Author's Notes: IMPORTANT!!!!! If there is anyone out there who still
doesn't know: there was an error with the initial upload of chapter 11.
It is more than just an author's note, so if you haven't read it yet,
please go do so now.
Okay, now that we're all caught up, this chapter is kind of long. I toyed with the idea of breaking it up, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. So consider the extra length my holiday gift to all of you; I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I own nothing other than the plot and a few original characters. All events through the end of Season 3 have occurred, but the only thing I'm borrowing from Season 4 is Rory's haircut. Any other similarities are purely coincidence. Chapter titles come from various Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers songs. I do not own those either.
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Chapter Twelve: How Could I Get So Close To You
Rory woke the next morning with a jolt of momentary panic, forgetting briefly where she was. The double bed was bigger than she was used to, the sheets smelling of a different laundry detergent. There was no lingering smell of strong coffee in the air, no clucking chickens or mooing cows echoing from upstairs. There was a faint rustling of pages, a foreign sound in the early morning Gilmore household, and that was what brought everything rushing back to Rory. She wasn't at home in Stars Hollow; she was in California. She wasn't waking up to her mother banging around the kitchen; she was waking up to Jess . . . doing something.
Pushing the covers off of her head, Rory looked across the room at Jess. He was sitting in the far corner of the couch, blanket wrapped around him, reading. His hair was tousled and looked like it couldn't decide if it wanted to stick up or fall into his eyes. There was a look of concentration on his face that Rory remembered from watching him read behind the diner counter, and she couldn't help but smile as he reached for a pen on the low coffee table in front of the couch to scribble something in the margin of the book. No matter what else, some things didn't change.
Jess felt the prickling sensation behind his ears that had always suggested he was being watched in the past and turned his head. Rory was leaning up on an elbow staring at him with sleep glazed eyes.
"Morning," he said as he closed the book and tossed it and the pen onto the table. "Sleep okay?"
Rory found herself suddenly struck silent by the raspy quality of Jess' morning voice and the things it was making her feel. She only nodded in response to Jess' question.
If Jess noticed her reaction, he didn't say anything about it. "You feel like breakfast yet?" he asked, rising and moving toward the refrigerator. "I don't have a whole lot, but I can scramble eggs or make French toast."
"Whatever you feel like making," Rory said after a few attempts to find her voice.
It was then that Jess eyed her strangely. "You're oddly agreeable this morning. You sure you're all right?"
"Yeah, fine," Rory insisted weakly.
"Well, when you say it like that I have no choice but to believe you," Jess chuckled, leaning against the refrigerator.
Rory huffed and shifted uncomfortably under Jess' eyes. "Under the current circumstances, I am as 'all right' as I'm ever going to get."
"What circumstances?" Jess asked, raising his hands to push his shaggy hair off his forehead. The action caused the slightly threadbare t-shirt he was wearing to pull across his chest and tighten around his upper arms, his stomach bared to above his navel as the hem of his shirt rose. He left his hands clasped behind his neck when he completed the sweep through his hair, arching his back in an attempt to ease the stiffness that sleeping on the couch had left in his muscles. The waistband of his boxer shorts shifted when he did that, and his hipbones were easily definable under the smooth skin of his abdomen.
"THESE circumstances," Rory snapped, gesturing wildly in Jess' direction and averting her eyes. "You're over there in your underwear practically posing in front of me. How is that supposed to make me feel?"
"I am not posing!" Jess hissed, but his arms dropped quickly anyway. "And if you want to talk about feelings, what about how I feel with you sitting over there?" he growled, flinging a hand in her direction.
Rory's eyes widened. "I'm just sitting here!" she cried. "I'm not stretching all over the place, flexing muscles and showing off my stomach!"
"No, you're just sitting in my bed looking all rumpled and heavy-lidded and like you belong there!" Jess shouted back. "And let's talk about what you're wearing!"
Jess' first comment had caused Rory to slide quickly out of the bed, but his second made her wheel on him. "They're my pajamas!"
