(An: This story is -really- fun to work on. Since I'm only gauging it at about five chapters or so, I want to finish it before going back to my other fics. I'm being a bit blocked on them anyway.)
Remy's brother Henri answered the door. "Oh, so de youngest brother decided t' show up fer his weddin', den?"
"Shut up, Henri," replied Remy.
"Who're your friends?" asked Henri, leaning against the doorway.
"Kitty, Kurt," he pointed at them, and then put on his best "guy-in-love" expression and put his arm around Rogue. "And dis is m' fiancee, Rogue."
The shocked look on Henri's face was worth all the work. Unable to speak, he led them down the hall. He opened the door for Remy and Rogue and led Kitty and Kurt farther down.
The head of the LeBeau clan looked up from his paperwork. "Ah, Remy, I see y' got de letter."
"Oui, I got it," said Remy cooly. "'M here t' say I can't marry Belle."
Jean-Luc LeBeau sighed. "What's your excuse this time?"
"I've already got a fiancee," Remy replied, dragging Rogue into view. Very, very softly he whispered, "Don't say anything unless he speaks t' y'. Just look girlfriendy," into her ear.
There was a stunned silence in the room.
"Ah don't think Ah'm makin' that much of an impression," whispered Rogue.
"Dat's de idea," replied Remy, grinning.
"Sit," said Jean-Luc. "Explain." He was still in too much shock to speak more than one word at a time.
"It very simple, pere. I met Rogue, fell in love, and m' contract wit' Magneto expired. Right, chere?" He looked at Rogue with a simpering lover's smile.
Rogue copied it but hers had an undertone of "I'm going to hurt ya later," to it.
Remy covered her hand with his and mouthed, "Bear wit' me. Just play along." He then turned back to his father.
"Remy, if you're goin' t' lie, at least be convincing."
Remy put on a shocked/hurt look. "What, are y' sayin' y' don' believe m'?
Jean-Luc stared back at Remy. "Y' expect m' t' believe dat de so-called King o' Hearts would hang up his title for one girl?" He snorted.
"Oui," said Remy cheerfully.
"Elaborate."
"We'll spare ya the details, shall we?" said Rogue sweetly.
Remy just beamed at his father.
"And jus' how do y' expect m' t' break dis t' Marius?"
"Break it to him gently," advised Remy with a sage nod.
Jean-Luc sighed again. "Out," he said, waving a hand at the door.
Remy and Rogue complied.
THE LEBEAU KITCHEN
Kitty and Kurt weren't faring as well.
Emil had led them to the kitchen, where they were fidgeting at a table.
Tante Mattie was bustling about, making dinner. She chopped up a last few vegetables and sat down in front of them. Somehow her stare was just as creepy as Remy's, even though her eyes were normal. "So, you two are Remy's amis, den?"
"Um, like, yeah," said Kitty, playing with Kurt's hand under the table. Kurt was tying his tail in knots in the same place.
"You come from dat school, de Xavier whatever?"
"Uh-huh," said Kitty.
"I see... So den you two understand what's going on?"
"Like, more or less," said Kitty.
"Explain, si vous plait."
"Well, it's, like, pretty simple. Remy and Rogue met, like, a few months ago and it was just, like, fate. They got engaged last week and they came down here to, like, sort this whole thing out."
"Why did dey bring you?"
"Well, like, Kurt is one of the witnesses on the engagement papers. The other one was, like, Hank, but he runs the school's med lab, so he couldn't, like, come. So they sent me." She fidgeted.
"All right," said Tante Mattie, seeming satisfied. She stood up and went back to bustling around her kitchen.
Kurt let out his breath in a whoosh and leaned back against the wall. "This is strange, eh, Katzchen?"
"Yeah," agreed Kitty, nodding.
Remy and Rogue came into the doorway. "Save us!" mouthed Kurt.
Remy snorted, and gestured for Rogue to sit down. He leaned against the doorway. "Henri's gone, right?" he asked Mattie.
