(An: This is really fun story to work on.I just can't say that enough.
Oh my bloody god... I can't even say it in French anymore. So many reviews! –squeaks with joy- Seriously, guys, every review I had had me giggling and grinning and acting like a complete idiot. You are all so nice! I'm going to put the responses at the front so I won't forget... not that I would, but I might!
GG: Why do ppl bug me about updating when I update every bloody day? Sorry, I get bugged on that so much it's not even funny.. well it is to me but that's 'cause reviews make me happy.
Me: Rogue does NOT get control in this story, how many times must I stress that? She gets control in the –sequel-, the bloody sequel. Which I think will be called "Shall we Touch?" or something equally crappy like that.
SOC: Yeah, I showed my friend a picture of Scott and then told her to imagine him as a ballerina. She was rolling on the floor laughing so I figured it must be a funny image. Me, I just can't fathom Scott in tights.
PA: ....smoochie boochies? That's really weird pally. And there will be Romy kisses, just not skin-on-skin ones.
Ishy: Thank you. I love that line, myself. Ooh, sparkly... -spaces out and then snaps back to reality- Shiny things distract me. For me, you should really say, quick like a mini on crack, 'cause I replaced all my plot-bunnies with mini versions of the characters. They're much more efficient, but they get bored easily, which is why I'm constantly skipping around in my fics.
SMS: Thank you very much. You are much too kind with all those capitals.
SkyAngel: Believe you me, I know what you mean. My 'rents give me funny looks when I read Toddfan's fics. Hers are what make me laugh. Or, if you just like laughing at my fics, may I suggest my X-band series? It's funny enough, I suppose, since everyone else seems to think so. Me, I don't see it. –shrugs- But then, I only think a few of my lines are all that funny.
R14: Of course he is. I just put that in for the multiple bilingual shit lines. I simply couldn't resist.
Sweety: Hmm.. never thought of that. I imagine he would be dazed. I never consider the outcomes of my spit-takes, myself. I just thought it was funny.
Tsugath: Aren't you lucky. You get to find out in this very chappy. Of course, I had to hack at it to get it right, but meh.
ME: If you want Romy fluff... try my other stories. I put waaaay too much in them. May I suggest the "A Different Breed of Songfic" series? Not that I want to plug, but I just don't have the opportunities for fluff in this one. Not much, anyway. Chapter five will have some, anyway. Of course, I can suggest some Romyness here.
I've seen all these stories where they have, like, half a page of review responses. But I never, ever, imagined that I would be doing it myself. Now, ordinarily, there would be a big fuss and probably a fight if this chapter were being written by anyone else. But you know me, I'm a mistress of madness. I can't write action to save my life, and I sometimes have a problem following through. So this might be a tad off form.)
The group hid on one of the many mini-islands that dotted the bayou that was Remy's backyard. They did have to go in eventually though. They walked back to the mansion, Remy moaning about his fate the whole way there.
"I can't believe 'm doin' this," muttered Remy. "I should have just stayed out dere. Safer dat way."
"Aw, zip it swamp rat," said Rogue. "Ah'm the one who has to wear that dress." She shuddered at the thought.
"But y' don' havta face Belladonna," said Remy. "She's like some kind of weird, soul-sucking leech. If she sees me, she'll latch on and never let m' go."
"That's why Ah'm posin' as yer date, remembah?" said Rogue.
"Oui, oui, I know, but still!" He twitched. "She is seriously the creepiest woman alive."
"Just shut up, okay?" asked Rogue, glaring at him.
"Oh all right," muttered Remy.
A FEW HOURS LATER
Remy stared at his reflection in the mirror. He simply loathed getting dressed up. But, it was unavoidable. He'd been attacked by Tantie Mattie, who had insisted that even though he was going to smash things to bits with both Guilds.. he still had to get dressed up anyway.
He sighed and knocked on Rogue's door. "Y' ready yet?" he asked.
"Just, like, a few more minutes!" said Kitty's voice.
Kitty speaking for Rogue could not spell good things.
Remy leaned against the wall to wait. "Y' know what dey're doin' in dere?" he asked Kurt, who was in a similar position.
"Not a clue," said Kurt with a shrug. "Kitty went in there as soon as she got dressed herself. The argument ended quickly. That's pretty much all I know."
"Great, just great," muttered Remy. He liked the way Rogue dressed. Not that he'd ever admit it, of course. In fact, he liked a lot of things about Rogue. He blinked. 'M goin' insane, he thought.
A few minutes later, Kitty came walking out. Her dress was some funny cream material with a blue shirt that went over it. The effect was charming. She looked great. "Like, come on, Rogue," she said, tugging on an arm that was hidden behind the door.
"No!" said Rogue. "There's no way Ah'm comin' out!"
