Not Myself
By Princess Alexandria
Princess_alex24@hotmail.com
Christy was nervous and she had no reason to be. She kept telling herself that she had no reason to be as she sat in her room waiting for Emma to come get her so they could leave. Jean had left five minutes ago.
Even though she expected it the knock on her door startled her. She took a moment to double check her reflection before opening the door. "Hey, done with all the meetings?" Christy gave Emma a smile and tried to sound normal. The question really bothering her couldn't be asked.
"Yes. Charles is old fashion but he's slowly coming around to some of my proposals." Emma stepped aside. "I made the reservation for six. We really should get going."
Christy followed Emma out into the hall while giving her a questioning glance. "Proposals?" She was curious what Emma was working on. The focus on work helped to calm her nerves a bit. Emma wasn't acting any different with her than she normally did, and while Christy would definitely have welcomed a date with Emma, the woman did intimidate her in that context.
Emma smirked at her before starting down the stairs. "I think you'd appreciate my latest push for reforms. Charles has always had his students share rooms even if there were more than enough rooms, but I'm proposing that our older students be allowed a private dorm." Christy nodded politely while Emma continued to talk. "I'm also challenging the no sex on campus rules. The older students should be allowed to have their personal relationships. We could make a Sexual Education class a prerequisite for getting a private room if he is concerned."
Christy was impressed with Emma's efforts, and a little dismayed that the Professor wasn't already doing these things. His older students were of legal age. "How is that going?" She asked when they stepped out the door. She was a bit surprised to see Emma's car already at the building so they wouldn't need to walk to the garage.
"It's slow." Emma sighed. "I have to chip away his old fashioned ideas bit by bit. I pointed out that our students now have to rely on sneaking out and that it wasn't necessarily safe for them to do so. I also pointed out the fact that without proper education and birth control we might have to set up a nursery if he didn't deal with this issue soon. Few students are as brave about asking for what they need as your Jessi. He treats them like children, but while they are, they are also becoming adults."
Christy felt like Emma had just validated her own beliefs. She knew some people would have had a problem with her willingness to let her students engage in sex, but she didn't really think it was up to her to stop them. She believed in giving them the information they needed and letting them make their own decisions. "Good luck with that." She hesitated for a moment. "If you need help with research or anything… I don't have much to do at night anymore. I could send you statistics by email." This proposal would be very important to Jessi and Jon and Christy would help fight for it for them.
Emma glanced at her before moving to get in the car. "Maybe. Let me think about it."
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Emma recognized the outfit Christy was wearing and was a little surprised that Jean had lent the woman something. It did look good on Christy, but Emma couldn't help but be irritated at the reminder of Jean. Maybe she should take Christy out shopping. The woman had to borrow clothes whenever the subject of going out came up.
Christy without a doubt would support the proposals Emma was working on. Probably all of them. From what Emma had seen in Christy's children's minds and with talking with the woman Christy shared a lot of Emma's beliefs. Getting Christy's help in forming those proposals might be helpful. Also Christy may have insights that would sway Charles, and in some cases Jean and Scott's opposition. Emma came into this school as the ground shaker, seeking to change old ways of doing things and with that came an uphill battle with the people who had always done things one way and didn't want to change. "I'll make a copy of some of the proposals I'm working on for you to take with you." Emma spoke as they left the driveway. This would benefit both of them. Christy needed a second job that made her feel useful and Emma needed some help if she wanted some reforms in place for the new school year.
"Good." Emma noticed Christy's smile when she said that. Christy was signing up for more work for a school she didn't work for and she was happy to do it. "If I have to lend Jon hotel money I'll go poor fast."
"Yes." Emma smirked. "There always is that argument too."
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Annie watched the car pull away and just continued to stare. Christy had said something about wanting to talk to her today, but she didn't see her again after lunch and now Christy was out on a date with another woman. A different woman every night. Annie felt a bit disgusted and hurt.
"You need to work on shielding your thoughts." A calm soft voice startled her into turning around. It was that woman Christy went out with last night. "Perhaps you don't realize it but every telepath nearby can here you. You are practically screaming."
Annie didn't know what to say. She felt an embarrassed flush, but really these were HER thoughts. They shouldn't be looking. She glared at the dark haired woman, but it didn't seem to faze her in the least.
"Also, I can guarantee you that while Emma is ignoring the rather inventive thoughts you try to aim her way now, once Christy is gone you may regret it if you don't stop provoking her now. I've known her for a while, and Emma is rather creative when she tries to teach someone a lesson."
