Author's Note: This chapter starts with Rory right after she hangs up with
Jess in the last chapter. I honestly tried to have it up sooner, but the
start of the holiday season and lack of motivation kept me from it.
Anyway, I hope it was worth the wait, even if I think I telegraphed Rory's
decision in the last couple of chapters.
Disclaimer: I own nothing thus far other than the plot. All events through the end of Season 3 have occurred, but I'm trying to stay spoiler free for the upcoming season. Any similarities between what I've written and what will occur in Season 4 are coincidence. Chapter titles are borrowed from various Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers songs. I don't own those either.
**********
Chapter 10: You And I Will Meet Again
Rory sat cross-legged in the center of her bed looking at nothing in particular. There was far too much going on inside her head to recognize anything that was going on outside of it. She had thought deciding to talk to Jess again would be the hardest decision she'd have to make for a long time, but apparently she was wrong. No, deciding if she wanted to actually see Jess again was definitely much harder. Of course, she didn't have to make a decision right away. She'd asked Jess how soon he needed to have an answer, and to her mingling relief and horror he'd told her to take her time. Part of her wished he needed an answer right away so that she could refuse and blame it on short notice rather than fear. Another part of her was happy that she had time to think on it and wouldn't make the wrong decision rashly.
"Why does everything with him have to be a double-edged sword?" she wondered aloud.
"Everything with who, babe?" Lorelai's disembodied voice asked from the kitchen.
Rory sighed and went into the kitchen to join her mother at the table. "Everything with Jess," she said dejectedly.
"Ah, should have known," Lorelai said and rose to rummage through the freezer. She came away with a carton of ice cream, collected two spoons from the silverware drawer, and presented the lot to Rory. "Want to tell Mommy about it?"
Taking a spoon and prying the lid off the carton, Rory looked up at her mother. "I'd rather tell Lorelai about it."
Lorelai smiled gently. "Okay, then. Fire away." She sat down across from Rory, took up the other spoon, and waited for Rory to begin.
"Remember that you're doing the best-friend thing now and not the mother thing, okay?" Rory savored a heavy spoonful of ice cream while Lorelai nodded her agreement, and then she dropped the proverbial bomb. "Jess asked me if I would consider visiting him in California."
Her eyes widened, but Lorelai managed to refrain from screaming 'NO!' at the top of her voice. Instead she managed a concerned, "Really? That was kind of out of the blue."
"Yeah," was Rory's only response.
Lorelai pushed forward when Rory didn't elaborate. "So, what did you tell him?"
"That I'd think about it and let him know next week."
"And what did he say to that?"
Rory shrugged, "It was fine with him. He didn't seem to mind when he got an answer." She ate slowly, wondering exactly what Jess' attitude about getting an answer meant. In her mind, it either meant that he didn't want her to come and didn't know how to tell her, or he did want her to come and didn't know how to tell her. Well, that, or it didn't actually matter when he got an answer. She felt her mother's eyes on her and looked up again. "What?"
"I was just wondering how exactly you're supposed to pay for a flight to California," Lorelai said.
"I wondered that too," Rory told her, "until Jess said that Jimmy offered to pay for it. I guess it was Jimmy's idea."
"Jimmy?" Lorelai tilted her head in confusion. "Jess' dad, Jimmy?"
"Yeah."
"Why would he do that?"
"I didn't ask," Rory said, shrugging again. "I was more concerned about the visit part, not who was paying for it." She shrugged and tossed her spoon into the now nearly empty ice cream container. "What am I going to do?"
Lorelai set down her own spoon. "Well, if I were your mother, I'd tell you to say no for reasons I've mentioned numerous times before, but I'm not your mother right now. So, as your friend, I'm going to tell you that I think you should think about it and do what your heart tells you to do."
Rory eyed her skeptically. "That still sounds like a mom answer."
"Yeah, well," Lorelai shrugged, "separating Mom from Lorelai is a little like separating church and state. It looks good in theory, but sometimes the lines get a little fuzzy."
"That's a very odd analogy, but I think I get it." Rory got up and gave Lorelai a hug. "Thanks, Mom."
"That's why I'm here," Lorelai told her, returning the hug. Rory didn't see the worried expression on Lorelai's face over her shoulder.
**********
Monday Evening
Luke looked over at the door as Lorelai and Rory came in. Both women looked pensive, and Luke sighed as he delivered the plates he was carrying. Following them to the counter, he slipped behind it while Lorelai and Rory sat down.
"What can I get you tonight?" he asked, pouring them their standard vats of coffee.
"Are we in our usual burgers and fries mood?" Lorelai asked Rory.
"Sure," Rory shrugged. "Whatever."
Lorelai turned back to Luke. "Burgers and fries it is."
He nodded tersely, but gave Rory a long look before going back to the kitchen. She was frowning, and her eyes looked a little glazed over like she hadn't been getting a lot of sleep. Luke figured that Jess had asked her about visiting him, and she was struggling with what she wanted to do. It was also easy to figure out from Lorelai's expression that Rory'd talked to her about possibly going to California, and Lorelai was less than thrilled with the idea. Luke sighed again. Since this was the first time he'd seen the Gilmores since last Thursday, when Jess likely asked Rory, he was probably in for a long night.