Kitty tugged on the arm a little harder. "You're coming out whether you, like, want to or not," said Kitty. She frowned and phased Rogue through the door.
"You're goin' ta pay, valley girl," muttered Rogue.
Of course, Remy didn't hear any of that. He was focused on the way Rogue looked.
She was wearing the purple dress, with the blue shawl draped strategically over her bare arms, along with elbow length green gloves, made of something that looked like velvet. Her hair was done back in a bun with chopsticks holding it like that, and there was something sparkly in her white stripes. She was also blushing like mad under Remy's gaze. "Um, hi," she said, waving a hand.
Remy blinked and shook his head to clear it. "Damn, chere, you clean up well."
"Yeah, whatevah," muttered Rogue. She was still blushing.
ONE HOUR LATER
The group was sitting outside the Bodreaux mansion. There was the sound of a small band tuning up, and various things being moved around.
Jean-Luc had gone ahead to try to explain things to Marius, but by the sound of the shouting that had been going on for a while now, it was evident that it wasn't going well. Remy was fidgeting, messing with some cards he'd smuggled in and every once in a while letting one blow up.
Rogue looked over at him. "Would ya calm down? You're actin' like it's the end of the world. We're only going in there for a while!"
"Any time spent in de presence of Belladonna is another five years sapped off m' life, chere," said Remy.
"Stop being so pessimistic," said Kitty. "It's not that bad."
"Oh, but it is," said Remy. "I can already guess how tonight's goin' t' go. It'll start normally enough. I'll try t' reason wit' Belle and all dem, and den de question o' Rogue'll come up and it'll be a gigantic shoutin' match and all dat. Heads will roll, mes amis. Probably ours. Especially since it's de mushroom's birthday."
"The mushroom? You mean Belladonna?" asked Kurt, looking confused. He wasn't exactly up on the poisonous plants of Northern America.
"Speak not de name! Speak not de name!" cried Remy, clapping his hands over his ears. "It's almost as poisonous as she is!"
"Calm down," said Rogue, putting a hand on his arm. "Repeat after me, swamp rat. It's. Not. That. Big. A. Deal."
Remy began to pace. "But it is! How many times do I have t' tell y' people! Belle will make a big fuss and I'll be stuck here for de rest o' m' life, con or no con!"
"Swamp rat. That's not exactly somethin' ya want to go shoutin' to the whole neighborhood!" said Rogue, tugging on his arm now.
He stopped short, and looked over at her. He slumped back down into his seat. "'M doomed," he moaned and leaned back.
"Hey, at least we're all doomed together, right?" asked Kurt.
"Oh, oui, knowin' dat I'm draggin' m' friends down wit' m' makes m' feel so much better," muttered Remy.
Then Jean-Luc came out, looking frazzled. "I did m' best. Marius ain't exactly happy 'bout it, but dere's not much we can do about dat. I suppose de best t'ing t' do now is jus' t' send y' in dere. Belle says she wants t' dance. 'Course, she don' know a t'ing 'bout what's goin' on here."
"What, ya didn't tell her?" asked Rogue incredulously.
Jean-Luc looked over at her. "I have common sense. 'M leavin' dat lovely task t' y' two. Dere's undoubtedly goin' t' be an inter-Guild meetin' after dis! Go on in, den." He walked off, muttering to himself.
"I think we can sneak in the side and just join the dancing," said Kurt, looking in a window.
"Good idea," said Remy. "De less noticed we are, de better."
There was the sound of music starting. "Come on," said Remy, walking towards the door. "If we sneak on de dance floor, we can get Belle alone later."
Both he and Kurt bowed with a flourish and offered their arms to their respectable dates.
Both girls grinned and took them.
They walked in, and were lost in the waltzing couples on the floor. Remy noticed Rogue was stiffening up at the encroaching crowd, so he whispered, "Relax! Just trust m', ok?" Rogue looked up and Remy noticed how pretty her eyes were. "Jus' de one dance and den we get Belle and den we get de hell outta here," he whispered, as much to reassure Rogue of this as himself.
The dance went well.
"Are you as dizzy as Ah am?" asked Rogue.
"Oui. Maybe we should stop?"
"We have stopped," said Rogue. Indeed they had, without even noticing.
Meanwhile, Kitty and Kurt, not being the best waltzers (it's pretty hard to balance like that with fuzzy feet), were hiding by the punch bowl. However, this was more trouble then it was worth. People kept walking up to them and talking at them.
"You speak French?" whispered Kurt.
"Nope. You?"
"Only, 'I mean no harm' and that's not much use in a situation like this, ja? We're doomed."
"Yep," agreed Kitty grimly.
They sat down in the chairs that lined the sides of the room.
A tall man approached them. He asked them something, but it was interspersed with so much French and his accent was so thick that they didn't get a word.
"....What?" asked Kitty and Kurt in unison.
