Ahhhhh, another chapter finished, we're about half way through now!!! lar-ton and ral-edge to celebratory jig. This has taken much blood sweat and tears..... Figuratively of course and now we're getting to the good stuff! hehe ;) (If you know what I mean) Now, please give a warm welcome to Mindless Violence and Pointless swearing (hurrah), getting close to the slash bit now, we should re-warn IT IS NOT, N-O-T, I shall repeat NOT very vivid, we leave the rest to your 'imagination', if you could call it that...enjoy.........

P.S: Justina Moriarity: You had us on our laughing our asses off at your review!

Rimmer sighed inwardly. After much deliberation he had decided he would go out to one of the clubs onboard.

To begin with he hadn't planned on going anywhere. If all had actually gone to plan he would have now been tossing around in bed sheets with a female officer but since his finger had slipped and was now a woman that was unlikely and he wasn't spending his time as a someone else stuck in his and Listers room. He did that when he was himself never mind when he was Rachael.

Stumbling down the last corridor to the clubs; Rimmer felt like he'd concurred Everest, when in actual fact he'd walked down a couple of corridors. Firstly his hair wouldn't go straight, and instead resembled a static hedgehog.

Then he had forgotten his wallet half way down a corridor, and had to turn back for it which had resulted in another unfortunate encounter with Todhunter. Which had then resulted in Todhunter's 'manhood' to be promptly kicked.

Sitting down at the bar silently Rimmer ordered himself his first drink of the night.

Unbeknown to him Lister sat a few seats down; he was half way through his bottle of drink and feeling more depressed with every passing second. He stood up; he'd had enough of this swanky, fake bar with its posh, 'how do you do' regulars.

As he moved away from the bar, he slipped on the over waxed foot rail was sent sprawling forward into the back of some man, "Sorry" Lister slurred, picking him self up, the man turned round, It was Derek.

"Why don't you watch where you're going you miserable little parasite"

Lister stumbled backwards at his insult, "It was an accident, I didn't mean anything, you big stupid lug!"

Derek towered over the already tall Liam, "Don't insult me, you disgusting, moneyless wretch!" he snarled.

"oh so I'm poor now am I?" asked Lister invading Derek's personal space and coming close to his face, Derek recoiled slightly at the alcohol fumes, "well, I'd rather be poor then stay in a ssstupid place like this where arsehol..Ooffffff"

Lister was sent flying back ward by Derek's fist, he lost his balanced and toppled to the floor, before he could understand what was happening, Derek was pummeling every available inch of Liam's body, while 2 of his mates held him down.

Rimmer glanced up from his glass of water and saw a bar room brawl taking place, a very posh one at that, it was only when the ring leader of the fight moved aside did Rimmer see it was the man he'd run into today.

Rachael's legs leapt up from the bar stool and raced across to the fight, "Back off, leave him alone" Rimmer found himself saying, he pushed Derek back and knelt down to Liam.

One of the downsides to the game was that your image failed to protect you from pain, Lister's lip was bleeding and his eye was turning purple.

Rimmer made a noise like an angry cat when he saw the state he was in, "are you okay?" he asked, running a hand through Liam's hair

"I am now" he replied, with a grin.

Rimmer stood up, "go away" he said, shooing at Derek and his cronies, "haven't you caused enough trouble?" Derek adjusted his blazer "I don't think this concerns you dear, so kindly run along and leave it to the men" "Yeah, real manly, 3 against 1, is it even more manly if your 'victim' is held to the floor?" scoffed Rimmer marching up to Derek, who blinked at her back chat

"I...he said....he was insulting me. Causing a fight, I was defending myself!" protested Derek looking like the crowd of spectators for support, some agreed.

"I never" said Lister, struggling to his feet, "I accidentally fell into you and you threw the first punch!"

"That's a blatant lie you vile, jumped up little-SMACK!"

Rachael's fist was sent hurtling into Derek's chin, a hush fell over the bar, followed then by whispered, "watch your tongue" snapped Rimmer, "this mans, decent, honest, and kind...and" added Rimmer "he's seen my knickers, and I'm proud of it" Rimmer turned his back on Derek who was wailing about his looks being ruined, "now, I think you'd better go..."

Rimmer dusted his hands and walked back to Liam was sat open mouthed, not noticing blood was dripping on his shirt,

"Ooh come here" fussed Rimmer taking hold of a napkin and pressing it gently to Lister's swollen lip.

"Can you kiss it better?" pouted Lister, besotted by the attention he was receiving from the mysterious women with the sexy underwear

"Not until you tell me why you were fighting" said Rimmer firmly, 'oh my god' he thought 'I sound like a teacher, no even worse a nun!'

"The guys a smeg." winced Lister, feeling his bruised lip,

"Well, he may be a smeg but he can throw some good punches, you were being beat to a pulp"

"I would have managed on my own" huffed Lister, pulling away from Rachael's caring touch

"And how exactly?" asked Rimmer, getting a fresh napkin and nodding for the bar to get some ice

"I was about to use my tactical maneuver." said Lister lamely,

"What were you going to do?"

Lister hesitated, "kick him in the balls"

Rimmer let out a laugh "funnily enough I did that to some sod today"

"Mmmmm, proper little fighter aren't you."

Rimmer went to walk off.

"Hey" said Lister desperately, "where's my kiss?"

Rimmer turned round, eyebrows raised in surprise "what kiss?"

"You said you'd kiss me better if I told you why I was fighting, I did so KISS ME!"

"Bye" said Rimmer waltzing out of the bar, Lister grabbed his half empty bottle of drink and raced after her,

"So what's your name?" he asked, circling her,

"Rachael" replied Rimmer, tossing his hair, 'god he was good a being a women-slightly worrying thought that'

"I'm Liam" said Lister, grinning, "Listen I know we just met today and both weren't the most romantic of situations but" he scratched the back of his neck and shifted nervously, "would you like to come for a drink with me?"

Rimmer averted his eyes, "actually I..."

"oh who am I kidding?" wailed Lister, collapsing dramatically against a wall "why would someone like you want to go out with someone like me, you're beautiful, smart, funny, you've got a great right hook, you wouldn't be seen dead with a guy like me"

Rimmer looked at Liam, he had this naive, this sweetness, how could he say no, 'you're only a women once' thought Rimmer "Liam, I'd be delighted to come for a drink with you"

"You will?" said Lister, shocked by the answer,

"Yes" said Rimmer, taking hold of his hand.

They walked silently down the corridor when suddenly Lister said, "Have you got those knickers on?"