Chapter Six: Princess and the Pee
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Lord of the Rings characters. But I wish I owned Legolas....hehe.
A/N: Hello again! Welcome back to my story! Hehehe. Hope you have fun reading it!
I'm kind of stuck for ideas at the moment. So don't blame me if this chapter turns out a bit bad. Read read read!
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"Do you know how many phone calls I've had to make?" Arwen complained to the rest of the company.
In all the excitement of Faramir's house, everyone had completely forgotten to organise a new meeting spot. (A/N: Hehe. My fault.)
"Yes, well, it's all sorted out now." Eowyn patted her arm.
"And Lord Elrond's loaded." said Pippin.
"So it doesn't matter how much money you spend on anything." said Merry.
Arwen glared.
"Oh, it's all right, everyone."said Legolas, "Are we all here?"
He looked around, and counted.
"Merry, Pippin, Sam, Arwen, Aragorn, Eowyn, Faramir, Gimli...Yep, that's everyone."
Arwen sat sulking in the corner until Aragorn got up, and took her outside for a moment.
She came back much happier.
"Now," said Legolas, "What would everyone like to eat and drink? I'm a little low on stock at the moment."
He waved his hand in the direction of a long wooden table, which was carved with leaves, and creaking under the weight of all the food and beverages that had been laid on it.
All of the company stared and the table, then back at Legolas.
"This is what you call 'low on stock'?" Pippin said in shock.
Aragorn, Gimli and Arwen laughed.
"It's kind of an Elf thing," Arwen explained to the shocked Hobbits
Eowyn and Faramir remained looking politely dumbstruck.
"Well, Elves eat a great deal. More than you would expect, because none of us are fat. You probably don't know Legolas well enough to know how much he can eat at one sitting."
Legolas laughed at the expressions on his companions faces.
"Oh, come on. I do a lot of exercise."
Sam looked enviously at Legolas.
"I reckon he's got a wheat machine (A/N: Hehe) or something inside of him. Everything he puts inside his mouth turns into wheat in his stomach, instead of flubber."
Legolas rolled his eyes.
"Let's get going! Whose turn is it now? I've lost track."
Arwen eyed him.
"Bull crap you've lost track."
"Okay, I know exactly whose turn it is," Legolas admitted, "I'm just trying to get it started."
Faramir cleared his throat.
"It's my go, I guess. I'm not the best story teller, though. Okay, here goes.
Once upon a time there lived a pretty young girl named Princess.
She lived in a huge gigantic palace with her mother and father, the king and queen of...Disneyland. Princess was very happy, because she had lots and lots of nice jewels and clothes to play with.
She also had a huge gigantic bed in her huge gigantic room.
The bed was very high off of the ground, and Princess had to climb a huge gigantic ladder to reach the top.
Her huge gigantic room had a very very very very very very very very very high ceiling, so high that at night, she couldn't see it.
Princess was playing one day on the internet, and was chatting to her friends on IMSTHLALALALORNFPI (Instant messaging service that has lots and lots and lots and lots of really nice features on it) and she didn't realise how late it was.
So she went up to her room, and began to climb up the ladder to her mattress, when she thought, "It would be fun to see how many mattresses my servants could pile onto my bed! It would be fun to sleep on."
So Princess woke up all of her servants, and ordered them to pile lots and lots of mattresses on her huge gigantic bed.
When there were no more mattresses left in the palace, Princess ordered the servants to break into the nearest sleep centre, and steal 5 mattresses each.
Each servant came back carrying 5 mattresses, which they piled on Princess's bed.
When there were 100 mattresses on the bed, Princess stopped the servants, and observed the progress.
"No," she said, "Go and break into a different sleep centre, and steal another 5 mattresses each."
So the loyal servants went and stole 5 mattresses each from a different sleep centre, and brought them back to Princess's room.
When there were 180 mattresses on the bed, Princess stopped the servants, and ovserved the progress.
"No, but it's nearly there," she said, "Go and get another...say...3 each. Then you will be done."
So the poor servants went and got another 3 mattresses each.
When there were 240 mattresses on the bed, Princess stopped the work, and observed again.
"Hmm....good work....but it's not high enough yet. Go and get 5 more each."
So the servants grumbled, and went and stole another 5 mattresses, and put them on her bed with great difficulty.
When all of the servants mattresses were on the bed, Princess stopped the work, and looked.
"No. Go and get..."
By the time Princess let the servants stop stealing mattresses, there were 567 mattresses on the bed, and several servants had been arrested.
Princess nodded.
