Chapter 5
She really was a mystery to him. It was an undeniable fact that Toudou Shizuka could be nothing more and nothing less than the well bred lady of society that her parents had raised her to be. It was really rather odd how he managed to have his heart stolen by a woman such as herself, but then again Rui was always an odd one when it came to people. His better lack of social skills was just another one of his many faults that always seemed to hinder him. Unlike F4 and Tsukushi, most people viewed him as being a rude misanthropic weirdo. His reasoning behind the cold façade was that some people just don't like to be the center of attention at all times. To his dismay, his demeanor only brought on a greater fascination towards his enigmatic persona. That was what drew her to him.
Rui lolled back and forth on the bed clutching the phone in his hand. All he needed to do was push the speed dial button. The push of one button could be the source of his salvation saving him from the regret and loneliness he felt at shunning the woman he had proclaimed his love for. On the other hand, it could also be his demise bringing forth the end to a relationship that he had damned from the start. All he had to do was push that one button. He stared at the object in his hands half willing his numb finger to move. It would be about 9 in the evening over there, plenty of time to catch her once she got off work. Finally finding the courage, he pushed the button and listened to the ring tone.
"Hello," a light airy voice filtered through from the other side.
His heart almost stopped at the sound of her voice. It was always so light and melodic with some sort of impossible soothing effect that could calm all his nerves. His mouth opened, but there were no words to be found. The only sound that echoed through the receiver was the slow steady breaths his body was forcing him to take. Placing the phone down onto the table he picked up his violin and propped his beloved instrument beneath his chin. He raised his bow and plucked at the strings sending a low moaning note. It was the same song he always played for her. Everyone else thought the song to be sad and depressing, yet she always said she loved it when he played this song for her the most. She loved the way it reminded her of him, sad yet longing for hope. She offered to become his hope in exchange for her heart to be kept in safekeeping. Little did she know she already held his fragile heart in her hands. The song slowly came to an end, and he placed his violin back in its case snapping the clasps of the case closed. He picked up the phone and whispered in a low voice, "I'm sorry."
A short silence ensued bringing nothing but self doubt to Rui. It was too late. Like everything else in his life, he had let one of the best things to come along slip away with his own blind jealousy.
"I was foolish to act like some spoiled child the moment you told me you were leaving. I knew it would only be for a few short months, but in all honesty I did it because I was scared. I hate when people leave me. It just reaffirms my belief that no matter what good things do not last, and in the end, people will desert me. I understand if you hate me for pushing you away and for all the things I said. The most I can offer you is my regret."
"You'll always be my Rui," she sighed over the other line as if scolding a child for being foolish. "I was never angry at you, perhaps a little hurt, but I would never hate you. I'm just happy that you've finally told me why you were so angry. I've missed you every day."
"I've missed you, too."
Like that, the heavy burden on his heart as lifted. She was one of the few people in the world who accepted him for what he was. Although all was forgiven, there lingered a brief doubt that all his worries had been assuaged. Her forgiving nature came all to easily, which made her seem almost unnatural to him. His pessimistic view of human nature always deterred him from feeling completely comforted by her words of forgiveness given all too easily. What kind of person forgives and forgets so easily? He pushed them aside for the moment accepting the fact that she had forgiven him and taken him back with open arms. That was all that mattered.
"So, where have you been hiding yourself these past few weeks? Sleeping as usual?" she giggled.
"No, contrary to belief I do have things to do. Tsukushi just came in yesterday."
"Ah, the infamous Makino Tsukushi has made her return to Japan. I'm looking forward to meeting this mysterious woman who had F4 wrapped around her little finger."
"Well, she's going to be busy the next few weeks with settling in to her family's old house, preparing for school, and taking care of Akira."
"It still amazes me that Akira will be the first to be wed out of you all."
"Tsukasa and Soujiro are still placing bets on whether or not this thing is really going to happen."
"I think it will based on the way Akira's whole demeanor seems to change whenever he talks about her. He's different in a way I can't quite put my finger on."
"They've still got a year before anything permanent happens."
"You sound as if you don't approve of them marrying. Are we jealous perhaps?"
"Jealous?! I am not jealous. Why would I be?"
"Maybe because your friend is stealing your best friend away. You become so spoiled when it comes to others trying to take away something you love." "Why would I be jealous when I have you? You're the only woman I would ever need." His voice began to rise showing signs of growing annoyance.
"I'm sorry, I was just teasing. Forget all about them. Tell me what had been going on with you."
His voice lowered back to normal and his breaths steadied after he regained his cool composure. "My father has been pressuring me to take a greater interest in the future of his company. He's already been preparing the office next to his so I can move in after graduation. He's been waiting for this the last 21 years." He sighed heavily as his body hit the soft mattress of the bed. He closed his eyes trying to drown out the voice of his father demanding he take more initiative in his future. "How is the internship going?'
"It's been wonderful. I've been helping out with some pro bono cases. I've actually been given a few chances to follow along with some of the cases to trial. Mainly I've been stuck doing research and paperwork. It's quite boring really, but some of the cases we've been presented have been quite challenging. My father's been pestering me about coming home earlier. He still doesn't like the idea that I've pursued law."
"He'll get over it. You'll take over your company and I'll take over mine and from there we'll rule the world," he lightly joked.
"I suppose so." She paused for a moment as if lost in her own thoughts forgetting about Rui. "Don't you hate the idea of living in your father's shadow? Haven't you ever thought about just being selfish and for once doing what you want to do?" Her voice faltered for a brief moment cracking that calm composure she was well known for.
"Not really. Why? Is something wrong?
"No, nothing. I think I've just been a little too stressed out for my own good. I'm sorry, but I've got to be getting ready to go to bed soon. I've got a few more files to work on and then an early day in the morning. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
"Fine."
The line went dead and he placed his phone back onto the table keeping his eyes set firmly on the ceiling. Everything was back to normal, and all was good in the world again. She had forgiven him as he had pretty much expected. There was very little doubt that Shizuka would hold a grudge on her part. At times, he wondered what he ever did to have someone like her. She almost seemed too perfect for him. That was the source of his insecurity. Maybe one day she would realize it too and leave him. It was a gnawing factor that lingered in his mind, but he always pushed it away. He had her now and that was all that mattered.
She just wasn't one of those ordinary women. That was what he loved most about her. she wasn't one of the sheep in the flock of wealthy bred socialites. She had something undeniably different in her. It was what attracted him the most. He was drawn to her.
-------------------Flashback----------------
It was utterly ridiculous the attitude he had taken to. It was a secret, hidden from the outside world and even some of those closest to him. It was those who knew the signs to look for that were the first to figure out what was going on. Unexplainable, that was what his parents whispered behind his back. At first, they had partially blamed the mood swings on his entrance into his teen years. He was fifteen, a teenager. Teenagers were always unpredictable when it came to their emotions. Everyone told them it was normal. However, Rui was never normal to begin with.
At first, it all started with fewer and fewer smiles from him. Laughter and smiles were always infrequent from him, but then one day they almost seemed to stop all together. He withdrew himself from the world preferring to spend most of his time locked within the inner confines of his bedroom. Hours he would spend in there listlessly staring at nothing. Sometimes his mother would find him trapped in his room for days with the door locked. He probably would have starved himself to death if she had not left him his meals by the door. She never even knew when he had taken the tray, emptied it of its contents, and pushed it back out the door. It was baffling, and at the same time painful to see him like that. At odd hours of the day or night, there would only be the haunting echoes of his violin wafting out of his room. It was always the same haunting melody, which sounded more like a requiem for the notes being strangled to death into one strikingly beautiful composition.
The only thing his parents found odd about his behavior was the effort and measures he took to hide it from them all, his friends. Sometimes they wondered if he was trying to punish them, by pushing them away the ones who loved him the most. Was it all some senseless act of rebellion on his part? They had sent in some of their SPs to find out the tiniest bit of information as to the reason behind it all. On the outside, he acted no differently than before, perhaps a little slightly withdrawn by distancing himself from F3 to spend more time in the music room with his violin, but it wasn't enough to draw the boys' suspicions of anything wrong. He went to class, loitered around campus with his friends, and returned home. When confronting Tsukushi for any signs of odd behavior she merely smiled and said "nothing".
Frustration. It was their breaking point. Seeing as how he refused to tell them what was wrong they resorted to the last place they ever wanted to go. The Hanazawas were firm believer that they knew what was best for their son. Any outside help would only be seen as a weakness or failure on their part as parents. Options were few at that point. So, they went to the last place there was- a psychiatrist.
A hundred hours and negative ten thousand dollars later, they got their results. Little did they know any psychoanalysis done upon Rui would not be enough to penetrate the walls he had built. It was an innate defense mechanism mastered after fifteen years of life. They got what they paid for: one dazed and frustrated psychiatrist, one resentful son, no indications for his change, and one last resort prescription of anti- depressants. Paranoia consumed Rui even more forcing him to refuse any food from home in fear that they would defy his wishes and slip the mind numbing drugs into his food. Mysteriously the bottle guaranteeing a better emotional balance on his part would always find its way into his pockets, his night stand, and in his schoolbag. Relief. He didn't want it.
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"Rui!" three voices called out from behind him.
The seemingly oblivious boy turned around to see his three best friends walking towards him. Soujiro and Akira glanced towards their sides flashing their patented dazzling smiles that would turn any girl into a puddle of blissful oblivion. The slightest notice from either one of them could send a girl spiraling down that dangerous road to their beds. Inside, he felt a bit of remorse and pity for the poor fools.
Then there was their fearless leader, Tsukasa. For a high school freshman, he had already risen to the ranks that would have made Hitler proud. He was grinning from ear to ear like a kid on Christmas holding something in his hand.
"Yo, Rui. You've got to check these out." Tsukasa threw the small pack into Rui's hand.
"I can't believe that for once, Tsukasa actually had a good idea," Soujiro laughed.
Akira pulled one of the thin red sheets from his pocket and admired his artwork. "I really must admit I do have a knack for art."
Rui looked down at the slips of paper in his hand finding no meaning to them. They were just paper, although the words written on them seemed to send out an aura of foreboding. "What are these?"
"These, my friend, are red tags," Tsukasa proudly beamed. "This place is way too boring. I thought I might liven things up a bit. Watch this." He picked up one of the thin sheets and grabbed a kid walking past them. "Hey you!"
The poor boy froze dropping the stack of papers in his hand. "Dou.Doumyouji- san," he pathetically stuttered.
