Not
Myself
By Princess
Alexandria
Princess_alex24@hotmail.com
It took Christy a while to fall asleep after her talk with Jon, but even her short insomnia didn't disguise that fact that she felt safer in this school than she had in a very long time. She knew they got attacked on a regular basis, but she wasn't the only one able to fight and they had a good security system. She wouldn't wake up to the enemy in her room. She hadn't realized she worried about those things in her house until she was here. Safe.
********
Emma sat in Cerebra and focused on yet another part of Christy's shield. Her mind caressed the outer edges slowly, feeling for a blemish, a weakness, some sort of point she could focus her energy to get in. It wasn't that she felt Christy was a threat specifically, but she was unexplained, she was a mystery, and Emma liked challenges.
She was actually surprised when she found it. A small flaw that would have been easily overlooked if one were doing a normal scan. Only the in depth and methodical approach made it possible to find, and Emma was very pleased to find it. A smile came to her lips as she inspected the chink in Christy's armor, and enlarged it until it was just large enough to send the connection she wanted to create through. It looked like she'd get some of her answers tonight.
********
The entry point explained itself as soon as Emma entered into Christy's mind. She could feel two distinct people for a moment, in this memory. Emma stood on a dark road and watched the swirling tunnel of light toss out a body dressed in black. Christy was tossed out with such force she flew through the air and landed against the side of a car, one that Emma recognized as Christy's. Another Christy in the car got out and slowly, nervously moved to see who had hit the car, while keeping an eye on the still glowing tunnel. She stood in front of a stunned looking version of herself, but before she had time to say a word the tunnel moved, attacked, and dragged her in. Emma felt her death and realized that Christy had felt it as well, and it was that death that shook off her shock. She stood to watch the tunnel close, leaving her in the new world.
It was her temporary connection to her other self that had created the one and only small opening in her shield. If it weren't for that Emma would never have found herself in here. Now she was going to look around as quickly as she could. She'd flip through the important parts like Christy was a book. Her mind showed where all the emotionally charged memories were and Emma started her search with those, barely glancing at the earlier memories, until she found the ones that related to Christy's time post warning about the end of her world.
********
"Many religious fanatics have said the end of the world was near in the past, prompted by the dates on the calendar, or signs from the skies." A haggard looking reporter spoke, and Christy sat still watching it in shock. At first she hadn't believed it, she'd managed to deny it for an entire day while listening to the reports on the radio and seeing headlines on newspapers that she refused to read. "Finally it is the skies that will be our undoing." The reporter looked like she'd be sick. "An asteroid is on a collision course with Earth, one far larger than the one that hit our planet and killed the dinosaurs. It is due to impact in two years, and scientists have confirmed that it will indeed hit Earth." Christy didn't even blink. She was supposed to work today, it was the last day of winter quarter, but she'd excuse the final. What did it matter really? When she'd gotten to work and no one else had come in… she'd finally realized, finally allowed it to hit. It was real. "The President urges us to remain calm." Yeah right, that's not going to happen. Christy could already feel any semblance of calm gone. "A state of emergency has been called and all active and reserve military…" She just stopped listening and watched the woman's mouth move.
While that was going on Emma glanced around the living room so much like the one she'd visited Christy in. The house must have been nearly identical. Emma watched Christy stare almost blankly at the news while sitting in a dark room. She could feel the fear rolling off of the woman, the resignation. This memory of Christy's didn't show any indication that it noticed Emma's intrusion as Emma started her tour to try and understand this woman. Emma felt her feelings, saw her thoughts and shared her memories.
********
"I… I need to stay here." Her brother spoke with tears in his voice. "I have a lot of friends, and…" Christy felt tears trail down her own cheeks as she held the phone to her ear. "It's hard to travel, the roads…" Christy nodded, even though he couldn't see that. She'd heard about road bandits, people that found those fleeing from one place to another and stole their supplies. God, it had only been three months and already the military wasn't enough to control the people going crazy. "I love you sis."
"I love you to. Take care of yourself." Phone lines weren't too reliable lately, since so many people were trying to call loved ones. It could be a while before she heard from him, if ever. "I understand. It sounds safer, where you're going." They had a home with supplies. One that could be defended when things got worse.