Annie left. She didn't want to talk to that woman about this. If it were true, and she was being heard she would be so embarrassed. She left quickly.
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"Some people used to claim that the teenagers on my world shouldn't have sex or make important decisions." Christy sounded a bit lost in her thoughts, but talking about the past was good for her so Emma didn't interrupt. "I had to point out that they couldn't just wait until they were older. I crushed the rule that some parents tried to establish and told them that if we were in the old world they could put limits on their kids until they were adults, but it was unfair to do that to them when they would never get that freedom. Even the kids had the right to live the end of their lives how they wanted. I wasn't too popular with some people after that."
"When did this happen?"
"Before I was banished. It was one of my first decisions as a leader." Christy grinned a little. Emma could see some humor in her eyes before she turned back to focusing on the road. She'd forgone a driver for tonight so that they could talk freely. Christy would undoubtedly feel uncomfortable in the limo. "I talked the others into backing me in giving the teenagers equal rights as the adults, as well as the responsibilities which everyone was eager to give them. If they would send them out on hunter teams, or contributed to the camp those kids deserved the right to have a say in their lives. I was pretty popular with the kids for a while though."
"I'll bet." Emma smirked. If she passed her own changes at Xavier's Institute she knew a few of the children would be very grateful to her as well.
After a brief comfortable silence Emma glanced at Christy. "Did you have fun last night with Storm's team?" The light blush didn't escape her notice.
"Yeah. It was fun." Christy gave her a small smile and Emma regretted not having a driver for a moment since she had to watch the road. "We went dancing at a club then ate a very early breakfast."
"Well that's good." Emma gave a fake smile and focused on the road. "That team is always on the run. It might be a while before you get a chance to see them again." They were one of the more nomadic Xteams right now. "It was pretty lucky that their visit came during yours."
"They mentioned that."
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The restaurant was nice, but still not too uncomfortable for Christy. She followed Emma who was following the waiter to the table. It was hard to miss the way Emma walked as if she were in command of everything, her head high and her stride longer than someone not used to being obeyed. Christy remembered trying to imitate that stride in her own world. It was how she imagined Emma would walk. She was right.
"Can I get you ladies some wine while you order?" He offered and Christy glanced around briefly. This place probably didn't have mixed drinks. Only Emma went with the wine, Christy didn't care for it.
"Emma?" Christy started before stopping herself. She was almost ready to ask if this was a date. She wasn't getting the feeling that it was, but she wasn't quite sure. She stopped herself, because if it weren't a date, asking that could be a problem.
"What?" Well, there went the hope that Emma didn't hear her name spoken so softly. Christy mind scrambled to come up with some other question to ask.
"Why are you working for Xavier at that school now? You had your own school."
It was supposed to be a small question, but Emma setting down her fork and sighing told Christy is wasn't. "The Massachusetts Academy was shut down after Adrienne killed a few of my students, and after I made sure she wouldn't do any more harm my students didn't want me to reopen it." Emma moved to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I love teaching, there isn't anything else I'd rather do, so I accepted a job in Genosha teaching. I moved there and lived in a country made up almost entirely of mutants for a few months." Christy's eyes widened. She knew what had happened to that place and she already hurt for Emma before hearing the rest of the story. "I was teaching a class when the sentinels attacked. My students were slaughtered and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it. It happened so fast." There spot in the corner hid them from view and Christy watched in shock as Emma's skin started to shine like crystal for a moment. "My secondary mutation chose that very moment to appear. My diamond form is what kept me alive, when millions of others died." The skin changed back before Christy could reach out and see what Emma's hand felt like. She still did put her hand over Emma's wishing she could have comforted her more, but Emma gave a little smile as if she were over it. Christy knew better than to believe that. "After that I accepted Charles offer to teach here."
"I'm so sorry that you…" Christy had to blink away her own tears. She knew what it was like to be the last one standing and hated that Emma had to feel that.
"You should save room for desert." Emma changed the subject, her voice calm and collected, as if they hadn't been having such a serious conversation and Christy let her. She understood.
"It might be too late for that." She glanced at her nearly empty plate while pulling her hand away from Emma's and ignoring the big elephant in the room that was Emma's confession and new powers. Some people might said avoidance and denial weren't healthy, but sometimes it was the only way to get through the day, or at least in this case the night.
"I guess I should have warned you sooner." Emma smirked at her. "Maybe next time." Christy glanced up at her quickly. Was there going to be a next time? Christy was leaving soon. "Surely you plan to visit again." Emma spoke softly and it was almost like she could read Christy's mind.