The man shook his head in disgust, muttered something like "Northerners," and walked off.
"Doomed," repeated Kurt.
Kitty didn't reply. She was finishing her third glass of punch, and Kurt was getting kind of worried about her.
There were several more encounters like this until Remy and Rogue finished their dance and joined them. Both looked rather flushed, even though the room was quite cool.
"Hey, Remy," said Kurt, "what's in this punch?"
Remy shrugged. "Champagne and fruit juice probably. Why?"
"Guunaght errrybaddy," slurred Kitty and tipped over.
Kurt sighed. "That's why. Poor Katzchen has a very low tolerance for alcohol. I'll take her outside, shall I?"
"Good idea," agreed Remy. He noticed Belle crossing the room towards them and stiffened. He grabbed Rogue and pulled her over. "Act clingy," he hissed between teeth clenched in what he hoped resembled a cheerful grin.
Rogue blinked and then latched onto his arm.
Belladonna walked over. Now, poor Belle was not the smartest of the Bodreaux clan. Oh no. She was manipulative and knew how to get what she wanted, yes, but not all that bright. So, when she saw Rogue and Remy, she ignored the fact that Rogue was clutching Remy in a death grip and instead registered the fact that Remy was there.
"Bonjour, Belle," said Remy, still trying to smile. "Nice t' see y'."
She noticed Rogue now. "Who's your friend?" she asked, peering at her in the closest she could manage to a suspicious look. She had lost most of her facial movement about... oh six botox injections ago.
Remy's weird grin widened. "She's m' fiancee, Rogue."
It took a second for this to sink in. Once again, it was probably all that botox blocking her brain. "What?!"
Remy nodded, his grin a tad more genuine now as he saw Belle's reaction. It was amusing seeing someone trying to do angry and hurt when they couldn't move their face from a permanent grin. He glanced over at the clock. "Oh, would y' look at de time. So sorry, Belle, but I must leave now. Big meetin' in de mornin' and all." He walked off quickly before Belle could react further.
"Now what?" whispered Rogue.
"We leave. Fast."
EARLY THE NEXT MORNING, BACK AT THE LEBEAU MANSION
"Rogue, wake up," whispered Remy, gently shaking her.
"Wha- swamp rat?" Rogue yawned. "Do ya have any idea how early it is?"
"Oui, sunrise," said Remy. "Come on, dere's somethin' I want t' show y'."
"Remy, it's five A.M."
"Jus' come, please?" He gently tugged on her shoulder.
"Oh, all right," muttered Rogue.
Remy grinned and led her outside. He took her to one of the small islands that was hidden in the dense shrubbery.
"Ya brought me out at five A.M. ta see a rock?" asked Rogue, unimpressed.
"Jus' wait a minute." Remy climbed the tree that overlooked the little strip of land and helped Rogue up. "Now, look dat way," he said, pointing East.
The sun was just rising over the bayou. Everything was still wet, so everything sparkled, turning the water beautiful shades of red and orange and tinting the plants the same.
Rogue gasped at the sight. "Wow.... It's beautiful," she whispered.
Remy slid an arm around her waist and said into her ear, "Oui, y'are."
Rogue stiffened for a second and then relaxed, leaning back against him.
MEANWHILE, A FEW HOURS LATER
Kitty groaned and burrowed deeper into her blankets. She felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. "Guten morgen, Katzchen," whispered a voice into her ear.
"Go 'way," moaned Kitty.
"I have aspirin," said Kurt.
Kitty groaned again. "Why can't you just let me die in peace?"
"'Cause then the poor fuzzy man would be all alone, and we don't want that, now do we?" He prodded her again.
Kitty threw her pillow at him.
"For someone with a hangover, you've got remarkably good aim," commented Kurt. "Come on, Katzchen, it'll make you feel better."
Kitty moaned but sat up anyway. She accepted the mug and the pill that Kurt passed her. "How come you don't have a hangover?"
"Because, Katzchen, I know my tolerance for alcohol."
"Which is?" asked Kitty, still somewhat grumpy. She drained her mug and the pounding headache that'd been playing a beat in her skull lessened.
"Considering my metabolism... about two sips."
Kitty giggled.
Kurt grinned and scooted over next to her. "Feeling better, then?"
Kitty smiled and leaned against him. "Yeah."
A FEW HOURS LATER
Remy and Rogue remained in the tree, talking, until long after the sun had risen.
There was a bamf and both teens almost fell out of the tree. Kurt waved them over. Both sighed and climbed down.
"Guys, guys!" said Kurt, hopping from foot to foot and tying his tail in fitful knots. "Belladonna's here! She's really pissed!"
Remy began muttering a quiet litany of curses in French under his breath.
"Shush," said Rogue to him and then turned to Kurt. "Ah suppose we'll just have ta meet her then."