"You and Mom will be okay?" Christy glanced over to the bed at the still woman, deathly still woman laying next to a pile of pills and lied. She had intended to tell him she was alone and she wanted him to come home, but he had a lover and his lover's family. Christy couldn't get to California safely either. She should have thought it out before calling, but she hadn't expected the call to go through. It hadn't before. She'd just needed to hear someone when she found her mother dead.
"Yeah, we have plans. She's just out getting a few other things." Her voice was a painful whisper. "If I don't hear from you… I'll see you on the other side." She didn't see Emma standing in her thoughts watching her lie to her brother and realizing that it was the last she'd heard from him.
Once she hung up she just put her hand over her mouth and stared at the woman that had raised her. "Why did you have to leave me alone? I know you were scared… but Dammit…"
********
"Ms. Taylor?" The voice startled her, especially since she was in the middle of walking through the ruins of a grocery store at the time. The locked door had been smashed open, and it looked like it had been done a while ago. "That's really you, isn't it?"
Christy looked up to see the speaker was one of eight people, young. "Yes."
"Where's your tribe? Where's your group?" The young man looked around, as if expecting someone to appear. Christy looked at him, wondering what to say. "You don't have a group? Do you know how dangerous it is to be out alone like this?"
"I had no choice. No food." Christy still didn't know who he was. She'd had to travel closer to her school to try and find something. The grocery store near her home had nothing. She didn't even know why she bothered pretending to live. She lived alone in a house with no one, hiding from the world. She'd heard reports on T.V. about the gangs in the cities, the crime, and hid. She stayed near the phone in case her brother called again, but it had been months, and it became clear that he wouldn't. Especially since Christy didn't know how long the phone had been disconnected. Maybe longer than the electricity had been out.
He looked at the people with him. "This is one of the teachers I had."
Another person, an older man looked at her and Christy knew her hair was a mess and her clothes were dirty. "We could offer you a place in our tribe. We watch out for each other and share supplies." The sympathy in his eyes made Christy want to trust him, and really, what did she have to lose? "You could join us."
"She could join our group." The boy spoke and Christy could see she had a place now as the others nodded.
"What he means is that you can work to help us get supplies for the tribe. There are over a hundred of us, and it is a lot of work to feed that many people." The older man gave her a stern look. "Everyone contributes or they don't stay. We can't take in free loaders."
"I'll do my share." Christy was actually more excited about the possibility of having people around, people that weren't the criminals she hid from when she left her home. The criminals that she made sure never realized she lived in that house by keeping the candle light down and the fireplace empty. It was better to be cold than attacked in her home.
********
Screaming… fire… smoke. Christy ran for the camp, which was really just an apartment building that could house all of them. From the hill she could see the raiders. The leaders had sent out all the hunting teams because their supplies were low and it left few people at home. Christy stood still and stared from her cover of darkness. She'd only come back because they needed another cart. Their hunt had been good, better than expected. She watched as the wild monsters slit someone's throat, the details thankfully obscured by the distance. The tingle of fear and the feel of death hit her skin as she watched the fire and she just knew people were in there, trapped and dying.
After that moment of shock hit her Christy started to run towards the camp, her eyes dark and dangerous. The screams were still happening, mothers… children… all the people that weren't strong enough to scavenge for food had stayed home. They'd left the place without defenses, without protectors.
The enemy all wore military boots. That was the first thing Christy noticed because she was laying on the ground waiting for the two men to walk past her without seeing her. The bushes helped to hide her. They were the last ones, and they got in their jeep and left. Christy leapt up and ran for the screaming.
She backed the van up to the building, ignoring the fire coming that way. She climbed it and yelled for anyone strong enough to help her to come out first. An older boy, about thirteen moved to jump and she helped ease him down. He stayed on the ground and as the kids climbed down to Christy, she sent them over to climb down to him. Those bastards had trapped the kids in that room with fire. Christy didn't see anyone's mother, and there were too few girls, all very young.
One kid kept mumbling and rocking. "They took my mom." Repeatedly as they stood off to the side and watched their first camp burn. For each time he said that, for each child that cried, and for each apartment that burned Christy felt a new weight fall on her. She was the only adult standing there. She could see the bodies of a few people in the parking lot and she kept the kids away from that. They waited in the woods for the hunting teams to return.