Serving the pair when their food was ready, Luke watched them out of the corner of his eye as he continued to work around the diner. They were the most subdued he'd ever seen them, even when they were fighting with each other. It didn't give him a lot of hope about making it through the night without a confrontation, especially when they continued to sit at the counter long after they were finished eating and the diner started clearing out of other patrons. After the last person, save for Lorelai and Rory, left the diner, Luke had had enough of the two of them sitting there and not speaking to anyone, even each other.
"Okay," he said gruffly, slamming the coffee pot down on the counter, "let's have it."
Lorelai snickered softly and muttered, "Dirty."
"Have what?" Rory asked. She looked up from the pie crust remains she'd been crushing against the edge of her plate.
Luke folded his arms and leaned against the prep counter. "The reason why the two of you have been here for four hours and have eaten a total of a pie and half. I have a pretty good idea what's going on, but why don't you humor me and tell me anyway."
"Nothing's wrong," Lorelai insisted. "We were just suffering from a severe pie deficiency."
Giving Lorelai a skeptical glance, Luke shifted his eyes to Rory. "And you're going with the pie story, too?"
Rory looked up at Luke. "I like pie," she mumbled.
Luke nodded, "Okay, then. Here's what I think is going on." He pointed at Rory. "You talked to Jess last week, he asked you if you wanted to visit him, and you're still trying to decide what you want to do." His attention shifted to Lorelai, "And you want to tell her that she can't go, but you've agreed to say out of it and let her make her own decision, so you can't, and it's driving you even crazier than you usually are."
Lorelai's mouth opened and shut a few times in indignation, but she wasn't able to say anything. It was Rory who spoke first.
"That's not true," she said, looking sideways at her mother. "I have made a decision." She took in Lorelai's and Luke's surprised expressions. "I wanna go," Rory said in a rush.
Luke was surprised, not that Rory wanted to go to California, but that she hadn't come in before making her decision and agonized over what she wanted to do while he listened. But he wasn't hurt by that. He was glad that Rory was becoming more comfortable when it came to Jess. Looking over at Lorelai though, he could tell he was probably the only one pleased with the fact that Rory was really getting over the hurt Jess left when he disappeared and renewing the friendship aspect of her relationship with Jess.
"You want to go?" Lorelai asked, her voice wavering a little.
Rory nodded. "Yeah. I know it's going to be strange, but I think it might also be . . . nice, I guess, to see Jess again. And he knows where everything is around here when I talk to him, but when he tells me stuff I don't always understand what he's talking about. It'll be good to see all the places he's told me about, and then there's Lily. She's so sweet on the phone, and she gets so excited when I talk to her. There's more than just Jess in California that I want to see."
Neither Lorelai or Luke spoke for a long time after Rory finished reasoning out why she wanted to go. Seconds dragged into long minutes of silence, and eventually Rory became uncomfortable under the mute scrutiny and stood up.
"I think I'm going to go home now," she said quietly. Without a backward glance, she left and disappeared down the sidewalk. Luke and Lorelai were left alone with Rory's decision hanging almost visibly in the air between them.
Eventually, Luke said, "I think it's good that she wants to go."
"Of course you do," Lorelai snorted. She started shredding her napkin in frustration. "You know, I had forgiven you for putting them back in contact, but this . . ."
"Really," Luke interrupted, "where was I for that?" He pulled the remains of the napkin from Lorelai's shaking fingers. "What really bothers you about this? Is it really Jess, or is it that you're afraid that you're going to be alone someday?" Lorelai's eyes flashed briefly with hurt, and Luke knew he'd hit on a nerve.
"I don't know what you mean," Lorelai lied, looking back down at the counter.
"Yes, you do. I feel like we've had this conversation a hundred times before. You're not worried about whatever Jess might do to Rory, you're more afraid that she's becoming an independent adult who doesn't need you as much as she used to." Luke watched Lorelai fidget. "When she's at school, she's gone, but she still comes home. But someday she's going to be gone, living her life, and she won't be coming home every two weeks to do laundry and hang out. That terrifies you."
Lorelai looked up at Luke. "You know, I liked you a lot better when you were just my anti-social coffee provider. All-knowing Luke is really irritating."
"Is that you're way of admitting that I'm right without actually saying that I'm right?" Luke asked, hiding a small smile.
"So I don't want to lose my baby. Is that a crime?" Lorelai snapped.
"Only when you hold her back."
"I don't really think Jess is an opportunity to move forward."
"It doesn't matter what you think," Luke said. "I feel like I've told you that before, too."
"Yeah, yeah," Lorelai sighed. "I'm not going to tell her she can't go." She saw Luke's skeptical expression. "I'm not! It's just hard. Rory used to be my little girl, and, okay, so she was never clingy, but she was there, coming to me for advice, sharing things with me. And now . . . it's like she doesn't need a mother anymore. I'm all by myself; I've never been all by myself."
Luke sighed and leaned on the counter, his head level with Lorelai's. "Rory's always going to need a mother, Lorelai. She just won't need you in the same ways." He reached out and touched Lorelai's wrist. "And you'll never be all by yourself. You've got Sookie and Jackson, a whole list of wackos in this town who love you, and as much as you don't want to admit it, your parents love you, too."
"I suppose. And I've got you, too. Even if I hate you sometimes, you'll still be my friend when I need you," she said, smiling over at him.
"As long as I've got no where better to go," Luke shrugged and gave a half smile when Lorelai started to laugh. He let go of her wrist. "But you do. You should get home and talk to Rory."
"Yeah, I should," Lorelai nodded. "See you in the morning?"
