Not Myself
By Princess Alexandria
Emma managed to talk to all the students that had witnessed the attack before dinnertime, and had a list of those that would require further counseling to deal with what they saw or experienced. Not surprisingly, even though only Erik was on her list of students to check on today both Jessi and Jon were also going to be receiving counseling.
She'd have to let Jean and the Professor know she had seen all of Christy's children so that there was no overlap. The other telepaths were going to find time to check on the other students within the next few days.
A quick scan of the area showed her that Christy was in the library. Emma had noticed that all of her children were in the medlab having dinner with Annie, and was surprised that her lover wasn't with them. Christy. She sent and noticed the way Christy sat up straighter when she felt the mental touch. I need to have dinner with the other teachers so we can discuss the students reactions to this. Emma knew that some would have a problem with this, but she invited Christy to join her. Christy was very likely to become a teacher here anyhow, and she had experience dealing with young people seeing things that traumatized them. She had to have in her world, she was a leader.
She walked into the main building and found Christy shelving books. Emma just smiled and leaned against the wall as she watched Christy struggle to shelf something on a shelf a little too high for her. Her smile grew when Christy stopped for a moment and just stood still with her eyes closed, the woman's height increased and Emma glanced down to see platform shoes where tennis shoes had been before. Creative. Christy told her she could only control her clothes, but she was finding a way to make that work for her. "Those look surprisingly like my shoes." She spoke softly as she walked closer to the surprised woman.
"I played with them when you were in the shower." Christy shoved the book into place. "I doubt I could walk in these, but they were so tall I had to try them on. I can't copy clothes I haven't tried on." She added the last bit more quietly, as if that was a huge failing on her part. Christy glanced around. "So this is what you see?" Emma just shook her head as she came closer to Christy and was able to look her in the eye. She'd gone with flats today and with the added inched those shoes gave Christy they were nearly the same height.
"Its not that different." Emma rolled her eyes at Christy's playful look. "I'm only five ten."
"So with these you must be six something." Christy's warm hand caressed Emma's cheek. "Have an okay day?"
"I've had better. The number of students requiring therapy will cut into my free time considerably."
Christy's eyes softened. "They'll be okay. Kids bounce back faster if they know someone cares… and you do."
"I'm not that great at showing my emotions." Emma had more concerns than the way this would affect the children. She wasn't a loving woman, able to show her affections with ease. She didn't have any practice or examples while growing up.
Christy's understanding, that seemed to radiate from those tender eyes, made Emma feel like the woman had known her forever. "But your actions always show it, even if you can't say it."
"I am beginning to sympathize with the people I scanned deeply. It is disconcerting to be told things about yourself." Emma spoke softly, following it up with a soft kiss. "We should get to the dinner meeting before someone sends for me." Emma noticed Christy shrink as the shoes changed back to something the woman felt she could walk in. Perhaps clothes shopping would be more fun with Christy now. Emma just needed to teach her how to wear some things, but Christy could have an unlimited wardrobe without taking up valuable closet space.
"You know." Christy spoke softly while taking Emma's hand. "You seem to show me just fine." Emma felt relieved and squeezed the hand that held her own. Her limitations might not ruin this.
Christy felt a bit awkward when the stepped into the room to find a single large table and some rather serious looking teachers sitting around it. Scott, Charles, Jean, Logan and Henry were already there and it looked like they were a bit surprised to see her. Gee thanks Emma. Christy sent with a little sarcasm.
Don't worry so dear. I didn't agree to this meeting and told them I wanted to spend at least some of my day with you. They'll need to compromise. Emma sent back before looking around the room. "Why don't you grab that chair and move it next to mine." She pointed out one in the corner. The table was large enough for eight and if Emma thought she wanted to do this Christy would do it. She just nodded like a good little minion and moved to obey. Let Emma take the arguments for her, because Christy wasn't sure she could defend her right to be here. Not when it wasn't even open to the other teachers.
"Emma, I don't think this is appropriate." Scott's voice was a fake whisper that Christy had no trouble hearing. "This is a senior staff members meeting."
"Yes, one that you scheduled against my request. I offered to meet tomorrow morning." Christy just sighed as she sat down beside her lover and waited for the posturing to end. "So since you ruined my plans of taking my lover out tonight, and I had to call and cancel my reservation, one that I had to pay to get on such short notice, lets just get this over with."
Christy knew Emma wouldn't stage this argument if she didn't think it was important. More important than a simple date, although Christy would have loved to go out and have it just be the two of them. So Christy sat back in her chair a little and acted like she had all the right in the world to be there, and the argument was a bore. Wished you'd warned me. She sent to Emma. I could have dressed more appropriately. Her jeans and tshirt didn't scream I'm in control, and the others looked like they'd dressed up for the parents they were talking to today, well except Logan.