"If they'll let me." Christy was under no illusions about how the news of her past might be viewed, or the fact that Emma was undoubtedly going to have to tell them eventually what she'd seen in Christy's mind. She did know that Emma hadn't already told anyone, because if she had there was no way Scott wouldn't want to confront Christy about it.
Emma just looked at her, clearly wanting her to elaborate. "You have to tell them, don't you? You have to tell them what I've done." The subtle nod was all the answer Christy needed. "I still think some of the things I did were right. Some of them were very wrong, but…" Christy sighed. Having this conversation in public was unnerving, but she knew Emma was keeping people from listening in. "if I had to go through that hell again, I'd still do whatever I had to in order to protect my people. Anything I had to do." Christy didn't like admitting to this, but this was Emma. She looked the blonde telepath in the eyes. "I don't imagine that will go over very well with some of the others."
"Logan kills in battle far more often than Scott cares for, and he's still a part of the team. Rogue used to be the enemy, I used to fight the Xmen. Gambit… has a dark past as well and he is part of the team."
"Gambit was almost killed by the team when they found out what he did. They left him to die. Rogue left him to die." Christy took a shuddering breath. It scared her that they could do that to a teammate they'd known for years, because if they could do that to Gambit, what could they do to her? It was when she'd heard that Rogue had done that to her boyfriend that Christy got over her crush on the southerner. Even though Rogue wasn't real to her then she found that hard to forgive, even if Gambit had. "It wasn't even a merciful death. Freezing to death isn't merciful."
Emma once again looked a little surprised by the information Christy had. It was probably a little jarring for them all. "Well, they took that rather personally. I don't anticipate that will happen to you. I won't let it. I do think they will listen better than they did then. They all learned a few lessons from that."
"Emma, why haven't you told them anything yet?" Christy asked quietly.
Emma's eyes seemed to soften just a little. "I don't think it hurts for them to get to know you a little first." She gave Christy a small smile. "And I'll admit that I'm trying to time it for when you're out of town so that they can calm down and think about it before talking with you."
The waiter's appearance interrupted the conversation for a moment and Emma ordered them both desert. Christy didn't bother to contradict her.
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Emma took a last sip of her wine while studying Christy. "Well, shall we get back?" She smiled and moved to stand up. "We have more work to do tonight."
Christy seemed a bit hesitant. "How much are you trying to see?"
Emma had to stop herself from just answering right away and focused on being a bit more compassionate with her answer. "I'd like to follow you through your coming here." Was a kinder way of saying she wanted to see the end of Christy's world.
"I see." Christy stared at the now empty wine glass Emma set down. "Well, then we better get back. We have a lot to cover." Christy didn't sound happy about it, not that Emma would have expected her to. They were digging into painful things.
The drive back didn't take long and Emma could see Christy fidgeting a bit more than normal. They'd been in her mind so many times before, it couldn't be that Christy was suddenly nervous about that could it? That wouldn't help with the connection they had to build. "I want you to open the doorway wider. The wider it is the faster our connection is." Emma pulled the chair she normally sat on closer to the bed. Close enough to rest a hand on Christy's arm. They'd try physical contact as well. If Christy was right and they had a lot to cover they needed to be able to do it faster, because Christy was only going to be here a few more days, and Emma wanted to have a complete report to give. She strongly suspected all the facts together would help her to show the others Christy really was a good woman, in spite of the things she may have done.
While Christy worked to lower her shield Emma moved to touch Christy's temples with her hands. "A physical connection as well will help me keep the connection focused." She felt compelled to explain her taking such liberties when Christy seemed to flinch in surprise from being touched.
Christy glanced at her arms for a moment and Emma could feel no effort was being made with that shield yet. "Won't your arms get tired? We'll probably be doing this a while."
"Most likely." Emma knew it wouldn't be comfortable. She glanced at Christy for a moment, debating. "If I could hold you from behind I could rest my arms on your body." It would be a far more intimate pose, but it would be far easier. The greater contact between their bodies would help considerably.
"Hold me?" Emma glanced at Christy's blush and smirked.
"Let me show you." Her voice a hint softer as she moved behind Christy on the bed. She swung a leg around to the other side of the woman, their thighs touching. Her few inches of height over Christy made it easier to lean forward and rest her chin on Christy's shoulder. Christy couldn't see the teasing smirk and Emma pulled Christy back into her a little more forcefully, or that it grew when she heard a startled gasp come from Christy's lips. "I can rest my hands over your temples like this." She spoke a little seductively, enjoying the power of it while she moved her hands into place. "Open up to me." The slight movement of Christy's legs for a moment put a mischievous gleam in Emma's eyes. Christy was opening her legs. "Open your mind." She corrected while pretending she hadn't noticed that Christy had been willing to do far more than that. Maybe Christy didn't even realize what she'd started to do.
