Chapter One: Snow Brown and the Seven Dwarves
Disclaimer: I am not J.R.R Tolkien. I do not own any of the Lord of
the Rings characters used in my fanfiction.
A/N: Hee hee! My first ever chapter in my first ever fanfic! I'm a bit worried about what you guys'll think about it, but no matter. Read on!
After the defeat of Sauron, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, Arwen and Sam were sitting comfortably around a flickering fire, enjoying one another's company. Presently, Faramir and Eowyn joined the company.
"Hi everyone!" exclaimed Eowyn happily, before bowing low in front of Aragorn.
"My Lord." She said devilishly, looking up at him, a playful expression on her face.
"Oh, get up, and don't be ridiculous, Eowyn," Aragorn said exasperatedly, "I get to relax for once, don't get me worked up now. "
"Oh no! I would never dream of annoying you...my lord."
Aragorn took a playful swipe at her, but she ducked laughing.
"Women." He said to Faramir, who grinned.
"Well, what will it be tonight?" Legolas asked.
"It was my go last time..." said Pippin.
"So it should be..." mulled Merry.
"Gimli's go now." finished Sam.
"My go?" said Gimli, in apparent surprise, though a twinkle was in his eye.
"Oh, very well then lads...and ladies." He hastened to add after a look at Eowyn and Arwen.
"Here we go! Once-"
"Wait!" snapped Arwen, her eyes scanning the company, "Where's Frodo?"
"He's gone, remember?" said Pippin, rolling his eyes.
"Hey, you were crying," accused Merry, "Don't roll your eyes!"
"So were you!" said Pippin.
"Oh, come off it!" groaned Merry, "You know fully well that I was only crying 'cos you were crying!"
"And I was only crying because Sam was crying!" said Pippin loudly.
Everyone turned to look at Sam, who said quietly, "And I was only crying because when Frodo handed me that book, I gave myself a paper cut, and it hurt."
"Actually, I'm rather glad that Gandalf's gone too," said Gimli, "He was a bit doddery if you ask me."
Suddenly, a wind whipped up, and dark storm clouds formed. A deep, rumbling voice boomed menacingly, "Do not insult my memory, Gimli Son of Gloin, or else a gigantic raccoon shall fall on your head and kill you..." the voice faded and the clouds departed, revealing once again a clear, star-studded sky.
After a brief pause of shock, Gimli said testily, "Right then, if I can continue..."
"Of course, Gimli." said Arwen graciously.
"Thank you. Now, my story is titled 'Snow Brown and the Seven Dwarves'.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful woman who lived with her husband. One day, she was chopping vegetables, and noticed the beautiful shade of brown on the chopping board. She thought to herself, "one day, I should like a child who has teeth as white as snow (it was snowing outside), lips as red as tomatoes, and hair as brown as a chopping board.'
So, she went to her husband, grabbed him by the collar, and said 'Right. I want a kid with teeth as white as snow, lips as red as tomatoes, and hair as brown as a chopping board.'
'Okay, okay, calm down. I'll put an order in the stork' said her alarmed husband.
Weeks went by, and the wife was getting impatient.
Then one day, there was a knock at the door.
"Hello?"
"One child, white teeth, red lips, brown hair?"
"Yes!"
"Well, that'll be five dollars seventy."
The wife closed the door, and gently opened the neatly wrapped package.
It was the beginning of her new life.
Or not. A short while later, the poor wife passed away.
The husband got a new wife the next day, who was kind and fair. All animals adored her, and everyone could not help but like her. Snow Brown was bitter and resentful.
Every day, she would ask her magic hairbrush 'Hairbrush, hairbrush, on the table, will she ever be more beautiful than I am able?'
To which the hairbrush would reply 'Nup.'
But the stepmother kept getting prettier sand prettier, until one day, Snow Brown asked the brush 'Hairbrush, hairbrush, on the table, will she ever be more beautiful than I am able/'
The brush replied 'Girl, you've had it coming for years! I only answer 'no' to boost your ego! And now I think that your ego has been boosted quite enough. You may as well know. The stepmother is much prettier than you! Much prettier.'
Snow Brown was furious! She sent for the local History teacher, who answered her summons immediately. Snow Brown ordered him to take the stepmother to the old mines, and bore her to death with information on American history. He agreed, and the following morning took the stepmother to the mines, and promptly started droning. The stepmother begged for mercy, and the history teacher relented.
'Fine, fine. Run away into the old mines and die there instead!' he chuckled.
The stepmother ran and ran, away into the shadows.
Meanwhile, Snow Brown was dancing ecstatically in her room.