Why don't you change now? Emma sent back with a hint of amusement.
Christy visualized the nice pants and blue silk shirt, after debating about teaching Emma a lesson by pulling out her Chris persona, with chains and all. Scott's bickering went quiet, so obviously it worked. Christy glanced around and noticed eyes on her. "What? I'm a metamorph, did you expect I couldn't dress for dinner?"
"Nice trick." Logan nodded to her and Christy bet he understood her diversionary tactic.
"There is no reason for this to be an argument." The Professor spoke up. "Christy, this is a senior staff meeting about the incident and how our students are faring now." Christy just nodded as she noticed out of the corner of her eye that Emma was starting to fill her plate. The White Queen got what she wanted. Christy was part of the meeting. "If you have any suggestions, feel free to make them." He smiled at her. Apparently there were no hard feelings on his part about what she said, but did he even think about it?
"What about student confidentiality?" Scott asked, but he didn't sound as angry. The Professor really did have a lot of influence over him.
"Christy is obviously fully capable of keeping secrets." The Professor dismissed that.
"Well, the parents I spoke to were concerned that this could happen again." Jean just started to report so Christy moved to fill her plate. It looked like she was staying.
You'll tell me why we needed to do this some day? She sent to Emma.
Emma's blue eyes seemed to twinkle as she looked at Christy. Scott's disregard of our personal plans is an ongoing problem in the team. I'm not willing to cancel our dates for meetings that could be rescheduled, and I think I got that message across well. Hopefully it won't be necessary to do again.
Okay. Christy turned her attention back to her plate and Jean. She didn't want to distract Emma when she was working.
"We are expecting to lose a few more students… Jamie…" Christy focused on her chicken as they spoke about specific children that were leaving and how it affected classes and how it would affect the partially trained student. She had nothing to add.
The soft caress to her thigh made Christy smile just a little as she glanced at Emma, who looked completely caught up in what Charles was saying. No one above the table would know she was flirting with Christy. Christy relaxed a bit and reached down to hold Emma's hand briefly.
"So Emma, you talked with the students that saw it." Charles turned his eyes towards them and Christy reluctantly let Emma's hand go as the woman pulled it up above the table. It wasn't a guilty move, Christy could feel that, but Emma tended to speak with her hands a bit. As if to reinforce that conclusion Emma moved that in a small half circle to point at everyone else at the table. "We are used to these sort of things, and the attack was brief and quickly decided, but our students aren't. I'll be busy with counseling about this from now until the end of the school year. A few students may even need more time."
Christy's eyebrows drew together as she heard that. It seemed rather extreme. Sure it was horrify, and the fact that Sophie and Annie were hurt was horrible, but children should be more resilient than that. The kids of her world had been through just as terrifying things and survived. After the attack on the camp where Christy saved the kids from the building they were mostly doing alright about the violence afterwards. It was the loss of loved ones that hurt them for longer. Christy? The mental voice drew her eyes up. She hadn't even realized that her eyes had fallen to the table as she thought. Are you okay?
Fine, just thinking. Christy answered silently and continued to half listen to the report of who needed therapy and how badly Emma thought they needed it. Her own kids, all of them, were on that list. Hopefully someone other than Emma would take Annie, because that wouldn't go well.
"Well, if we tell them that we will be monitoring things more closely and that drug use would lead to possible expulsion would that reassure them that more students wouldn't do this?" Henry asked.
"No." Christy spoke softly as she thought about the kids from a world away. She noticed the quiet and looked up again to see she had everyone's attention. She hadn't even meant to say anything. Emma gave her an encouraging look. "This is about a loss of control. Someone came in and took control, and safety from them in their own home. They need to reclaim it, no one else can do that for them." She remembered now how the children patrolled the new camp in the beginning, how they acted like little adults and reported strange things to her that more often than not proved to be harmless.
"Not bad for a non telepath." Jean smiled at her.
"I have experience in this." Christy answered matter of factly. "My tribe had a few traumas of its own, and the children had a way of letting you know what they needed. The few that were overly coddled didn't recover as well."
"Well, it is certainly worth considering." The Professor said. It would have seemed like a brush off, but then the conversation turned to what the students could do to help.
After dinner Emma suggested a walk around campus, and they followed the more remote paths. The cool spring night air felt good. "So do you want to tell me why you weren't in the medlab when I was looking for you, and all your children were?" She'd sensed that Sophie's sisters had been there as well. As soon as Henry lifted the ban on visitors they'd probably run down there.
"They needed some time together." Christy answered, but Emma could see it wasn't the entire answer.
