Author's note: Thank you all for your reviews and emails. They have been
very encouraging!
- - - - -
Chapter 2 – Days in Lothlorien
Aragorn and Legolas regarded each other in silence. For both, the flood of memories which seeing the other brought was painful.
Aragorn regarded Legolas silently for a while. Fifteen years is a very brief time for an elf, but Legolas had changed in this time. Although he had reached majority more than 50 years ago, for an elf he was still very young, and the intervening years had brought physical and mental changes. Aragorn noticed that Legolas was more muscular than he had been, and also his face had somewhat matured, although the changes were subtle. Aragorn also had never seen Legolas with his hair in a simple plait or with the type of clothing he wore at the moment, contributing to the feeling of strangeness.
It was also obvious that Legolas was comfortably settled with Haldir. The mere fact that Legolas was unpacking Haldir's travelling pack, sorting their belongings into joint piles spoke volumes for the two elves' familiarity and closeness.
With a pang of regret, Aragorn realised that his and Legolas' time as lovers was well and truly over. Despite his feelings for Arwen, some small voice inside him had always hoped that maybe, one day ... . The way Legolas moved, his beauty ... it all brought back so many memories.
But seeing Legolas in his own home, unpacking his partner's belongings, brought home forcefully that this was not going to happen – and he had brought this unto himself.
Legolas watched Aragorn's face display a mixture of emotions. He had always been able to read Aragorn well, and even though he had not seen the man for fifteen years, he instinctively knew at least some of what he was feeling.
He, too, noticed changes in his former lover. When they had separated, Aragorn had been little more than a boy who dressed, behaved and looked much like a young elf. Now, fifteen years later, Aragorn was definitely a man. He was taller and broader, his face less round, and his hair had been cut. Legolas found that odd, when he had been younger, Aragorn's hair had been waist long. He still remembered the feeling of running his hands through Estel's hair and teasing out the inevitable tangles. With an effort, Legolas focused his mind on the present. The pain of that memory was sharp.
"Aragorn, let us go somewhere else to talk. I will finish this task here and then we can go for a walk amongst the trees."
Aragorn nodded, but then added, "Don't you want to get something to eat? You have only just returned."
Legolas shook his head. "I am not very hungry at the moment. We can always eat later."
He finished the unpacking and tied up dirty clothing and blankets into bundles to go to the washers. He then quickly cleaned both his own and Haldir's weapons, his hands performing the tasks almost without thinking.
Aragorn watched Legolas, again it struck him how familiar Legolas seemed with what he was doing. 'He is settled here. This is his home,' Aragorn thought with regret. 'It is too late.' He did not ask himself the question for what it might be too late.
Then they climbed down the rope ladder and Legolas led them away from the settlement on a path between the trees. They walked for a while in silence, and then Aragorn said, his voice laden with sadness and regret: "I cannot express how sorry I feel for what I have done to you, Legolas. In all these years, I have hoped that perhaps you could forgive me for what I have done. I cannot deny what I feel for Arwen, but what I have done to you was utterly wrong."
Legolas returned Aragorn's level gaze. "I will not deny that you hurt me much. For many years I have wondered what I did or perhaps did not do, that you needed Arwen's affection instead of mine. I grieved for you as if you had died, no, perhaps worse since I knew you were still alive but loving another."
Aragorn winced at these words. Eleven grief was not to be taken lightly, Aragorn had seen it, and knew what it did to elves.
Legolas continued, his dark eyes full of a mix of emotions. "For a long time I was feeling bitterness towards you. But thanks to Haldir, I realised that holding onto the past prevented me from living in the present and looking into the future. So I let go. Estel, I have forgiven you a long time ago... but I still have been unable to answer the question 'why'."
There was a moment of silence. Aragorn looked down at his hands, his confidence faltering. "I am not even certain I can answer that question. I did not stop loving you, you did nothing wrong, you were as kind and loving as you had always been. It was more like ... I was also attracted to Arwen and I could not have both of you. When I began to think about what I was doing, you had already left."
"Father was furious. He deeply objected to any relationship between Arwen and me, and also to the way I had treated you. He told me to follow you, try to make up and forget about Arwen. But I could not do that, I felt too much for her."
Aragorn lifted his eyes and met Legolas gaze. "I am so sorry, Legolas, for the hurt that I caused you. You have done nothing wrong. I could not have asked for a better companion. It was all my fault." There was a wistfulness in his tone that Legolas did not miss.
He closed the gap between them and hugged Aragorn. They stood for a moment holding each other. A flood of memories of overwhelmed both, as their bodies remembered many past embraces. Then Legolas broke the contact and moved away.
"I have often wondered if, when the day came that I would meet you again, we could be friends again. We were friends before we were lovers, and I have missed your friendship greatly."
