Disclaimer: Despite much wishing, I still don't own them. Any of them. Sigh.
Author's Notes: The fifth Harry Potter book is now out…but anyone reading this story should already know that. I'm using some characters and plot from Rowling's book here -- many of the lines of dialogue between the Harry Potter characters are lifted straight from The Order of the Phoenix and so may account for an increase in the quality of the writing there.
There are no major spoilers here, only minor ones, but you may want to be wary if you haven't read the fifth book yet.
Chapter Five:
Regarding the Dark Arts
Botan caught the boys in the Gryffindor common room the next morning.
"Oh, we've got problems!" she whispered, though the room was empty. Most of the other Gryffindors had already gone down to breakfast. "I think one of the girls saw me sneak out of the tower last night. She may have followed us all the way into the woods."
"So what?" said Yusuke, while Kurama asked, "Do you know which one?"
"Hermione Granger," answered Botan. "And, Yusuke, the rest of the school isn't supposed to know what we're doing here! The wizards may be more aware of demons and spirits than the muggles are, but they're still not supposed to get mixed up in Spirit World business! Koenma will be in big trouble if too many people find out what's going on."
"Hermione is one of Harry Potter's closest friends. It's likely that she'll tell -- or has told -- Harry and Ron Weasely whatever she knows. However, I doubt that she'd tell anyone other than Harry and Ron -- yet." Kurama turned to Hiei and Kuwabara. "Did either of you sense anyone following us last night?"
Kuwabara scratched his head. "Uh-uh, but I was kind of concentrating on the demons." Hiei just shrugged.
"So what do we do now?" Yusuke asked, unconsciously echoing Ron's question from the night before.
"Watch, and be cautious," said Kurama. "But this may not be a bad thing. If Hermione saw us, she'll warn the others to be on guard. I wanted to pass a warning along to Harry and his friends anyway, but could see no safe way of doing so. Now Hermione can do it for us."
Yusuke snorted. "Yeah. The only problem is that they'll probably be on guard against us, too."
"As they should be," said Hiei.
"Um, he is still on the good side, isn't he?" Kuwabara whispered nervously to Botan.
"Well, our side, anyway," she whispered back. "I think."
**************
The Gryffindors filed quietly into the Defense Against Dark Arts Classroom. The ministry appointed-teacher, Professor Umbridge, was still an unknown quality; no one knew how strict a disciplinarian she would be, and no one wanted to be the first to find out.
Well, most of them were quiet, anyway. Yusuke was complaining loudly about the amount of homework they'd already been given -- not that he planned on doing any of it -- while Botan hissed at him to be quiet. Finally Botan clapped her hand over his mouth and dragged him to a seat in the back of the room, just behind Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei slid onto chairs around them.
"Well, good afternoon!" said Professor Umbridge when the rest of the class had sat down as well.
A few people mumbled, "Good afternoon" in reply.
"Tut, tut," said Professor Umbridge. "That won't do, now, will it? I should like you, please, to reply 'Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge.' One more time, please. Good afternoon, class!"
"Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge," most of the class replied. Kurama, Kuwabara, and Botan had chanted along dutifully with the rest of the Gryffindors, but Hiei only grunted and Yusuke stared incredulously at the teacher.
"There, now," said Professor Umbridge, sweetly. "That wasn't too difficult, was it? Wands away and quills out, please."
As the class dug through their bags for parchment, pen, and ink, Yusuke leaned over to Kurama. "Is she for real?"
"I'm afraid so," Kurama whispered back, pulling out his quill and beginning to copy the list titled "Course aims" from the blackboard.
1. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic.
2. Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can legally be used.
3. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.
When everyone had copied down Professor Umbridge's course aims, she said, "Has everybody got a copy of Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard?"
Yusuke checked his bag for the book as the rest of the class muttered dully in agreement.
"I think we'll try that again," said Professor Umbridge. "When I ask you a question, I should like you to reply 'Yes, Professor Umbridge,' or 'No, Professor Umbridge.' So, has everyone got a copy of Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard?"
The class (except for Hiei and Yusuke) answered, "Yes, Professor Umbridge."
"Good," said Professor Umbridge. "I should like you to turn to page five and read chapter one, 'Basics for Beginners.' There will be no need to talk."