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Christy looked out at the assembled tribe from her place on the stage. It wasn't really a stage, but served as one for meetings. It was a flatbed of a semi that no longer ran due to the lack of gas anywhere. The other two leaders stood to one side, while Christy had her hands tied behind her and still had a few guards nearby. Did they really think she'd attack?
"What do you have to say in your defense?" Richard glared at her after announcing to everyone that she was on trial for murder and tricking them all into cannibalism. Christy looked out at the crowd of pale faces. They all looked a bit sick. Her eyes traveled to familiar faces almost against her will. Debbie was there, but the kids weren't. She looked stunned. Christy wondered where the kids were and who was watching them. She looked into the faces of other hunting team leaders that had often seemed shocked at her ability to feed them all before. She looked at the girl that acted like she was a superhero and Shelley looked shell shocked.
Christy took a step forward and held her head up high. She forced herself not to feel the pain of the accusations and addressed the crowd just as calmly as she had last week when they discussed the rationing of batteries, even though this was a much more serious topic. "I love this tribe, and I did the only thing I could think of to keep it alive. I've been hunting for a while and I can say that there is no other food sources out there. The raiders have all the supplies, all the food. Our tribe and others run around like rats trying to find something to live on, but it isn't out there. You've seen the takes other hunting teams bring in. It isn't enough to keep even a hunting team alive, let alone the whole tribe. We were burying out children. Sickness was killing our old. It was only a matter of time before starvation took out the rest of us, and if we didn't die from starvation and sickness the raiders would have been our undoing. The raiders have killed our men and stolen our women before. Those of you that were with this tribe in the beginning remember coming back to the old camp to find the bodies. To find the children I managed to save even though the raiders had clearly tried to kill them." She took a deep breath. "I won't deny the accusations. I have been killing raiders, I've ordered the deaths of so many raiders that the bastards are feeling the loss to their ranks. I've stolen their flesh to make you all strong. Every moment you have to hold your lovers, your children… every moment you have to laugh with friends or cry over your losses… I gave you that. We ALL would be dead now if I didn't do what I do." She had to ignore the murmurs and obvious scorn in some faces to talk. She had no idea how much listening was going on, but this was her only chance. "If we do things my way we will live long enough to see the end of days, and if we don't… we will live long enough to bury our loved ones." Her eyes traveled to Shelley and Debbie at that moment. "I did this for you all." But she kept her eyes on the two she took care of more personally. "I did this so that no more children like Casey had to die." Debbie flinched at that reminder of her daughter. The one Christy had buried before resorting to these lows to take care of them all.
"I would have preferred death." One man near the front said loudly, "Than to hear I'd eaten… My god, you've turned us all into monsters."
"No." Christy answered quickly. "You're alive because I killed the monsters." She tried to not think of Kevin, the boy in raiders' clothes that she'd tortured when she spoke. "The flesh of our enemies gives us life, where if they lived… they would kill us." Now was not the time to doubt herself and what she'd done. She had to believe it with every part of her or they'd see that doubt. She needed them to realize that she was right. She had to be right. "Who here hasn't lost friends or family to raiders? Who here hasn't been attacked by them? The only good they do is what I do with them."
"They were human beings." A woman called out.
Christy's jaw clenched. She couldn't deny that and didn't know how to answer that. Finally the murmuring of the crowd got louder and Christy had to speak louder to be heard. "I came back here to reason with you. I can keep you alive. My way is the only way to live." She stared right at the woman she lived with. "I came back to save you and your children."
"The cost is too high." The verbal man called out. "If there is a God… He'd never forgive us this."
"No He wouldn't." Another voice called out. "We have to banish her. Her and all her team."
"You do that and you'll starve shortly afterwords." Christy took a step forward, a note of pleading in her voice. "My team and I keep this tribe strong. It would be suicide to send us away."
"Banishing her might not be enough." Another voice called out and Christy cringed to recognize the man whose job she'd taken. The former leader of the tribe. "If we make her pay for these crimes perhaps God will see fit to forgive us for unknowingly committing such…" His face was red with anger and the gleam in his eye was cold. "atrocities."
"No." Another voice rose over the crowd. "To take a life if wrong, and to punish her for doing that by taking a life is hypocrisy. Banishment is enough."
