Well, first off, I want to thank Kitkatcathy for inspiring me to write this awful dumb mary-sue story. I summoned up my own muse and got to work. This is my tale of evil mary-sues and how Redwall must battle bravely to save their females from the lurking horrors of Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp. No offense, Johnny.
Monotone plodded sleepily over to her computer, coughing loudly. Her throat was killing her, she wanted to go Halloween shopping tomorrow which she probably would have to skip, and her Muse was worse than all of that. The transparent duplicate of the overweight girl danced about her, taunting and teasing. "C'mon, write! Write, sillyhead, write!" Monotone grumbled, and opened Microsoft Word defiantly. "What should I write about?" "Mary-sues!" cried her Muse. "That'll be easy," reckoned the fanfiction author as she began to type.
Mossflower Woods seemed to glow in the midafternoon sun, sunlight dappling the grass as it poked its way through the canopy of leaves. Sabrea Foxfur lounged in the shade of a gigantic oak tree, her fire-red fur shining in the light, the crimson pelt silky and smooth, groomed to perfection. Amber eyes, like the last drops of cider in a goblet, gleaming and beautiful, were shut, their diamondlike shine hidden. Her bushy tail was wrapped around the squirrel's delicate form, providing warmth to the beautiful creature.
"There!" Montone beamed proudly. "How about that? Is it good?" "Lovely!" praised her Muse. "Now how does she get to Redwall?" Monotone thought for a moment, then smiled. "I know! She gets stuck in an awful rainstorm, bangs on the gates, then captures everyone's heart with her angst and 'horrible past!'" "Good work!" shouted her Muse, swirling around the basement gleefully.
Sabrea's nose twitched, and she opened her beautiful eyes, their shimmering gleam reflecting in her orbs the erect trees all around the comely-
"HEY!" protested the Muse. "You should use beautiful! Not comely!" "Fine," grumbled Monotone as she continued to type."
Sabrea's nose twitched, and she opened her beautiful eyes their shimmering gleam reflecting in her orbs the erect trees all around the stunningly gorgeous squirrel.
"That good?" "Better."
She yawned loudly, and said in the most beautiful clear voice, like the singing of a nightingale, "Oh dear, I wonder what time it is! I need shelter before darkness comes!" The rumbling of thunder interrupted the mary-sue's ramblings, and rain began to pour down on the squirrel like cordial out of a flask.
"I'm tired," yawned Monotone. "Let's end it here." Muse reluctantly followed the author upstairs, and disappeared as Monotone fell asleep on the couch.