"Unless you want to starve," Luke said wryly. He picked up a towel and snapped it in her direction. "Go home."
Lorelai pulled some money out of her purse and laid it on the counter. "See ya in twelve hours, buddy."
Luke snorted, "I'll wait with bated breath." He watched Lorelai wave over her shoulder as she left. Shaking his head, he moved out from behind the counter and started closing up the diner for the night. That had gone much smoother than he feared it would at the beginning of the night. Of course, Rory hadn't seen Jess yet. She'd only decided that she wanted to. Things had the potential to get a lot uglier in the future, and knowing his luck, they would.
**********
Thursday Night
Rory paced the front porch, scowling at her watch, and wiping her sweaty palms on her pants. It wasn't particularly hot; it was actually a rather cool day for June. She was sweating because she was nervous. It was eight o'clock, and Rory thought she was going to be sick if she had to wait another hour before calling Jess. She'd been worrying all day about telling him that she'd decided that she wanted to see him again. A dozen different scenarios had raced through her mind on what his reaction might be. Would he be glad and want to see her too? Would he be upset because he really didn't want to see her and had only asked her thinking she would never say yes? Would he be disappointed when he did see her again? Had she changed too much? Had he changed too much? Screaming wordlessly in frustration, she snatched up the phone and dialed, not caring if she was early. Four rings later, a voice Rory had never heard before picked up the line.
"Hello?"
Rory faltered a moment before speaking. "Um, hello. This is Rory Gilmore. Jess' friend," she clarified. "I don't usually call this early, and I don't know if he's there or not . . . and, you know what, I'll just call back later when I usually do. I'm sorry for bothering you, and . . ."
"Rory?" the person on the other end of the line cut in. "Calm down, honey. Jess isn't here, but he should be in a few minutes if you want to hang on."
"Oh . . . um, okay." Rory took a deep breath and tried to relax. It then occurred to her that she had no idea who she was talking to. "This is going to sound really rude, and I'm sorry, but who is this?"
The voice laughed. "I guess I could have started with that. This is Sasha."
"Oh, right. That makes sense. It's your phone." Rory rolled her eyes at herself. She must have sounded like a complete idiot.
"Sometimes it is," Sasha agreed. "So, I've heard a lot about you."
"You have?" Rory was surprised at that. Jess might have changed, but he didn't seem like he'd changed enough to talk about his personal life with people.
"Mmm-hmm. Lily's quite fond of you. Gives me all the details after she's talked with you."
"Oh. Well, I like talking to Lily, too." That made more sense to Rory and it must have been audible in her voice.
Sasha laughed again lightly. "Don't worry. Jess isn't telling secrets or anything. Not to me anyway. I'm not even sure he'd tell me if he were on fire."
"That sounds like Jess," Rory said before she could censor herself. Quickly she tossed out, "I know he likes you though. He's told me that."
"Oh, I know that," Sasha told her. "He just likes to keep certain things to himself. Jimmy's like that too. Didn't even tell me he'd gone to see Jess until the poor kid showed up at the house like a nomad."
"That must have been strange," was all Rory could think of to say to that.
Sasha sighed gently, "It was awkward at first, but we got over it. Now Jess is just another one of our strays. Only the others don't usually glower at me from the doorway."
Rory heard heavy footsteps echoing over the phone. "I'm guessing he's there now."
"Yeah," Sasha confirmed. "I'll hand you over to him. It was nice finally talking to you, Rory. We'll have to do it again sometime."
"I'd like that," Rory said honestly. It might be interesting to hear what a woman Jess had likened to Lorelai thought of him now. Before she could say anything else to Sasha, Jess was in her ear.
"Hey. Did I miss a time change or something?" he asked.
Rory laughed nervously, "No. I just wanted to talk to you . . . you know, about coming out there, and I was starting to freak myself out, so I called early, but you weren't there yet. Sasha said she was expecting you soon, so I was just talking to her until you got there."
"Yeah, I caught that last part," Jess said. "I especially liked that part where she called me a nomad, but I think if I'd showed up on camel-back instead of the bus it would have been a much more realistic image." It was clear in the tone of his voice that Jess was scowling.
"Are you mad at me?" Rory asked tentatively. It wouldn't be out of character for Jess to be upset about people talking about him behind his back. If he were mad, that wouldn't be the greatest way to announce her decision.
Jess heaved a sigh that ended in a wry chuckle. "No, not mad. Not crazy about being compared to a Bedouin, but . . ." he trailed off and sighed again. "Look, it's just that I'm not real proud of how I ended up here, and Sasha has this habit of bringing it up in conversation with everyone. But then, you already know how I got here, so I'm probably overreacting a little. I do that."
"Yeah, I remember," Rory agreed.
"Right." Jess' breath echoed into the phone as he exhaled steadily. "So," he eventually said, "now that we've filled our awkward silence quotient for the day, what's going on?"
Rory took a deep breath to calm her nerves before speaking. "It's about last week. About me coming to visit you?"
"So you've already said," Jess said evenly, his voice not betraying what he hoped her answer might be.
"Uh-huh. So, I've thought a lot about it all week, and I've made a decision. Actually, I made the decision on Monday, and I kinda wanted to call then, but I thought you might be working, and I guess I still could have called and left a message or something, but it's not the sort of thing you'd probably want to learn from an answering machine, so . . ." Rory realized she was starting to babble like an idiot and stopped to take another breath. "I want to come."
