This is not a new story. This is one of three JA stories that, for some reason that I cannot remember, I never posted to ff.n. I've decided to post them now. All three of these stories are part of the "Rebuilding the Bond" series. They should be read in this order (the bold ones be read as stand alone stories; the italicized ones are the ones I've just added to ff.n):

Something Worth Fighting For
To Hold Another's Life
The Comfort of Listening
Returning the Favor
Troubling Secrets
Shrouded by Darkness

This story is lead-in to "Shrouded by Darkness". If you don't read that story, this one will probably really confuse you and leave you wondering what in the world Obi's problem is.

Title: Troubling Secrets
Author: Erika
Series: Rebuilding the Bond (#5)
Rating: G
Summary: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan go to a beautiful planet to spend a little time away from the Temple and Qui-Gon becomes extremely worried when his Padawan is a little late.
Time Frame: This is the fifth story in my "Rebuilding the Bond" series, it takes place after JA8
Spoilers: For JA5-JA8
Category: AU, Qui-Angst, non-slash, POV
Disclaimers: The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed). I'm making no money off of this and this is written for entertainment purposes only.
Feedback: Both positive feedback and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated and will be cherished!
Archive: Ha! You actually want this???????? Well, it's the same as with all my other stories! Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, Wolfie's Den, JAFD, The Guardians of Peace, The Temple Library, Telly, and anyone who has any of my other stories. Anyone else who wants this, please ask and send me a link to your site so that I can check it out :-D
Author's Note: Technically this is a sequel to "To Hold Another's Life" but in reality it is more of a prequel to "Shrouded by Darkness", leading up to the beginning of that story and hinting at what it's about. You don't need to have read the other stories in this series to understand this one or "Shrouded by Darkness".

Troubling Secrets

Qui-Gon:

I paced restlessly back and forth in the living room of the small cabin we were staying in. I couldn't stop worrying about him. He was only ten minutes late but it felt more like several eternities. A couple hours ago – Force, had it only been two hours? – Obi-Wan had asked me for permission to take a little walk by himself. I had reluctantly agreed. We had been spending a lot of time together the last three weeks – meditating, talking, and preparing for sessions with the Council – and I knew he needed some time alone. We had agreed that he would come back at six. It was ten past six.

I sighed heavily and forced myself to sit down. I was acting like a newly-named Knight waiting for the transport to arrive for his first mission. This was ridiculous. He was only ten minutes late and I had full confidence in my Padawan's ability to take care of himself. If something had happened I would have felt it…wouldn't I have?

Perhaps this vacation wasn't such a good idea.

Obi-Wan and I had both made great progress with our respective worries and our bond was surprisingly strong. I could now send messages to Obi-Wan telepathically through our bond even if we weren't in the same room in our quarters. My Padawan seemed to be dealing very well with Cerasi's death and his guilt towards having to let his father die had lessened greatly. He was healing and what was more, so was I.

Unfortunately Obi-Wan's probation was not going as well. The Council was repeatedly calling him into long meetings, each of which proved to be more taxing than the last for my young apprentice. The last meeting had nearly had the boy in tears when the Council, or rather Mace Windu, had questioned him on the fact that he had drawn his saber against me. Even though I knew that the Council simply wanted to test his loyalty to the order I decided we needed some time away from the Temple so that my Padawan could clear his mind and find his center again. The next morning we had come here, to Meredian.

Meredian was a small uninhabited planet of great beauty. Its tropical rainforests were known around the world for being the most wondrous in the galaxy. Taking into account our shared appreciation of nature I had surprised my Padawan by telling him that we'd be spending at least a week here, in the small cabin we had found. He had been very pleased.

However if I was going to get so worried every time he was a few minutes late than perhaps this hadn't been the best of ideas. Force, how could I have become so protective of the boy in so short a time?

I looked at the time. It was a quarter past six. Where was Obi-Wan?

Obi-Wan:

I let out a heavy, troubled, sigh as I stretched out on the soft grass of the small clearing I had found. The forest was very beautiful with hundreds upon hundreds of trees stretching out as far as the eye could see in every directly. The trees were gigantic, at least three hundred feet tall, with thick golden-brown branches and deep-green leaves that blocked out most of the suns' rays.

The leaves and branches of the trees formed a nest of protective shade for the forest animals. Many different types of squirrels, birds, and other small animals lived in the trees' branches and the forest was alive with chirping and the rustling sound of squirrels jumping from one branch to another.

Despite the fact that the forest was at a reasonable temperature, I was prone to licking warmer climates and I found the shade under the trees a little too cold for my tastes. The clearing, however, was the perfect place to rest and think. Here, under the warmth of the sun I could admire the beauty of the forest and have room to lay down comfortably at the same time.

The forest was very beautiful, alive and vibrant with color, and usually I found nature very relaxing, but today I couldn't stop my insecurities from creeping up to claim my heart. Even the breathtaking beauty of the forest did little to ease the worry from my weary body. I appreciated Qui-Gon's concern and the fact that he had arranged this vacation to help me relax and forget about my problems for a little while, but it wasn't working.

My Master simply assumed that my recent lack of enthusiasm sprung from the fact that the Council had been so hard on me. If only I could tell him the truth! I longed to talk someone, especially him, but I couldn't bear the thought of what might happen if he found out. Qui-Gon trusted me, and he cared for me, I didn't want to change that. I didn't want to see him get hurt – again.