Emma moved to sit on the bench and waited for Christy to sit beside her. "You told Annie about us and she didn't take it well."
"Not really." Christy sighed. "I don't know how to deal with her. I feel like a horrible person for hurting her, but I never asked for her to want me."
Emma didn't like how much Christy was blaming herself for Annie's infatuation. "Don't let it bother you. She will move on. Now she can."
"I know, I just didn't like making her cry." Christy lightly touched Emma's leg with her foot. "I'm feeling sorry for you. I can't imagine teaching her now will be pleasant."
"Oh, don't worry." Emma smirked. "I can control my classroom just fine." Annie may hate to be there, but that didn't matter. "I will however let Jean take care of Annie's therapy." And Jean could listen to the young girl lament about her poor luck in not getting Christy, in spite of her luck powers.
"Good idea." Christy went quiet for a while, but Emma could tell she was going to talk. "I have to go back. I have to finish the mission."
"I know." Emma wondered when Christy would bring that up.
"I don't really want to leave."
"It's what we do." Emma was glad it wasn't her that had to do this first though. There would be times when her own missions would pull them apart, especially if Christy didn't become part of Scott's team, but now Christy was likely to understand how duty came first sometimes. "But you'll be back."
Emma watched Christy nibble on her lip while in thought. She let Christy have the privacy she needed to make whatever decision she was considering. "I love you." The words were spoken softly. "I needed you to know before I left." Emma dipped into her mind, and found the scars Christy's own world left on Christy; the part of her that wondered when she left someone if she'd see them again.
"I love you too." Emma leaned into the soft hand that caressed her cheek and kissed Christy's wrist. Emma kissed her to make the message more clear all the while loving how much Christy valued those words, she could feel sense it with her telepathy. Christy was wide open to her at that moment. She'd be lying to herself if she didn't admit that with all the death she'd seen she worried like Christy did too, but she wouldn't admit that here. She pulled back and stared into Christy's eyes, loving the way Christy didn't hide her emotions from Emma. "You'll be back in early July? I can help arrange the movers if you'd like, I know of a company that does decent work."
"We should be done before then." The more matter of fact tone covered the affection that was there a moment ago. "And I turned in notice already, so I'll be without a job."
"Not if I have anything to say about it." Emma was getting Christy a teaching position, if she had to encourage another teacher to leave and pursue basketweaving or something else she'd do it. The current lowering enrollment was going to make hiring new faculty difficult to defend, unless they found new students or lost old teachers. Emma found herself considering which teachers would be most beneficial to leave if she wanted Christy to get the job.
Christy felt like the model of restraint as she left Emma's rooms to head to the kitchen for the bottle of wine and glasses Emma wanted. The restraint came in the way Emma asked for them while soaking in a tub large enough for two, completely naked and with an openly hungry look in her eyes. Christy had shifted her clothes back on and headed for the door, while grumbling half heartedly about the unfair treatment of metamorphs on campus. Just because she could get dressed in three seconds didn't mean she should have to.
The memory of Emma's laughter at that had Christy smiling all the way down the stairs anyhow, as she also replayed the name of the wine Emma wanted in her head because she didn't know wines and would most likely make a mistake if she weren't careful.
The chilled wine was exactly where Emma said it would be. Christy pulled it out and set it on the counter. "Glasses." She muttered to herself as she moved to the cupboards.
"To the left of the sink." Scott's voice answered and startled Christy, who thought she was alone in the kitchen. She turned to see him standing in the doorway. "Or if you wanted wine glasses, one over."
"Uh, thanks." Christy spoke a little uncertainly. He'd been hostile ever since she came back, so this seemingly nice move just made her wary. She moved to pull the two glasses she needed out.
He moved to lean against the counter. "Some things about your story don't add up." He kept his voice almost friendly, but Christy was getting tense. "You killed how many people, and you never suspected you were a mutant?" It sounded like he wanted a number as well the why she didn't know.
Christy would have loved to brush him off, but Emma was going to still try and get her the job. "I killed a lot of people and every time my power kicked in, I just didn't want to see it. It wasn't like mutants were anything but a story in my world. No one had powers." She didn't move to grab her glasses, she just leaned against a counter staring at him, trying to see what would attract women like Jean and Emma to that man. He looked attractive, at least what was visible around his glasses was good. He was fit. He… she still couldn't see it. She couldn't get over the narrow mindedness that was actually part of this more civil interrogation. She used to be picked up in school when she was little, and she knew the tone some used when they were setting you up.
"Do you miss it?" When Christy gave him a questioning look, trying to figure out what he was talking about he added the rest. "The feeling you get when you kill?"