"Good work. Now you may go to bed."
Princess climbed the ladder, and fell asleep immediately. In her slumber, she kicked out, and knocked the ladder over. It fell with a crash. Lucky her room was soundproof.
Princess awoke with a start, and realized that she REALLY had to go to the bathroom.
She reached out a hand to feel for a ladder, but there was nothing there.
She pulled out the torch that she always kept under her pillow, and shone it down.
Princess saw the ladder lying at the bottom of her bed.
Princess saw exactly how high up she was.
"Oh my god, it's a bloody long way down," she muttered, "and I REALLY have to go! But if I fall, I'll die. Maybe I can hold it until my servants come in with breakfast."
Princess pulled out the grandfather clock she always kept under her pillow, and looked at the time.
"Oh my god, my servants won't be in for another 3 hours! And my room is soundproof! And the door is closed! I'm going to die!!!"
Princess looked under her pillow for something useful.
"Okay, what have we got here...a kitchen knife...a plate...a cola can...a laptop computer...a dining table set...a blow up chair...a can of soup...seven spare sheets...a doorknob...a roof tile...a teddy bear...a dog collar....hey, I found my cat!"
Princess grumbled to herself.
"Why didn't I think of keeping a spare ladder under my pillow? I mean, everyone keeps a spare ladder under their pillow!"
So Princess sat on her bed, trying to think of something else other than a toilet.
After 10 minutes, Princess was desperate.
"Maybe I can slide down one of the corner poles of my bed."
Princess looked at the corner pole. It would be okay.
Her bathroom though a door right next to her bed, after all.
"Okay," said Princess, trying to hold it until she got to the bathroom.
She held onto the pole tightly, and began to slide.
Halfway down, she got her foot stuck in between the mattresses and the pole.
"Dammit!" she said, struggling to get free. But she soon stopped, because that didn't help her cause of not wetting her pants.
So she was stuck, halfway down the pole.
Princess wiggled her foot, and it came loose slowly.
When she was free, Princess continued to slide, until she reached the ground.
She kept her legs tightly together, and walked slowly and carefully, so that nothing jolted.
Princess made it to the bathroom.
And she only slept with one mattress after that."
Faramir finished his story, and looked embarrassed.
"Hey, what's wrong? That was a cool story!" Eowyn said.
"Really?" asked Faramir hopefully.
"Yeah. But I was wondering, where did it come from? Past experience?" Merry asked.
Faramir rolled his eyes.
"No, of course not. I asked my mother if I could sleep with ten mattresses on my bed once, and she told me that story."
"Oh...I-Legolas you have eaten quite enough!" Arwen said loudly.
Legolas had slowly been eating away at all the food while Faramir had been telling his story.
Legolas looked guilty.
"Sorry! I'm hungry. I only had a little bit to eat at lunch!"
Aragorn looked at him, and laughed.
"I don't think that the others trust your idea of 'a little bit' anymore, Legolas."
"Ona ta a'amin, Legolas." said Arwen as Legolas made to pick up another piece of food.
Legolas handed the piece of food to her meekly.
Arwen put it in her mouth, and chewed.
"Where did you get this, Legolas?" she asked.
"I'm not telling." said Legolas in a sing song voice.
"Oh, come on Legolas. This is quality Elven food! Tell me where!"
"No."
Arwen chased him out of his house, shouting , "Auta miqula orqu, Legolas!"
Aragorn got up laughing.
"I'll go and drag her away before she gets violent."
Everyone left in the house laughed.
"Um, let's be a bit more organized this time," said Eowyn, "Where shall we meet next time?"
Gimli spoke up.
"Er, you are all welcome to my place, if you'd like."
Eowyn smiled at him.
"That would be great. Everyone agree?"
Heads nodded.
Merry and Pippin stood up first.
"We're going to go now. We're gonna go to the arcade centre."
"Legolas and I were going to go as well," Gimli said, "Can we join you?"
"The more the merrier." Came the reply.
"Oi, Legolas!" Gimli shouted out of the door, "We're going to the arcade centre now, with the Hobbits!"
Eowyn and Faramir made for the door.
"We should be getting home too. We'll see you next time!"
"Bye, Arwen!"
"See ya, Aragorn!"
"Remember, it's at Gimli's place next time!"
With some final goodbyes, the company split up, and departed amidst chatter and laughter.
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Well, that wasn't too bad, was it?
Though the actual story of Faramir's was a little short....I'm running out of decent fairy tales...
Send me a review with some suggestions for my next story!
And if you don't have a suggestion, send me a review anyway!