"Right, pajamas," Jess snorted, eyeing her up and down. He'd barely noticed them the night before, but now he was getting more than an eyeful. The so-called pajamas were a matching pale blue tank top and shorts sprinkled with little stars and moons. They would have looked ridiculously childish if they hadn't been clinging to her so closely, outlining the curves of her body. "Did they not have them in your size, or did you pick them up in the children's department?"
Rory took a couple of angry steps in Jess' direction. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Rory, come on! If the shirt were any tighter you'd have trouble breathing." It was his turn to stalk closer to her. "And those shorts? I hate to break it to you, but when you go over to pick out clothes for the day and bend or crouch or whatever to get into your suitcase, I'm gonna be able to see your ass. And if the air conditioner should happen to come on while your standing near it?" His gaze drifted down to her chest, and he arched an eyebrow before looking her in the face again.
If he were standing close enough, Rory would have slapped Jess. Since he was too far away, she balled her hands into fists and folded her arms securely over her chest. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes. "That was a horrible thing to say," she whispered.
"Yeah, it was," Jess admitted softly, scrubbing his hands over his face. "I'm sorry. I think I'm . . . I need to go outside for a minute." He snagged his jeans off of the back of the couch where he tossed them the night before and pulled them on. His hand groped blindly at the table where he'd put his keys, but they weren't what he was after. Instead, his fingers closed over the cool metal and plastic of a lighter, and he shoved it into his front pocket. Without another glance or word to Rory, he slipped out the door and down the stairs.
The door to the alley outside clicked loudly as it shut behind Jess, and Rory sighed, unwrapping her arms from around herself. She brushed away the single tear that had escaped and sank down on the edge of the bed. Things were starting to go exactly the way she feared that they might. Tense and uncomfortable, punctuated with occasional bouts of screaming. She needed to talk to someone.
Searching the apartment, Rory found the phone resting in its cradle on a corner of the small kitchen counter. Picking it up, she carried it back to the couch and dialed.
"Yellow?"
"Hi, Mom."
"Hi, daughter," Lorelai chirped. "You're alive!"
"Yep. Made it safe and sound," Rory said as sunnily as she could.
Lorelai sighed, "Nice to know one of us is. I tell ya, sweetie, the next time you run off to spend a week with an ex-boyfriend that no one liked, you're telling your grandma. She froze me out so fast last night I wished I'd brought my mittens."
Rory laughed thinly, "I'm sorry, but I don't think that'll be a problem in the future."
"Is something wrong?" Lorelai went into protective mother mode. "Did Jess try something last night? Rory, I told you I didn't think you should stay in his apartment . . ."
"Mom! Relax, Jess hasn't touched me," Rory said quickly. "It's just . . . he said some stuff, I said some stuff . . . well, more like yelled, but . . ."
"What kind of 'stuff?'" Lorelai wanted to know.
"Just stuff," Rory said, not wanting to tell her mother the content of her fight with Jess. That would really set Lorelai off. "I don't get it. We were fine last night. He took me to meet Jimmy and Sasha, Lily's great, and Jess and I were getting along. Then when we woke up this morning, and it got all weird."
"When you woke up?" Lorelai asked, amusement creeping into her voice. "That's interesting."
"Mom," Rory whined, "it's not interesting. It's frustrating."
"Exactly."
Rory became confused, even more that she was before she called her mother. "What?"
"You said it yourself, babe. It's frustrating." Lorelai heaved a sigh and addressed her daughter as calmly as she could. "As much as I don't want to believe it, Rory, you're still attracted to Jess. And it sounds like he might still be attracted to you, and you're snapping at each other because neither one of you wants to admit it. Seeing each other all sleepy and bed- heady . . . that's got to make you think of things you could do to make each other all sleepy and bed-heady."
"MOM!" Rory blushed hotly and was grateful that Jess hadn't come back inside yet.