Her jaw actually dropped for a moment, stunned at his nerve. "My god… I can't believe… NO, no I don't. I don't kill for the rush." She didn't. She didn't like that someone would even think that. "I'm not a monster." She wanted to believe that, but sometimes she wondered.
"The jury is still out on that. You killed men for their things, their food." Scott was sounding less friendly.
Christy just stared at him, wondering what Emma told them. "There is nothing I can say to make you understand." If he didn't know about the cannibalism, then maybe it was best if she didn't volunteer it. "But I made sure they didn't suffer. My aim was always true."
"Oh, how very moral of you to make sure your murder victims didn't suffer."
Christy sighed heavily and grabbed the glasses and bottle. She wasn't going to get anywhere with him. "I'm going. I have a blonde in a bathtub and I want her calling my name." She taunted him the way Mystique would as she moved to walk past him. When his arm reached out and stopped her she just turned to look at him. Before he could talk she lowered her voice. "Scott, let me go."
"I don't know how she can…"
"Love me?" Christy's eyes narrowed. "At least she knows what she has. Poor Jean thinks she has a faithful husband." His hand moved away from her as if she were fire. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't bring this up, but she glared at him. "I hope your TELEPATHIC wife doesn't find out what you did, but if she does, and she hurts Emma… I'm gonna hurt you." Her teeth clenched, "And don't even THINK about touching my Emma."
He looked angry, but he didn't stop her from leaving again. Christy doubted anyone would hear about that threat from him. It wasn't her normal operating procedure, but maybe she'd make him more careful. Christy liked Jean. That woman deserved better than him. If it weren't Emma, she might even tell Jean, but she couldn't now. She took a few deep breaths before taking the stairs and thought about more pleasant things than Scott. She wasn't letting him ruin this night. It could very well be two months before she saw Emma again after she left.
"Honey, I'm home." She smiled as she shifted back out of her clothes and walked into the bathroom with the wine. The bubble bath was very alluring, and Christy had never even seen one that big, never mind what she was going to be doing in it.
"Just in time to get my back." Emma gave her a wicked smile and Christy moved to obey.
Christy shook her head and started to wake up. It felt like something was touching her. That would be me. Emma's voice entered her mind. It's almost time for you to wake up, and I wanted to thank you for the flowers before I went to another class.
Christy opened her eyes and looked around the room. She was alone. I let you sleep in. Emma's mental voice answered her. Just because I have to teach early doesn't mean you have to get up. You did stay up late after all.
As I remember, so did you. Christy stretched and gave the empty room a satisfied smile as she communicated with Emma.
I'll be able to take you to the airport after classes today.
After a shower Christy left Emma's room and headed for the medlab. It was almost lunchtime. She hadn't slept that late in a very long time. She hadn't slept that well either.
"Hello Ms. Taylor." Sophie's voice spoke loud enough for Annie to hear her even from the Medlab where Dr. McCoy was getting ready to release her. Christy was back. Annie felt more than nervous as she sat in her bed and waited for the inevitable appearance of the woman that broke her heart.
It had been bad enough pretending to sleep when Ms. Frost came down here to check on Sophie earlier this morning. At least the woman hadn't tried to talk to Annie. She hadn't been in the mood to deal with pretending to be polite.
"Hey." The familiar voice sounded pretty hesitant and Annie turned to see Christy standing in the doorway. She looked so unsure of her welcome. "Can I come in?"
"Sure." Annie sighed. This felt incredibly awkward.
"I'm going home today." Those four words still managed to make Annie feel like protesting. Christy just got here. "I already quit and I'll be back in July, but I have things that need to be done."
"You're just leaving?" She stared at Christy. "You dropped by, said hi, and are leaving?"
"You know what my job is like." Christy sat down by the bed. "I left someone to take my place at work and she won't be able to cover for long." The glance Christy gave her was almost guilty looking. "You don't need me, and maybe… maybe I just make things worse."
Annie felt a wave of guilt of her own. Part of her didn't want to be near Christy now, but she knew Christy was still her friend. Christy had done so much for her. "No." She spoke softly, not wanting Christy to leave thinking that. "You make things better."
"I didn't want to hurt you." Christy spoke softly and Annie felt like being somewhere else again.
"Let's not talk about it." Ever, she thought. Just pretend it didn't happen.
"Okay." Christy said it so gently. "So, I'll leave after classes get out. If you need anything you can still call me, and this summer… we can all figure out what's going on."
"You're coming here. What's to decide?"
"Who else wants to stay. You guys don't have to stay with me, you could go home then. They chalked up the bodies to gang violence and the house will be empty." Annie was a bit surprised at that. She'd assumed they'd all stay together, but obviously Christy didn't.