"Rory, that's okay, really. I understand," Jess said gently. Then he made an odd squeaking noise Rory had never heard him make before. "Wait . . . you just said you'd come."
"Yes, I did. I want to come see you." There was dead silence on the line, and Rory grew concerned. "Jess?"
He stumbled with his words, "Yeah, I'm . . . yeah, I just need to . . . outside." The door creaked in Rory's ear, and there was a shuffle of feet on some paved ground. A quiet snick of metal against metal followed, and Jess inhaled deeply.
She figured out what he was doing. "You're smoking again," Rory said flatly.
Jess exhaled and sounded apologetic. "Yeah. Not a lot, but sometimes I need it." He took another drag. "I'm shaking like crazy here, Rory," Jess revealed. "I gotta do something with my hands, something familiar and repetitive, or I'm going to lose it."
"Why?" Rory asked. She was fairly sure he was nervous, she definitely was, but she certainly wasn't on the verge of a breakdown or anything. Not anymore. Or not yet.
"I was sure you were going to say no," Jess told her. "I'd been preparing myself all week to hear you say that you couldn't take the ticket, that it'd be too strange and uncomfortable."
Rory stopped pacing the porch and sank into a chair. She was uncertain what Jess' reaction meant. "Did you want me to say no?"
"NO!" Jess barked. Rory then heard him muttering to himself, "Oh, smooth, Mariano. Way to sound desperate." Louder, he said, "I want you to come, but only if it's what you really want to do."
"It's what I really want to do," Rory quickly affirmed. "My mom might not be crazy about it, but it's what I want."
"Lorelai try to talk you out of it at all?" Jess wanted to know.
"Not exactly. She asked me at least a dozen times if I was sure I was really ready to see you again, but she didn't say I couldn't go."
"She thinks I pushed you into saying yes." Jess sighed, and his lighter whispered over the phone again.
"Mom never said she thought that," Rory insisted. And Lorelai hadn't said that she thought Jess had been trying to influence Rory decision. She said some other things, but never that.
Jess snorted in disbelief. "She doesn't have to say to think it." He was quiet, the only sound came from his lips pulling on the new cigarette he'd lit. "I want to talk to her," he finally said firmly.
Rory choked on her breath. It was a horrible idea. Lorelai was likely to flip out if she got on the phone with Jess. "Do you suddenly have a burning desire to go deaf?"
"Just make up something to get her on the phone. I want to talk to her." Jess' tone left no doubt in Rory that he was serious.
"Fine. It's your ear," Rory relented.
The tinny echo of Rory calling Lorelai as she moved through the house was audible over the line, and then Lorelai picked up the phone.
"Michel, this had better be really important, like you're bleeding from the head important," Lorelai huffed.
"This isn't Michel, and if you hang up on me I'll keep calling back until you agree to talk to me. Ask Rory, she knows all about how that works."
"This better not be who I think it is," Lorelai growled.
"Sorry to disappoint," Jess said glibly, "but then, I always did sort of disappoint you didn't I."
Lorelai ground her teeth together. "What do you want, Jess?"
Jess took a deep breath and let it out before answering. "I want you to know that asking Rory to come to California was not my idea. If she'd decided not to come, I'd have been good with that, but she is coming. I'm good with that, too. I did not push her either way."
Shooting Rory a dark look, Lorelai motioned her daughter out of the room. "Well, Jess, I'm sure you won't be surprised if I don't believe you."
"No, no surprise there. I don't care if you don't believe me. Never have. I just wanted to tell you that I never deliberately tried to hurt Rory, and I'm not doing it now."
Lorelai bit back a laugh of disbelief. "Right. Is there anything else you want to say?"
"No," Jess said, "that's it."
"Great, then I'm going to go now, because even if Rory's decided to give you another chance, I haven't." Lorelai pulled the phone from her ear so she didn't have to hear Jess' reply, and handed the phone back to Rory who hadn't strayed far.
"Well, that was pointless," Jess grumbled when Rory greeted him again.
Rory took the phone into her room and shut the door. "She might have forgiven me and Luke, but Mom's made it pretty clear that she still doesn't like you. I tried to tell you that," she reminded him.
Jess laughed, "Well, I don't listen. You should have remembered that."
"I will for next time," Rory told him. "Anyway, I was thinking . . . about going to California, you never said when."
"Jimmy never gave me a time frame when he talked to me about it. I'll have to ask him about it, but did you have a time in mind?" Jess asked.
Rory thought for a minute. "Um, what about the first part of August?" That gave her over a month to truly get ready to face Jess again, and it was also close enough to the start of the next school year that if things were really awful she could throw herself into her studies and not have weeks to be upset with nothing to do but cry.
"Whatever you want. You're the one who has to travel. I'll see what Jimmy thinks, and we'll get it figured out."
"Okay."
"I should probably go back in and get Lily out of the cabinet. She loses track of time when she's in there, and she'll forget to eat."
"Can't have that," Rory said. "So, you talk to Jimmy, and let me know what's going on next week."
"Sounds good. Ah . . . Rory?" Jess asked softly.
"Yeah?"
"I'm glad you're coming out here."
Rory's heart fluttered in her chest at Jess' sincere tone. "Me too," she said just as softly.
Jess seemed to grow embarrassed and cleared his throat roughly. "I'll talk to you next week. Good night, Rory."
"Good night, Jess." Rory turned off the phone and smiled to herself. She was sure what would happen in California, but now she was definitely sure she'd made the right decision about going.