"I'm not suggesting you do those things! Especially not with Jess. In fact, I'd prefer it if you waited to do those things with anyone until after I'm dead, but, as everyone has been pointing out to me with increasing frequency, whatever's between you and Jess isn't about what I want. It's about what you want." Lorelai was torn between crying and giggling, "And it sounds like you want Jess."
Rory was about to launch another protest, but Jess chose that moment to return to the apartment. She looked at him with wide eyes. "Well, okay, Mom. I just wanted to let you know that I got here okay. I'll call you again before I come home. Bye!" Rory could hear Lorelai sputtering in her ear, but she clicked off the phone anyway.
"You called Lorelai?" Jess asked. The scent of cigarette smoke wafted through the room as he moved toward the kitchenette.
"Yeah." Rory followed Jess and replaced the phone in its charging cradle. "Is that okay?"
"Fine," Jess said, turning around. He stopped up short and blinked rapidly a few times when he realized how close Rory was to him. "About before . . . I'm . . ."
Rory cut him off. "Don't apologize again. We're both tense and tired. We said some stuff we shouldn't have, but it's over. Forget about it."
Jess laughed, "Yeah, sure, forget about it until it happens again tomorrow."
"What makes you think it's going to happen again?" Rory asked with a nervous quaver in her voice.
"It's not like I want to get into screaming matches with you," Jess said, "but you scare me, Rory."
"I scare you?" Rory asked, not believing her ears. She reached out toward Jess, fingers brushing against his forearm. "How do I scare you?"
He jumped back from her touch like he'd been burned. "That. That right there. You touching me. That's scary."
"Why?" Rory's voice trembled again.
"Jeez, don't cry. I want you to touch me, I really do. It's scary because I want to touch you back."
"You can, you know." Rory tentatively moved closer to Jess.
"No, actually I didn't."
"Well, now you do."
He swallowed thickly and smiled softly. "You realize that if there were someone listening to us right now, this conversation would sound kind of dirty."
Rory blushed and laughed a little. "It probably would." She became serious again after a few moments, and she watched Jess watching her. He was still smiling gently, but his eyes were guarded and unsure. Biting her lip, Rory impulsively rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Jess' chest. He smelled familiar, like cigarette smoke, fabric softener, and hair gel. She pressed her cheek to his shoulder and tightened her grip on him.
Jess stood motionless as Rory pressed closer to him. He looked down at the top of her head and sighed with a mixture of trepidation and joy. Slowly, his arms came up and wrapped around her shoulders. Dropping his head, he let his cheek rest lightly on the crown of her head and relished in the feel of her in his arms again. He held her close for a few silent moments, and then reluctantly pushed her away gently.
Rory looked up at him, and the blush that hadn't quite left her cheeks deepened. "Um . . . I should probably shower and get dressed."
"You do that," Jess agreed, "and I'll scramble eggs. Okay?"
"Sure." Rory went back to the bed and her suitcase lying next to it. She fidgeted next to the case until Jess started to laugh.
"I won't watch you bend over," he told her. Turning, he yanked open the refrigerator and rifled around inside of it. He didn't straighten up until he heard the bathroom door close and the water start running. Then he bolted for the phone.
"Luke's."
"Help me!"
"Jess?"
"This is going to be a disaster, Luke!"
"What? Having Rory there?" Luke asked.
"Yes, having Rory here," Jess hissed. He gave a nervous glance toward the bathroom door. "I can't do this!"
Luke snorted, "Little late for that, isn't it?"
Jess started pacing the kitchen in small circles. "Luke, you're not here. You have no idea . . ."
"So, tell me," Luke said. "I can serve and listen. Kirk, duck." Kirk's startled yelp echoed over the phone.
"Luke, she's . . . she's here, and everybody loves her, and she's sleeping in my bed . . . God, she's sleeping in my bed in these little pajamas, and . . ."
"Jess, please tell my you aren't trying anything stupid I'm going to have come out there and beat you for," Luke interrupted sternly.