********
The new camp was more defensible and Christy found herself walking around the perimeter, imagining where the threats would come from, mapping out escape routes. "You're starting to look like military." One of her hunting members found her. "Assessing threats, making plans." He gave her a serious look and Christy didn't answer. "They" He spit the word out like a curse. "Don't want to go after them. They said that the women are probably dead and we shouldn't risk more lives trying to find them when we don't even know who took them."
"Bastards." Christy growled. The three leaders were cowards and if this was an example of the type of protection working in this tribe was… it was hardly worth it.
The man that brought her into this tribe, the one that found her in that store stared at her. "I'm giving you your own hunting party." He stared away at the stars. "We can't have everyone that knows how to fight away. I was military, a long time ago, but I was. I'm going to become the head of security around here."
"More people need to know how to fight, Phil." Christy looked up at the sky with him. They couldn't see it yet, but they knew it was out there. "The kids need to work, we don't have enough adults to let them play at school all day." The mothers that were no longer there had wanted their kids to have some normalcy, but it was time for that to change. "Everyone needs to contribute, and they can do it. Many of them helped when…" When it was just her and them.
"I'll talk to the leaders about that when I tell them of your new job."
********
"Casey died." A sick looking boy told Christy when she got back from a less than successful hunt. Christy felt weak, just like everyone. Casey had been a very small kid and the famine had hit the kids harder than anyone else.
"I'm sorry sweetheart." Christy squatted down and took the weak boy into her arms. She'd been away for a few days, hoping to bring in something, to find something to help with the hunger.
"Christy, the leaders want to talk with you." One of her hunting party called towards her, so Christy had to let the boy go. He'd have to deal with the death of his sister in someone else's arms.
"You didn't have a very good hunt." The oldest leader sat there and the glare he gave her made her instantly on the defensive. "Our people are dying of hunger and you come back with nothing."
Christy stood taller. "We don't live in farmland. There are no cattle, no wild game. There is no food out there." Her eyes flashed with anger. Her team barely got home alive because raiders had almost stumbled across them.
"Since you can't find food, perhaps we should give you a new job burying the dead." He'd been a horrible leader and had been riding Christy ever since she was the one to save the kids. It was like he resented her doing that. Either it was that or the fact that she was gay. How anyone could hold onto their prejudice in a world like this was beyond her, but he claimed to be highly religious and since judgment day was coming told her a few times she'd go to hell, unless of course she repented and got a man, perhaps him. "You came back early and with nothing. You and your team can deal with death detail."
********
"Tom is there enough gas in this thing?" Christy stared at the machine far more powerful than her entire hunting party using shovels.
"A mass grave?" The only woman on her team sounded upset about that. Christy just glanced at her as they watched Tom dig a large trench. It would be nice to give everyone there own grave, but they had neither the resources or the time. Christy had him dig out far more than was needed. If something happened to the machine they'd at least have their graves dug. Probably their own graves.
They lowered little bodies to Christy. She stood in the grave and gently laid them down. She said little words of comfort to the poor little souls as she placed them carefully. Her entire team was quiet as she did this and when they helped to pull her out of the mud and dirt Christy swore she saw more respect in their eyes. Her own eyes were cold. "There is no food out there." She repeated, as if to absolve herself of guilt, but still she felt like she'd let the dead down.
********
They were still out there. They should have headed back to camp a day ago, but they had found nothing and no one suggested that they go back when she continued down another street. They followed her into several stores, but there was little but rats, which they did work on catching for a meal, but it was just enough for them, not enough to carry home. It would enable them to keep looking. Christy no longer even flinched at the idea of eating those little monsters, they just made sure to cook them very well so they didn't get diseases, hopefully.
Christy didn't even recognize where they were, but once night fell they picked a store to sleep in for the night. When Christy couldn't sleep she got up and took one of the lamps. She wandered the deserted city street, on the off chance she'd find something that they hadn't earlier. She knew she wouldn't, but desperation drove her on.