"Oui," she replied.
Remy made a gesture as though thanking the heavens for this mercy and sat down by Rogue.
"So, how'd it, like, go?" asked Kitty softly.
"Mon pere is just a tad upset," said Remy, putting his finger and thumb an inch apart.
Now it was Rogue's turn to snort.
"He wants t' talk t' all of us later."
"Much later," said Rogue.
"Oui, probably sometime next year. It'll take him dat long t' get over de shock."
Kurt sniffed the air hopefully. "Please tell me we get to eat some of that?" he asked, looking at the pots simmering on the stove. "Airplane food is nice and all but I need something with calories!"
"Unless m' family's joined some wierd cult where dey sacrifice gumbo t' de bayou, I t'ink we get t' eat it."
Rogue looked over at him, one eyebrow raised.
"Hey, it could happen," said Remy, leaning back on his chair.
"Yeah, in some freaky alternate universe," said Rogue, rolling her eyes.
Remy shrugged and put his hands behind his head.
"Don't get too comfortable," said Henri, walking by. "Dad's on the warpath."
"Fun, fun, eh, Henri?" replied Remy.
"Oh, oui, it'll be fun once he gets in here," retorted Henri. "Once the smoke clears perhaps I can pick apart whatever's left of you."
"Your family's creepy," said Kitty after Henri walked off.
"Don't I know it. Why you t'ink I left?"
ABOUT AN HOUR LATER
Jean-Luc had finally gotten over the shock. He summoned the travelers back to his office by way of Emil and was now surveying them over his steepled fingers. "All right, start at the beginning. Explain your 'relationship' t' me. Don't spare the details."
"All right, den. Rogue and I met in a warehouse, I tried t' blow her up, she tried to smack me, dat old biscuit."
"You're a mutant?" interjected Jean-Luc.
"Sort of. Ah have, um, healin' powers, so if Ah get hurt it just fixes itself," said Rogue.
"Anyway, it was love at first sight and all dat.So den I broke it off wit' Magneto and Rogue set m' straight. We got engaged last week." He made his best tragic "my-life-sucks-but-with-her-help-I'm-dealin'" expression.
"And y', why did y' go wit' Remy?"
Rogue looked at the floor for a moment, and when she did speak, her voice was thick with (faked) emotion. "Ya see, Mr. LeBeau, mah daddy had this habit of, er, molestin' meh in public. When Ah told Remy, he was real understandin' and everythin'. He's nevah pushed meh or anythin' like that." She looked up now, with tears (also faked) in her eyes. "He's just a great guy." Rogue was an excellent actress.
In the back Kitty and Kurt had to stuff their fists in their mouths to keep from bursting out laughing.
Jean-Luc looked a bit stunned. "...Ah," he said after a few seconds. "I see." He turned back to Remy. Rogue seemed to upset him. "Marius is having a large party in honor of Belle's 20th birthday. It's tommorrow. You can tell dem den, oui?"
Remy picked up on the "you" in that. He shook himself slightly. "Oui," he said, blinking.
"Bon. You can go." Jean-Luc turned back to his paperwork. It was a clear sign that they were dismissed.
They hurried out. Once the group was sure they were out of earshot of anyone, they began to laugh, long and loud. They all had to lean on something. Or in Remy and Rogue's case, someone.
"Oh mah gawd, that was fun," gasped Rogue, when she could speak again.
"Got dat right," said Remy. Both seemed to realize they were leaning on each other at the same time and sprang apart.
Kitty and Kurt were still laughing too hard to speak. "Oh, man, 'he's just a great guy', you guys are too much!" said Kurt, wiping a tear from his eye.
"What, you t'ink I ain't?"
"It's not that you're, like, not, it's just that it's, like, not in that respect," said Kitty, lying on the floor with Kurt.
"Y'all are so rude," said Remy, drawing himself up to his full height and acting offended.
"Of course," said the three others in unison.
Kitty and Kurt helped each other up. "Like, now what?"