Aragorn was stunned. This was a gracious offer from Legolas. Aragorn had come to Lothlorien in the hope of seeing Legolas and finally being able to apologise, he had not anticipated forgiveness and an offer of friendship.
"How would Haldir feel about this?"
"I choose my own friends. But I believe that if he had a chance to get to know you he would like you as well."
Some time later, they found a fallen log and sat down. After an initial period of awkwardness, they found that words flew easily. They remembered the many good times they had had together. They also spoke at length about changes in Rivendell, exchanged news about old friends and caught up with each other's news.
It was already dark when they returned to Caras Caladhon. Legolas wanted to greet Elrond and the twins, but for the time being they were unable to find them in the rooms that had been allocated to them. Legolas offered Aragorn to come with him for a simple meal. Aragorn hesitated; he was not certain how a meeting with Haldir would work out. But since such a meeting was inevitable during this stay, he decided that he might get it over with sooner rather than later.
When they arrived at Legolas and Haldir's flet, Haldir had returned. His conference with Galadriel had taken even longer than he had feared, and had only recently returned from a bath and a meal. He had now settled himself with a glass of wine in the small sitting area, appreciating Legolas' efforts to tidy up. He stretched out his legs in front of him, and was idly wondering where Legolas had got to. He had almost dropped off to sleep when he heard soft voices at the door, one of them unmistakably Legolas', the other one unknown.
With a start he sat up when Legolas came in, followed by a tall man. Haldir knew immediately who he was. It had to be Aragorn, it could be no other. The man was tall and slender, and moved with an almost elven grace. He was young, with a narrow sensitive face framed by dark shoulder-length hair. The eyes immediately struck Haldir, silvery grey and expressive in a way Haldir had not seen in a mortal before. He wore simple leggings and tunic, undoubtedly of elven make.
Haldir had never really thought about how Legolas' former lover looked like. Legolas had told him a lot about Aragorn, who used to be called Estel, and what had happened between them. When they had talked about whom to invite for their bonding, Haldir had not been very keen on the idea of suggesting to Elrond to bring his sons, but he also knew that Legolas valued their friendship and did not want to stand in the way on this issue.
Haldir knew that Aragorn had grown up in Rivendell, but he had not expected the ranger to be so elf-like. Haldir had always cherished the idea that Legolas' affection for the young man had been nothing but youthful infatuation, fuelled by a sense of the exotic by falling in love with a mortal. But this one... Haldir immediately reassessed the situation. Aragorn was undeniably attractive, and if he had been slightly less broad shouldered and had longer hair, he could have passed for a Noldor elf. Haldir was both curious and slightly alarmed.
"Haldir, this is Aragorn. You have heard about him."
"Aragorn, this is Haldir," Legolas said, stating the obvious.
Haldir stood up, and rather formally greeted Aragorn. "Mae govannen. Welcome in our home. "Without consciously deciding to do so, Haldir emphasised the word 'our'.
Aragorn, for his part, also quickly appraised Haldir. Haldir was clearly a warrior, broader in build than Legolas, but with the same fair colouring and light hair. His face, with regular features and grey-blue eyes, wore an unreadable expression.
"Thank you. Legolas has shown me some of the woods of Lothlorien. I have not been here before." Aragorn's voice was soft, his Sindarin faultless.
There was an awkward pause. Legolas watched as Haldir and Aragorn appraised each other, and all three felt distinctly uneasy.
Finally Aragorn broke the silence and looked at the two elves. "It is time for me to leave, I should return to my father and brothers. They must wonder where I am by now. Good night."
Haldir nodded, and Legolas was silent, a mixture of regret and relief in his dark eyes. Aragorn hesitated for a moment, then turned and took his leave. Both elves watched him go.
- - - -
Later that evening.
"Legolas?"
"Yes, Haldir?
"Was inviting Aragorn a good idea?"
"I don't know. In some ways, I enjoyed seeing him again. It has been so long, and there were some questions I had wanted to ask him for years. But I found that he has changed quite a bit, he used to be a boy and now he is a man. It feels very strange."
"Did you get answers to your questions?"
"Yes." Legolas did not elaborate. Haldir decided not to press the issue. Legolas would tell him when he was ready for sharing what had happened this afternoon.
"Legolas, just make sure that no one gets hurt." Haldir smiled at Legolas to take any sting out of his words. Legolas returned the smile and briefly touched his partner's face.
"Don't worry. I love you and I could not betray you. You would know immediately anyway, I could not deceive you."
Haldir laughed, his grey-blue eyes sparkling. This was true, he did not believe that Legolas would be successful in lying to him. He also knew that the younger elf deeply loved him and would not do anything lightly to jeopardize their relationship. He turned to embrace Legolas tightly, who sighed with contentment and leaned against him.
"Haldir, I would not know what to do without you ..." Haldir quietly laid a finger on Legolas' lips. "Come now, it is late, let us go to bed."
