Chapter Two: Rumlestiltspinnn
Disclaimer: I am not J.R.R Tolkien, and I do not own any of the Lord
of the Rings characters.
A/N: Well, here is my first ever second chapter! Hehehe. Hope you liked the first one enough to read this one! Hehehe. Read on!
"Welcome to the White Tree of Gondor place in Minis Tirith." said Aragorn to the company. "I see you all made it okay."
"Yes, yes, we did," said Eowyn, "My..."
Aragorn glared at her.
"Good friend." She finished.
Gimli cut Aragorn's groan short.
"Well, where's the salty pork?"
"What?" asked Aragorn confusedly.
"The salty pork! Of fire, water, wind and air, I have hair!" shouted Gimli.
Legolas laughed. Everyone looked alarmed.
"Don't mind him," said Legolas, "I beat him by one hundred and forty three Orcs in that arcade game just now, and he went to the bar, and he's had a tad too much to drink."
"Salty pork! Salty pork! Salty chicken! Salty fish sticks! Salty crabmeat! Salty salt! Salty toaster!"
"Whatever." said Legolas.
"Merry, Pippin, Samwise," said Arwen, "Go and dump him in that pond over there. The water'll help him come around."
Merry, Pippin and Sam heaved Gimli over to the pond, and dumped him in the water.
Gimli started splashing in the water.
"Looky! Looky! I'm a tadpole! I'm a water duck!" "Oh, just leave him there." said Aragorn tiredly.
"Whose go is it now, anyway?" asked Sam.
"I do believe its mine." said Legolas.
"Good, good." said Faramir.
"Faramir! I didn't see you there!" said Pippin.
Faramir rolled his eyes. Legolas cleared his throat. "Shall I begin?"
Everyone nodded.
"Okay. My story is called 'Rumplestiltspinn'.
Once upon a time, there lived an Elven girl named...." Legolas cast around desperately for a name. "Arweninny. Arweninny was the beautiful daughter of a poor man named....Aragorneus (whose name means 'like an Aragorn'). They needed money, but could not find work. One day, a royal guy turned up from the palace in the far away city of...Gimmylylyly.
He asked Aragorneus if he had any special talents that could entertain a king, but Aragorneus said no. Then, Aragorneus asked the royal guy, 'How much should one who can entertain a king be paid?'
'I don't know,' replied the royal guy, 'but I'm betting that it would be a lot.'
Aragorneus thought fast.
'I have a daughter who can turn dead orcs into valuable fire opals!' he lied.
'Really? Well, she can come with me.'
The poor Arweninny found herself at the Royal palace, in a room full of dead orcs. The king himself visited her, and told her, 'Turn this room full of dead orcs into a room full of fire opals, and you will be rewarded.'
Arweninny had no idea how to turn a room full of smelly orcs into fire opals, so she sat down and cried. All of a sudden, a drag queen fairy appeared in the room.
Arweninny screamed.
'Be QUIET, you silly girl. Why were you crying?'
'Because, you stupid drag queen fairy, I have to turn this room full of stupid dead orcs into a room full of stupid fire opals.'
'Well, if you give me something, I will turn this room of dead orcs into a room of fire opals!'
'How?' asked Arweninny.
'I-AM-A-FAIRY.' said the drag queen fairy slowly and loudly. 'I can do anything!'
'Okay. What do you want in return?'
'Your top. It's nice.'
'Well, I suppose you are a drag queen.' She sighed. 'At least I have a tank top underneath.'
'YAY! Okay, here we go...one....two...three...'
POOF!
When Arweninny looked up, she saw that all the dead orcs were gone, and were replaced with magnificent opals.
'Thank you!' she said to the drag queen fairy.
'No problem.'
With a pop, the drag queen fairy was gone.
Since the king was greedy and fat, he wanted more opals. So he drove her to Pelennor Fields, where there were thousands of dead orcs, and said, 'by the time I get back from my shopping spree at Easte Gardense, I expect to see this field covered in opals!'
Now, Arweninny wasn't stupid, and she figured that if she cried like last time, the drag queen fairy would turn up again. So she cried. And the drag queen fairy turned up.
'Okay, I know what you want. One...two....three...'
POOF!
The field was covered in glittering opals.
'Now, what do you want this time?'
'Your skirt. It's nice. '
Arweninny looked horrified.
'This skirt? No. No way. Nup. Never. This is my only skirt! And it's a Supre one too! I had to save up for years to but this skirt!'
'Well, if you can't give me your skirt, give me your shoes.'
'I don't have any shoes, you idiot.'
'Well, nothing else of yours is of interest to me. But I can foresee you marrying the king, so when you do, he will buy a honeymoon present for you. Give me that honeymoon present. Then I will leave you alone.