In a taunting manner, Tsukasa dangled the paper in front of his face. The glaring word struck fear into his now lifeless eyes, "F4". "Do you know what this means?"
"It's.It.I..please, don't give me one!"
His patience for the peon was thinning. "Just answer the damn question and I'll let you go." He grabbed the boy by the collar towering over him in his threatening manner.
"Yes, sir. It's a symbol of F4. Whoever receives a red card will be cast out. No one shall speak or associate with anyone who has received a red card. Those who will, shall be severely punished for their actions. The recipients of the cards are to be punished for defying F4 and extreme measures are to be taken that said person will be forced out of school by their own will or the hands of their peers."
"Good," Tsukasa gleamed. "I see word has spread around already." He loosened his grip on the boy and watched in sheer mirth as he stumbled over his own feet to scurry away like a frightened animal.
"I wonder how long this little game will last?" Soujiro pondered. "It should give us a few kicks until we find something better to do."
"Well, with the way Tsukasa's been throwing these things left and right I think school will never be the same. F4 has a certain image that means to be retained." Akira put his hand over his chest in a mocking vow to the reputation of his brotherhood. "We live, breathe, and die F4!"
A massive mob of students chasing after a rather unsightly boy ran past them screaming, "Let's get him!" From all around them, the war cries of a mob mentality were taking over. Objects were flying, maniacal laughter echoing through the crisp fall air, and the anguished cries of mercy form the victims remained left unheard to the unrelenting mobs.
"The others seem to be enjoying our little game," Soujiro approvingly smiled.
Rui's eyes darted in random directions observing the carnage taking place. They were all jackals. The old saying was definitely holding true, "Only the strong survive." He stuffed the papers into his pocket and shrugged thinking that he would probably just throw them out later when he got home. He was never one to take part in senseless acts of violence, but when called upon he swore to himself that he would lay his life and morals on the line for F4. "How long did it take you to think this game up?"
Tsukasa's ego could only get bigger with Rui's interest in his little experiment. "I got it from this book that we had to read for English class, "The Scarlet Letter". What better way to get back at everyone who gets in our way by ruining their reputation?"
"Dude, you actually read a book?" Akira asked in astonishment. "You, Doumyouji Tsukasa, read a book, a book required for a class at that. How did that happen?"
"Tsubaki forced me to do my homework last night. Who knew that something meant to be educational could give me such a good idea?" he gloated.
"You do know that the main point of the book was how tragic it was that the own had to carry the scarlet letter alone. It was supposed to make you feel bad for her."
"How do you know, Akira? Did you read the book, too? What is this world coming to? First Tsukasa and now you."
"I dunno why I read it. I was bored and I thought the chick on the cover looked kind of hot," Akira pleaded in defense.
"Hot? She was one of those Puritan women covered head to toe."
"Underneath those drab clothes I think she probably had a pretty nice body. Her face wasn't too bad either. If I were that priest I would have banged her too."
Rui turned his attentions away from the oncoming squabble about whether or not Puritan woman were hot or not. A few months ago he might have found the conversation remotely amusing, but now it was just mindless banter going in one ear and out the other.
"I'm going. I'll meet up with you guys later."
Silence. It was the solitary comfort he needed the most at the moment. All he knew was that he needed to be away, away from people and their petty problems. The three hardly even noticed when he sulkily walked away. They never seemed to notice much about him anymore these days. Soujiro and Akira were too preoccupied with de-virgining the campus' female population. Tsukasa, well he was just too involved with establishing his place as a tyrant, a steady path that he was progressing towards quite easily. That left him, the quiet one.
In a way, he wondered why things couldn't have stayed the way they always were. Before high school life was all a matter of reading manga, hanging out with the boys, and just doing whatever stupid thing they damn well pleased. High school had put on a whole new perspective. It was a passage into adulthood where social status was something to be claimed instantaneously upon arrival marking your territory. It was all about knowing the right people, having the right things, and being the person that everyone could only dream of being. That was F4. Forget the fact that most of the people in their classes had been classmates practically their entire lives and that they had witnessed them crying over a broken toy in kindergarten or seen someone puke on a rollercoaster during a trip to the amusement park. No one was the same. Change. Change is never a good thing.
Slowly his thoughts lingered to another sore point and a partial reason to his severe melancholy at the moment. Tsukushi, his one constant in the world he could always rely on. Even she had the nerve to change. They were at that age where boys were beginning to really notice girls, but never could he ever fathom the fact that Tsukushi would become one of those girls sought out by said boys.
By Akira and Soujiro's standards, she wasn't exactly one of those girls who appeared to have guys knocking down on her door. The gods must not have been smiling down on her when she found her usually perky smiled marred by metal braces and her big doe like eyes concealed behind thick glasses. All in all, she was the contradiction to ever girl that was fit for their standards. Tsukasa once crudely put it, "A girl who is pretty is good enough to be a girlfriend. The ones who aren't are only good enough to be friends." It was said in a passing joke, but emotionally it hit Tsukushi where it hurt the most. To Tsukasa's own consternation, she ignored him for weeks. He deserved it.
Well, she had definitely proven them all wrong. Lo and behold, someone actually did want her, Amon. Dislike would be only the mildest of emotions Rui felt for the other boy. From day one, when F4 had shown up to ask Tsukushi if she wanted to go check out the latest horror movie and found Amon smugly sitting on her couch, they didn't like him. Perhaps, it was some sort of brotherly and possessive nature of theirs to hate the guy. Then again, he had proven himself to be more than a jerk validating their dislike for him. It was disturbing the way he seemed to ingratiate himself in her home. Everyday after school he would offer to take her home, only to somehow wheedle his way into an invitation to stay and perhaps hang out on the estate. Tsukushi was treated like one of the owner's on the property. All of the facilities were free for her use, although she rarely ever took liberty to use them without Rui. Slowly, he took up more and more of her time. He was her first boyfriend, and foolishly she had done everything possible to keep it that way.
F3 kept their opinions to themselves. They believed it best to let Tsukushi make her own mistakes, because a girl in love would only be blind to the faults of her partner. Rui couldn't keep his mouth shut. In return for his pure honesty, he received a reward of being shunned by her like the plague. She blamed his insecurities on his selfishness wanting her to spend more time with him. Amon and she had been dating for three months now. Rui and her were teetering on a relationship of basic civility. For the first time in the entire length of their friendship, they had found something that brought an awkward silence in conversation.
Lingering through the old hallowed walkways of Eitoku, he could only feel more alone in the world. Nothing seemed to put his mind at ease anymore. Surrounded by friends and family, he found himself growing restless and easily agitated. In his own solitary confinement, his thoughts lingered to only less than pleasant thoughts. He decided to head for the emergency stairwell beside the main building knowing no one would be there to bother him.
He hated that feeling. It was almost like he was drowning and no matter how hard he fought and kicked his way up something was pulling him back down. Getting out of bed was something requiring effort. That nagging feeling of resentment and hurt deep within him was only a growing abyss in his soul forcing him to want to lose himself in it. Uncontrollable tears fell down his cheeks. He wiped them away cursing under his breath and being glad no one would be around to see him, a man crying.
"Are you alright?" a feminine asked from behind him.
In a childish reaction to being caught, he wiped his face with his sleeve. "What do you want?" His eyes widened a bit at the vision in front of him. He vaguely recalled seeing her walk around school. Trying his best, he put on the cold demeanor he was famed for. He half expected her to start laughing at him for crying in public at his age.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a neatly folded handkerchief. Her face was still flushed a rosy pink probably from her rush to get to her gym class. She probably decided to take a short cut to the track field seeing as how she was clad only in a pair of tiny gym shorts and a t-shirt. "Why are you crying?"
"It's none of your damn business," he snapped in a cold cutting tone that would have made Tsukasa proud. He watched her in mild curiosity as the soft smile on her face turned into a frown. Inside he reveled in the fact that he was able to wipe that stupid smile off her face.
Instead of walking away in a annoyed huff like most girls she stayed to his dismay. He had to give her credit for staying for more punishment. She bent over and began to do stretching exercises ignoring him. After a good five minutes of warm ups she turned around and bent over. Her legs went up into the air as her arms pushed her body straight supporting herself. The ponytail her hair was tied into dipped onto the ground.
He thought she was completely mad. "What are you doing?"
"If you're sad you should do a handstand like this. It will stop the tears from falling."
"That's idiotic," he snorted.
"You'll never know if unless you try. I bet you couldn't even do this."
He tossed the handkerchief onto the ground and walked over to stand beside her. In one graceful motion he bent over and his legs were directed up towards the sky. He turned to look towards her. "Yes, I can.'
She lowered herself onto her feet and straightened out her shirt. "See, you stopped crying. Now the tears can't fall," she proudly stated. "Just stay that way until you don't feel like crying anymore." Like that she waved a quick goodbye and skipped away.
Rui lowered himself onto the ground and stood shocked. His mind was still processing what happened. Reaching for his face he smiled to himself. The tears did stop. Yes, he did feel like an idiot doing a handstand for no reason, but the tears stopped, didn't they?
A small eruption of laughter spurted from his lips. In that moment of liberation, the door swung open revealing F3 standing there wondering what the hell he found so funny.
"What are you laughing about?" Akira asked flabbergasted at Rui's odd behavior. He rarely showed any signs of being human while at school. Generally he preferred to remain stone-like.
"I think I know," Soujiro teased dangling a pink handkerchief in his face. "Who own this?"
Tsukasa leaned over the railing watching a figure run across the campus in a gym uniform away form the bottom of the stairs. "Isn't that Toudou Shizuka?" he asked.
Akira and Soujiro both rushed over to take a peek.
"I think it is."
"Dude, she's just as hot as in her pictures. Too bad she's off limits."
"Why?" Rui asked from behind in mild curiosity.
"It would be a waste of time trying to get her, man. I heard from my mother that she's going to be the next big "it" girl. She's taking the rest of the year off to pursue modeling. I heard today is her last day. Do you know her or something?"
"Sort of."
----------------End Flashback-----------------
A knock at the door awakened him from his memories. Sitting up, he called out to the person outside his door. "Come in."
A curious head peeked inside. Tsukushi pushed the door open and closed it behind her. Ignoring Rui's entire presence she walked around inspecting his domicile making sure to take note of every tiny detail. When she finally reached the bed to see him lazily propped up against the headboard her face scrunched up in disgust. "This place really needs a woman's touch."
"I like it the way it is."