The comic book store caught her attention. She stared at the poster in the broken window and Wolverine stared back at her. "I wish I was you." Christy whispered to him. "I wish I could… You'd have been able to feed them. You wouldn't have to hike around the gangs because they'd kill you." She looked down the street and none of her people had followed her. She didn't talk with them as much anymore.
Christy finished breaking the window and stepped inside. She used to read comics years ago. She used to read about them and dream about being one of them, in spite of the problems they faced being mutants in their world. "I need a hero." She continued to talk to the wolverine as she moved further into the store. "So where are you?" Her voice was conversational and still a quiet whisper. Her eyes wandered over the posters on the wall. Her hand trailed over the comics in the bins.
The cash register had been broken into. What idiots would bother with that? Money lost its value shortly after they found out about the asteroid. At least they hadn't trashed this place. Aside from the broken window and cash register it looked like it could be opened for business. Normally the stores that Christy went into had been ransacked.
Christy set her lamp on the counter next to the cash register and looked down into the shelves. The cards caught her attention and for a moment she could imagine herself before hell came to earth standing in this store staring at them longingly and wishing she had enough money to even consider it, but it was such a frivolous purchase and she would have walked away. She walked around the counter and opened the case. The cards were beautifully artistic, but it wasn't just the art that drew her attention. "Emma." She whispered as she looked at the top card.
Emma glanced up from where she'd been looking at the X-men poster, worried that Christy had somehow noticed her in the memories, but the woman was talking to something in the case. Emma moved to see her own face as a comic character staring back up at her.
Christy started to gently flip through the deck, seeing familiar faces. Faces from her childhood. She didn't see a lot of those anymore. There wasn't anyone she knew now that she'd known for more than a year before. She had no one to share memories with, like some of the others in the tribe did. The cards were very complete. Mystique stared back from a card, as well as Sabertooth. There were fifty two, fifty two familiar faces… well, they weren't all familiar, but so many of them were.
It only took her a moment to decide to take them. She found a protective case to put them in and slipped them into her pocket. No one had many possessions anymore, but these were small. She found the t-shirts and pulled off the rag she'd been wearing. Most regular clothing stores had been ransacked, but no one must have realized this place had clothes. The new cloth was cool on her skin, and held no hero's picture. It was simply the x-men's symbol. She pulled her jacket back over it and then tossed her old t-shirt in the garbage can and moved to find bags to put the other shirts in. The others would want new clothes.
She was considering leaving to head back to their temporary camp when she noticed the board game. Apocalypse. To think people used to think it was a joking matter. Christy moved closer to it and read the back. She opened it slowly and pulled out the parts of it, looking for the cards they mentioned would be in here. She pocketed those as well, but she didn't know what morbid sense of humor made her think that was a good idea. "Well, I guess you are a bit of a hero." She addressed the Wolverine at the door. "Thank you for the clothes. Now if I can only find food."
********
They were heading back nearly empty handed and Christy could almost feel everyone's shame in that. When they stopped to sleep on the way Christy just nodded to Tracey and her boyfriend when they slipped out for privacy. She wouldn't begrudge anyone comfort like that.
An hour later she suddenly felt like something was wrong. She felt a tingle on her skin that reminded her of the time the camp was destroyed and so many people died. "Where did Tracey go?" She said suddenly and the others of her hunting team didn't know. Christy didn't bother questioning her bad feeling, she just got up and made sure she had the gun Phil had given her. "Guard the take. I'll look for her." They may not have a lot of food, but raiders would take everything and try and kill them on top of it.
The sound reached her once she was a block away. Tracey's crying. Christy moved towards the alley and saw her man dead in the entryway. The sound of men, cruel men, carried to her and Christy cautiously held her gun up and turned the corner to see these men getting ready to rape one of her people. Her eyes widened and the fury she felt at that sight made her growl as she took aim and fired. It took two shots to kill the first man since she missed the first time. She fired at another repeatedly until he went down and Tracey was able to push her would be rapist off of her when he spun to look at Christy in shock. "Thought she was alone did you?" Christy growled, but Tracey used the knife they'd had at the woman's throat to kill that bastard.
She could hear running in her direction and looked to see her men coming when they heard her gun. "Go back and guard the take." She growled at them. These bastards might not be alone and they had starving kids to feed. All but one of the men turned to go.