Time went by, and sure enough, the king fell in love with Arweninny, they got married. The king bought Arweninny nice dresses, and let her go on lots of shopping sprees, but on their honeymoon, he bought her a beautiful necklace and matching ring. She loved it, and wore it every day. She had long forgotten about the drag queen fairy.
On the last day of their honeymoon, Arweninny was reading a book, when all of a sudden, the drag queen fairy appeared.
'Well, well, well. What a nice honeymoon present! Aren't you lucky? Now, hand it over.'
'Who the hell are you?' screamed Arweninny, 'What do you want?'
'Ah, don't you remember? You made a deal. To hand over your honeymoon present. Remember? When I helped you out of a rather sticky spot, years ago.'
Arweninny remembered.
'No!!! Please, let me keep my necklace and ring! Please! Anything else!'
The drag queen took pity on her, despite the fact that she was being rather vain.
'Alright then. If you can guess the name of my pet rat, then I will never bother you again. You have three days, from the second you arrive back in the palace. I will come to you every evening, and you may give me your guesses then.'
Arweninny despaired. She told her husband everything, and he summoned royal guys to search the land for every name possible.
On the first evening, Arweninny gave her first guesses. To every name, the drag queen fairy said 'nope!' On the second evening, Arweninny was getting desperate. She gave names like Iamasmellymummy, and Peterpeterpetepete, but nothing worked. Just as the drag queen fairy was about to leave for the evening, Arweninny said
'Wait! How could I be so stupid! I read about a story like this once! Is Rumplestiltspinn your pet rat's name?' The fairy looked at her.
'Is it?'
'How did you know! The devil told you! The devil told you- nah, just joking, love.'
The fairy vanished with a pop.
Arweninny was ready to give up, but then a royal guy came running to her side. ......I heard........a guy singing.....................and.........I have a name that you haven't......tried yet.'
'Yes, well, what is it?'
'I saw a weirdo dancing around a rock, and heard him singing. The words to his song were:
My rat is Bob, my rat is Bob,
He likes to eat corn on the cob,
The queen will never guess my rat is Bob,
I'm a drag queen fairy,
Blob, blob, blob.
'Thank you, royal guy!' exclaimed the queen.
She ran out to the garden to meet the fairy.
He appeared right on time.
'Well, your guesses?'
The queen tried all of her usual ridiculous names, but then, after about half an hour, she said, 'Is your rats name.....Bob?'
The fairy turned orange. 'Who told you? Who told you?' the fairy rumbled, now turning scarlet.
'A royal guy.'
'Oh, okay then. I just wanted to know. I won't bother you again. Ta ta!'
"And that," Legolas said, "Is the end of the story."
"Very nice." said Arwen.
"Oh, and sorry about the whole 'Arweninny' and 'Aragorneus', and 'Gimmylylyly' thing, but I was stuck for names."
"Oh, that's alright, Legolas." Said Arwen. "It was very entertaining!"
"Legolas, wheredya get that weird song?" asked Merry.
"Oh, I went to '. It's quite fun."
"Let's go!" said Pippin.
"Yeah! I wanna make a weird song too!"
With that, the three hobbits jumped up, and were about to race out, when Aragorn said
"Hang on a second. Where will our next meeting be?"
"How about....my father's place, where you had that meeting ages ago, where the Fellowship was formed?"
"How did you know about that?" asked Aragorn, "You weren't there!"
"That's all you know." Said Arwen cheekily. "You were very handsome then. I don't know if you're quite so good looking now."
"Gee, thanks." said Aragorn, rolling his eyes.
"Okay, okay. Can we go now?" asked Sam impatiently.
"Yes, you three can go. Have fun making weird songs!"
Faramir and Eowyn started to leave, but Arwen said "Don't be ridiculous! It's too dark out now, and it's late. Stay the night. We can all go down and have a drink or snack of something."
"Really? Thanks, that'd be great." said Eowyn gratefully.
"Just so long as you stop flirting with my husband." Arwen added, before racing down the steps.
Eowyn chased her all the way, even though she had no chance of catching her.
Aragorn and Faramir followed at a slower pace, and there was a nice feeling in the air, as the four friends sat down to eat and drink and chat.
"Hey, we forgot about Gimli!" slurred Arwen.
"You've had enough to drink." said Aragorn firmly. He took her cup and lay her down on a couch.
Eowyn and Faramir had already fallen asleep.
"All I know right now, Aragorn, is that I will have a massive hangover tomorrow."
"Ah, well, sleep it off."
"Okay, I will."
"And you're an Elf. I didn't know Elves could lose control and get drunk."
"Well, then you don't know much."
"I know a lot, thank you."
"Roast turkey."
"Eh?"
But Arwen had fallen asleep.
"Sweet dreams."