She motioned to the area around her trying to figure out what he could like about it. "It looks like a place for a mental case. All you're missing is the padded rubber walls and the straight jacket. What happened to all those posters I sent you, the pictures, or the random tacky knickknacks with the places of visit painted onto them. I vividly recall sending you a snow globe from Hawaii with a rather provocative hula girl shaking her thing? I thought that would have made it into your room at least."
"Oh that. Yeah, Soujiro liked it so I gave it to him."
"Remind me not to take my precious time in buying you souvenirs when I go on vacation," she sulked folding her arms over her chest. She walked over to the other side of his bed and plopped down onto the fluffy warm down comforter. Her body rolled from side to side trying to find a comfortable spot.
"Hey, what are you doing? That's my side of the bed. It took me years to make that perfect groove."
"I can tell. There's a small sink in the mattress that feels a lot like your build," she laughed. "I don't see your name written on this side. You chose that side so deal with it."
"Move over," he pouted nudging at her.
"No."
"Move it."
"Nope. I proclaim this Tsukushi-land," she smirked.
"Fine. The I guess I'll have to do this!" He pounced to the other side of the bed grabbing the open flap of blanket to her side. He began wrapping her up in sheets and blanket and rolled his entire weight on top of her trying to suffocate her. "I'll just have to conquer you!"
"Rui!" a muffled scream screeched out from beneath him.
"Say you'll concede! Rui the conqueror has come to take back what is rightfully his. Say it! Say Rui is the master of the universe!"
"Never!"
"Say it!"
At that very moment, the door to his bedroom swung open revealing his panicked mother. "What is all that noise?!"
"Wha!"
"Oomph!" Tsukushi felt the soft mattress beneath her slide away as her body fell onto the ground with a thud.
"Hanazawa Rui! What is going on in here?! I could hear screams coming from this room outside in the gardens."
"Sorry," he apologized. "I guess we got a little carried away."
"Hi," Tsukushi weakly mumbled pulling herself up by the side of the bed. Her hair was in all directions covering her face. A faint tint of pink crossed her cheeks.
"I swear, will you two ever grow up?" the exasperated woman muttered to herself as she showed herself out. "I called the school and they will be expecting you today, Tsukushi. I hope you are responsible enough to go down there by yourself to finalize the proper arrangements.
"Yes."
"Good. Now I don't want to hear anymore strange noises coming from this room," she sternly ordered. She turned around leaving the door open and one last look that said she meant business.
They waited a few seconds to make sure she was gone.
"You know that was all your fault."
"Was not! Who was the one screaming, 'Say Rui is the master of the universe!' so loudly."
"Well you started it."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Okay, I give up. You win," she sighed throwing her arms up in defeat. "I don't have enough time to play with you, little boy. I've got adult things to do other than getting into another 'did too, did not' battle with you." She picked herself off the ground and smoothed out the wrinkles in her t- shirt and jeans. Smoothing down her hair into a more tame look she strutted out the door. "Some of us are above that, and some of us is not me!" She grabbed a pillow and chucked it at his head knocking him backwards in the bed. Laughing like mad woman she ran out the door and down the hallway.
"I am so going to kill you!" he screamed with pillow in hand running after her.
Mrs. Hanazawa took another slow sip of her tea from her seat in the gardens. A small smile touched her lips as she watched a young woman darting across the lawn followed by a rather irate man with a pillow waving in his hand. Yes, things would never be quite the same anymore with Tsukushi around again. The again, no one said it would be a bad thing. A rather unladylike snort of laughter burst out of her startling the already shocked maid whose eyes were fixed on the young master screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs.
"Haruka, I think you should go get a fresh pair of clothes for the young master."
"Yes, madam," the shell shocked maid managed to sputter out.
She turned back towards the scene in front of her releasing the fit of laughter bursting out. Moments ago Tsukushi had run toward the pool barely dodging a pillow dent flying at her head. Along the way she had managed to slip. Rui reached out to grab her, but ended up being taken down with her. Now they thrashed about in the pool still clad in their clothing trying to kill the other. Wiping a tear away from her eye, she only burst out laughing more when she saw her angry husband running out from the house. In an effort to get them out, he had slipped himself and fallen into the pool earning a bout of laughter from Rui and Tsukushi. She could hear the sound of something drop on the floor. She turned around to see Haruka's gaping mouth stunned at her employer swimming around the pool in the middle of the day donned only in his Armani suit. Her poor husband was chasing the two around the pool threatening to do great bodily harm to the two.
"I think my husband will require some dry clothing, too."
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"It's all your fault, you know," Rui huffed. His hands were dug deep in his pockets. "My father is going to kill us when we get back."
"Don't worry," Tsukushi reassured him. "I'll talk him into letting you back into the house later. Deep down he's a big ole teddy bear. You were lucky I had some of Akira's clothes back at my place for you to change into. If I didn't you would still be soaking wet outside your front door begging to be let inside,' she giggled.
"That was so not funny."
"It wasn't. It was the look on your face when he threatened to sic the guard dogs on you if you didn't leave the property that was priceless," she laughed. She sat down onto the ground and leaned her back against the cold stone wall.
"So how did your registration go?"
"As well as can be expected, I guess. I might need to take a few courses over since the credits didn't transfer over. Overall, I should still be able to graduate on time."
"That's good. They didn't give you any trouble."
"Of course not. Who would dare give any trouble to the girl with Hanazawa Rui by her side?"
"Hey, I was just there to make sure they would pull a few strings for you."
Tilting her head up she stared up into the deep blue sky. "I still can't believe you come here. This place hasn't changed much the past few years. Do you still come here often?"
Rui glanced around the same familiar surroundings he had come to love so long ago. The emergency stairwell of the high school still was his favorite place to escape. Even though he had graduated years ago, he still liked to go up there to enjoy the peaceful silence. "Sometimes in between classes I sneak out here."
"More like when you cut class."
"That sounds about right."
"Rui."
"Hmm,' he contently sighed.
"Do you remember the first time you took me here?"
"How could I forget?"
--------------------Flashback------------------
Tsukushi wandered across the unfamiliar campus searching out any familiar face of F4 she could find. She needed Rui. It was her sole purpose of going there. She needed him more than ever. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes red and puffy from the tears that seemed to never end.
A group of girls pushed past her knocking her bookbag from her hands. All of her items scattered onto the ground, yet not one single one of them offered to help.
"What are you doing here? You don't belong here," a girl snorted stepping onto a paper her hand reached for. "It's disgusting that they would let such people wander onto campus." Her eyes narrowed into slits scanning over the uniform she recognized as belonging to the local public school. An eruption of laughter came form her friends.
Tsukushi stood up ready to lash out. "Who the hell do you think you are talking to people like that?!"
Their laughter ceased and like a pack of hyenas they stepped forward circling her like fresh meat. "I am the future wife of Doumyouji Tsukasa. Remember my face when you become one of my future maids, you poor trash."
"You must be that bitch, Asai, Tsukasa's always complaining. I think he left out the part about you being one ugly bitch," she spat out. Her fury was rising by the second. "Tell me where I can find F4 since you have some sort of sick obsession with them. I need to speak to them."
The smug smile on Asai's face fell. She raised a hand that landed against her cheek. "How do you know who I am? And how dare you speak so casually of Doumyouji-san?! I should go tell him right now about how you are impersonating as a friend of F4."
"You really are stupid." Tsukushi pulled out a small red piece of paper from her pocket and shoved it in her face. "Tsukasa gave this to me yesterday. Is this enough proof that I know them? Now tell me where I can find them!"
The girls all jumped back as if she had leprosy.
"He gave you one of those?!" one of the girls stuttered.
"Yeah, he told me it was some sort of card they gave to their friends."
A cruel smile crossed Asai's lips. "She's right. We should have been more respectful." Her harsh tone had turned bitterly sweet. "Let's show her a real F4 welcome." She turned around and screamed at the top of her lungs stopping all the students walking by. "She's been red tagged!"
Eyes all shot towards Tsukushi holding the red card in her hand. It was like a shark sensing blood in water, they attacked. Objects were thrown in all directions.
Tsukushi wasn't a complete idiot. Innately she made a run for her life while curing Tsukasa for whatever he had just done to her. Running through the maze of a campus she dodged the mob running after her.
Rui dropped his violin to his side feeling rather perturbed by the intrusion of a ruckus breaking out nearby. It was a warm spring day, so he decided to ditch F3 and spend the rest of the day practicing his violin in the gardens. It would have been a perfect afternoon, except for the fact that students were running past screaming something about a red tag. He shook his head thinking to himself that a little talk was in order to talk Tsukasa into disrupting the peace with those red tags. Seeing as how he would not get any decent playing time in he lowered his precious instrument into its case and slammed the lid shut. Enough was enough and h would put an end to it. Stalking off he walked in the direction of the shouting.
When he turned the bend what he saw was definitely not what he expected. Two boys had pinned down some poor girl and were in the process of trying to rip her blouse. At first, he wanted to look away clearly disgusted by the level of harassment the student body would lower itself too. However, upon closer inspection he felt his heart jump into his throat.
"Tsukushi!" he yelled rushing forward. "Let her go!" he commanded pulling them off and throwing them against the wall. A deadly glint took over his eyes. "Who told you to do this?!"
"It's F4's orders," they stuttered. "She was holding a red tag. We were only doing what were told to do to people with red tags."
Sending a punch into each of their guts, he shoved them away. "Get out of here."
The two attempted rapists ran for their lives thanking god that they had not been the witnesses to Hanzawa Rui's true wrath.
"Tsukushi," he cried out kneeling down beside her.
She held her eyes closed afraid to look thinking it was her mind's imagination making her think it was his voice. It was her fear that the calm, soothing voice calling out her name would not belong to the man she thought it did. "Please, leave me alone," she begged.
He reached down and stroked her head. "It's okay now. It's me. Open your eyes."
Slowly cracking one eyes open she released the breath she was holding and jumped into his arms crying. A new onslaught of tears fell. "Rui!"
Like a small doll, he gently picked her up off the ground allowing her to bury her face into his chest. He could feel the warm tears soaking through his tears broken by her small stifled sobs. Not knowing where else to take her, he carried her to the staircase. For what seemed like forever he held her in his arms as she brokenly explained to him her reason for unexpectedly showing up. He could feel his cold exterior falling apart as she explained how she had discovered the truth about Amon suing her. She had confronted him about it and he did not deny it. To try to make up for his mistake, he pleaded that in fact he had grown to love her. It was too late, though. That break in her trust was the end. Brokenhearted she had run to Eitoku seeking his comfort only to meet up with Asai and her gang. The rest was rather obvious after she tried to prove her identity as a friend of F4 with a red tag.