TBC Please review.
- - - - -
Chapter 2 – Days in Lothlorien
Aragorn and Legolas regarded each other in silence. For both, the flood of memories which seeing the other brought was painful.
Aragorn regarded Legolas silently for a while. Fifteen years is a very brief time for an elf, but Legolas had changed in this time. Although he had reached majority more than 50 years ago, for an elf he was still very young, and the intervening years had brought physical and mental changes. Aragorn noticed that Legolas was more muscular than he had been, and also his face had somewhat matured, although the changes were subtle. Aragorn also had never seen Legolas with his hair in a simple plait or with the type of clothing he wore at the moment, contributing to the feeling of strangeness.
It was also obvious that Legolas was comfortably settled with Haldir. The mere fact that Legolas was unpacking Haldir's travelling pack, sorting their belongings into joint piles spoke volumes for the two elves' familiarity and closeness.
With a pang of regret, Aragorn realised that his and Legolas' time as lovers was well and truly over. Despite his feelings for Arwen, some small voice inside him had always hoped that maybe, one day ... . The way Legolas moved, his beauty ... it all brought back so many memories.
But seeing Legolas in his own home, unpacking his partner's belongings, brought home forcefully that this was not going to happen – and he had brought this unto himself.
Legolas watched Aragorn's face display a mixture of emotions. He had always been able to read Aragorn well, and even though he had not seen the man for fifteen years, he instinctively knew at least some of what he was feeling.
He, too, noticed changes in his former lover. When they had separated, Aragorn had been little more than a boy who dressed, behaved and looked much like a young elf. Now, fifteen years later, Aragorn was definitely a man. He was taller and broader, his face less round, and his hair had been cut. Legolas found that odd, when he had been younger, Aragorn's hair had been waist long. He still remembered the feeling of running his hands through Estel's hair and teasing out the inevitable tangles. With an effort, Legolas focused his mind on the present. The pain of that memory was sharp.
"Aragorn, let us go somewhere else to talk. I will finish this task here and then we can go for a walk amongst the trees."
Aragorn nodded, but then added, "Don't you want to get something to eat? You have only just returned."
Legolas shook his head. "I am not very hungry at the moment. We can always eat later."
He finished the unpacking and tied up dirty clothing and blankets into bundles to go to the washers. He then quickly cleaned both his own and Haldir's weapons, his hands performing the tasks almost without thinking.
Aragorn watched Legolas, again it struck him how familiar Legolas seemed with what he was doing. 'He is settled here. This is his home,' Aragorn thought with regret. 'It is too late.' He did not ask himself the question for what it might be too late.
Then they climbed down the rope ladder and Legolas led them away from the settlement on a path between the trees. They walked for a while in silence, and then Aragorn said, his voice laden with sadness and regret: "I cannot express how sorry I feel for what I have done to you, Legolas. In all these years, I have hoped that perhaps you could forgive me for what I have done. I cannot deny what I feel for Arwen, but what I have done to you was utterly wrong."
Legolas returned Aragorn's level gaze. "I will not deny that you hurt me much. For many years I have wondered what I did or perhaps did not do, that you needed Arwen's affection instead of mine. I grieved for you as if you had died, no, perhaps worse since I knew you were still alive but loving another."
Aragorn winced at these words. Eleven grief was not to be taken lightly, Aragorn had seen it, and knew what it did to elves.
Legolas continued, his dark eyes full of a mix of emotions. "For a long time I was feeling bitterness towards you. But thanks to Haldir, I realised that holding onto the past prevented me from living in the present and looking into the future. So I let go. Estel, I have forgiven you a long time ago... but I still have been unable to answer the question 'why'."
There was a moment of silence. Aragorn looked down at his hands, his confidence faltering. "I am not even certain I can answer that question. I did not stop loving you, you did nothing wrong, you were as kind and loving as you had always been. It was more like ... I was also attracted to Arwen and I could not have both of you. When I began to think about what I was doing, you had already left."
"Father was furious. He deeply objected to any relationship between Arwen and me, and also to the way I had treated you. He told me to follow you, try to make up and forget about Arwen. But I could not do that, I felt too much for her."
Aragorn lifted his eyes and met Legolas gaze. "I am so sorry, Legolas, for the hurt that I caused you. You have done nothing wrong. I could not have asked for a better companion. It was all my fault." There was a wistfulness in his tone that Legolas did not miss.
He closed the gap between them and hugged Aragorn. They stood for a moment holding each other. A flood of memories of overwhelmed both, as their bodies remembered many past embraces. Then Legolas broke the contact and moved away.
"I have often wondered if, when the day came that I would meet you again, we could be friends again. We were friends before we were lovers, and I have missed your friendship greatly."
