Blaise, and he was facing away from the door. Their faces were inches apart, and if you were to walk in at that time, you would most likely get the wrong idea about what was going on.
So, of course, that was the moment Harry chose to walk in. "Draco?" Harry said, shock apparent in his voice, "Blaise Zabini?" Harry's eyes widened at the sight before him.
Draco turned around just in time to see Harry's eyes well up with tears. "Harry! Wait! You've got it all wrong!" yelled Draco. But it was too late.
Harry was already out the door, running as fast as he possibly could, his legs carrying him in no particular direction.
'Well,' Draco thought, 'this takes care of the fight. Now we've just got to survive it, which is a different thing entirely…'
(End Of Chapter Ten)
(A/N) Yay! I dunno why, but I'm in a good mood! So make me happier still and review!
XOXO Princesspeppper OXOX