We are so sorry for the lack of chapters this past week or so...but it's not our fault, blame Sims 2 (great game btw).
Anyway, we (ral-edge and Lar-ton) have been promising it, talking about it, arguing about it, crying about it, and, GOD HELP US been having nightmares about it, but now, FINALLY, here it is...SLASH.... well sort of.
P.S: Thanks to all our reviewers (although few) WE LOVE YOU and if you leave a signed review we will get back to you- ENJOY :D
Lister leaned over, the alcohol had penetrated his brain and he was becoming very loose with what he said, "I wanna kismh yesh." he slurred, reaching out for Rachael's cheek and missing by a mile,
Rachael giggled, "Kiss me?"
Liam grinned, "Yesh."
Rachael leaned forward, "Kish me then."
Liam leaned forward, and pecked Rachael on the cheek.
She grimaced, "You call that a kish? This is a kish!" and with that she planted a big wet kiss bang on his lips.
When they broke apart they were both breathless, "bloody bugguring hell" gasped Lister, stunned. Rachael smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears and leaning in for a repeat performance.
"Hey Love birds," said the gruff looking Barmen, "Hit the road, we're closing"
"It's early" whined Lister, annoyed at the barmen for ruining his chances.
"It's 3.55 AM" he roared, snatching Lister's half empty glass away from him, "Out, now!"
"Fine" said Lister, taking Rachael's hand and leading her away, "but...I'm taking this bar stool" and ran out of the bar, a giggling Rachael in toe.
"OI, you bloody drunken git!" hollered the bar man, "bring that back!"
They both ran down the corridor, their footsteps and laughing echoing off its metallic walls, when they knew they were as safely far away from the moody barmen, Lister put the stool on the floor and sat on it, pulling Rachael onto his lap, "You kish like a pop." He frowned, "Pop? Prop? Pro? Yeah. You kish like a pro."
Rachael grinned, leaning in, "I nope." before kissing Liam on the lips greedily.
Lister ran his hands down her dress tugging at the zip, Rachael pulled away, "Not here." she purred, her voice clear for the first time that night.
They stumbled further along the corridor, occasionally falling over and the other having to help them up. It was hopeless, the blind leading the blind or the drunk leading the legless. Lister was just about to point to his and Rimmer's door when he froze, the annoying git would be asleep by now, and if he spotted Liam bringing in a beautiful women with damn fine taste in underwear into the room he'd, a) be jealous b) shout c) have a heart attack.
"Yoosh not wanint to come in-e me quar-pe-ters." laughed Lister, pulling Rachael into a tighter hug and smiling "stoopid head, dork roomie." he giggled and they set off again.
After walking down the corridor for 5 minutes, Lister spotted what he was looking for. At the very end of the corridor were some quarters, which had been abandoned. A couple had recently got it on and had just moved in with each other leaving the quarters free. Opening the door quietly, Lister grabbed Rachael's hand and pulled her gently into the room.
Rimmer toppled onto the silver couch, which resembled a baked potato rather then furniture, while Lister locked the door, he smiled at Rachael who's dress was beginning to slide off her shoulders, he shook his head, he must have been really drunk as her eyes were changing, they kept going from the soft hazelnut colour to dark brown that seemed to glow with ambition. Lister shook his head, and tried to dismiss the idea.
"D'you want a nuther drinky?" he asked, leaning casually against the doorframe, Rachael blanched and eyed him warily,
"What is it?" he asked, half way through his sentence he realized what was up...his scouse accent was breaking through.
If Lister had followed the instructions correctly and read the manual he'd have read on page 458 Paragraph 12 Line 29 that drinking copious amounts of alcohol while playing 'Alter U' would affect the projection of your chosen character thus meaning that your own features, thoughts and feelings will be shown from time to time, but Lister being Lister, hadn't and, it put it nicely was now in deep smeg.
"You're voice...it's gone all funny!?!" said Rachael pointlessly
"Sorry" apologized Lister edging towards the door,
"No, don't apologize," purred Rachael, batting her eyelids "I think it's sexy!"
"Really?" asked Lister walking over to her,
"Yeah" she replied, Lister nodded, and collapsed onto the seat next to her,
"Nowww" he said lustily, taking full advantage of his sexy voice "where whas wee?"
Rachael put her hands on her hips, and pretended to be offended by his forgetfulness "Fink you were zippy"
Liam grinned, "Ah yesh." leaning forward to kiss her, Lister began to grabble for the zip on the back of Rachael's dress, After 3 minutes or so, Lister began to panic, if he took any longer the mood would be lost
"Whatsss sup?" asked Rimmer breaking away,
"The blurry zipsss stuck," replied Lister, dumbfounded by this.
He'd always been a champion at getting a kit off, even to this day his proudest achievement was when he got a dress off in 30 seconds flat, and he liked it add, it had really fiddly buttons. "I'm a failure" he moaned, covering his eyes with the palm of his hands,
Rimmer rolled Rachael's kohl lined eyes, 'why are men so bloody difficult?' he wondered, he tugged hard at the dress, ignoring the tell tale ripping sound and dropped it on the floor, leaving him standing in nothing but his sexy lingerie.
Lister was oblivious to this act of kinkiness as he was still wallowing in a pit of despair and self loathing, he was pulled from his thoughts by an impatient cough, he lowered his hands "you kinky bloorry bugger"
Rimmer found himself giggling stupidly, as Liam's prying eyes wandered up and down Rachael's body and seemed to zoom in on her vast chest, "like them?" he said saucily,
Lister raised his eyebrows, what sort of question was that? She looked absolutely smegging sexy in them, 'but' he thought 'they'd look much better on the floor...'
"I need a closer look" Lister laughed, Rachael leapt onto his lap and began nuzzling his neck, Lister's wandering hands soon had found their way to Rachael's bottom
"Don't" snapped Rimmer, pushing his hands away
"Why?"
"I don't like my bottom" he mumbled, turning away so Liam couldn't see his crimson face,
"I love your bottom," said Lister truthfully, his fingers reaching out for it, but a sharp slap from Rimmer halted their approach.
"It's huge" Rimmer moaned recalling the horrific blue dress
"Men like a bottom they can park a bike in and balance a pint of beer on!"
Rimmer recoiled slightly, "So you think I do have a fat arse?"
Lister backed up, he had just ran into everyman's worst nightmare, the bottom question, often the making or breaking of a relationship, "I didn't say that-"he said quickly, trying to right his wrongs
"YOU DID!" wailed Rimmer "YOU THINK I'VE GOT A HUGE BOTTOM AND YOU DON'T LIKE ME" he began to sob uncontrollably," I'm going to die, sat, ugly, alone and-"
Lister placed a hand over her mouth silencing her whining "are we going to have sex or not?"
"What?" jumped Rimmer, he'd never been asked such a question in his life.
"Are we going to have sex or not?" Lister repeated, rubbing her arm gently and suggestively,
Rimmer did a double take, seeing if this beautiful stranger was serious or being a prat, "errrrm well"
"Okay" sighed Lister, getting off the couch and going to the door, "see you around"
"NOOOO" screamed Rimmer, launching himself at Liam's legs and wrapping Rachael's slender arms round them in a vice like grip, "I do want sex, I crave it, I need it, I NEED YOU AND ME TO MAKE WILD, PASSIONATE, EARTH QUAKE INDUCING LOVE ALL NIGHT LONG!"
Lister grinned, "I'll take that as a yes then."