Well, I don't think that I did a very good job on that chapter, but anyway. Send in a review! Whether you think that it's good or pathetic, I still want to hear from you!
A/N: Well, here is my first ever second chapter! Hehehe. Hope you liked the first one enough to read this one! Hehehe. Read on!
"Welcome to the White Tree of Gondor place in Minis Tirith." said Aragorn to the company. "I see you all made it okay."
"Yes, yes, we did," said Eowyn, "My..."
Aragorn glared at her.
"Good friend." She finished.
Gimli cut Aragorn's groan short.
"Well, where's the salty pork?"
"What?" asked Aragorn confusedly.
"The salty pork! Of fire, water, wind and air, I have hair!" shouted Gimli.
Legolas laughed. Everyone looked alarmed.
"Don't mind him," said Legolas, "I beat him by one hundred and forty three Orcs in that arcade game just now, and he went to the bar, and he's had a tad too much to drink."
"Salty pork! Salty pork! Salty chicken! Salty fish sticks! Salty crabmeat! Salty salt! Salty toaster!"
"Whatever." said Legolas.
"Merry, Pippin, Samwise," said Arwen, "Go and dump him in that pond over there. The water'll help him come around."
Merry, Pippin and Sam heaved Gimli over to the pond, and dumped him in the water.
Gimli started splashing in the water.
"Looky! Looky! I'm a tadpole! I'm a water duck!" "Oh, just leave him there." said Aragorn tiredly.
"Whose go is it now, anyway?" asked Sam.
"I do believe its mine." said Legolas.
"Good, good." said Faramir.
"Faramir! I didn't see you there!" said Pippin.
Faramir rolled his eyes. Legolas cleared his throat. "Shall I begin?"
Everyone nodded.
"Okay. My story is called 'Rumplestiltspinn'.
Once upon a time, there lived an Elven girl named...." Legolas cast around desperately for a name. "Arweninny. Arweninny was the beautiful daughter of a poor man named....Aragorneus (whose name means 'like an Aragorn'). They needed money, but could not find work. One day, a royal guy turned up from the palace in the far away city of...Gimmylylyly.
He asked Aragorneus if he had any special talents that could entertain a king, but Aragorneus said no. Then, Aragorneus asked the royal guy, 'How much should one who can entertain a king be paid?'
'I don't know,' replied the royal guy, 'but I'm betting that it would be a lot.'
Aragorneus thought fast.
'I have a daughter who can turn dead orcs into valuable fire opals!' he lied.
'Really? Well, she can come with me.'
The poor Arweninny found herself at the Royal palace, in a room full of dead orcs. The king himself visited her, and told her, 'Turn this room full of dead orcs into a room full of fire opals, and you will be rewarded.'
Arweninny had no idea how to turn a room full of smelly orcs into fire opals, so she sat down and cried. All of a sudden, a drag queen fairy appeared in the room.
Arweninny screamed.
'Be QUIET, you silly girl. Why were you crying?'
'Because, you stupid drag queen fairy, I have to turn this room full of stupid dead orcs into a room full of stupid fire opals.'
'Well, if you give me something, I will turn this room of dead orcs into a room of fire opals!'
'How?' asked Arweninny.
'I-AM-A-FAIRY.' said the drag queen fairy slowly and loudly. 'I can do anything!'
'Okay. What do you want in return?'
'Your top. It's nice.'
'Well, I suppose you are a drag queen.' She sighed. 'At least I have a tank top underneath.'
'YAY! Okay, here we go...one....two...three...'
POOF!
When Arweninny looked up, she saw that all the dead orcs were gone, and were replaced with magnificent opals.
'Thank you!' she said to the drag queen fairy.
'No problem.'
With a pop, the drag queen fairy was gone.
Since the king was greedy and fat, he wanted more opals. So he drove her to Pelennor Fields, where there were thousands of dead orcs, and said, 'by the time I get back from my shopping spree at Easte Gardense, I expect to see this field covered in opals!'
Now, Arweninny wasn't stupid, and she figured that if she cried like last time, the drag queen fairy would turn up again. So she cried. And the drag queen fairy turned up.
'Okay, I know what you want. One...two....three...'
POOF!
The field was covered in glittering opals.
'Now, what do you want this time?'
'Your skirt. It's nice. '
Arweninny looked horrified.
'This skirt? No. No way. Nup. Never. This is my only skirt! And it's a Supre one too! I had to save up for years to but this skirt!'
'Well, if you can't give me your skirt, give me your shoes.'
'I don't have any shoes, you idiot.'
'Well, nothing else of yours is of interest to me. But I can foresee you marrying the king, so when you do, he will buy a honeymoon present for you. Give me that honeymoon present. Then I will leave you alone.