Yusuke flipped his book open, turned to page five, read the first sentence, decided the textbook was crap, and stared around the room in boredom. After a minute he noticed he wasn't the only one not reading the chapter. Hermione, just in front of him, hadn't even opened her book, but had her hand in the air. Professor Umbridge was ignoring her.
More and more people gave up on the text to watch Hermione. Hell, even perfect-student Kurama had his eyes off his textbook, but knowing him, it was possible he'd already finished the chapter.
Eventually Umbridge had to address the situation.
"Did you want to ask something about the chapter, dear?" she asked Hermione.
"Not about the chapter, no," said Hermione.
"Well, we're reading just now. If you have other queries we can deal with them at the end of class."
"I've got a query about your course aims," said Hermione.
Professor Umbridge raised her eyebrows.
"And your name is?"
"Hermione Granger," said Hermione.
"Well, Miss Granger, I think the course aims are perfectly clear if you read them through carefully," said Professor Umbridge in a voice of determined sweetness.
"Well, I don't," said Hermione bluntly. "There's nothing written up there about using defensive spells."
Kurama, behind her, gave an approving nod.
"Using defensive spells?" Professor Umbridge repeated with a little laugh. "Why, I can't imagine any situation arising in my classroom that would require you to use a defensive spell, Miss Granger. You surely aren't expecting to be attacked during class?"
"We're not going to use magic?" Ron said.
A murmur ran through the classroom at this question. It seemed the other Gryffindors were not happy with this idea. Professor Umbridge responded by turning even more syrupy-sweet. The Gryffindors responded by outraged arguments.
With the rest of the class absorbed in the quarrel, the Urameshi team had some freedom to whisper among themselves.
"Let me get this straight," muttered Yusuke. "This old witch is going to take the one class that sounded like it just might be interesting and do nothing except read from a textbook that wouldn't even make good toilet paper?"
"It's worse than that -- much worse. She's from the Ministry of Magic. If the Ministry will not admit that Voldemort has returned, then they certainly won't take any warnings about demons seriously. Oh, no wonder Koenma is so concerned about this mission!" whispered Botan, wringing her hands together.
Professor Umbridge smiled at the class with sickening sweetness. "I repeat: do you expect to be attacked by dark forces in my classroom?"
"Is that a challenge?" muttered Hiei. Yusuke snickered.
Ron, seated just in front of them, overheard. All the blood seemed to drain out of his face, making his freckles stand out even more. He turned to Harry to see if the other boy had noticed -- but Harry was glaring at Professor Umbridge.
Then Harry opened his mouth. Ron watched in horror as Harry shouted at the teacher. Shouted that Voldemort was alive and dangerous, that the Ministry was lying. Ron wanted to tell Harry to shut up…and wanted to shout with him.
"Detention, Mr. Potter!" Professor Umbridge called, pulling out parchment and scribbling a note. "Take this to Professor McGonagall."
"Now, if everyone will return to their texts, please," said Professor Umbridge with a smile more retchingly saccharine than anything she had conjured previously. "'Basics for Beginners,' page five."
"Pathetic," said Hiei, barely glancing at his text and not bothering to whisper.
Professor Umbridge raised her eyebrows. "Excuse me?" she said, looking for the speaker.
"This book is pathetic," said Hiei calmly.
(Kuwabara choked. "Aaaack! You can't just say stuff like that to a teacher, shrimp!"
"Why not? Harry just did." Yusuke shrugged.)
"Your hand is not raised, Mr --?" said Professor Umbridge.
Hiei stared at her. Kurama correctly interpreted this as Why should I tell you, fool? He sighed and stepped in before things got too far out of hand.
"Hiei Jaganshi," Kurama said, standing up and pointing around their little group, "Kazuma Kuwabara, Botan, Yusuke Urameshi, and Shuichi Minamino." He gave a little bow. "Please forgive us. We are not quite used to the customs here."
"Oh, the foreign students. Well, Mr. Minamino, I do hope that you'll remember to raise your hand next time, as well," said Professor Umbridge, though she looked on Kurama more kindly. Kurama bowed again in acknowledgement and sat down.
Professor Umbridge turned back to Hiei. "Now, do you have a problem with the text, Mr. Jaganshi?"
"Only that it's a waste of time. If someone wants to fight, then they'll fight. Pretending that everything can be peaceful only makes for easier targets."