**********
Author's Notes the Second: Send me a review and let me know what you thought. I really enjoy reading what you have to say about the story. Coming up in Chapter 11: California, here we come!
Disclaimer: I own nothing thus far other than the plot. All events through the end of Season 3 have occurred, but I'm trying to stay spoiler free for the upcoming season. Any similarities between what I've written and what will occur in Season 4 are coincidence. Chapter titles are borrowed from various Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers songs. I don't own those either.
**********
Chapter 10: You And I Will Meet Again
Rory sat cross-legged in the center of her bed looking at nothing in particular. There was far too much going on inside her head to recognize anything that was going on outside of it. She had thought deciding to talk to Jess again would be the hardest decision she'd have to make for a long time, but apparently she was wrong. No, deciding if she wanted to actually see Jess again was definitely much harder. Of course, she didn't have to make a decision right away. She'd asked Jess how soon he needed to have an answer, and to her mingling relief and horror he'd told her to take her time. Part of her wished he needed an answer right away so that she could refuse and blame it on short notice rather than fear. Another part of her was happy that she had time to think on it and wouldn't make the wrong decision rashly.
"Why does everything with him have to be a double-edged sword?" she wondered aloud.
"Everything with who, babe?" Lorelai's disembodied voice asked from the kitchen.
Rory sighed and went into the kitchen to join her mother at the table. "Everything with Jess," she said dejectedly.
"Ah, should have known," Lorelai said and rose to rummage through the freezer. She came away with a carton of ice cream, collected two spoons from the silverware drawer, and presented the lot to Rory. "Want to tell Mommy about it?"
Taking a spoon and prying the lid off the carton, Rory looked up at her mother. "I'd rather tell Lorelai about it."
Lorelai smiled gently. "Okay, then. Fire away." She sat down across from Rory, took up the other spoon, and waited for Rory to begin.
"Remember that you're doing the best-friend thing now and not the mother thing, okay?" Rory savored a heavy spoonful of ice cream while Lorelai nodded her agreement, and then she dropped the proverbial bomb. "Jess asked me if I would consider visiting him in California."
Her eyes widened, but Lorelai managed to refrain from screaming 'NO!' at the top of her voice. Instead she managed a concerned, "Really? That was kind of out of the blue."
"Yeah," was Rory's only response.
Lorelai pushed forward when Rory didn't elaborate. "So, what did you tell him?"
"That I'd think about it and let him know next week."
"And what did he say to that?"
Rory shrugged, "It was fine with him. He didn't seem to mind when he got an answer." She ate slowly, wondering exactly what Jess' attitude about getting an answer meant. In her mind, it either meant that he didn't want her to come and didn't know how to tell her, or he did want her to come and didn't know how to tell her. Well, that, or it didn't actually matter when he got an answer. She felt her mother's eyes on her and looked up again. "What?"
"I was just wondering how exactly you're supposed to pay for a flight to California," Lorelai said.
"I wondered that too," Rory told her, "until Jess said that Jimmy offered to pay for it. I guess it was Jimmy's idea."
"Jimmy?" Lorelai tilted her head in confusion. "Jess' dad, Jimmy?"
"Yeah."
"Why would he do that?"
"I didn't ask," Rory said, shrugging again. "I was more concerned about the visit part, not who was paying for it." She shrugged and tossed her spoon into the now nearly empty ice cream container. "What am I going to do?"
Lorelai set down her own spoon. "Well, if I were your mother, I'd tell you to say no for reasons I've mentioned numerous times before, but I'm not your mother right now. So, as your friend, I'm going to tell you that I think you should think about it and do what your heart tells you to do."
Rory eyed her skeptically. "That still sounds like a mom answer."
"Yeah, well," Lorelai shrugged, "separating Mom from Lorelai is a little like separating church and state. It looks good in theory, but sometimes the lines get a little fuzzy."
"That's a very odd analogy, but I think I get it." Rory got up and gave Lorelai a hug. "Thanks, Mom."
"That's why I'm here," Lorelai told her, returning the hug. Rory didn't see the worried expression on Lorelai's face over her shoulder.
**********
Monday Evening
Luke looked over at the door as Lorelai and Rory came in. Both women looked pensive, and Luke sighed as he delivered the plates he was carrying. Following them to the counter, he slipped behind it while Lorelai and Rory sat down.
"What can I get you tonight?" he asked, pouring them their standard vats of coffee.
"Are we in our usual burgers and fries mood?" Lorelai asked Rory.
"Sure," Rory shrugged. "Whatever."
Lorelai turned back to Luke. "Burgers and fries it is."
He nodded tersely, but gave Rory a long look before going back to the kitchen. She was frowning, and her eyes looked a little glazed over like she hadn't been getting a lot of sleep. Luke figured that Jess had asked her about visiting him, and she was struggling with what she wanted to do. It was also easy to figure out from Lorelai's expression that Rory'd talked to her about possibly going to California, and Lorelai was less than thrilled with the idea. Luke sighed again. Since this was the first time he'd seen the Gilmores since last Thursday, when Jess likely asked Rory, he was probably in for a long night.
Serving the pair when their food was ready, Luke watched them out of the corner of his eye as he continued to work around the diner. They were the most subdued he'd ever seen them, even when they were fighting with each other. It didn't give him a lot of hope about making it through the night without a confrontation, especially when they continued to sit at the counter long after they were finished eating and the diner started clearing out of other patrons. After the last person, save for Lorelai and Rory, left the diner, Luke had had enough of the two of them sitting there and not speaking to anyone, even each other.