Time went by, and sure enough, the king fell in love with Arweninny, they got married. The king bought Arweninny nice dresses, and let her go on lots of shopping sprees, but on their honeymoon, he bought her a beautiful necklace and matching ring. She loved it, and wore it every day. She had long forgotten about the drag queen fairy.
On the last day of their honeymoon, Arweninny was reading a book, when all of a sudden, the drag queen fairy appeared.
'Well, well, well. What a nice honeymoon present! Aren't you lucky? Now, hand it over.'
'Who the hell are you?' screamed Arweninny, 'What do you want?'
'Ah, don't you remember? You made a deal. To hand over your honeymoon present. Remember? When I helped you out of a rather sticky spot, years ago.'
Arweninny remembered.
'No!!! Please, let me keep my necklace and ring! Please! Anything else!'
The drag queen took pity on her, despite the fact that she was being rather vain.
'Alright then. If you can guess the name of my pet rat, then I will never bother you again. You have three days, from the second you arrive back in the palace. I will come to you every evening, and you may give me your guesses then.'
Arweninny despaired. She told her husband everything, and he summoned royal guys to search the land for every name possible.
On the first evening, Arweninny gave her first guesses. To every name, the drag queen fairy said 'nope!' On the second evening, Arweninny was getting desperate. She gave names like Iamasmellymummy, and Peterpeterpetepete, but nothing worked. Just as the drag queen fairy was about to leave for the evening, Arweninny said
'Wait! How could I be so stupid! I read about a story like this once! Is Rumplestiltspinn your pet rat's name?' The fairy looked at her.
'Is it?'
'How did you know! The devil told you! The devil told you- nah, just joking, love.'
The fairy vanished with a pop.
Arweninny was ready to give up, but then a royal guy came running to her side. ......I heard........a guy singing.....................and.........I have a name that you haven't......tried yet.'
'Yes, well, what is it?'
'I saw a weirdo dancing around a rock, and heard him singing. The words to his song were:
My rat is Bob, my rat is Bob,
He likes to eat corn on the cob,
The queen will never guess my rat is Bob,
I'm a drag queen fairy,
Blob, blob, blob.
'Thank you, royal guy!' exclaimed the queen.
She ran out to the garden to meet the fairy.
He appeared right on time.
'Well, your guesses?'
The queen tried all of her usual ridiculous names, but then, after about half an hour, she said, 'Is your rats name.....Bob?'
The fairy turned orange. 'Who told you? Who told you?' the fairy rumbled, now turning scarlet.
'A royal guy.'
'Oh, okay then. I just wanted to know. I won't bother you again. Ta ta!'
"And that," Legolas said, "Is the end of the story."
"Very nice." said Arwen.
"Oh, and sorry about the whole 'Arweninny' and 'Aragorneus', and 'Gimmylylyly' thing, but I was stuck for names."
"Oh, that's alright, Legolas." Said Arwen. "It was very entertaining!"
"Legolas, wheredya get that weird song?" asked Merry.
"Oh, I went to '. It's quite fun."
"Let's go!" said Pippin.
"Yeah! I wanna make a weird song too!"
With that, the three hobbits jumped up, and were about to race out, when Aragorn said
"Hang on a second. Where will our next meeting be?"
"How about....my father's place, where you had that meeting ages ago, where the Fellowship was formed?"
"How did you know about that?" asked Aragorn, "You weren't there!"
"That's all you know." Said Arwen cheekily. "You were very handsome then. I don't know if you're quite so good looking now."
"Gee, thanks." said Aragorn, rolling his eyes.
"Okay, okay. Can we go now?" asked Sam impatiently.
"Yes, you three can go. Have fun making weird songs!"
Faramir and Eowyn started to leave, but Arwen said "Don't be ridiculous! It's too dark out now, and it's late. Stay the night. We can all go down and have a drink or snack of something."
"Really? Thanks, that'd be great." said Eowyn gratefully.
"Just so long as you stop flirting with my husband." Arwen added, before racing down the steps.
Eowyn chased her all the way, even though she had no chance of catching her.
Aragorn and Faramir followed at a slower pace, and there was a nice feeling in the air, as the four friends sat down to eat and drink and chat.
"Hey, we forgot about Gimli!" slurred Arwen.
"You've had enough to drink." said Aragorn firmly. He took her cup and lay her down on a couch.
Eowyn and Faramir had already fallen asleep.
"All I know right now, Aragorn, is that I will have a massive hangover tomorrow."
"Ah, well, sleep it off."
"Okay, I will."
"And you're an Elf. I didn't know Elves could lose control and get drunk."
"Well, then you don't know much."
"I know a lot, thank you."
"Roast turkey."
"Eh?"
But Arwen had fallen asleep.
"Sweet dreams."
Well, I don't think that I did a very good job on that chapter, but anyway. Send in a review! Whether you think that it's good or pathetic, I still want to hear from you!