"Don't you fools realize your voting on your own deaths?" Christy's voice rose as she heard no one else defending her. "It doesn't matter how you get rid of me, if you do there will be no more food."
Debbie opened her mouth and Christy cringed just a little before stealing herself for a more personal attack. She didn't get it. "I love my babies." Debbie started with steel in her voice. "I love every moment I get to spend with them and there isn't a day that I don't wish Casey was still around for me to hold as well. I watched her die slowly because I didn't have enough food to give them. At one point I…" Debbie put a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob. Christy and her never talked about this. "At one point I realized that I was going to lose her and I… I had to make a decision that no mother should ever have to make. I had to chose to stop trying to feed her so that my other two babies would have enough. I stopped eating for a very long time and gave everything I had to my children, but everything I had was only enough for two and Casey was so weak." Debbie looked at Christy. "With Christy here I know I won't be forced to make that decision again."
"To feed human flesh to a child is an abomination."
"To have to watch your child die a horrible death is an abomination." Debbie growled out. "You don't have children, you can't understand."
"The Raider's killed my parents." Shelley spoke up, clearly nervous about doing it. "They killed a lot of people. Maybe this is justice." That started a very loud argument between those ready to kill or banish Christy and those that could see that Christy did what she had to in order to help and protect them all. Those on her side weren't as numerous as she'd hoped and as the argument raged she had a horrible feeling that this wasn't going to turn out in her favor. She'd needed well over half, perhaps even three fourths of them to agree with her if she wanted to take control, and she didn't have that at all. She was going to get banished. And if that happened her people would die. Her and her team would be able to keep themselves going, but Debbie, Shelley and the kids…
Her voice rose above the crowd in a commanding tone. "Those that leave with me can join my tribe. I can keep you alive." There was no doubt she couldn't stay. Not with so many saying she had to go, and a sadly high number claiming that her death would be justice served. "Go to the school if you want to join us. We will check the field often for you and escort you to the new tribe." She couldn't let them know where the new tribe was or they might be attacked from some of the glaring people here that won't be happy when she isn't sentenced to death.
"SILENCE." Richard yelled out while glaring at her. He didn't care for her offer to split up his tribe, but why bother keeping them all if he wasn't going to feed them. Really this would be better for all involved. He and the righteous could die their noble death and those that wanted more could have it. "You Christine Taylor are hereby banished. You will get nothing but the clothes on your back… and any foolish enough to follow you will do so without any of our supplies."
"You mean the supplies that I gave you?" Christy couldn't help but put in that jab. Starting a new tribe with nothing would be very hard.
"NO! She has to be punished for what she's done!" A loud protest was issued. "She needs to pay for her crimes."
"This is paying for her crimes." Richard glared at his former co-leader in the audience. "We won't become killers and won't condone killing. If we kill her than we are no better than her, and I'd like to believe I'm a better person." Christy's jaw clenched at that insult.
"You can't let people leave with her."
"I'm not going to keep people prisoner here. If they want to sell their soul and become less than beasts just to survive a few more months, than good riddance." Richard glared at Debbie and Shelley. "but you do so with nothing more than you can carry." He turned to the guard behind Christy. "Untie her and march her to the end of the street."
The crowd parted as she walked with her head held high. She ignored the few rocks that hit her, the many insults, and the glares. These people would suffer for what they did, and that was what bothered her more. She didn't have to seek justice for this treatment, because in no time at all these people would be too weak to hunt and they would die. It was such a fucking waste, to die for an ideal, or skittishness against doing something distasteful. She only became truly angry when she noticed the crowd jostling Debbie and Shelley with hostility. Those that supported her would have to leave soon, or it would get worse.
The guards were rough with her and it was her own men that stepped out of the shadows that kept her from being beaten after she was pushed to the ground at the end of the street. They came out of the shadows with their guns drawn on their old tribe and those that had followed in the hopes of doing some damage to Christy backed off.
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Emma moved to the next memory quickly. They didn't say much in the interim about the trial. Emma had felt the pain and frustration. She'd felt the fear and despair, but none of it had shown on Christy when she was marched out of her home and away from the people she'd sworn to protect. She'd looked like a queen of a losing army, holding her head high in spite of the situation and Emma could respect that.
She could feel that the connection was stronger. Christy was holding the door opened more firmly and the physical connection was helping. They may be able to get through a lot more memories tonight. She pulled Christy closer since she'd started to pull away in their physical bodies and caressed her temples before picking the next memory and jumping in.
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