"NO!" Jess yelled, then looked sharply behind him as the water in the bathroom shut off. He dropped his voice before continuing. "I haven't done anything . . . well, maybe I let my shirt ride up to make her uncomfortable, but she was sitting in my bed wearing a tank top I could practically see through. I felt justified." He broke off to take a breath.
Luke thought Jess was done and was about to respond when the younger man rallied.
"And she keeps touching me!" Jess practically whimpered. "She keeps brushing at my hair and touching my arm. And now there's hugging!"
"I wish I could see your face right now," Luke laughed. "I've never seen you freak out."
The sound of a hairdryer whirring to life came from the bathroom, making Jess jump. He continued to talk but also hustled around the small space of the kitchen to make something that at least resembled breakfast. "Luke, this is not funny. She's hugging me, and it's meant to be friendly, I know it is, but when she's pressed up against me the last thing I'm thinking about is being her friend."
"Jess, you've got to relax. She just got there; you've got to get used to each other again. Let her dictate the physical stuff if it's making you nervous. Just figure that any way she touches you is okay for you to touch her. Rory's not going to let you do something she doesn't want you to do, and I think you have more control than you're giving yourself credit for. Just calm down and let things happen."
"That's what I'm worried about. Things happening," Jess grumbled.
Luke cleared his throat roughly. "Do you want things to happen?"
"No . . . I don't know . . . maybe."
"So, that's a yes, then?"
"No, it's a maybe." Jess would have said more, but the hairdryer shut off in the bathroom. "Luke, I gotta go."
"Okay. Jess, just remember to relax. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. You and Rory are adults; you're capable of handling this. And remember, you can call me anytime," Luke reminded his nephew.
"Yeah, I know," Jess sighed. "I really have to go. Rory's coming, and I've got slightly charred eggs on the stove."
"I don't even want to know you're doing," Luke laughed. "Bye, Jess."
"Bye," Jess said hurriedly and turned the phone off as the bathroom doorknob started to rattle. In one move, he replaced the phone and pulled a couple of plates out of the cabinet over the phone base. By the time Rory emerged brushed and dressed from the bathroom. Jess was standing next to the stove with two plates of sad looking scrambled eggs in his hands.
Rory gave him a tentative smile and took one of the plates. Looking around, she realized for the first time that there was no dining table in the apartment. Jess cracked a lopsided grin at her bewildered look and led her to the low coffee table in front of the couch. Sitting on the floor on one side of the table, Jess waved Rory to the other. When she sat across from him, he smiled again and dug into his plate. Rory watched him eat for a minute and then started on her own breakfast. Neither one of the them had said a word to each other since she had come out of the bathroom. They continued not to speak all through breakfast, choosing instead to let the unasked question of what exactly was happening between them to remain unasked for the time being.
********
The week passed quickly, the long and awkward first morning notwithstanding. That first full day, Saturday, Jess showed Rory around Venice, taking her to the bookstore and Jimmy's stand as well as the music shops he frequented and his own secret little hiding spots. Sunday was spent around Jimmy and Sasha's house. Lily and Rory shared Jess stories, much to his embarrassment. He retaliated later in the day by turning the hose on them while they whispered in the corner of the yard, which rapidly turned into an all out water fight that left the three of them in a giggling, gasping heap in the yard.
Monday morning Rory learned what Jess meant when he said that living over the body shop was a little loud. The sound of grinding metal jolted her awake so violently that she actually fell out of the bed. Jess laughed at her mercilessly only stopping when she looked as though she were about to cry. He rushed to her side, apologizing profusely and checking for bruises. He promised to do what ever she wanted that day, and that was when she burst into laughter of her own and informed him that she wanted to spend the day at the beach. He sputtered and tried to backpedal his way out of it, but Rory wouldn't have it. She forced him onto the sand and informed him that he would have a good time or die trying. That nearly came true when Jimmy joined them in the late afternoon and offered to teach them to surf. After ten minutes, Jess sucked in a lung-full of water and spent the rest of the day sulking on the sand while Rory made attempt after attempt to get up on the board, never succeeding but grinning from ear to ear the entire time anyway. She fell into a dead sleep early that night, and it was only then that Jess admitted to her that he'd had fun that day.