"'M doomed," said Remy, for probably the fifteenth time within the last two weeks.
"We'll miss you, meine fruend," said Kurt, patting his shoulder. "Now, sadly, I must leave you. Poor Katzchen has a hangover." He bamfed off.
Remy walked into the house and down towards the Guild meeting room. "Since you're so brave, y' get t' go first," said Remy, looking at the door as though it was a coiled snake waiting to strike.
Rogue shrugged and pushed open the door. She was then tackled by one very pissed off botox-blocked blond woman.
Belladonna glared down at her, pinning her to the ground. She inspected Rogue, and then stood up, brushing herself off. She sniffed in a manner that suggested she did not wish to waste her time talking to someone so inferior, and turned to Remy. She trailed a finger down his chest. "Hello, Remy," she said in what she thought was a flirtatious voice.
Remy looked at her finger as though it was a disgusting bug he longed to squash. He edged out of reach. "I see you've lost more of your sanity while I was away."
"So've you if you're settlin' for gutter trash like dat," replied Belle, with a derisive glance at Rogue.
Rogue's fingers twitched as though she longed to wrap them around Belle's neck and her glare intensified.
"Don't insult Rogue," snapped Remy, now looking at Belle with pure fury.
Belle was not at all phased by the fact that she had just got a guy who could blow her up mad at her. "I don' t'ink de Guilds are too pleased by what you've done Remy, do y'? M' father's getting' a tad.. touchy. T'ings could explode at any moment if you're not.. careful, oui?"
"Oh, oui, t'ings will explode," said Remy, idly shuffling some cards he'd just taken out of his pocket. "Your t'ings, mebbe." Belladonna didn't seem to be getting the hint, so he lightly charged one of them and let it explode in front of her face.
She blinked.
"Not only is she named for a plant, but she's also got its IQ," commented Rogue in the tone of someone inspecting their fingernails.
Belle turned her icy gaze (Well, as close to icy as Belle got) on Rogue. "Oh, so de little piece of slime can talk, den?"
"At least Ah don't sound like a trained parrot," retorted Rogue.
"Both of y', dat's enough!" snapped Jean-Luc, arriving just then.
"Oui," agreed Marius. "Now is not de time for personal rivalries." (If you think about it, Marius's statement is pointless, since the whole feud between the Guilds is one gigantic rivalry.)
Both men walked into the room, indicating for the three to follow.
The Thief's Guild meeting room was a long, wide hallway with a table in it. Said table was almost as long as the room itself and had more than enough seats for the entire Guild.
Marius and Jean-Luc sat down at the head of the table. Belladonna sat down next to him, and Remy and Rogue sat down across from her, sending mutual glares of death in her direction. Belle didn't seem to notice.
Jean-Luc began the discussion, and from then on it was a game of verbal ping-pong between him and Marius.
"Is it always like this at these meetings?" whispered Rogue.
"Usually, yeah," said Remy. "Why dey t'ink stickin' me wit' dat will solve anythin' is beyond me."
This went on for a half-hour more, until Rogue stood up in disgust. Both Guild leaders looked at her in disgust. They were angry at being interrupted. Both of them weren't old, not exactly, but these debates were as close to actual fights as they got, and they were ticked off because of that. "Why don't you guys just wait until there's some other Bodreaux and LeBeau ya could stick together? It's obvious Belle and Remy hate each other. What would that solve?!"
Both leaders blinked. There was a stunned silence for a minute or two. "She's right..." said Jean-Luc slowly. "Why didn't we t'ink of dat?"
"'Cause it's a lot of paperwork," said Marius.
"True, but tryin' t' break Remy and Rogue's engagement in favor of Remy and Belle's would be more," Jean-Luc pointed out.
"Good point," said Marius. Both Guild leaders had one thing in common: a mutual fear of paperwork. It bogged them down and kept them out of the action even more then usual.
"Can we go now?" asked Remy impatiently. Both Guild leaders pointed at the door.
Rogue went out into the hall, but Remy paused before exiting. "Oh, Belle, a partin' gift." He took out a charged card and flicked it into her hair. He quickly slammed the door shut behind him.
There was a muffled explosion and a muffled shriek. Remy grinned. It was not a nice grin.
"Come on, chere, let's get outta here, hmm?"
"Well, that was fun," commented Rogue.
"De fact dat y' can refer t' dat as fun, even sarcastically, proves dat you are more insane den ever," said Remy.
Rogue was about to retort when the power went out and the whole hallway was drenched in blackness.
(Hmm.. I'm not sure that was all that funny, but meh. It had Romy-ness, at least. Believe me, the next chapter will be better. Remy and Rogue discuss the ways of the universe while trapped.... Well we'll get to that. Now, here's where I'd say R&R, but I assume by the response I've already gotten that you guys already know what to do. So hop to it, hmm?)