"Okay," he said gruffly, slamming the coffee pot down on the counter, "let's have it."
Lorelai snickered softly and muttered, "Dirty."
"Have what?" Rory asked. She looked up from the pie crust remains she'd been crushing against the edge of her plate.
Luke folded his arms and leaned against the prep counter. "The reason why the two of you have been here for four hours and have eaten a total of a pie and half. I have a pretty good idea what's going on, but why don't you humor me and tell me anyway."
"Nothing's wrong," Lorelai insisted. "We were just suffering from a severe pie deficiency."
Giving Lorelai a skeptical glance, Luke shifted his eyes to Rory. "And you're going with the pie story, too?"
Rory looked up at Luke. "I like pie," she mumbled.
Luke nodded, "Okay, then. Here's what I think is going on." He pointed at Rory. "You talked to Jess last week, he asked you if you wanted to visit him, and you're still trying to decide what you want to do." His attention shifted to Lorelai, "And you want to tell her that she can't go, but you've agreed to say out of it and let her make her own decision, so you can't, and it's driving you even crazier than you usually are."
Lorelai's mouth opened and shut a few times in indignation, but she wasn't able to say anything. It was Rory who spoke first.
"That's not true," she said, looking sideways at her mother. "I have made a decision." She took in Lorelai's and Luke's surprised expressions. "I wanna go," Rory said in a rush.
Luke was surprised, not that Rory wanted to go to California, but that she hadn't come in before making her decision and agonized over what she wanted to do while he listened. But he wasn't hurt by that. He was glad that Rory was becoming more comfortable when it came to Jess. Looking over at Lorelai though, he could tell he was probably the only one pleased with the fact that Rory was really getting over the hurt Jess left when he disappeared and renewing the friendship aspect of her relationship with Jess.
"You want to go?" Lorelai asked, her voice wavering a little.
Rory nodded. "Yeah. I know it's going to be strange, but I think it might also be . . . nice, I guess, to see Jess again. And he knows where everything is around here when I talk to him, but when he tells me stuff I don't always understand what he's talking about. It'll be good to see all the places he's told me about, and then there's Lily. She's so sweet on the phone, and she gets so excited when I talk to her. There's more than just Jess in California that I want to see."
Neither Lorelai or Luke spoke for a long time after Rory finished reasoning out why she wanted to go. Seconds dragged into long minutes of silence, and eventually Rory became uncomfortable under the mute scrutiny and stood up.
"I think I'm going to go home now," she said quietly. Without a backward glance, she left and disappeared down the sidewalk. Luke and Lorelai were left alone with Rory's decision hanging almost visibly in the air between them.
Eventually, Luke said, "I think it's good that she wants to go."
"Of course you do," Lorelai snorted. She started shredding her napkin in frustration. "You know, I had forgiven you for putting them back in contact, but this . . ."
"Really," Luke interrupted, "where was I for that?" He pulled the remains of the napkin from Lorelai's shaking fingers. "What really bothers you about this? Is it really Jess, or is it that you're afraid that you're going to be alone someday?" Lorelai's eyes flashed briefly with hurt, and Luke knew he'd hit on a nerve.
"I don't know what you mean," Lorelai lied, looking back down at the counter.
"Yes, you do. I feel like we've had this conversation a hundred times before. You're not worried about whatever Jess might do to Rory, you're more afraid that she's becoming an independent adult who doesn't need you as much as she used to." Luke watched Lorelai fidget. "When she's at school, she's gone, but she still comes home. But someday she's going to be gone, living her life, and she won't be coming home every two weeks to do laundry and hang out. That terrifies you."
Lorelai looked up at Luke. "You know, I liked you a lot better when you were just my anti-social coffee provider. All-knowing Luke is really irritating."
"Is that you're way of admitting that I'm right without actually saying that I'm right?" Luke asked, hiding a small smile.
"So I don't want to lose my baby. Is that a crime?" Lorelai snapped.
"Only when you hold her back."
"I don't really think Jess is an opportunity to move forward."
"It doesn't matter what you think," Luke said. "I feel like I've told you that before, too."
"Yeah, yeah," Lorelai sighed. "I'm not going to tell her she can't go." She saw Luke's skeptical expression. "I'm not! It's just hard. Rory used to be my little girl, and, okay, so she was never clingy, but she was there, coming to me for advice, sharing things with me. And now . . . it's like she doesn't need a mother anymore. I'm all by myself; I've never been all by myself."
Luke sighed and leaned on the counter, his head level with Lorelai's. "Rory's always going to need a mother, Lorelai. She just won't need you in the same ways." He reached out and touched Lorelai's wrist. "And you'll never be all by yourself. You've got Sookie and Jackson, a whole list of wackos in this town who love you, and as much as you don't want to admit it, your parents love you, too."
"I suppose. And I've got you, too. Even if I hate you sometimes, you'll still be my friend when I need you," she said, smiling over at him.
"As long as I've got no where better to go," Luke shrugged and gave a half smile when Lorelai started to laugh. He let go of her wrist. "But you do. You should get home and talk to Rory."
"Yeah, I should," Lorelai nodded. "See you in the morning?"
"Unless you want to starve," Luke said wryly. He picked up a towel and snapped it in her direction. "Go home."
Lorelai pulled some money out of her purse and laid it on the counter. "See ya in twelve hours, buddy."