Jess borrowed another car, from Lee this time, on Tuesday and drove Rory into L.A. so that she could shop and play annoying tourist. He grudgingly took her picture with her hands in Marilyn's handprints. She begged until he drove her through Bel-Air and along Rodeo Drive where he laughed at her insistence that she'd seen Catherine Zeta-Jones shopping. They drove silently through the hills and along the coast, radio off and windows open. Rory reached over then and placed her hand over Jess' on the gearshift, tracing the muscles and bones in his wrist as he shifted through the curves in the road. She didn't pull away until they reached the city again and needed to return the car. Taking a cue from Luke's advice earlier in the week, Jess reached out while they were walking back to the apartment and twined his fingers with Rory's. They stayed in that night, curling up on opposite ends of the couch with books Hours later, Jess looked up from his book to realize that Rory had crept across the couch and was leaning against his shoulder. When she noticed that she had his attention she slipped a hand through his hair, kissed him on the cheek, and then disappeared into the bathroom. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, and Rory remained awake long after him, just watching him sleep from across the room.
Rory followed Jess to work a shift at the bookstore on Wednesday. She wandered the shelves and dark corners of the store while Jess was at the counter. Sasha and Lily came to take her to lunch, and the three of them shopped and laughed along the boardwalk during the afternoon. It was on that day that Rory realized that Jess' assertion that she and Lily were alike was true. Rory saw so much of herself, and of Jess, in the little girl that it brought unbidden thoughts of what it would be like to have children with Jess. The thoughts scared her so much that she was unnaturally silent that night, and Jess became concerned though he didn't say anything.
That concern lingered into Thursday night while he and Rory watched Lily.
**********
Jess set the last plate to dry in the rack and turned back around to face the table. Lily and Rory were sitting, heads bent together, reading a copy of 'Dubliners' that Lily had found in Jimmy's office. They were discussing each of the short stories as they finished them, and Jess had been offering comments from where he was standing at the sink. Now that he was finished, he moved to join them at the table. Wrapping up a discussion on the meaning of light in 'Araby' that Lily was really getting into, Jess nudged the little girl's shoulder.
"Hey, you. I know you're having fun," Jess said, "but your mom'll kick both our butts if your room isn't clean by the time she gets home."
"Jess," Lily whined, dragging his name out to three syllables.
He held up his hands, "Sorry, Lil, but I don't make the rules. I just vaguely enforce them."
"But this is Rory's last night here," Lily said petulantly. "It's the last time I'll get to see her before she goes home."
Rory smiled at Lily and laid a hand on hers. "I don't leave until the afternoon. What if Jess and I come back over in the morning, and we can spend a little more time together then?"
Lily looked back and forth between Jess and Rory. "You'll do that?"
"Sure," Jess nodded. "But that means you have to go clean now."
"Okay," Lily sighed, but she got up and disappeared to her room without anymore complaining.
"Thanks for that," Jess said, turning back to Rory after Lily was gone. "I tend to cave when she pouts."
"Luke was the same way when I was little," Rory said without thinking. Seconds later, she replayed the comment in her head and felt herself go pale when it made her think about watching Lily yesterday and wondering what it would be like if she and Jess . . . well, that was a thought she wasn't going to finish again.
Jess noticed the change in Rory's body language, the way she stiffened up and her smile faltered, and decided that it was time to call her on it. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing's the matter," Rory said, looking over at Jess with wide eyes. "What makes you think something's the matter?"
"You just look like something is bothering you. You're all stiff, and you look like you're gonna pass out," he said. "You have since last night."
"I have not," she protested. "I'm fine."
