A Dream of Angels

Part 8

How can one be barely past thirty and feel like aging past one hundred overnight?

She waited blearily as Lex opened the door to Lena's room. Chloe stepped into the shock of pastels and tourist treasures that had been Lena's sanctuary in all her five years of life. Her throat ached and she couldn't bear to brush against the toys that littered the bed and decked the shelves. What had women for centuries done when faced with catastrophe such as this?

"We don't have to do this right now," came Lex's soft voice from behind her, and she hated hearing him speak like that. They both knew there was nothing gentle or tender about what they had been through. They were both aware that he harbored hatred inside him. Hatred of fate, of trust, of her.

Her abrupt movements indicated to him that he would not be able to change her mind. Lex watched his wife pick up stuffed animals from the floor and place them on the bed. Her movements were measured; her face was impassive. It told him how much was happening deep inside her where she would never let him in again.

Chloe walked towards the shoe rack beside the closet and looked through the small feminine pairs in stock. She picked out black leather shoe that was still so shiny.

"Preschool graduation," she murmured. "Perfect."

Chloe had gone up the stage to put Lena's medal on. The girl wore a light blue dress and she waved to her classmates, proudly showing off that her mother was the prettiest in the auditorium. It was the day Lex was supposed to leave for Japan. He had already showered Lena with congratulations the night before. It had been an unexpected blessing that Lex arrived to run up to the stage and have photographs taken with them.

'You thought I'd miss this,' he had whispered into her ear. 'There would be only one preschool graduation of our only child.'

Her heart had blossomed at Lex's effort to be part of Lena's childhood. Only, he had spoken like an omen then, because it was to be the only graduation they attended.

"Where's the other one?" Chloe looked inside the other holes for the partner of the shoe she had in her hand. When she could not find it there, she knelt and peered under the bed. "Dammit!"

"Chloe, we'll buy another one."

"Shut up!" she snapped. She crawled halfway under the bed and found the shoe caught under one leg of the bed. Chloe reached for it and then sat back up. The shoe was ruined. The leather had chipped off and the shape was no longer the same.

Lex approached her and said, "We can get the same style if you want."

Chloe's eyes narrowed at him. She threw the shoe at Lex. The same weapon hit him on the chest and fell into his hand. "You can't buy shoes like these! These were Lena's graduation shoes!"

Lex closed his eyes and shook his head. "I promised myself I wouldn't argue with you, Chlo. Not about this. Not over shoes."

Chloe ignored the comment and walked over to the closet. She threw open the doors and looked through the dresses she had hung in there. They were almost new clothes that she could cajole her daughter into wearing only when Lex was going to be around.

'Dresses only for special occasions,' Lena had reminded her.

Chloe drew out the dress that was her favorite of all of them. It was a white satin princess gown. The style had been her dream one since she was a child. Every time Chloe had worn one though, she had always felt that she was some common girl pretending to be a princess. Lena though... Chloe had been so proud of how beautiful Lena was. She was an actual princess, so dressing her in pretty clothes was not difficult or challenging at all. She was meant to wear princess dresses.

Chloe took the satin dress with her and faced Lex. Lex's eyes flickered over the gown and nodded silently. Chloe released a heavy breath. She would not have been able to take Lex's disapproval, and she was grateful that he liked her choice. She lay back on Lena's bed and clutched the dress to her chest.

Lex looked down at Chloe on their daughter's bed, holding a dress as if it were a lifeline. A tear slid down Chloe's temple. He silently took the dress from her hands. Chloe opened her eyes.

"I'll give it to Ellen to send to... them."

Reluctantly, she gave Lex her choice and closed her eyes again. So tired.

The bed dipped at the side as Lex sat close to her. Again, Chloe opened her red-rimmed eyes and saw her husband staring down at her with a look she had not seen for a long time. Ever since Lena's illness, Lex had never outwardly expressed uncertainty, need. She reached up for him and breathed deeply when he leaned down to bury his lips in the crook of her neck.

"I need you tonight."

"Okay," she sighed.

"Tomorrow..."

"If you need me," came her answer. "I love you."

"I love you."

She woke more refreshed than she had ever been since she married Lex. It was exactly what they needed perhaps. After the dark months of her daughter's illness and the horror of releasing the beautiful child who came from inside her into the earth, again being with the man she loved seemed the only way to close the chapter.

She turned her head away from the warmth of the sunlight coming through the windows. As was imprinted inside her, she naturally settled deeper to her left, where her husband should have been, only to find cold emptiness and a vacant bed. Chloe expelled a breath and reality came crushing down at the sight. A brown envelope lay on the pillow still marked by Lex's head.

She took the packet and read the light purple post-it message.

"Chloe, it's time we accepted it. From the very start it seemed we were headed towards this. I fought it; you did. We stayed together because of a dream, and now she's gone. I can love you until the end my life, but we can't continue to be together. LL."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Chloe could picture Lex scanning the documents swiftly and signing at the end. She drew the papers out stared down at the end of her marriage. She finally turned the pages and read every heavy word.

Lex had given her more than what she could spend in a hundred lifetimes. With several sheets of paper, Lex had effectively ended any need for communication between them. He had handed over the castle, a dozen of his cars that she often used, a monthly allowance that would enable her to live like a queen.

She signed her name on every page.