Luke snorted, "I'll wait with bated breath." He watched Lorelai wave over her shoulder as she left. Shaking his head, he moved out from behind the counter and started closing up the diner for the night. That had gone much smoother than he feared it would at the beginning of the night. Of course, Rory hadn't seen Jess yet. She'd only decided that she wanted to. Things had the potential to get a lot uglier in the future, and knowing his luck, they would.
**********
Thursday Night
Rory paced the front porch, scowling at her watch, and wiping her sweaty palms on her pants. It wasn't particularly hot; it was actually a rather cool day for June. She was sweating because she was nervous. It was eight o'clock, and Rory thought she was going to be sick if she had to wait another hour before calling Jess. She'd been worrying all day about telling him that she'd decided that she wanted to see him again. A dozen different scenarios had raced through her mind on what his reaction might be. Would he be glad and want to see her too? Would he be upset because he really didn't want to see her and had only asked her thinking she would never say yes? Would he be disappointed when he did see her again? Had she changed too much? Had he changed too much? Screaming wordlessly in frustration, she snatched up the phone and dialed, not caring if she was early. Four rings later, a voice Rory had never heard before picked up the line.
"Hello?"
Rory faltered a moment before speaking. "Um, hello. This is Rory Gilmore. Jess' friend," she clarified. "I don't usually call this early, and I don't know if he's there or not . . . and, you know what, I'll just call back later when I usually do. I'm sorry for bothering you, and . . ."
"Rory?" the person on the other end of the line cut in. "Calm down, honey. Jess isn't here, but he should be in a few minutes if you want to hang on."
"Oh . . . um, okay." Rory took a deep breath and tried to relax. It then occurred to her that she had no idea who she was talking to. "This is going to sound really rude, and I'm sorry, but who is this?"
The voice laughed. "I guess I could have started with that. This is Sasha."
"Oh, right. That makes sense. It's your phone." Rory rolled her eyes at herself. She must have sounded like a complete idiot.
"Sometimes it is," Sasha agreed. "So, I've heard a lot about you."
"You have?" Rory was surprised at that. Jess might have changed, but he didn't seem like he'd changed enough to talk about his personal life with people.
"Mmm-hmm. Lily's quite fond of you. Gives me all the details after she's talked with you."
"Oh. Well, I like talking to Lily, too." That made more sense to Rory and it must have been audible in her voice.
Sasha laughed again lightly. "Don't worry. Jess isn't telling secrets or anything. Not to me anyway. I'm not even sure he'd tell me if he were on fire."
"That sounds like Jess," Rory said before she could censor herself. Quickly she tossed out, "I know he likes you though. He's told me that."
"Oh, I know that," Sasha told her. "He just likes to keep certain things to himself. Jimmy's like that too. Didn't even tell me he'd gone to see Jess until the poor kid showed up at the house like a nomad."
"That must have been strange," was all Rory could think of to say to that.
Sasha sighed gently, "It was awkward at first, but we got over it. Now Jess is just another one of our strays. Only the others don't usually glower at me from the doorway."
Rory heard heavy footsteps echoing over the phone. "I'm guessing he's there now."
"Yeah," Sasha confirmed. "I'll hand you over to him. It was nice finally talking to you, Rory. We'll have to do it again sometime."
"I'd like that," Rory said honestly. It might be interesting to hear what a woman Jess had likened to Lorelai thought of him now. Before she could say anything else to Sasha, Jess was in her ear.
"Hey. Did I miss a time change or something?" he asked.
Rory laughed nervously, "No. I just wanted to talk to you . . . you know, about coming out there, and I was starting to freak myself out, so I called early, but you weren't there yet. Sasha said she was expecting you soon, so I was just talking to her until you got there."
"Yeah, I caught that last part," Jess said. "I especially liked that part where she called me a nomad, but I think if I'd showed up on camel-back instead of the bus it would have been a much more realistic image." It was clear in the tone of his voice that Jess was scowling.
"Are you mad at me?" Rory asked tentatively. It wouldn't be out of character for Jess to be upset about people talking about him behind his back. If he were mad, that wouldn't be the greatest way to announce her decision.
Jess heaved a sigh that ended in a wry chuckle. "No, not mad. Not crazy about being compared to a Bedouin, but . . ." he trailed off and sighed again. "Look, it's just that I'm not real proud of how I ended up here, and Sasha has this habit of bringing it up in conversation with everyone. But then, you already know how I got here, so I'm probably overreacting a little. I do that."
"Yeah, I remember," Rory agreed.
"Right." Jess' breath echoed into the phone as he exhaled steadily. "So," he eventually said, "now that we've filled our awkward silence quotient for the day, what's going on?"
Rory took a deep breath to calm her nerves before speaking. "It's about last week. About me coming to visit you?"
"So you've already said," Jess said evenly, his voice not betraying what he hoped her answer might be.
"Uh-huh. So, I've thought a lot about it all week, and I've made a decision. Actually, I made the decision on Monday, and I kinda wanted to call then, but I thought you might be working, and I guess I still could have called and left a message or something, but it's not the sort of thing you'd probably want to learn from an answering machine, so . . ." Rory realized she was starting to babble like an idiot and stopped to take another breath. "I want to come."
"Rory, that's okay, really. I understand," Jess said gently. Then he made an odd squeaking noise Rory had never heard him make before. "Wait . . . you just said you'd come."