"I'm not blind Rory. Something is going on. We've been having a good time this week, not counting that first morning, but now you're all jumpy. I'd blame it on caffeine, but it's you, so . . ."
She pushed away from the table, going to the refrigerator and looking over the snapshots and drawings she'd already seen at least three times during the past week. "It's nothing, Jess."
"Bullshit," he snapped, swinging his feet up onto her empty chair. "Just tell me. If it's something I did or didn't do, I think I deserve to know. Yell at me again if you have to, just stop with this stiff silent thing you've got going on."
Rory spun around and glared at Jess. "You want to know? Fine. You were right. Happy now?"
His brow furrowed in confusion. "You're freaking out because I was right about something? That's . . . really weird. What could I possibly have been right about that's got you this uptight? It's not like I've been foretelling the end of the world or Republican re-election all week."
"You were right about Lily," Rory said softly, crossing her arms and leaning back against the refrigerator door. "She is just like you . . . and like me."
Jess shrugged, "Still not seeing the problem."
"Lily is like parts of your personality and parts of my personality all balled up into this other person, and it sort of made me think about what it would be like if you and I . . . if we were . . . if we had . . ."
Realization spread slowly across Jess' features. His feet dropped loudly back to the floor, and he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "Oh," he breathed. "Okay, then." He looked up at her, "Had you ever thought about that before?"
"Maybe once or twice," Rory admitted. She crossed her arms tighter, fingers twisting into the sides of her shirt to stop herself from reaching out and brushing the hair out of Jess' eyes. The silence of the room became oppressive as she stood there watching the top of his head. "Say something," she pleaded.
"I'm thinking," he mumbled more to himself that to her. Jess pushed to his feet but stayed next to the table. "Why?" he asked eventually.
Rory sighed and turned her head to avoid his searching eyes. "It's just a thing that some girls think about. You know, when they're in love."
Jess' breath shuddered a little. "Uh-huh. So, that would explain why you might have thought about it before . . . when you might have been in love with me. But you're still thinking about it now."
The unaskable question, the one they'd been skirting all week, could no longer be ignored. Taking a deep breath and gathering his courage, Jess moved to stand in front of Rory. She twisted to keep avoiding his gaze, but he just shifted with her until she had no choice but to look at him. His dark stare bored into her light eyes, and he saw her shiver. Jess stepped closer to her, only a few inches separating them. He placed a hand flat on the door next to her shoulder. Rory made a soft noise in her throat as he leaned closer still.
"If you're still thinking about it now," Jess whispered, "does that mean you still might be in love with me?"
Her hand shaking, Rory reached up and smoothed the hair out of his eyes, tucking it behind his ear, and leaving her palm pressed to his cheek. "I might be," she whispered back.
Jess nodded slowly, and brought his other hand up to rest against the cool metal of the refrigerator door on Rory's other side. He leaned forward, brushing his lips against her cheek. Rory whimpered in the back of her throat again as her hand slipped from Jess' cheek to rest against his chest. His heart beat frantically under her palm. Her head turned to chase his mouth as it brushed over her cheek again, but just as their lips were about to meet, a loud crash and a shriek came from Lily's bedroom.
Rory's head jerked back, and Jess' swung wildly in the direction of the doorway. "What was that?" Rory asked breathlessly.
"Lily," Jess said, voice full of concern. He backed away from Rory and the refrigerator, preparing to rush to Lily's room when the girl screamed again. This time it was clear what she was crying about. Jess groaned and shoved his hands through his hair. He gave Rory an apologetic look and took off in Lily's direction, much slower than he had just been prepared to go.
Rory shook herself and followed Jess a few moments later. She caught up with him just as he was about to push open Lily's bedroom door. Lily shrieked again, and Rory winced at how loud it was now that they were just outside the door.
Looking at Rory again, seeing her eyes bright and swirling with emotion, Jess sighed over the lost moment in the kitchen. Lily's continued screaming brought his attention back to the task at hand. "This better be a damn big spider."