He wanted to hurt them all. He wanted to hunt down the people who dared inflict any pain upon his friend, the only girl he truly cared about in this world. I just wasn't fair how someone with so much heart would have her own heart and spirit trampled by others for no reason. Yes, he wanted to make them feel as bad as she did right now. She wouldn't let him, though. Her hand tugging at his sleeve had stopped him form leaving her behind to take care of them. Even after all that had happened, she had never thought once of hurting them back.
"Rui, why won't the pain go away?"
"I don't know. What can I do to make you feel better?"
"I want you to be the way you once were. I want you to be my Rui again, not the one who shuts himself away and hides his behind a wall of misery."
"I don't think I can."
"I just want you to smile and laugh for me the way you used to. I want to go back when everything made sense."
It was like that they lay there for hours. Her tears had long ago dried. His anger was gone. She was now asleep in his arms finally feeling the toll of her day bear down on her. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small bottle of pills. Popping one of the tiny tablets into his mouth he could feel all the anguish and confusion clouding his mind waste away. He would take them for her. If it would give him the strength to climb out of his own misery to help her come out of hers he would do it. That was the day when all his pain went away. It was also the same day that Tsukushi woke up to see the smile of the Rui of her childhood.
----------------End Flashback--------------
"Do you still take them?" Tsukushi asked.
"Not as much anymore. I've slowly eased down my dependence on them."
"Good. Those things will really screw with your head."
She was the only one other than Shizuka who knew he took the pills. In a way, his parents had been more than happy to continue his therapy sessions and take the Paxil he was prescribed. It allowed him to function once again. At first, Tsukushi abhorred the idea of him taking pills to regulate his moods, but in the end she saw what it allowed him to have, a sense of comfort and well-being.
"I think my head is screwed up enough with or without them," he joked.
"Good point," she sighed resting her head against his shoulder. "Sometimes I wonder how a woman like Shizuka can deal with you? I can barely do it at times."
"I don't know either. She just brings out the best in me."
"I still can't believe you were such a chicken to go after her. I had to practically scream at you for days before you finally made your move."
"Yeah, I know. You had to give me a good tongue lashing of my life before I finally did something to shut you up."
---------------------Flashback-----------------
"Hello," a muffled voice answered the phone.
"Have you done anything yet?!" Tsukushi screamed on the line across hundreds of miles of ocean away.
"Not this again." He groaned. "I'm starting to wish I never said anything to you in the first place."
"I can't believe how much of an idiot you can be. I would expect something like this from Tsukasa, but not you. I want you to get up, get dressed, and get your ass out the front door to go ask her out already. This is the first girl I've ever heard you show any interest in and refuse to stand by and let your future wife slip out of your grasps."
He shot up from his bed. "Who said anything about me wanting to marry her? All I said was that I sort of liked her."
"I'm never going to be an aunt telling embarrassing stories to your children about what a dumbass you were as a kid," she whined. "Just do it already. Go! Shoo!"
"Fine, I'll do it already! If it'll make you shut up I'll ask her out tomorrow."
"Good."
"Alright."
"Well?"
"Well, what?"
"Why aren't you going already?"
"Tsukushi, do you know it's only three in the morning over here?"
A long silent pause followed. "Oh, my bad. I'll let you get back to sleep then," she chuckled.
"I'll do that."
"Remember you promised me that you would do it."
"Uh huh," he drowsily replied slipping into sleep.
"Goodnight."
"Tsukushi?"
"Yeah."
"Next time you call check the time difference."
"Why? I like the fact that when you're half asleep you'll promise me to do anything. Damn it! Maybe I should have made you tell me about what happened that time you guys snuck into a strip bar. I heard something about you and a transsexual."
"Tsukushi."
"Huh?"
"Hang up."
He stuffed the phone into his spare pillow and tossed the vile object across the room. The last thing he remembered before falling asleep was the muffled sound of his cell phone going off.
The next morning he woke up rather tired form the late night call, but determined to do the task at hand. Ad he walked across the campus searching out his target he recalled the first time he lady eyes on the beauty two years after her hast departure from his life.
It was another one of those boring business functions his parents had dragged him to. Soujiro and Akira were too enraptured by their flavors of the week called dates to the gathering. Tsukasa was being dragged around like a lost puppy by Tsubaki who forced him to be her escort. He was the only one left. That was until his mother introduced him to the daughter to an old friend who was transferring to Eitoku for university. They would both be freshman. His breath caught in his throat when he recognized her. A small hint of delight was written on her face when she recognized him. He knew she had captured his heart.
For the next few months they carried on a friendship bordering on dating. He was never quite sure what to make of their outings alone. Sometimes they would just spend hours sitting alone enjoying one another's companionable silence. Other times they would just talk for hours about nothing and everything. He found himself opening up to her like no other, like Tsukushi. She told him her secrets as he did his. They just clicked in that way only a man and woman could. The only problem was his fear of admitting his feelings.
As he saw her figure becoming clearer and clearer he could feel his palms becoming sweaty. His heart was beating a mile a minute. He could hardly believe the effect this woman had on him. The others would be laughing at him right now to see the ever calm and collected Rui losing it over a girl. It was all now or never. His pride would be thrown out the window.
"Shizuka," he smiled greeting her. He plopped down onto the grass beside her.
"Hello Rui." She turned around while placing the book she had been reading down on her lap.
"What are you reading?"
"Just my law textbook for class. I was just fascinated by this case were discussing today in class, so I decided to read more about it. I really think I've found something I love. I've been thinking about applying to law school after this."
"Really, I wish I felt the same way about something. I just assumed I would go into the family business."
Her smile faltered. "There must be something more you want, something you love."
"I guess that would be my violin. It was always a silly dream of mine to become a concert violinist." The moment he words slipped out of his mouth he wished he hadn't said it. "It's a really stupid thing. It's not like I would be helping society like you."
She placed a hand over his. "If it's your dream, then it's not stupid. You should go for what your heart desires the most."
Taking this as a cue or some random act of god he did as he was told. He leaned forward and kissed her. At first it was one sided, but slowly her arms wrapped around his neck and she kissed him back. It would be one of the defining moments of his life.
Pulling away for air, she looked into his eyes and smiled. "I've been waiting a long time for you to do that."
"Me too," he laughed. "My heart desires you the most. I only hope you will take my heart."
"You always had mine," she laughed shocking him by kissing him once more.
------------------------End Flashback---------------------
"Hey Rui! Have you seen Tsukushi?" a voice yelled from the bottom of the stairs. "I went by her place, but she wasn't there. I thought she said she was going to be unpacking all day?"
"Looks like someone's looking for you." Rui nudged Tsukushi's arm.
"He can wait. I am getting my Rui time, and no one is going to take that away," she yawned burying her head into his shoulder.
Rui only smiled. He turned to look down the stairs and yelled back down. "I think she might still be at the Registrar's office."
"Thanks, man," he yelled back as he ran off.
"That guy has got it bad. Does he ever leave you alone for a minute?"
"He just worries a lot about me. It's called being a concerned boyfriend."
"And what does that make you?"
"A girlfriend that needs some alone time once in awhile. He just tries so hard to prove it to me."
"Prove what?"
"That he can be a real boyfriend." She turned her head away from his not wanting him to see the worry in her face. "It's part of the reason he wanted me to come back here. We still have a year to decide whether or not the wedding will go through. That's why I came back here. Before he proposed our relationship wasn't exactly the best at times. I do love him to death, but sometimes I have my reservations. He's done it once before and I almost pushed him out of my life."
"What did he do?"
"He cheated on me with some other girl two months after we got engaged. He said it was an accident. He had a little too much to drink and no one was there to stop him. All of you guys were there with him, but had no clue of our relationship, so you didn't know to stop him. He woke up the next morning naked next to some girl whose name he didn't even remember. He called me right after he got out of there wanting to get it out in the open before the guilt ate him up alive. I cried for days, ignored his calls, and pretty much Fed-Exed the ring right back to him." A small tear fell down her cheek. "When he got the ring back, he took the first flight out to New York. He slept in the hall of my apartment building for three days before I let him in to talk to me. That was when I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I want to believe he could be faithful to me. I know he loves me, but that is not enough sometimes to make me believe he really believes it. He was faithful through our entire relationship except that one time. It was a moment of weakness for him. I told him maybe subconsciously he wasn't ready to give up his old ways. We made an ultimatum. I agreed to take the ring back with his promise to give me a year. I would come home for my last year of college and he would prove himself to me. He would be the model boyfriend and fiancée. In return, I would have a year to decide my future with or without him. I could give him a year."
"So you agreed to prolong the engagement to test him? What if he screws up?"
"Then it's over. Game over. There are only so many times I can handle having my heart broken. There is nothing worse in this world than betraying the one you love with someone else. I forgave him once for that, but I don't think I could go through that again. No one else knows about our agreement. We both agreed not to tell our parents or friends who are looking forward to a wedding next year."
"Are you sure this is a wise decision? How can you marry someone who you feel you can't trust?"
"I trust him with my heart enough to let him break it. I am ready to spend the rest of my life with him. This is all a matter of whether or not he really feels the same way about me. In reality, this is his year to think things through clearly. I love him. Love is blind, irrational, and just plain frustrating. In the end, it is what makes us human. We are allowed to mess up once in awhile. It's just Akira would move heaven and earth to make up for his mistakes. I know right now I am ready to spend the rest of my life with him because there is no one else I've ever felt this way for."
She stood up and stretched her arms up into the air.
"I won't idly stand by and watch him hurt you. He is my friend just as much as you are, but this just seems wrong. This whole engagement sounds crazy. You're both not even sure what you want."
She glanced back offering a small smile. "I know. All I know is Akira is what my heart desires and that is enough for now."
Rui sadly watched her walk away without any further discussion. Perhaps, his suspicions to their relationship weren't completely unfounded. Only time would tell if Akira would live up to her expectations. Inside he hoped to god that Akira would make it. At the same time, he slightly wished he wouldn't. Then everything would be back to normal. She would be his Tsukushi and no one else's.
'What was he thinking,' he scolded himself. They were his two best friends. Of course he wanted them to be happy together. In a depressing way, he and Tsukushi were both the same. They would do anything to keep what their hearts desire the most, even if it was to their own detriment. Their insecurities would be the end of them.