"Tracey?" Christy spoke softly to the woman. Tracey had little expression on her face.
"They're nothing but beasts." Tracey whispered as she looked at the hairy men in military uniforms. These were the people the president dispatched to protect the public. "Worse than rats."
Christy glanced at the man that had stayed with them. "Take her back." She told him quietly as she glanced at the bodies. They couldn't afford to pass up the opportunity to get these men's supplies and clothes, but Tracey didn't need to see these men naked. Military clothes were more durable. They needed those.
Emma could feel something important happened here in this alley as she watched Christy steal the clothes off the backs of the dead, even her own man. She watched Christy take that knife and loop it on her own belt. But it was Christy's staring at one thugs tattoo and the growing tension that made it very clear that what was important hadn't happened yet.
"Christy what's taking so long?" The man that had been there before came back for her. He walked up behind Christy to stare at what she was looking at.
"God works in mysterious ways?" Christy spoke, sounding like she was in shock. Emma looked over her shoulder to see a tattoo of a snake wrapped around a sign saying Eat Me. A common insult, but Christy's stiff pose and the gasp from the man next to her told a different story.
"Oh God Christy." He went pale. "You can't mean to…"
"If we smoke them here and take the meat back no one would know. We could say it was an enemies stash, a wild deer from a zoo." Christy had tears in her eyes but she didn't blink and she didn't turn her eyes away from the dead. "There is no food. Our people are dying."
"This is so wrong." He moved closer to Christy and Emma just put her hand over her mouth in shock as she stared at this conversation.
"We have to make up our minds before they spoil and we couldn't let anyone know or they wouldn't eat." Christy sighed shakily.
"That's cannibalism… we can't do that."
Christy stood up and her back was rigid. "Yes we can, and we will." Her voice held a demand to obey. "There is no other way. Either we take this gift or we starve. How many children can you bury? I can't bury many more, I just can't." Christy waved her hand at the bodies. "These men look like they've been fed well. They have food stored and hoarded away while our people starve. If we don't take them these bodies will just rot and the rats will be the only ones to eat. We eat the rats, we'd just be cutting out the middle man."
"I'll… I'll get help." He whispered and left Christy alone. Emma stood there and watched Christy fall to her knees and cry silently for the decision she had to make. Christy's body shook as she did her best to make sure no one heard her. They could hear the shocked gasps from the people coming back as the first man told them the plan and Christy wiped her tears, stood up, and took a deep breath so she could pretend to have no doubts. Emma watched them carve up human flesh and cook it for transport. She watched Christy's trips away to dry heave and cry before cleaning up and going back to where her people took shifts working on this and pretending that it didn't bother her.
********
"What are you doing?" Jean's voice interrupted her and Emma opened her eyes, well aware of the tears streaking down her face.
"I found a way in." Emma spoke and could hear some of her horror at what she found so she took a deep breath to try and sound less affected. "There's a small hole in her shield and I'm in." Jean's eyes widened.
"You could get in?" She sounded a bit more surprised than she should be. Emma narrowed her eyes and watched Jean. The woman was dressed for lab work. "It's getting late."
"You aren't suggesting I have a bed time I hope." Emma glared at Jean.
"No, I'm saying she should be waking up soon. With her… if its just a small hole, maybe it would be safer…"
"Oh, all right." Emma sighed heavily. That could be a factor in her finding the hole. Maybe it was just there while Christy slept, in which case her waking up while Emma was in her mind could be problematic. Until they knew more about Christy it was best to not risk it.
"Did you find out anything interesting?" Jean asked as she stepped out of Cerebra. Emma had to grab the side of the machine to keep from tipping over. That scan took a lot out of her.
"Nothing I care to share just yet." Emma waved Jean away when she moved to help steady her. She'd be fine in just a moment. "I'll pick up where I left off tomorrow night." She stared at Jean, making it clear that this was her project. Somehow she knew Christy would prefer it was just one person to see this, if at all, and that one person would be Emma.
As she walked upstairs for a brief nap she wondered at how it took so long to get that information from Christy's mind. Emma hadn't even realized hours had gone by, when normally she could read that much information faster and with less effort. She was almost asleep before her head hit the pillow.