(Ral-edge) THANK THE GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN WE HAVE FOUND THE TIME TO COMPLETE THIS CHAPTER. Last Wednesday being the start of the new school year we found ourselves being buried alive by homework, coursework, work and faffy bits of paper, barely finding time to sleep let alone write we struggled to the heaven sent give of 'THE WEEKEND'. Thanks to all you who've reviewed, THANK YOU THANK YOU, to all those who read it, thank you too, and thanks to Liz (lar-ton) who's somehow coping with the shed loads of work better then I, and finding the time to eat, sleep and come up with new ideas.
(Lar-ton) Ok, so first of all sorry for the more lengthy wait than normal but as Bex (ral-edge) said we have been swamped with work of every description. Infact my homework is piled so high around my pc that I have to swim through it to get to my keyboard. Second of all THANK YOU TO YOU WHO HAVE REVIEWED this means you Justina Moriarty, missymaniac and Thesseli. Also thanks to ral-edge who I stress to remind everyone is co-writing this although sometimes becoming distracted by head-pigeons and French revision. Anyway without further hesitation, we give you, Chapter 4! Enjoy!
Whilst Lister's dreams were coming true, Rimmer was still battling with bras. Right now the Sale's clerk was struggling to remove the tangled bras from Rachael's hair
"Have you OW, have you got them OW OW, out yet, ouch!" Rimmer grumbled,
"Nearly" said the sales clerk through gritted teeth, "There" she said, handing Rimmer a black push up bra, "That's the last one" she said brightly, "Now, how can I help you?"
Rimmer exhaled wearily, and held out the lacy garment he'd seen first "This one please" he said, wanting to get out of this situation as quickly as possible,
"Does it fit you?" asked the clerk, looking at the bra then Rachael's chest
"How the bloody hell should I know?" snapped Rimmer impatiently,
"What size are you?" asked the clerk, crossing her arms,
"I dunno," replied Rimmer, he glanced down at Rachel's chest, "Big?"
The sales clerk sighed and took hold of Rachael's arm, "I think you need to be measured, dear" she said with all the forced politeness she could manage.
Half an hour later Rimmer thankfully fled the shop, his face burning crimson. That was singularly the most embarrassing yet horny situation he had ever been forced experience in his entire life.
Before he could protest he was shoved into a changing room, his dress unzipped, and the sales clerk began feeling his tits...Rachael's tits.
He didn't know where to look or what to say, were you supposed to make polite conversation while a women was wrapping a tape measure round your breasts and messing about with your chest?
After that- once in a lifetime experience, the clerk then informed him that the bra he picked out was far too small and he'd have to get one four times larger.
"So what size did you say I needed?"
The clerk grunted, "F"
Rimmer didn't know much about bras but that was huge, "WHAT! THAT'S LIKE A BLOODY BARAGE BALLON"
The clerk look startled at this outburst and muttered something under her breath about how Rachael was living most women's dream and should be grateful. Rimmer glanced down and came to the conclusion Rachael must have had a boob job; it made sense, Rachael's breasts pointed north at all times.
Thanking the clerk he hurriedly clambered back into his dress, stumbled out of the changing room and replaced the too-small bra back, replacing it for a larger one
He quickly paid and ran, literally ran out of the shop, he didn't look where was going and was knocked flying by someone else who wasn't looking where they were going.
Normally Rimmer would just have been pushed back, but being Rachael; he was smaller and was sent hurling to the floor, dropping his shopping bags in the process. Rimmer lay on the floor, thinking this was all some horrid dream.
Rimmer flicked Rachael's hair out of her face and scrambled to her knees to look for her bags, he spotted the bag with his dress in next to him, but as to the whereabouts of his new underwear he was oblivious, "Looking for this?" came a voice behind him.
Spinning round Rimmer beheld the most gorgeous man he had ever seen. The man raised his eyebrow, and flicked his eyes to his left hand where a black bra was perched on the end of his fingertips
Rimmer grabbed it quickly and shoved it in his bag, mumbling a "thanks" he quickly carried on walking before realising his wallet was missing turning round quickly to the man Rimmer muttered about his wallet.
The man grinned, "What this one?" said Lister teasingly, holding Rimmer's wallet high out of Rachael's reach "-you don't say much despite the fact I've seen your undies"
Rimmer glowered and put his hands on Rachael's hips "This has nothing to do with my knickers now kindly give it back or I'll scream"
'Jeez' thought Lister what is it with girls today, had they all gone mad over night
"Okay, okay," mumbled Lister handing Rimmer back his wallet, when holding it out for Rachael to take he suddenly recognised it. It was grey with a picture of Napoleon on one side and Caesar on the other. The only other one he'd seen like that was- Rimmer's wallet....
He gave the girl a fleeting look and shrugged it off. What were the chances it was Rimmer's?