"Now, we try to find empty rooms on de other side of dis place," said Remy. "De noise in dese rooms can get kinda creepy at night."
The group shuddered.
"Like, EW..." said Kitty.
"Waaaay too much information, swamp rat!" said Rogue, smacking him on the arm.
Remy shrugged. "Follow me," he said, walking off.
The guest rooms were on the East wing of the house, a good distance away from the rest of the occupied rooms.
Remy sneezed. "Mon Dieu, it's dusty in here," he said, opening a few doors. He sneezed again. "It seems de guest accomodations are not what dey once were."
Kurt was holding his tail up off the ground. "Please tell me there's a shower somewhere around here?" he asked, whimpering at all the dust settling into his fur.
Remy paused in his room search. "Um, I t'ink it's... dat one." He pointed at a random door.
A large cloud of dust billowed out when Kurt opened it. He sneezed. "Oh man," said Kurt. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to get dust out of fur?"
Remy tried another door. "Oh, dere it is. I t'ink dat one's a closet," he added, waving away some more dust.
Kurt didn't answer. He just ducked into the room and slammed the door shut. There was the sound of running water and a shout of, "I am so sleeping in here!"
Remy opened the last door in the hallway. He sneezed, and Kitty giggled. "What?"
"You look like a rabbit when you do that," said Kitty, still giggling.
"A rabbit?" repeated Remy, looking confused.
"Ya know, if ya kinda turn yer head and squint," said Rogue, doing so, "there is kind of a resemblence."
Remy blinked. "I'm goin' t' ignore dat comment." He looked at the open doors on both sides of the hallway. "Well, dey all seem t' be in de same state of disrepair. Pick a door, any door." He grabbed the one at the end and went in. There were several very explosive sneezes before he was able to shut the door.
Kitty picked the room across from the bathroom. As she brought her stuff into it, she commented, "Hey Rogue, maybe you should start calling him, like, swamp rabbit."
Rogue snickered as she picked a random room of her own.
Anyone walking by at the time might have heard the sound of loud singing in German and then a chorus of "Shut up!"s from the occupied rooms. But of course, no one did. Nobody went by the guest wing. It was dusty there!
THE NEXT MORNING
Rogue banged on the door. "Kurt! Open up!"
"Could y' be any louder?" asked Remy, yawning.
"Yeah, some of us like to sleep later then seven, you know," agreed Kitty, also yawning.
"Yeah, Ah know, but fuzzbutt locked me out!" said Rogue. "Do ya have any idea how long it takes meh just ta put on mah makeup?!"
"So don't," said Remy, leaning against the wall. "Y' look better wit'out it anyway."
Rogue ducked her head but it was too late; Remy had already seen her blush.
"All right, all right, I'm out," said Kurt, walking out. "No rest for the fuzzy man." He went over to flirt with Kitty.
When Rogue came out, she was only wearing lipstick and eye shadow, instead of her usual layer-upon-layer-upon-layer of makeup. "Now what?"
"Now we go hide before m' family finds us. Dey'll be after us like bats outta hell," said Remy.
"Is that your answer to, like, everything?" asked Kitty.
Remy shrugged. "When dealin' wit' m' family it is. I've found it's usually de best policy.in dese situations."
"Where do we go?" asked Kurt.
Remy shrugged again. "Wherever, as long as it's far from here."
Now, if they'd left right then, they'd probably have escaped.
But, being a thief, Remy's brother Henri had a keen sense of hearing (and also a sadistic sense of humor, but that's not important nor is it related to his thief training). He had been walking by, searching for a particular book in the LeBeau library, which happened to be not far from the guest wing. He had paused in his search to listen to all the shouting.
"First," said Rogue, "Ah'm takin' this off." She pulled the ring from her finger. "It's bad enough havin' ta wear it in front o' people. Ah'm not wearin' it just for ya guys." She shuddered and handed it to Remy. "Ah still can't believe Ah agreed ta this. Are ya sure ya can't control your empathy Rem? 'Cause this all seems pretty suspicious, now that Ah look back."