'Hairbrush, hairbrush, on the table, will she ev-'
'Nup.' said the brush tiredly.
The stepmother ran for ages, when she heard voices singing. She stopped, and heard words.
'Fun fun, fun fun, we don't talk to anyone, we live in a mine where jewels-and-gold-and-silver-and-other-things-we-like will shine, fun fun, fun fun!'
Gimli paused, as his fellow companions were rolling on the ground, laughing.
Only Aragorn, Arwen and Legolas restrained themselves from dissolving into hysterical laughing, but their faces were turning red from the effort.
"Okay, I'm tired," said Gimli, "So to cut a long story short, the stepmother lives with the Seven Dwarves for years, and then she goes back to Snow Brown, and accidentally kills her by whacking a huge stone mallet over her head."
There was a shocked silence.
"Gimli, that's disgusting!" winced Eowyn.
"That's the story!" said Gimli happily.
"It was funny, admit it." Said Faramir, grinning.
"Well, "said Aragorn, "I need to be getting back. Next time, why don't we meet in that White tree of Gondor place? At Minis Tirith?"
"Fine with me." said Legolas.
"Us too!" said Sam, Merry and Pippin.
"Okay for us." Said Eowyn, shrugging.
"Alright," Aragorn said, "Till next time, everyone!"
"Goodbye Merry, Pippin, Arwen, Legolas, Gimli, Sam," Eowyn said, inclining her head to each person.
"My Lord." She added with an ironic bow, before dragging Faramir away with her.
"Come on you lot!" she called over her shoulder to the Hobbits. "We're going to see a movie! Coming?"
Sam, Merry and Pippin bid goodbye to Aragorn, Arwen, Legolas and Gimli, and raced after Eowyn and Faramir.
"You know what, Arrie?" said Gimli, "The way she teases you, I reckon she's still half in love with you!"
With that, Gimli strolled off towards the forest, side by side with Legolas. Snippets of their conversation could be heard.
"I killed five hundred and twenty at that last arcade game."
"You're a liar, Gimli. I only killed four hundred and thirty seven! You could never beat me by that much if your life depended on it..."
As their voices faded, Arwen and Aragorn stood up, and stamped out the dying fire, before heading back across the plain, hand in hand.
Well, didya like it? Any questions, criticisms or comments (or anything really), please click on the 'Submit review' button after the beep, leave your name, number, yadda, yadda, yadda, and you will see your review posted as soon as possible. BEEP!
A/N: Hee hee! My first ever chapter in my first ever fanfic! I'm a bit worried about what you guys'll think about it, but no matter. Read on!
After the defeat of Sauron, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, Arwen and Sam were sitting comfortably around a flickering fire, enjoying one another's company. Presently, Faramir and Eowyn joined the company.
"Hi everyone!" exclaimed Eowyn happily, before bowing low in front of Aragorn.
"My Lord." She said devilishly, looking up at him, a playful expression on her face.
"Oh, get up, and don't be ridiculous, Eowyn," Aragorn said exasperatedly, "I get to relax for once, don't get me worked up now. "
"Oh no! I would never dream of annoying you...my lord."
Aragorn took a playful swipe at her, but she ducked laughing.
"Women." He said to Faramir, who grinned.
"Well, what will it be tonight?" Legolas asked.
"It was my go last time..." said Pippin.
"So it should be..." mulled Merry.
"Gimli's go now." finished Sam.
"My go?" said Gimli, in apparent surprise, though a twinkle was in his eye.
"Oh, very well then lads...and ladies." He hastened to add after a look at Eowyn and Arwen.
"Here we go! Once-"
"Wait!" snapped Arwen, her eyes scanning the company, "Where's Frodo?"
"He's gone, remember?" said Pippin, rolling his eyes.
"Hey, you were crying," accused Merry, "Don't roll your eyes!"
"So were you!" said Pippin.
"Oh, come off it!" groaned Merry, "You know fully well that I was only crying 'cos you were crying!"
"And I was only crying because Sam was crying!" said Pippin loudly.
Everyone turned to look at Sam, who said quietly, "And I was only crying because when Frodo handed me that book, I gave myself a paper cut, and it hurt."
"Actually, I'm rather glad that Gandalf's gone too," said Gimli, "He was a bit doddery if you ask me."
Suddenly, a wind whipped up, and dark storm clouds formed. A deep, rumbling voice boomed menacingly, "Do not insult my memory, Gimli Son of Gloin, or else a gigantic raccoon shall fall on your head and kill you..." the voice faded and the clouds departed, revealing once again a clear, star-studded sky.
After a brief pause of shock, Gimli said testily, "Right then, if I can continue..."