She really was a mystery to him. It was an undeniable fact that Toudou Shizuka could be nothing more and nothing less than the well bred lady of society that her parents had raised her to be. It was really rather odd how he managed to have his heart stolen by a woman such as herself, but then again Rui was always an odd one when it came to people. His better lack of social skills was just another one of his many faults that always seemed to hinder him. Unlike F4 and Tsukushi, most people viewed him as being a rude misanthropic weirdo. His reasoning behind the cold façade was that some people just don't like to be the center of attention at all times. To his dismay, his demeanor only brought on a greater fascination towards his enigmatic persona. That was what drew her to him.
Rui lolled back and forth on the bed clutching the phone in his hand. All he needed to do was push the speed dial button. The push of one button could be the source of his salvation saving him from the regret and loneliness he felt at shunning the woman he had proclaimed his love for. On the other hand, it could also be his demise bringing forth the end to a relationship that he had damned from the start. All he had to do was push that one button. He stared at the object in his hands half willing his numb finger to move. It would be about 9 in the evening over there, plenty of time to catch her once she got off work. Finally finding the courage, he pushed the button and listened to the ring tone.
"Hello," a light airy voice filtered through from the other side.
His heart almost stopped at the sound of her voice. It was always so light and melodic with some sort of impossible soothing effect that could calm all his nerves. His mouth opened, but there were no words to be found. The only sound that echoed through the receiver was the slow steady breaths his body was forcing him to take. Placing the phone down onto the table he picked up his violin and propped his beloved instrument beneath his chin. He raised his bow and plucked at the strings sending a low moaning note. It was the same song he always played for her. Everyone else thought the song to be sad and depressing, yet she always said she loved it when he played this song for her the most. She loved the way it reminded her of him, sad yet longing for hope. She offered to become his hope in exchange for her heart to be kept in safekeeping. Little did she know she already held his fragile heart in her hands. The song slowly came to an end, and he placed his violin back in its case snapping the clasps of the case closed. He picked up the phone and whispered in a low voice, "I'm sorry."
A short silence ensued bringing nothing but self doubt to Rui. It was too late. Like everything else in his life, he had let one of the best things to come along slip away with his own blind jealousy.
"I was foolish to act like some spoiled child the moment you told me you were leaving. I knew it would only be for a few short months, but in all honesty I did it because I was scared. I hate when people leave me. It just reaffirms my belief that no matter what good things do not last, and in the end, people will desert me. I understand if you hate me for pushing you away and for all the things I said. The most I can offer you is my regret."
"You'll always be my Rui," she sighed over the other line as if scolding a child for being foolish. "I was never angry at you, perhaps a little hurt, but I would never hate you. I'm just happy that you've finally told me why you were so angry. I've missed you every day."
"I've missed you, too."
Like that, the heavy burden on his heart as lifted. She was one of the few people in the world who accepted him for what he was. Although all was forgiven, there lingered a brief doubt that all his worries had been assuaged. Her forgiving nature came all to easily, which made her seem almost unnatural to him. His pessimistic view of human nature always deterred him from feeling completely comforted by her words of forgiveness given all too easily. What kind of person forgives and forgets so easily? He pushed them aside for the moment accepting the fact that she had forgiven him and taken him back with open arms. That was all that mattered.
"So, where have you been hiding yourself these past few weeks? Sleeping as usual?" she giggled.
"No, contrary to belief I do have things to do. Tsukushi just came in yesterday."
"Ah, the infamous Makino Tsukushi has made her return to Japan. I'm looking forward to meeting this mysterious woman who had F4 wrapped around her little finger."
"Well, she's going to be busy the next few weeks with settling in to her family's old house, preparing for school, and taking care of Akira."
"It still amazes me that Akira will be the first to be wed out of you all."
"Tsukasa and Soujiro are still placing bets on whether or not this thing is really going to happen."
"I think it will based on the way Akira's whole demeanor seems to change whenever he talks about her. He's different in a way I can't quite put my finger on."
"They've still got a year before anything permanent happens."
"You sound as if you don't approve of them marrying. Are we jealous perhaps?"
"Jealous?! I am not jealous. Why would I be?"
"Maybe because your friend is stealing your best friend away. You become so spoiled when it comes to others trying to take away something you love." "Why would I be jealous when I have you? You're the only woman I would ever need." His voice began to rise showing signs of growing annoyance.
"I'm sorry, I was just teasing. Forget all about them. Tell me what had been going on with you."
His voice lowered back to normal and his breaths steadied after he regained his cool composure. "My father has been pressuring me to take a greater interest in the future of his company. He's already been preparing the office next to his so I can move in after graduation. He's been waiting for this the last 21 years." He sighed heavily as his body hit the soft mattress of the bed. He closed his eyes trying to drown out the voice of his father demanding he take more initiative in his future. "How is the internship going?'
"It's been wonderful. I've been helping out with some pro bono cases. I've actually been given a few chances to follow along with some of the cases to trial. Mainly I've been stuck doing research and paperwork. It's quite boring really, but some of the cases we've been presented have been quite challenging. My father's been pestering me about coming home earlier. He still doesn't like the idea that I've pursued law."
"He'll get over it. You'll take over your company and I'll take over mine and from there we'll rule the world," he lightly joked.
"I suppose so." She paused for a moment as if lost in her own thoughts forgetting about Rui. "Don't you hate the idea of living in your father's shadow? Haven't you ever thought about just being selfish and for once doing what you want to do?" Her voice faltered for a brief moment cracking that calm composure she was well known for.
"Not really. Why? Is something wrong?
"No, nothing. I think I've just been a little too stressed out for my own good. I'm sorry, but I've got to be getting ready to go to bed soon. I've got a few more files to work on and then an early day in the morning. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
"Fine."
The line went dead and he placed his phone back onto the table keeping his eyes set firmly on the ceiling. Everything was back to normal, and all was good in the world again. She had forgiven him as he had pretty much expected. There was very little doubt that Shizuka would hold a grudge on her part. At times, he wondered what he ever did to have someone like her. She almost seemed too perfect for him. That was the source of his insecurity. Maybe one day she would realize it too and leave him. It was a gnawing factor that lingered in his mind, but he always pushed it away. He had her now and that was all that mattered.
She just wasn't one of those ordinary women. That was what he loved most about her. she wasn't one of the sheep in the flock of wealthy bred socialites. She had something undeniably different in her. It was what attracted him the most. He was drawn to her.
-------------------Flashback----------------
It was utterly ridiculous the attitude he had taken to. It was a secret, hidden from the outside world and even some of those closest to him. It was those who knew the signs to look for that were the first to figure out what was going on. Unexplainable, that was what his parents whispered behind his back. At first, they had partially blamed the mood swings on his entrance into his teen years. He was fifteen, a teenager. Teenagers were always unpredictable when it came to their emotions. Everyone told them it was normal. However, Rui was never normal to begin with.
At first, it all started with fewer and fewer smiles from him. Laughter and smiles were always infrequent from him, but then one day they almost seemed to stop all together. He withdrew himself from the world preferring to spend most of his time locked within the inner confines of his bedroom. Hours he would spend in there listlessly staring at nothing. Sometimes his mother would find him trapped in his room for days with the door locked. He probably would have starved himself to death if she had not left him his meals by the door. She never even knew when he had taken the tray, emptied it of its contents, and pushed it back out the door. It was baffling, and at the same time painful to see him like that. At odd hours of the day or night, there would only be the haunting echoes of his violin wafting out of his room. It was always the same haunting melody, which sounded more like a requiem for the notes being strangled to death into one strikingly beautiful composition.
The only thing his parents found odd about his behavior was the effort and measures he took to hide it from them all, his friends. Sometimes they wondered if he was trying to punish them, by pushing them away the ones who loved him the most. Was it all some senseless act of rebellion on his part? They had sent in some of their SPs to find out the tiniest bit of information as to the reason behind it all. On the outside, he acted no differently than before, perhaps a little slightly withdrawn by distancing himself from F3 to spend more time in the music room with his violin, but it wasn't enough to draw the boys' suspicions of anything wrong. He went to class, loitered around campus with his friends, and returned home. When confronting Tsukushi for any signs of odd behavior she merely smiled and said "nothing".
Frustration. It was their breaking point. Seeing as how he refused to tell them what was wrong they resorted to the last place they ever wanted to go. The Hanazawas were firm believer that they knew what was best for their son. Any outside help would only be seen as a weakness or failure on their part as parents. Options were few at that point. So, they went to the last place there was- a psychiatrist.
A hundred hours and negative ten thousand dollars later, they got their results. Little did they know any psychoanalysis done upon Rui would not be enough to penetrate the walls he had built. It was an innate defense mechanism mastered after fifteen years of life. They got what they paid for: one dazed and frustrated psychiatrist, one resentful son, no indications for his change, and one last resort prescription of anti- depressants. Paranoia consumed Rui even more forcing him to refuse any food from home in fear that they would defy his wishes and slip the mind numbing drugs into his food. Mysteriously the bottle guaranteeing a better emotional balance on his part would always find its way into his pockets, his night stand, and in his schoolbag. Relief. He didn't want it.
------------------------------
"Rui!" three voices called out from behind him.
The seemingly oblivious boy turned around to see his three best friends walking towards him. Soujiro and Akira glanced towards their sides flashing their patented dazzling smiles that would turn any girl into a puddle of blissful oblivion. The slightest notice from either one of them could send a girl spiraling down that dangerous road to their beds. Inside, he felt a bit of remorse and pity for the poor fools.
Then there was their fearless leader, Tsukasa. For a high school freshman, he had already risen to the ranks that would have made Hitler proud. He was grinning from ear to ear like a kid on Christmas holding something in his hand.
"Yo, Rui. You've got to check these out." Tsukasa threw the small pack into Rui's hand.
"I can't believe that for once, Tsukasa actually had a good idea," Soujiro laughed.
Akira pulled one of the thin red sheets from his pocket and admired his artwork. "I really must admit I do have a knack for art."
Rui looked down at the slips of paper in his hand finding no meaning to them. They were just paper, although the words written on them seemed to send out an aura of foreboding. "What are these?"
"These, my friend, are red tags," Tsukasa proudly beamed. "This place is way too boring. I thought I might liven things up a bit. Watch this." He picked up one of the thin sheets and grabbed a kid walking past them. "Hey you!"
The poor boy froze dropping the stack of papers in his hand. "Dou.Doumyouji- san," he pathetically stuttered.