"Chere, if I could control m' empathy, Scoot would be a ballerina and de badger would wear ribbons in his hair. And de professor would let me drink beer," he added as an afterthought.
"BAD IMAGE!" screamed Kitty and Kurt at the same time, holding their hands over their eyes.
Curiousity peaked, Henri walked down the hall a little farther.
Now, until then, Kurt and Kitty had been hiding the fact that they were mutants. They didn't want to risk too much hysteria. Now, usually Henri was a very accepting guy. But seeing a fuzzy blue demon fall through a girl is a bit much for any guy to deal with. He squeaked, and instantly regretted it.
Hearing "Oh shit" in three different languages and four different accents is one of those things you never forget.
"Ok, what de hell is goin' on here?!" asked Henri, completely freaked out.
"Shit shit shit," whispered all four teens, again in three different languages and four different languages.
Remy sighed. "Well, I suppose y'd find out anyway, Henri, nosy weirdo dat y' are."
Henri ignored that comment. "Well?!"
"It goes like dis," said Remy. "M' friends Kitty and Kurt are mutants."
"I can see DAT!" snapped Henri. "But who's de blue guy?!"
"Kurt," chorused the girls and Remy.
"Eh heh, guten morgen," said Kurt, waving a tridactyl hand, the other rubbing the back of his neck.
"And you're a mutant too, den," said Henri, pointing at Rogue.
"Yeah, Ah am," she said with a shrug.
"And you guys are trying to pull off a con so y' don' havta marry Belle?" he asked, pointing at the whole group.
Hearing "Oh shit" in that manner once is amazing enough. But you'd never expect to hear it twice. Henri got to, though.
"Oui, we are," said Remy, looking a tad defeated. Then he glared at Henri. "Y' tell anyone and I'll blow up every one o' your manuscripts."
Henri squeaked. He was working on a number of Guild histories (and a few romance novels as well) and had been for years. He didn't relish the idea of a decade or so's hard work exploding into so much ash.
"I didn't t'ink so. Now den, you were..." Remy prompted.
"Never here, never heard a thing, never saw anything," said Henri.
"Good boy."
Henri ran off back to the library. The nice, safe library.
"Now let's get out of here before any more, ahem, mishaps happen, shall we?" said Remy.
(That's chapter two done. I may actually update some of my other stories... I just really, really wanted to work on this.
Oh mon bloody Dieu. I have never gotten such response to a story. NEVAR! -faints-
Star-Of-Chaos: Ack! Star-of-bloody-chaos reviewed my story! My crap! And it was positive. Yes I just remembered it's a mushroom. I'm not good at botany. -squeaks- I'm seeing lots of fainting and yelling.
Sweety: TY very much. I'm pleased. I meant it that way. I feel special when ppl call me funny.
PA: I know, I know, it killed me not putting it in but there'll be some in chapter three. Really. I think we'll get some honest Romy fluff in chapter five. I'm not going to let Rogue touch in this though. It's the easy way out.
Rogue14: Of course she is, I loathe Belladonna. I can't kill her, but I'll bash her AMAP.
EKA: Hmm, sounds like ETA. Heh. Thank you for the compliments.
TK: Oooh, a Kitty. How gratifying!
Ishy: I got a bunny on crack comment from ishy. Great Moments in History! Yowza yowza YOWza! I did attempt putting my minis on crack so they'd work faster. It wasn't pretty. Now I prefer Mountain Dew.
ME: There isn't any. I couldn't put any in. All I could put in were suggestive things. That hurt me as much as it did you, believe you.. ah me.
UG: A review pledge. I feel so special!
4Rogue: Nope, nope, nothin' t' see here folks. Or so they -think-... -evil laughter-
GG2008: Since you've probably read this chapter (And if you haven't, CHEATER) the idea is that they just "got engaged recently" and therefore haven't picked a date yet. And remember, this whole thing is to shake his family off his back.