Aragorn was stunned. This was a gracious offer from Legolas. Aragorn had come to Lothlorien in the hope of seeing Legolas and finally being able to apologise, he had not anticipated forgiveness and an offer of friendship.
"How would Haldir feel about this?"
"I choose my own friends. But I believe that if he had a chance to get to know you he would like you as well."
Some time later, they found a fallen log and sat down. After an initial period of awkwardness, they found that words flew easily. They remembered the many good times they had had together. They also spoke at length about changes in Rivendell, exchanged news about old friends and caught up with each other's news.
It was already dark when they returned to Caras Caladhon. Legolas wanted to greet Elrond and the twins, but for the time being they were unable to find them in the rooms that had been allocated to them. Legolas offered Aragorn to come with him for a simple meal. Aragorn hesitated; he was not certain how a meeting with Haldir would work out. But since such a meeting was inevitable during this stay, he decided that he might get it over with sooner rather than later.
When they arrived at Legolas and Haldir's flet, Haldir had returned. His conference with Galadriel had taken even longer than he had feared, and had only recently returned from a bath and a meal. He had now settled himself with a glass of wine in the small sitting area, appreciating Legolas' efforts to tidy up. He stretched out his legs in front of him, and was idly wondering where Legolas had got to. He had almost dropped off to sleep when he heard soft voices at the door, one of them unmistakably Legolas', the other one unknown.
With a start he sat up when Legolas came in, followed by a tall man. Haldir knew immediately who he was. It had to be Aragorn, it could be no other. The man was tall and slender, and moved with an almost elven grace. He was young, with a narrow sensitive face framed by dark shoulder-length hair. The eyes immediately struck Haldir, silvery grey and expressive in a way Haldir had not seen in a mortal before. He wore simple leggings and tunic, undoubtedly of elven make.
Haldir had never really thought about how Legolas' former lover looked like. Legolas had told him a lot about Aragorn, who used to be called Estel, and what had happened between them. When they had talked about whom to invite for their bonding, Haldir had not been very keen on the idea of suggesting to Elrond to bring his sons, but he also knew that Legolas valued their friendship and did not want to stand in the way on this issue.
Haldir knew that Aragorn had grown up in Rivendell, but he had not expected the ranger to be so elf-like. Haldir had always cherished the idea that Legolas' affection for the young man had been nothing but youthful infatuation, fuelled by a sense of the exotic by falling in love with a mortal. But this one... Haldir immediately reassessed the situation. Aragorn was undeniably attractive, and if he had been slightly less broad shouldered and had longer hair, he could have passed for a Noldor elf. Haldir was both curious and slightly alarmed.
"Haldir, this is Aragorn. You have heard about him."
"Aragorn, this is Haldir," Legolas said, stating the obvious.
Haldir stood up, and rather formally greeted Aragorn. "Mae govannen. Welcome in our home. "Without consciously deciding to do so, Haldir emphasised the word 'our'.
Aragorn, for his part, also quickly appraised Haldir. Haldir was clearly a warrior, broader in build than Legolas, but with the same fair colouring and light hair. His face, with regular features and grey-blue eyes, wore an unreadable expression.
"Thank you. Legolas has shown me some of the woods of Lothlorien. I have not been here before." Aragorn's voice was soft, his Sindarin faultless.
There was an awkward pause. Legolas watched as Haldir and Aragorn appraised each other, and all three felt distinctly uneasy.
Finally Aragorn broke the silence and looked at the two elves. "It is time for me to leave, I should return to my father and brothers. They must wonder where I am by now. Good night."
Haldir nodded, and Legolas was silent, a mixture of regret and relief in his dark eyes. Aragorn hesitated for a moment, then turned and took his leave. Both elves watched him go.
- - - -
Later that evening.
"Legolas?"
"Yes, Haldir?
"Was inviting Aragorn a good idea?"
"I don't know. In some ways, I enjoyed seeing him again. It has been so long, and there were some questions I had wanted to ask him for years. But I found that he has changed quite a bit, he used to be a boy and now he is a man. It feels very strange."
"Did you get answers to your questions?"
"Yes." Legolas did not elaborate. Haldir decided not to press the issue. Legolas would tell him when he was ready for sharing what had happened this afternoon.
"Legolas, just make sure that no one gets hurt." Haldir smiled at Legolas to take any sting out of his words. Legolas returned the smile and briefly touched his partner's face.
"Don't worry. I love you and I could not betray you. You would know immediately anyway, I could not deceive you."
Haldir laughed, his grey-blue eyes sparkling. This was true, he did not believe that Legolas would be successful in lying to him. He also knew that the younger elf deeply loved him and would not do anything lightly to jeopardize their relationship. He turned to embrace Legolas tightly, who sighed with contentment and leaned against him.
"Haldir, I would not know what to do without you ..." Haldir quietly laid a finger on Legolas' lips. "Come now, it is late, let us go to bed."
TBC Please review.