In a taunting manner, Tsukasa dangled the paper in front of his face. The glaring word struck fear into his now lifeless eyes, "F4". "Do you know what this means?"
"It's.It.I..please, don't give me one!"
His patience for the peon was thinning. "Just answer the damn question and I'll let you go." He grabbed the boy by the collar towering over him in his threatening manner.
"Yes, sir. It's a symbol of F4. Whoever receives a red card will be cast out. No one shall speak or associate with anyone who has received a red card. Those who will, shall be severely punished for their actions. The recipients of the cards are to be punished for defying F4 and extreme measures are to be taken that said person will be forced out of school by their own will or the hands of their peers."
"Good," Tsukasa gleamed. "I see word has spread around already." He loosened his grip on the boy and watched in sheer mirth as he stumbled over his own feet to scurry away like a frightened animal.
"I wonder how long this little game will last?" Soujiro pondered. "It should give us a few kicks until we find something better to do."
"Well, with the way Tsukasa's been throwing these things left and right I think school will never be the same. F4 has a certain image that means to be retained." Akira put his hand over his chest in a mocking vow to the reputation of his brotherhood. "We live, breathe, and die F4!"
A massive mob of students chasing after a rather unsightly boy ran past them screaming, "Let's get him!" From all around them, the war cries of a mob mentality were taking over. Objects were flying, maniacal laughter echoing through the crisp fall air, and the anguished cries of mercy form the victims remained left unheard to the unrelenting mobs.
"The others seem to be enjoying our little game," Soujiro approvingly smiled.
Rui's eyes darted in random directions observing the carnage taking place. They were all jackals. The old saying was definitely holding true, "Only the strong survive." He stuffed the papers into his pocket and shrugged thinking that he would probably just throw them out later when he got home. He was never one to take part in senseless acts of violence, but when called upon he swore to himself that he would lay his life and morals on the line for F4. "How long did it take you to think this game up?"
Tsukasa's ego could only get bigger with Rui's interest in his little experiment. "I got it from this book that we had to read for English class, "The Scarlet Letter". What better way to get back at everyone who gets in our way by ruining their reputation?"
"Dude, you actually read a book?" Akira asked in astonishment. "You, Doumyouji Tsukasa, read a book, a book required for a class at that. How did that happen?"
"Tsubaki forced me to do my homework last night. Who knew that something meant to be educational could give me such a good idea?" he gloated.
"You do know that the main point of the book was how tragic it was that the own had to carry the scarlet letter alone. It was supposed to make you feel bad for her."
"How do you know, Akira? Did you read the book, too? What is this world coming to? First Tsukasa and now you."
"I dunno why I read it. I was bored and I thought the chick on the cover looked kind of hot," Akira pleaded in defense.
"Hot? She was one of those Puritan women covered head to toe."
"Underneath those drab clothes I think she probably had a pretty nice body. Her face wasn't too bad either. If I were that priest I would have banged her too."
Rui turned his attentions away from the oncoming squabble about whether or not Puritan woman were hot or not. A few months ago he might have found the conversation remotely amusing, but now it was just mindless banter going in one ear and out the other.
"I'm going. I'll meet up with you guys later."
Silence. It was the solitary comfort he needed the most at the moment. All he knew was that he needed to be away, away from people and their petty problems. The three hardly even noticed when he sulkily walked away. They never seemed to notice much about him anymore these days. Soujiro and Akira were too preoccupied with de-virgining the campus' female population. Tsukasa, well he was just too involved with establishing his place as a tyrant, a steady path that he was progressing towards quite easily. That left him, the quiet one.
In a way, he wondered why things couldn't have stayed the way they always were. Before high school life was all a matter of reading manga, hanging out with the boys, and just doing whatever stupid thing they damn well pleased. High school had put on a whole new perspective. It was a passage into adulthood where social status was something to be claimed instantaneously upon arrival marking your territory. It was all about knowing the right people, having the right things, and being the person that everyone could only dream of being. That was F4. Forget the fact that most of the people in their classes had been classmates practically their entire lives and that they had witnessed them crying over a broken toy in kindergarten or seen someone puke on a rollercoaster during a trip to the amusement park. No one was the same. Change. Change is never a good thing.
Slowly his thoughts lingered to another sore point and a partial reason to his severe melancholy at the moment. Tsukushi, his one constant in the world he could always rely on. Even she had the nerve to change. They were at that age where boys were beginning to really notice girls, but never could he ever fathom the fact that Tsukushi would become one of those girls sought out by said boys.
By Akira and Soujiro's standards, she wasn't exactly one of those girls who appeared to have guys knocking down on her door. The gods must not have been smiling down on her when she found her usually perky smiled marred by metal braces and her big doe like eyes concealed behind thick glasses. All in all, she was the contradiction to ever girl that was fit for their standards. Tsukasa once crudely put it, "A girl who is pretty is good enough to be a girlfriend. The ones who aren't are only good enough to be friends." It was said in a passing joke, but emotionally it hit Tsukushi where it hurt the most. To Tsukasa's own consternation, she ignored him for weeks. He deserved it.
Well, she had definitely proven them all wrong. Lo and behold, someone actually did want her, Amon. Dislike would be only the mildest of emotions Rui felt for the other boy. From day one, when F4 had shown up to ask Tsukushi if she wanted to go check out the latest horror movie and found Amon smugly sitting on her couch, they didn't like him. Perhaps, it was some sort of brotherly and possessive nature of theirs to hate the guy. Then again, he had proven himself to be more than a jerk validating their dislike for him. It was disturbing the way he seemed to ingratiate himself in her home. Everyday after school he would offer to take her home, only to somehow wheedle his way into an invitation to stay and perhaps hang out on the estate. Tsukushi was treated like one of the owner's on the property. All of the facilities were free for her use, although she rarely ever took liberty to use them without Rui. Slowly, he took up more and more of her time. He was her first boyfriend, and foolishly she had done everything possible to keep it that way.
F3 kept their opinions to themselves. They believed it best to let Tsukushi make her own mistakes, because a girl in love would only be blind to the faults of her partner. Rui couldn't keep his mouth shut. In return for his pure honesty, he received a reward of being shunned by her like the plague. She blamed his insecurities on his selfishness wanting her to spend more time with him. Amon and she had been dating for three months now. Rui and her were teetering on a relationship of basic civility. For the first time in the entire length of their friendship, they had found something that brought an awkward silence in conversation.
Lingering through the old hallowed walkways of Eitoku, he could only feel more alone in the world. Nothing seemed to put his mind at ease anymore. Surrounded by friends and family, he found himself growing restless and easily agitated. In his own solitary confinement, his thoughts lingered to only less than pleasant thoughts. He decided to head for the emergency stairwell beside the main building knowing no one would be there to bother him.
He hated that feeling. It was almost like he was drowning and no matter how hard he fought and kicked his way up something was pulling him back down. Getting out of bed was something requiring effort. That nagging feeling of resentment and hurt deep within him was only a growing abyss in his soul forcing him to want to lose himself in it. Uncontrollable tears fell down his cheeks. He wiped them away cursing under his breath and being glad no one would be around to see him, a man crying.
"Are you alright?" a feminine asked from behind him.
In a childish reaction to being caught, he wiped his face with his sleeve. "What do you want?" His eyes widened a bit at the vision in front of him. He vaguely recalled seeing her walk around school. Trying his best, he put on the cold demeanor he was famed for. He half expected her to start laughing at him for crying in public at his age.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a neatly folded handkerchief. Her face was still flushed a rosy pink probably from her rush to get to her gym class. She probably decided to take a short cut to the track field seeing as how she was clad only in a pair of tiny gym shorts and a t-shirt. "Why are you crying?"
"It's none of your damn business," he snapped in a cold cutting tone that would have made Tsukasa proud. He watched her in mild curiosity as the soft smile on her face turned into a frown. Inside he reveled in the fact that he was able to wipe that stupid smile off her face.
Instead of walking away in a annoyed huff like most girls she stayed to his dismay. He had to give her credit for staying for more punishment. She bent over and began to do stretching exercises ignoring him. After a good five minutes of warm ups she turned around and bent over. Her legs went up into the air as her arms pushed her body straight supporting herself. The ponytail her hair was tied into dipped onto the ground.
He thought she was completely mad. "What are you doing?"
"If you're sad you should do a handstand like this. It will stop the tears from falling."
"That's idiotic," he snorted.
"You'll never know if unless you try. I bet you couldn't even do this."
He tossed the handkerchief onto the ground and walked over to stand beside her. In one graceful motion he bent over and his legs were directed up towards the sky. He turned to look towards her. "Yes, I can.'
She lowered herself onto her feet and straightened out her shirt. "See, you stopped crying. Now the tears can't fall," she proudly stated. "Just stay that way until you don't feel like crying anymore." Like that she waved a quick goodbye and skipped away.
Rui lowered himself onto the ground and stood shocked. His mind was still processing what happened. Reaching for his face he smiled to himself. The tears did stop. Yes, he did feel like an idiot doing a handstand for no reason, but the tears stopped, didn't they?
A small eruption of laughter spurted from his lips. In that moment of liberation, the door swung open revealing F3 standing there wondering what the hell he found so funny.
"What are you laughing about?" Akira asked flabbergasted at Rui's odd behavior. He rarely showed any signs of being human while at school. Generally he preferred to remain stone-like.
"I think I know," Soujiro teased dangling a pink handkerchief in his face. "Who own this?"
Tsukasa leaned over the railing watching a figure run across the campus in a gym uniform away form the bottom of the stairs. "Isn't that Toudou Shizuka?" he asked.
Akira and Soujiro both rushed over to take a peek.
"I think it is."
"Dude, she's just as hot as in her pictures. Too bad she's off limits."
"Why?" Rui asked from behind in mild curiosity.
"It would be a waste of time trying to get her, man. I heard from my mother that she's going to be the next big "it" girl. She's taking the rest of the year off to pursue modeling. I heard today is her last day. Do you know her or something?"
"Sort of."
----------------End Flashback-----------------
A knock at the door awakened him from his memories. Sitting up, he called out to the person outside his door. "Come in."
A curious head peeked inside. Tsukushi pushed the door open and closed it behind her. Ignoring Rui's entire presence she walked around inspecting his domicile making sure to take note of every tiny detail. When she finally reached the bed to see him lazily propped up against the headboard her face scrunched up in disgust. "This place really needs a woman's touch."
"I like it the way it is."