Things were starting to change between us – we were starting to talk like friends instead of Master and student. True, my Master still seemed to be having trouble adjusting to this change in our relationship. Sometimes he'd be extremely cold towards me while at other times he'd be overly friendly and protective.

The first day we were here I had scraped my arm on the bark of a tree. Qui-Gon had, of course, treated it but he had seemed very…distant while doing so. He didn't ask me if it hurt, he just bandaged it and then asked if I wanted to meditate with him. On the other hand, the next night I had woken up with a headache, not too severe but not mild either. I had tried to shield myself from Qui-Gon so that he wouldn't sense my pain but it didn't work.

He came to my room almost immediately, gently scolding me for not coming to get him while giving me some medicine for my pain. Even after I assured him that I was fine and that he could return to his own room, he stayed by my side, making sure that I was indeed 'fine'. I fell asleep with his hand resting gently over my heart. When I woke up the next morning he was still with me.

Qui-Gon's…mood swings…confused me. He would either seem almost uncaring or completely over-protective of me, there was no in-between. I attributed it to the fact that he trying to learn to cope with having another apprentice after Xanatos. It was one of the things that scared me the most. Qui-Gon was still healing from what his first apprentice had done to him. How could I add more pain to that?

I knew that he trusted me and that I was the only person he had trusted in a long time – Tahl and his old friends didn't count. I didn't want him to lose that trust. Yoda told me that I had healed Qui-Gon. I didn't know if it was true, but if it was, I didn't want to be the one that turned him back into that cold, lonely, man that he had been before Melida/Daan.

I didn't want to keep secrets from him either. He had opened his heart to me – confessed his emotions about Xanatos – and I longed to do the same in return. I had healed from what happened and I was happy with the progress I had made in regards to my self-confidence, but I still had the nagging feeling that Qui-Gon should know. How could I tell him though? How could I tell him, knowing that it'd only hurt him?

I sighed. There was no easy answer. I wanted to tell him, but I knew I couldn't. I would just have to hope that he never found out from anyone else. If he heard it from lips that weren't my own, it'd hurt him even worse. He'd lose his trust in me then. He'd think I was like Xanatos and I couldn't let that happen. He meant everything to me. I couldn't hurt him, I couldn't lose his trust. I had to keep it a secret. Hopefully, if everything went well, Qui-Gon would live out the rest of his days believing the lie – believing what the Council had told everyone.

I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep until I sat up with a start and realized that it was completely dark around me. The suns had set and I could barely make out the trees at the edge of the clearing. Oh no! I had told Qui-Gon I would be back at six! On Meredian the suns didn't set until after eleven each night. It had to be almost midnight. Qui-Gon would be incredibly disappointed in me and the thought of disappointing him sent knives through my heart. True, I had healed, but I knew that my self-esteem was lower than it had been before. Every Padawan craved their Master's approval, but in the way I did. I lived for it.

I jumped to my feet and after giving my eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness I began to sprint back towards the cabin. It would take me nearly fifteen minutes to get back. How could I have let myself fall asleep like that? How would I explain this to Qui-Gon? We had grown to be so close and now I had done something that would surely be a deep disappointment to him. What would he think of me now?

Only years of Jedi training allowed me to sprint all the way back to the cabin without collapsing. All of the lights were on. He was waiting for me. I stopped short in front of the door. I knew I shouldn't stall but I couldn't bear to see the disappointment in his eyes and face. We had only spent three weeks rebuilding our bond and already I was doing something to try his trust in me.

I took a deep breath and opened the door to the cabin, hesitantly stepping inside and looking around. Qui-Gon was sitting on the couch with his bent and his eyes closed. He was obviously meditating. As soon as I closed the door behind me my Master's head jumped up and a look of intense relief washed over his face.

Immediately guilt rushed through me. I had only been worried about disappointing Qui-Gon, not about worrying him. He had obviously been concerned when I hadn't returned.

With a Jedi's speed Qui-Gon jumped up from the couch, rushed over to me, and enveloped me in a crushing hug. For a few moments I was so surprised that I didn't even move but when my shock finally died down I was quick to wrap my arms around my Master and return the embrace.

"I was so worried about you," Qui-Gon whispered softly and tightened his arms around me, "I went out to look for you but I couldn't find you. I thought something might have happened. Thank the Force that you're alright."

A lump formed in my throat and I blinked back a few tears that threatened to slip out from beneath my closed eyelids. The pure, overwhelming, relief in my Master's voice was astounding. I could sense no disappointment in him at all, just an intense happiness that I was alive and alright.

"Master," I began guiltily. "I am so sorry to have worried you. I didn't mean to come back so late, truly I didn't. I found a clearing about fifteen minutes away and I lay down to enjoy the beauty of the forest and to just…be happy. I-I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember is waking up and finding that it was totally dark."

"I was so worried," my Master repeated softly and gently rested his chin on the top of my head.

"I'm so sorry, Master," I spoke into his chest, "I really didn't mean to worry you. I'm sorry. It's alright, I'm okay, I'm fine. I-I didn't mean to stay out so long, I swear to you that I didn't. Please believe me, Master. Forgive me?"

Qui-Gon's obvious concern for my wellbeing touched me very profoundly. I knew that he cared deeply for me but until now I hadn't realized just how deeply. It was good to know that my feelings for him were not only returned but matched. I felt guiltily happy that he had worried so much about me.

A long silence followed my statement before Qui-Gon finally answered. "I believe you Obi-Wan," he said, "and I forgive you. I'm not disappointed or angry, I'm just glad that you're okay."

THE END