"Well, Mr. Jaganshi," said Umbridge with another falsely sweet smile, "While I am sure your opinions are very interesting, Dr. Slinkhard is a ministry-approved professional. Do you really believe you know the material better than he does?"
Hiei smiled back. Those who knew to look for it could see his fangs.
"I am Dark Arts Material," the fire demon stated.
("He does have a point," said Kurama, under his breath. Kuwabara and Botan nodded emphatically.)
"Mr. Jaganshi, while I cannot claim to know the traditions of your home, around here we expect you to treat your instructors with a little more courtesy," said Professor Umbridge, her sugar-coating beginning to crack.
Hiei shrugged. Kurama interpreted this as why should I? Apparently, so did Professor Umbridge.
"Ten points from Gryffindors," she snapped, "And I think some time in detention may do you some good, Mr. Jaganshi. Now, everyone back to your reading!"
****************
It seemed like the entire school had heard about Harry's shouting match with Professor Umbridge by dinnertime. Harry walked through a sea of whispers, trying to concentrate on what Ron and Hermione were saying instead of the speculative looks he was getting from the rest of the hall.
"He saws he saw Cedric Diggory murdered…."
"He reckons he dueled with You-Know-Who…."
"Come off it…."
Hermione spoke over the whispers. "I've been asking around to see if anyone else has noticed anything odd about the new students, but…" Hermione hesitated.
"They're all too busy noticing how strange I am, is that it?" Harry said bitterly.
"Who does he think he's kidding?"
Hermione blew out a breath. "In part. But most of them also think that the new students are, well, pretty neat. About half the girls have decided that they're in love with Shuichi."
"But he's a git!" said Ron violently. "You heard how he was sucking up to Umbridge earlier."
"Yes, but he's a handsome git," said Hermione calmly. "And he wasn't really sucking up, he was just being polite."
"Aaargh! Hermione, not you too!"
"Relax, Ron. Anyway, some of our classmates think that Hiei is a little frightening, but that's the worst I've heard about any of the Japanese students."
"A little frightening? Hermione, the kid practically admitted to being a dark wizard! And Harry's going to be stuck in detention with him and a lady who, one, may be the most incompetent Dark Arts teacher we've ever had, even counting Lockhart, and, two, won't believe that there's any danger. It's a nightmare! Harry's going to be toast!" said Ron.
"Extra-crispy, too, from what we saw in the clearing," he added after a moment's thought.
********************
I will NOT let her know she's gotten to me, Harry thought, gritting his teeth as he wrote 'I must not tell lies' yet again. I WON'T.
Harry had arrived at Umbridge's office promptly at five that day. Hiei had already been there, sitting at a tiny, doily-bedecked table with a decorative plate of a kitten in a hat hanging on the wall above his head. The short boy had looked so comically irritated and out of place under the ridiculous kitten that Harry had forgotten his own problems for a moment.
Then Umbridge had cleared her throat (hem, hem), pointed him to his own foul little table by an equally repulsive plate, handed him a quill, and told him to write 'I must not tell lies.'
"You haven't given me any ink," Harry had said, holding the quill.
"Oh, you won't need ink," the professor had replied. Harry had understood when he wrote the first line. The words had appeared, bright red on the parchment. They had appeared on the back of Harry's hand at the same time, thin and sharp as if traced there by a scalpel. The cut had healed over in a few seconds, only to reappear as he wrote the next line.
I will NOT let her know that she's gotten to me. I will not give her that satisfaction.
Harry was pulled away from his thoughts by the smell of something burning. He looked at the teacher, wondering what new torture she was planning, and found her staring at the other desk. Harry blinked. He'd forgotten about Hiei's detention. Stupid! He's one of the ones I'm supposed to be watching!
The Japanese boy seemed to be sitting calmly at his desk, writing "I will show respect for my teachers," while wisps of smoke curled up from his parchment. A moment later the edge of the sheet caught fire. Professor Umbridge gasped. Harry, remembering the forest, said nothing.
The flames crept across the parchment until they wrapped around the boy's hand. Hiei wrote on, undisturbed by the parchment turning to ashes under his quill. When the sheet had burned too far to hold together, much less hold ink, Hiei brushed it aside and pulled out a fresh scroll. The edges began to char within a minute.