She motioned to the area around her trying to figure out what he could like about it. "It looks like a place for a mental case. All you're missing is the padded rubber walls and the straight jacket. What happened to all those posters I sent you, the pictures, or the random tacky knickknacks with the places of visit painted onto them. I vividly recall sending you a snow globe from Hawaii with a rather provocative hula girl shaking her thing? I thought that would have made it into your room at least."
"Oh that. Yeah, Soujiro liked it so I gave it to him."
"Remind me not to take my precious time in buying you souvenirs when I go on vacation," she sulked folding her arms over her chest. She walked over to the other side of his bed and plopped down onto the fluffy warm down comforter. Her body rolled from side to side trying to find a comfortable spot.
"Hey, what are you doing? That's my side of the bed. It took me years to make that perfect groove."
"I can tell. There's a small sink in the mattress that feels a lot like your build," she laughed. "I don't see your name written on this side. You chose that side so deal with it."
"Move over," he pouted nudging at her.
"No."
"Move it."
"Nope. I proclaim this Tsukushi-land," she smirked.
"Fine. The I guess I'll have to do this!" He pounced to the other side of the bed grabbing the open flap of blanket to her side. He began wrapping her up in sheets and blanket and rolled his entire weight on top of her trying to suffocate her. "I'll just have to conquer you!"
"Rui!" a muffled scream screeched out from beneath him.
"Say you'll concede! Rui the conqueror has come to take back what is rightfully his. Say it! Say Rui is the master of the universe!"
"Never!"
"Say it!"
At that very moment, the door to his bedroom swung open revealing his panicked mother. "What is all that noise?!"
"Wha!"
"Oomph!" Tsukushi felt the soft mattress beneath her slide away as her body fell onto the ground with a thud.
"Hanazawa Rui! What is going on in here?! I could hear screams coming from this room outside in the gardens."
"Sorry," he apologized. "I guess we got a little carried away."
"Hi," Tsukushi weakly mumbled pulling herself up by the side of the bed. Her hair was in all directions covering her face. A faint tint of pink crossed her cheeks.
"I swear, will you two ever grow up?" the exasperated woman muttered to herself as she showed herself out. "I called the school and they will be expecting you today, Tsukushi. I hope you are responsible enough to go down there by yourself to finalize the proper arrangements.
"Yes."
"Good. Now I don't want to hear anymore strange noises coming from this room," she sternly ordered. She turned around leaving the door open and one last look that said she meant business.
They waited a few seconds to make sure she was gone.
"You know that was all your fault."
"Was not! Who was the one screaming, 'Say Rui is the master of the universe!' so loudly."
"Well you started it."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Okay, I give up. You win," she sighed throwing her arms up in defeat. "I don't have enough time to play with you, little boy. I've got adult things to do other than getting into another 'did too, did not' battle with you." She picked herself off the ground and smoothed out the wrinkles in her t- shirt and jeans. Smoothing down her hair into a more tame look she strutted out the door. "Some of us are above that, and some of us is not me!" She grabbed a pillow and chucked it at his head knocking him backwards in the bed. Laughing like mad woman she ran out the door and down the hallway.
"I am so going to kill you!" he screamed with pillow in hand running after her.
Mrs. Hanazawa took another slow sip of her tea from her seat in the gardens. A small smile touched her lips as she watched a young woman darting across the lawn followed by a rather irate man with a pillow waving in his hand. Yes, things would never be quite the same anymore with Tsukushi around again. The again, no one said it would be a bad thing. A rather unladylike snort of laughter burst out of her startling the already shocked maid whose eyes were fixed on the young master screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs.
"Haruka, I think you should go get a fresh pair of clothes for the young master."
"Yes, madam," the shell shocked maid managed to sputter out.
She turned back towards the scene in front of her releasing the fit of laughter bursting out. Moments ago Tsukushi had run toward the pool barely dodging a pillow dent flying at her head. Along the way she had managed to slip. Rui reached out to grab her, but ended up being taken down with her. Now they thrashed about in the pool still clad in their clothing trying to kill the other. Wiping a tear away from her eye, she only burst out laughing more when she saw her angry husband running out from the house. In an effort to get them out, he had slipped himself and fallen into the pool earning a bout of laughter from Rui and Tsukushi. She could hear the sound of something drop on the floor. She turned around to see Haruka's gaping mouth stunned at her employer swimming around the pool in the middle of the day donned only in his Armani suit. Her poor husband was chasing the two around the pool threatening to do great bodily harm to the two.
"I think my husband will require some dry clothing, too."
-------------------------
"It's all your fault, you know," Rui huffed. His hands were dug deep in his pockets. "My father is going to kill us when we get back."
"Don't worry," Tsukushi reassured him. "I'll talk him into letting you back into the house later. Deep down he's a big ole teddy bear. You were lucky I had some of Akira's clothes back at my place for you to change into. If I didn't you would still be soaking wet outside your front door begging to be let inside,' she giggled.
"That was so not funny."
"It wasn't. It was the look on your face when he threatened to sic the guard dogs on you if you didn't leave the property that was priceless," she laughed. She sat down onto the ground and leaned her back against the cold stone wall.
"So how did your registration go?"
"As well as can be expected, I guess. I might need to take a few courses over since the credits didn't transfer over. Overall, I should still be able to graduate on time."
"That's good. They didn't give you any trouble."
"Of course not. Who would dare give any trouble to the girl with Hanazawa Rui by her side?"
"Hey, I was just there to make sure they would pull a few strings for you."
Tilting her head up she stared up into the deep blue sky. "I still can't believe you come here. This place hasn't changed much the past few years. Do you still come here often?"
Rui glanced around the same familiar surroundings he had come to love so long ago. The emergency stairwell of the high school still was his favorite place to escape. Even though he had graduated years ago, he still liked to go up there to enjoy the peaceful silence. "Sometimes in between classes I sneak out here."
"More like when you cut class."
"That sounds about right."
"Rui."
"Hmm,' he contently sighed.
"Do you remember the first time you took me here?"
"How could I forget?"
--------------------Flashback------------------
Tsukushi wandered across the unfamiliar campus searching out any familiar face of F4 she could find. She needed Rui. It was her sole purpose of going there. She needed him more than ever. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes red and puffy from the tears that seemed to never end.
A group of girls pushed past her knocking her bookbag from her hands. All of her items scattered onto the ground, yet not one single one of them offered to help.
"What are you doing here? You don't belong here," a girl snorted stepping onto a paper her hand reached for. "It's disgusting that they would let such people wander onto campus." Her eyes narrowed into slits scanning over the uniform she recognized as belonging to the local public school. An eruption of laughter came form her friends.
Tsukushi stood up ready to lash out. "Who the hell do you think you are talking to people like that?!"
Their laughter ceased and like a pack of hyenas they stepped forward circling her like fresh meat. "I am the future wife of Doumyouji Tsukasa. Remember my face when you become one of my future maids, you poor trash."
"You must be that bitch, Asai, Tsukasa's always complaining. I think he left out the part about you being one ugly bitch," she spat out. Her fury was rising by the second. "Tell me where I can find F4 since you have some sort of sick obsession with them. I need to speak to them."
The smug smile on Asai's face fell. She raised a hand that landed against her cheek. "How do you know who I am? And how dare you speak so casually of Doumyouji-san?! I should go tell him right now about how you are impersonating as a friend of F4."
"You really are stupid." Tsukushi pulled out a small red piece of paper from her pocket and shoved it in her face. "Tsukasa gave this to me yesterday. Is this enough proof that I know them? Now tell me where I can find them!"
The girls all jumped back as if she had leprosy.
"He gave you one of those?!" one of the girls stuttered.
"Yeah, he told me it was some sort of card they gave to their friends."
A cruel smile crossed Asai's lips. "She's right. We should have been more respectful." Her harsh tone had turned bitterly sweet. "Let's show her a real F4 welcome." She turned around and screamed at the top of her lungs stopping all the students walking by. "She's been red tagged!"
Eyes all shot towards Tsukushi holding the red card in her hand. It was like a shark sensing blood in water, they attacked. Objects were thrown in all directions.
Tsukushi wasn't a complete idiot. Innately she made a run for her life while curing Tsukasa for whatever he had just done to her. Running through the maze of a campus she dodged the mob running after her.
Rui dropped his violin to his side feeling rather perturbed by the intrusion of a ruckus breaking out nearby. It was a warm spring day, so he decided to ditch F3 and spend the rest of the day practicing his violin in the gardens. It would have been a perfect afternoon, except for the fact that students were running past screaming something about a red tag. He shook his head thinking to himself that a little talk was in order to talk Tsukasa into disrupting the peace with those red tags. Seeing as how he would not get any decent playing time in he lowered his precious instrument into its case and slammed the lid shut. Enough was enough and h would put an end to it. Stalking off he walked in the direction of the shouting.
When he turned the bend what he saw was definitely not what he expected. Two boys had pinned down some poor girl and were in the process of trying to rip her blouse. At first, he wanted to look away clearly disgusted by the level of harassment the student body would lower itself too. However, upon closer inspection he felt his heart jump into his throat.
"Tsukushi!" he yelled rushing forward. "Let her go!" he commanded pulling them off and throwing them against the wall. A deadly glint took over his eyes. "Who told you to do this?!"
"It's F4's orders," they stuttered. "She was holding a red tag. We were only doing what were told to do to people with red tags."
Sending a punch into each of their guts, he shoved them away. "Get out of here."
The two attempted rapists ran for their lives thanking god that they had not been the witnesses to Hanzawa Rui's true wrath.
"Tsukushi," he cried out kneeling down beside her.
She held her eyes closed afraid to look thinking it was her mind's imagination making her think it was his voice. It was her fear that the calm, soothing voice calling out her name would not belong to the man she thought it did. "Please, leave me alone," she begged.
He reached down and stroked her head. "It's okay now. It's me. Open your eyes."
Slowly cracking one eyes open she released the breath she was holding and jumped into his arms crying. A new onslaught of tears fell. "Rui!"
Like a small doll, he gently picked her up off the ground allowing her to bury her face into his chest. He could feel the warm tears soaking through his tears broken by her small stifled sobs. Not knowing where else to take her, he carried her to the staircase. For what seemed like forever he held her in his arms as she brokenly explained to him her reason for unexpectedly showing up. He could feel his cold exterior falling apart as she explained how she had discovered the truth about Amon suing her. She had confronted him about it and he did not deny it. To try to make up for his mistake, he pleaded that in fact he had grown to love her. It was too late, though. That break in her trust was the end. Brokenhearted she had run to Eitoku seeking his comfort only to meet up with Asai and her gang. The rest was rather obvious after she tried to prove her identity as a friend of F4 with a red tag.