"Yes, I did. I want to come see you." There was dead silence on the line, and Rory grew concerned. "Jess?"
He stumbled with his words, "Yeah, I'm . . . yeah, I just need to . . . outside." The door creaked in Rory's ear, and there was a shuffle of feet on some paved ground. A quiet snick of metal against metal followed, and Jess inhaled deeply.
She figured out what he was doing. "You're smoking again," Rory said flatly.
Jess exhaled and sounded apologetic. "Yeah. Not a lot, but sometimes I need it." He took another drag. "I'm shaking like crazy here, Rory," Jess revealed. "I gotta do something with my hands, something familiar and repetitive, or I'm going to lose it."
"Why?" Rory asked. She was fairly sure he was nervous, she definitely was, but she certainly wasn't on the verge of a breakdown or anything. Not anymore. Or not yet.
"I was sure you were going to say no," Jess told her. "I'd been preparing myself all week to hear you say that you couldn't take the ticket, that it'd be too strange and uncomfortable."
Rory stopped pacing the porch and sank into a chair. She was uncertain what Jess' reaction meant. "Did you want me to say no?"
"NO!" Jess barked. Rory then heard him muttering to himself, "Oh, smooth, Mariano. Way to sound desperate." Louder, he said, "I want you to come, but only if it's what you really want to do."
"It's what I really want to do," Rory quickly affirmed. "My mom might not be crazy about it, but it's what I want."
"Lorelai try to talk you out of it at all?" Jess wanted to know.
"Not exactly. She asked me at least a dozen times if I was sure I was really ready to see you again, but she didn't say I couldn't go."
"She thinks I pushed you into saying yes." Jess sighed, and his lighter whispered over the phone again.
"Mom never said she thought that," Rory insisted. And Lorelai hadn't said that she thought Jess had been trying to influence Rory decision. She said some other things, but never that.
Jess snorted in disbelief. "She doesn't have to say to think it." He was quiet, the only sound came from his lips pulling on the new cigarette he'd lit. "I want to talk to her," he finally said firmly.
Rory choked on her breath. It was a horrible idea. Lorelai was likely to flip out if she got on the phone with Jess. "Do you suddenly have a burning desire to go deaf?"
"Just make up something to get her on the phone. I want to talk to her." Jess' tone left no doubt in Rory that he was serious.
"Fine. It's your ear," Rory relented.
The tinny echo of Rory calling Lorelai as she moved through the house was audible over the line, and then Lorelai picked up the phone.
"Michel, this had better be really important, like you're bleeding from the head important," Lorelai huffed.
"This isn't Michel, and if you hang up on me I'll keep calling back until you agree to talk to me. Ask Rory, she knows all about how that works."
"This better not be who I think it is," Lorelai growled.
"Sorry to disappoint," Jess said glibly, "but then, I always did sort of disappoint you didn't I."
Lorelai ground her teeth together. "What do you want, Jess?"
Jess took a deep breath and let it out before answering. "I want you to know that asking Rory to come to California was not my idea. If she'd decided not to come, I'd have been good with that, but she is coming. I'm good with that, too. I did not push her either way."
Shooting Rory a dark look, Lorelai motioned her daughter out of the room. "Well, Jess, I'm sure you won't be surprised if I don't believe you."
"No, no surprise there. I don't care if you don't believe me. Never have. I just wanted to tell you that I never deliberately tried to hurt Rory, and I'm not doing it now."
Lorelai bit back a laugh of disbelief. "Right. Is there anything else you want to say?"
"No," Jess said, "that's it."
"Great, then I'm going to go now, because even if Rory's decided to give you another chance, I haven't." Lorelai pulled the phone from her ear so she didn't have to hear Jess' reply, and handed the phone back to Rory who hadn't strayed far.
"Well, that was pointless," Jess grumbled when Rory greeted him again.
Rory took the phone into her room and shut the door. "She might have forgiven me and Luke, but Mom's made it pretty clear that she still doesn't like you. I tried to tell you that," she reminded him.
Jess laughed, "Well, I don't listen. You should have remembered that."
"I will for next time," Rory told him. "Anyway, I was thinking . . . about going to California, you never said when."
"Jimmy never gave me a time frame when he talked to me about it. I'll have to ask him about it, but did you have a time in mind?" Jess asked.
Rory thought for a minute. "Um, what about the first part of August?" That gave her over a month to truly get ready to face Jess again, and it was also close enough to the start of the next school year that if things were really awful she could throw herself into her studies and not have weeks to be upset with nothing to do but cry.
"Whatever you want. You're the one who has to travel. I'll see what Jimmy thinks, and we'll get it figured out."
"Okay."
"I should probably go back in and get Lily out of the cabinet. She loses track of time when she's in there, and she'll forget to eat."
"Can't have that," Rory said. "So, you talk to Jimmy, and let me know what's going on next week."
"Sounds good. Ah . . . Rory?" Jess asked softly.
"Yeah?"
"I'm glad you're coming out here."
Rory's heart fluttered in her chest at Jess' sincere tone. "Me too," she said just as softly.
Jess seemed to grow embarrassed and cleared his throat roughly. "I'll talk to you next week. Good night, Rory."
"Good night, Jess." Rory turned off the phone and smiled to herself. She was sure what would happen in California, but now she was definitely sure she'd made the right decision about going.
**********
Author's Notes the Second: Send me a review and let me know what you thought. I really enjoy reading what you have to say about the story. Coming up in Chapter 11: California, here we come!