"Of course, Gimli." said Arwen graciously.
"Thank you. Now, my story is titled 'Snow Brown and the Seven Dwarves'.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful woman who lived with her husband. One day, she was chopping vegetables, and noticed the beautiful shade of brown on the chopping board. She thought to herself, "one day, I should like a child who has teeth as white as snow (it was snowing outside), lips as red as tomatoes, and hair as brown as a chopping board.'
So, she went to her husband, grabbed him by the collar, and said 'Right. I want a kid with teeth as white as snow, lips as red as tomatoes, and hair as brown as a chopping board.'
'Okay, okay, calm down. I'll put an order in the stork' said her alarmed husband.
Weeks went by, and the wife was getting impatient.
Then one day, there was a knock at the door.
"Hello?"
"One child, white teeth, red lips, brown hair?"
"Yes!"
"Well, that'll be five dollars seventy."
The wife closed the door, and gently opened the neatly wrapped package.
It was the beginning of her new life.
Or not. A short while later, the poor wife passed away.
The husband got a new wife the next day, who was kind and fair. All animals adored her, and everyone could not help but like her. Snow Brown was bitter and resentful.
Every day, she would ask her magic hairbrush 'Hairbrush, hairbrush, on the table, will she ever be more beautiful than I am able?'
To which the hairbrush would reply 'Nup.'
But the stepmother kept getting prettier sand prettier, until one day, Snow Brown asked the brush 'Hairbrush, hairbrush, on the table, will she ever be more beautiful than I am able/'
The brush replied 'Girl, you've had it coming for years! I only answer 'no' to boost your ego! And now I think that your ego has been boosted quite enough. You may as well know. The stepmother is much prettier than you! Much prettier.'
Snow Brown was furious! She sent for the local History teacher, who answered her summons immediately. Snow Brown ordered him to take the stepmother to the old mines, and bore her to death with information on American history. He agreed, and the following morning took the stepmother to the mines, and promptly started droning. The stepmother begged for mercy, and the history teacher relented.
'Fine, fine. Run away into the old mines and die there instead!' he chuckled.
The stepmother ran and ran, away into the shadows.
Meanwhile, Snow Brown was dancing ecstatically in her room.
'Hairbrush, hairbrush, on the table, will she ev-'
'Nup.' said the brush tiredly.
The stepmother ran for ages, when she heard voices singing. She stopped, and heard words.
'Fun fun, fun fun, we don't talk to anyone, we live in a mine where jewels-and-gold-and-silver-and-other-things-we-like will shine, fun fun, fun fun!'
Gimli paused, as his fellow companions were rolling on the ground, laughing.
Only Aragorn, Arwen and Legolas restrained themselves from dissolving into hysterical laughing, but their faces were turning red from the effort.
"Okay, I'm tired," said Gimli, "So to cut a long story short, the stepmother lives with the Seven Dwarves for years, and then she goes back to Snow Brown, and accidentally kills her by whacking a huge stone mallet over her head."
There was a shocked silence.
"Gimli, that's disgusting!" winced Eowyn.
"That's the story!" said Gimli happily.
"It was funny, admit it." Said Faramir, grinning.
"Well, "said Aragorn, "I need to be getting back. Next time, why don't we meet in that White tree of Gondor place? At Minis Tirith?"
"Fine with me." said Legolas.
"Us too!" said Sam, Merry and Pippin.
"Okay for us." Said Eowyn, shrugging.
"Alright," Aragorn said, "Till next time, everyone!"
"Goodbye Merry, Pippin, Arwen, Legolas, Gimli, Sam," Eowyn said, inclining her head to each person.
"My Lord." She added with an ironic bow, before dragging Faramir away with her.
"Come on you lot!" she called over her shoulder to the Hobbits. "We're going to see a movie! Coming?"
Sam, Merry and Pippin bid goodbye to Aragorn, Arwen, Legolas and Gimli, and raced after Eowyn and Faramir.
"You know what, Arrie?" said Gimli, "The way she teases you, I reckon she's still half in love with you!"
With that, Gimli strolled off towards the forest, side by side with Legolas. Snippets of their conversation could be heard.
"I killed five hundred and twenty at that last arcade game."
"You're a liar, Gimli. I only killed four hundred and thirty seven! You could never beat me by that much if your life depended on it..."
As their voices faded, Arwen and Aragorn stood up, and stamped out the dying fire, before heading back across the plain, hand in hand.
Well, didya like it? Any questions, criticisms or comments (or anything really), please click on the 'Submit review' button after the beep, leave your name, number, yadda, yadda, yadda, and you will see your review posted as soon as possible. BEEP!