He wanted to hurt them all. He wanted to hunt down the people who dared inflict any pain upon his friend, the only girl he truly cared about in this world. I just wasn't fair how someone with so much heart would have her own heart and spirit trampled by others for no reason. Yes, he wanted to make them feel as bad as she did right now. She wouldn't let him, though. Her hand tugging at his sleeve had stopped him form leaving her behind to take care of them. Even after all that had happened, she had never thought once of hurting them back.
"Rui, why won't the pain go away?"
"I don't know. What can I do to make you feel better?"
"I want you to be the way you once were. I want you to be my Rui again, not the one who shuts himself away and hides his behind a wall of misery."
"I don't think I can."
"I just want you to smile and laugh for me the way you used to. I want to go back when everything made sense."
It was like that they lay there for hours. Her tears had long ago dried. His anger was gone. She was now asleep in his arms finally feeling the toll of her day bear down on her. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small bottle of pills. Popping one of the tiny tablets into his mouth he could feel all the anguish and confusion clouding his mind waste away. He would take them for her. If it would give him the strength to climb out of his own misery to help her come out of hers he would do it. That was the day when all his pain went away. It was also the same day that Tsukushi woke up to see the smile of the Rui of her childhood.
----------------End Flashback--------------
"Do you still take them?" Tsukushi asked.
"Not as much anymore. I've slowly eased down my dependence on them."
"Good. Those things will really screw with your head."
She was the only one other than Shizuka who knew he took the pills. In a way, his parents had been more than happy to continue his therapy sessions and take the Paxil he was prescribed. It allowed him to function once again. At first, Tsukushi abhorred the idea of him taking pills to regulate his moods, but in the end she saw what it allowed him to have, a sense of comfort and well-being.
"I think my head is screwed up enough with or without them," he joked.
"Good point," she sighed resting her head against his shoulder. "Sometimes I wonder how a woman like Shizuka can deal with you? I can barely do it at times."
"I don't know either. She just brings out the best in me."
"I still can't believe you were such a chicken to go after her. I had to practically scream at you for days before you finally made your move."
"Yeah, I know. You had to give me a good tongue lashing of my life before I finally did something to shut you up."
---------------------Flashback-----------------
"Hello," a muffled voice answered the phone.
"Have you done anything yet?!" Tsukushi screamed on the line across hundreds of miles of ocean away.
"Not this again." He groaned. "I'm starting to wish I never said anything to you in the first place."
"I can't believe how much of an idiot you can be. I would expect something like this from Tsukasa, but not you. I want you to get up, get dressed, and get your ass out the front door to go ask her out already. This is the first girl I've ever heard you show any interest in and refuse to stand by and let your future wife slip out of your grasps."
He shot up from his bed. "Who said anything about me wanting to marry her? All I said was that I sort of liked her."
"I'm never going to be an aunt telling embarrassing stories to your children about what a dumbass you were as a kid," she whined. "Just do it already. Go! Shoo!"
"Fine, I'll do it already! If it'll make you shut up I'll ask her out tomorrow."
"Good."
"Alright."
"Well?"
"Well, what?"
"Why aren't you going already?"
"Tsukushi, do you know it's only three in the morning over here?"
A long silent pause followed. "Oh, my bad. I'll let you get back to sleep then," she chuckled.
"I'll do that."
"Remember you promised me that you would do it."
"Uh huh," he drowsily replied slipping into sleep.
"Goodnight."
"Tsukushi?"
"Yeah."
"Next time you call check the time difference."
"Why? I like the fact that when you're half asleep you'll promise me to do anything. Damn it! Maybe I should have made you tell me about what happened that time you guys snuck into a strip bar. I heard something about you and a transsexual."
"Tsukushi."
"Huh?"
"Hang up."
He stuffed the phone into his spare pillow and tossed the vile object across the room. The last thing he remembered before falling asleep was the muffled sound of his cell phone going off.
The next morning he woke up rather tired form the late night call, but determined to do the task at hand. Ad he walked across the campus searching out his target he recalled the first time he lady eyes on the beauty two years after her hast departure from his life.
It was another one of those boring business functions his parents had dragged him to. Soujiro and Akira were too enraptured by their flavors of the week called dates to the gathering. Tsukasa was being dragged around like a lost puppy by Tsubaki who forced him to be her escort. He was the only one left. That was until his mother introduced him to the daughter to an old friend who was transferring to Eitoku for university. They would both be freshman. His breath caught in his throat when he recognized her. A small hint of delight was written on her face when she recognized him. He knew she had captured his heart.
For the next few months they carried on a friendship bordering on dating. He was never quite sure what to make of their outings alone. Sometimes they would just spend hours sitting alone enjoying one another's companionable silence. Other times they would just talk for hours about nothing and everything. He found himself opening up to her like no other, like Tsukushi. She told him her secrets as he did his. They just clicked in that way only a man and woman could. The only problem was his fear of admitting his feelings.
As he saw her figure becoming clearer and clearer he could feel his palms becoming sweaty. His heart was beating a mile a minute. He could hardly believe the effect this woman had on him. The others would be laughing at him right now to see the ever calm and collected Rui losing it over a girl. It was all now or never. His pride would be thrown out the window.
"Shizuka," he smiled greeting her. He plopped down onto the grass beside her.
"Hello Rui." She turned around while placing the book she had been reading down on her lap.
"What are you reading?"
"Just my law textbook for class. I was just fascinated by this case were discussing today in class, so I decided to read more about it. I really think I've found something I love. I've been thinking about applying to law school after this."
"Really, I wish I felt the same way about something. I just assumed I would go into the family business."
Her smile faltered. "There must be something more you want, something you love."
"I guess that would be my violin. It was always a silly dream of mine to become a concert violinist." The moment he words slipped out of his mouth he wished he hadn't said it. "It's a really stupid thing. It's not like I would be helping society like you."
She placed a hand over his. "If it's your dream, then it's not stupid. You should go for what your heart desires the most."
Taking this as a cue or some random act of god he did as he was told. He leaned forward and kissed her. At first it was one sided, but slowly her arms wrapped around his neck and she kissed him back. It would be one of the defining moments of his life.
Pulling away for air, she looked into his eyes and smiled. "I've been waiting a long time for you to do that."
"Me too," he laughed. "My heart desires you the most. I only hope you will take my heart."
"You always had mine," she laughed shocking him by kissing him once more.
------------------------End Flashback---------------------
"Hey Rui! Have you seen Tsukushi?" a voice yelled from the bottom of the stairs. "I went by her place, but she wasn't there. I thought she said she was going to be unpacking all day?"
"Looks like someone's looking for you." Rui nudged Tsukushi's arm.
"He can wait. I am getting my Rui time, and no one is going to take that away," she yawned burying her head into his shoulder.
Rui only smiled. He turned to look down the stairs and yelled back down. "I think she might still be at the Registrar's office."
"Thanks, man," he yelled back as he ran off.
"That guy has got it bad. Does he ever leave you alone for a minute?"
"He just worries a lot about me. It's called being a concerned boyfriend."
"And what does that make you?"
"A girlfriend that needs some alone time once in awhile. He just tries so hard to prove it to me."
"Prove what?"
"That he can be a real boyfriend." She turned her head away from his not wanting him to see the worry in her face. "It's part of the reason he wanted me to come back here. We still have a year to decide whether or not the wedding will go through. That's why I came back here. Before he proposed our relationship wasn't exactly the best at times. I do love him to death, but sometimes I have my reservations. He's done it once before and I almost pushed him out of my life."
"What did he do?"
"He cheated on me with some other girl two months after we got engaged. He said it was an accident. He had a little too much to drink and no one was there to stop him. All of you guys were there with him, but had no clue of our relationship, so you didn't know to stop him. He woke up the next morning naked next to some girl whose name he didn't even remember. He called me right after he got out of there wanting to get it out in the open before the guilt ate him up alive. I cried for days, ignored his calls, and pretty much Fed-Exed the ring right back to him." A small tear fell down her cheek. "When he got the ring back, he took the first flight out to New York. He slept in the hall of my apartment building for three days before I let him in to talk to me. That was when I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I want to believe he could be faithful to me. I know he loves me, but that is not enough sometimes to make me believe he really believes it. He was faithful through our entire relationship except that one time. It was a moment of weakness for him. I told him maybe subconsciously he wasn't ready to give up his old ways. We made an ultimatum. I agreed to take the ring back with his promise to give me a year. I would come home for my last year of college and he would prove himself to me. He would be the model boyfriend and fiancée. In return, I would have a year to decide my future with or without him. I could give him a year."
"So you agreed to prolong the engagement to test him? What if he screws up?"
"Then it's over. Game over. There are only so many times I can handle having my heart broken. There is nothing worse in this world than betraying the one you love with someone else. I forgave him once for that, but I don't think I could go through that again. No one else knows about our agreement. We both agreed not to tell our parents or friends who are looking forward to a wedding next year."
"Are you sure this is a wise decision? How can you marry someone who you feel you can't trust?"
"I trust him with my heart enough to let him break it. I am ready to spend the rest of my life with him. This is all a matter of whether or not he really feels the same way about me. In reality, this is his year to think things through clearly. I love him. Love is blind, irrational, and just plain frustrating. In the end, it is what makes us human. We are allowed to mess up once in awhile. It's just Akira would move heaven and earth to make up for his mistakes. I know right now I am ready to spend the rest of my life with him because there is no one else I've ever felt this way for."
She stood up and stretched her arms up into the air.
"I won't idly stand by and watch him hurt you. He is my friend just as much as you are, but this just seems wrong. This whole engagement sounds crazy. You're both not even sure what you want."
She glanced back offering a small smile. "I know. All I know is Akira is what my heart desires and that is enough for now."
Rui sadly watched her walk away without any further discussion. Perhaps, his suspicions to their relationship weren't completely unfounded. Only time would tell if Akira would live up to her expectations. Inside he hoped to god that Akira would make it. At the same time, he slightly wished he wouldn't. Then everything would be back to normal. She would be his Tsukushi and no one else's.
'What was he thinking,' he scolded himself. They were his two best friends. Of course he wanted them to be happy together. In a depressing way, he and Tsukushi were both the same. They would do anything to keep what their hearts desire the most, even if it was to their own detriment. Their insecurities would be the end of them.