This went on for five more sheets, by which time the lace doily was charred black and the table itself was starting to smolder. Hiei's hand, in contrast, appeared untouched -- Harry's own was red and raw by this point.
Professor Umbridge looked quite pale when she turned and told Hiei that he could leave. After he'd gathered his things and walked out the door, she turned back to Harry, struggling to regain her composure.
"What are you waiting for?" she said. "Keep writing!"
Harry wasn't released from detention until after midnight.
*********************************
Additional Author's Notes
First, many thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. It makes my day to find a (creative, wonderful, bright, positive) review in my inbox.
Second, my apologies for all those who waited so long for an update -- but I can't guarantee that they'll be faster in the future. I started writing this for fun, at my own pace; I cannot imagine proceeding any other way.
Lastly, regarding the fifth Harry Potter book: Right now I'm trying to avoid any horrible, gigantic contradictions with either Rowling's work or with the timeline I've already set up. There will be small differences -- note that the Gryffindor's class schedule here is quite different from the one in Order of the Phoenix -- but nothing completely out of place in either Rowling's world or my own…or so I hope.
For anyone who bothered to read this far, I am pleased to present:
Special Deleted Scene!!!
The Gryffindor Fifth Years -- and the Slytherin Fifth Years, unfortunately -- were gathered outside Hagrid's cottage for their first Care of Magical Creatures lesson of the year. Hagrid was nowhere in sight. Instead, Professor Grubbly-Plank stood by a long trestle-table covered with twigs.
The twigs were twitching. Yusuke and Kuwabara twitched, too, when some of them jumped up.
"Oh, great. We've dealt with walking rocks, now we have walking sticks, too?" Yusuke muttered.
"Not sticks," whispered Kurama, looking both enlightened and fascinated. "Bowtruckles. Tree-sprites."
"Everybody here? Let's crack on then -- who can tell me what these things are called?" said Professor Grubbly-Plank.
Yusuke poked Kurama -- "What did you saw they were, again?" -- but the fox spirit just shook his head, and Hermione already had her hand up. Professor Grubbly-Plank called on her. "Miss Granger!"
"Bowtruckles," Hermione answered. "They're tree-guardians, usually live in wand-trees."
"Five points for Gryffindor," said the professor. "Yes, these are bow-truckles and, as Miss Granger rightly says, they generally live in trees whose wood is of wand quality. Anybody know what they eat?"
Yusuke poked Kurama again. "Come on, fox boy. I know you know this stuff."
"And you don't, so be quiet and listen," said Kurama, softly.
Hermione answered again while they argued. "Wood lice, but fairy eggs if they can get them."
"Good girl, take another five points." Professor Grubbly-Plank said. She then dealt out one bowtruckle per group of three students and instructed each student to make and label a sketch of the creature by the end of the lesson.
Yusuke ended up sharing a bowtruckle with Botan and Kuwabara; Kurama and Hiei were working together with Neville Longbottom, who seemed to have become quite attached to the redhead.
"I thought that some guy called Hagrid was supposed to be teaching this class," Yusuke said, idly sketching.
"He is," Botan said. "I've heard rumors that Dumbledore sent Hagrid on a secret mission this summer, and that he hasn't returned yet."
Kuwabara poked at their bowtruckle to try and get it to move to a better position. It hissed at him. A few feet away, the twig-thing assigned to Neville, Kurama, and Hiei was cooing happily. Yusuke tossed aside his sketch and leaned back in the cool grass. Across the class he could hear Malfoy and his henchmen loudly maligning the absent Hagrid, to the obvious irritation of the Gryffindors, especially Harry.
"That blond kid's a real asshole," Yusuke muttered. "Doesn't Harry ever get a break?"
Neville heard and answered. "Not really. Harry's always being singled out for something or other. Sometimes it's something good, but usually it's either bad, or dangerous, or both. I don't think he likes being the center of attention very much…and there's been all this junk in the papers recently about Harry making up stories to keep that attention. Rubbish, I think, but now a lot of the school thinks he's nuts because of it." Neville subsided, looking surprised that he'd said as much as he had.
"Yeah, that would kind of suck," said Yusuke, looking uncharacteristically thoughtful.
They were interrupted by a muffled yelp.
Apparently Neville wasn't the only one at Hogwarts to become attached to Kurama.
"Hiei," said Kurama, faintly, "could please get this bowtruckle out of my hair?"