Lister looked uneasily around the brimming bar Aquila. Usually he'd have avoided this place like the plague, it was filled with rich, successful high flyers with more degrees then a thermometer, but if Kris said she'd be there, Lister would too.
Lister walked towards the bar and sat on a stool directly facing the entrance. This way Krissy would be able to see him when she walked in and vice versa. Lister turned to the barman who was now staring expectantly at Liam.
"Can I help you sir?" he asked formally, Lister scoffed at the fake ness of it all and was about to order a pint of lager when he opened his mouth and instead ordered "the strongest Irish whiskey you've got- make it a double"
He then laid $10 on the bar and pushed it towards the barman. Lister frowned inwardly, "Where had that money come from?" He didn't have $10 in his pockets, he shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash, "Smeg-in-hell." he muttered quietly.
It was digital money. Which meant by the time 24 hours were up it'd disappear. No wonder the game hadn't been approved by the gaming authority. Suddenly a tall man with a slim brunette on his arm sidled up to Liam, eyeing the money. "Nice place here isn't it."
"Yeah" shrugged Lister "it's all right" 'that's a total and utter lie' thought Lister gazing at the sea of people standing around and blending beautifully with the furniture 'this place is as fake as the Eurovision song contest.
Half an hour later, after talking to nearly every single toff and their other half in the place; Lister was fed up. It was now 6.55 and Kris still hadn't turned up, "she'll be here' Lister reassured him self, "she's probably doing her hair or sorting out her make up" by 7.40 she still had showed, and Lister was beginning to worry, and when he worried he drank, he was currently nursing his fifth whiskey, he was just about to order another when she entered through the door.
Lister's heart missed a beat, she was wearing rust coloured, tight fitting dress with a plunging neck line, her hair had been coaxed into an elegant, sophisticated bun at the nape of her neck and she seemed to glide into the bar, laughing and smiling.
Lister felt his stomach turn cold as he saw she was linked onto a tall, strapping man, no doubt an officer with cash, style and an accent even the Queen would be proud of.
Krissy spotted Liam and gave a small wave and grinned before tugging on her dates arm and pointing at Liam, whispering and giggling into his ear and then leading him over to meet each other.
Lister frowned. What the hell was going on? Krissy and the man arrived in front of Liam and grinned down at him. "Hi" the guy said after about 10 seconds of silence between them.
Lister gave him a questioning look but obliged him with a small nod and a grunted "hello".
Krissy's grin widened, "Liam meet Derek. Derek meet Liam." Derek extended his hand but Lister stared at it confused, Krissy giggled, "It is Liam isn't it?"
"Yeah, how d'you know" Kristine let out a laugh that was as false as the Aquila bar, "you shouted 'Liam, you are the man' after I said I'd meet you here" Liam's cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment.
"I'll go get some drinks shall I darling?" asked Derek, "sure, honey" she then pulled Derek into a full on kiss, and Lister could swear Kochanski looked at him and grinned evilly.
When Derek had strode away, Lister frowned at Kris.
"What the hell is going on?" he snapped, she gave him a quizzical look "I have no idea what you are talking about Liam, "well how about, turning up on a date with your swanky over paid, under sexed git of a work colleague" Lister exhaled angrily, "you said you were going to meet me, I didn't know that 'you' meant you and your other half"
Kochanski laughed, placing a hand on her chest "oohh you thought I was just coming to see you" she let out another shriek of giggles and leaned on Lister's shoulder for support, "I said I'd meet you here, so that I could show Derek, the complete and total arsehole who'd been bugging me all day"
Lister's mouth dropped open, "you mean" "oh come on" groaned Kristine, rolling her eyes "did you really think after all the trouble you caused me this morning I'd go out with you?"
"Yes" said Lister feebly
"Wrong" said Kochanski, she stared past Liam's face into the crowd, "got to go" she said icily "my boyfriends waiting" she sauntered away from the bar, Lister caught her arm,
"So if you didn't want to go out with me, why'd you lead me to false hopes, make me think I'd scored when in actual fact I'd kicked it in the wrong net?"
Kochanski's face hardened "I wanted to teach you a lesson, now kindly let go of my arm and allow me to enjoy the rest of my evening out in peace!"
Lister frowned but felt like crying. He let his head drop with a thump on the bar and began banging it slowly, cursing his naivety and stupid ness under his breath. He lifted his arm slightly to get the barman's attention. "Another whiskey please." The barman nodded and was about to poor a shot before Lister stopped him, "Actually, have you got anything stronger?"
The barman nodded warily, "Well......"
Lister held out a $50, "Whatever it is. Give me it."
The barman nodded and produced a bottle and poured a small glass. Swallowing it in one gulp Lister produced a further $150. "Oh sod it, give me the bottle"