**********
It was close to nine o'clock when Jess and Rory were finally able to walk back to his apartment in the dusk of the late summer night. What Lily had been proclaiming a 'giant mutant spider' had, in actuality, been the size of a nickel. Still, her arachnophobia ran deep, as it does in many young girls, and she'd been adamant that Jess stay with her while she finished straightening up her room. Rory had joined them only because she was at a loss as to what else to do. Sasha had come in later than usual, Jimmy in tow. The two of them had kept Jess and Rory busy with questions about Rory's departure and what time they were planning on returning to the house in the morning for proper good-byes. This string of interruptions had kept the younger couple from saying even one word to each other about what had almost transpired in the kitchen, and they were both tense and expectant as they walked the short distance to Jess' home in the cooling evening air.
Jess pushed open the apartment door and let Rory go through first. She moved to the side and remained pressed to the wall near the light switch. He continued into the room without noticing that she was staying against the wall. Jess dropped his keys in their customary place on the side table and dropped onto the corner of the couch at the same time. His head fell against the back of the couch, and he sighed heavily.
"So, that's Thursdays with Lily. For someone who has whole passages of 'Charlotte's Web' memorized, she really panics around spiders. I've never seen her that bad before," Jess said.
Rory hummed in agreement but stayed near the door.
Jess looked up when he heard how far away Rory's response was. "What are you doing way over there?" he asked when he noticed her stationed near the door. "Is the wall in eminent danger of falling down, and you have to hold it up?"
"No," Rory said softly, a giggle slipping out after her response.
He grinned at her. "Then why are you trying to become one with the wall?"
She just shrugged. "I like it over here."
"Because it's such a comfy spot." Jess regarded her silently for a few long moments. She was slouching slightly, and her arms were folded across her stomach, hands balled up in tight fists. "You're freaked out about earlier, in the kitchen," he concluded.
"Shouldn't I be?" Rory asked. "I mean, I said . . . I practically admitted that I . . ."
"I was there," Jess reminded her. "I remember what you said."
"Right," Rory nodded, "so you can understand why I might be a little bit embarrassed about it, and about what almost happened after it."
Jess got to his feet. "Why? There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Rory. It was a moment, you and I both felt it, and it happened." He watched her continue to fidget uncomfortably. "Jeez, just come over here, would you?"
Rory moved marginally away from the wall but stopped half way to Jess. "Why?" she suddenly asked skeptically.
He rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to bite you. Just come over here and hug me, so I can prove to you that what happened earlier doesn't have to change anything and that there's nothing to be embarrassed about."
She shyly shuffled closer to him until she was near enough for him to reach her. He then stopped waiting for her to come to him and pulled her into his arms. Jess enfolded Rory, one hand on the small of her back and the other between her shoulder blades, pulling her to his chest. Her head tucked under his chin, and she carefully brought her arms up around his ribcage.
"See," Jess told her, "just a hug. Nothing has to be different."
"What if I want it to be different?" Rory asked softly. She felt Jess' arms stiffen slightly. Taking a deep breath, she kissed the hollow of his throat. Her lips trailed up his neck to his ear. "Jess," she whispered in his ear, "can it be different?"
Jess' hand moved up from her shoulders to cup the back of her head. He stroked her hair gently, but took a step back form her. Looking at her face, Jess exhaled strongly. His fingers left off stroking her hair and traced the curve of her ear, across her cheek, over her lips and down the side of her neck until he met the collar of her shirt. His fingers lingered on her collar bone. "Are you sure?" he breathed, afraid to speak louder in case the moment should be lost again.
Rory licked her lips and looked into Jess' eyes. "I'm sure."
He nodded once and slowly leaned into her, finishing what they'd started hours ago in Jimmy and Sasha's kitchen. Her mouth was still as soft as he remembered. She still tasted like coffee. Her fingers still curled into his hair, and his hands still fit perfectly on the curves of her hips. The next thing outside of the feel of Rory's mouth and hands that Jess registered was the couch pressing against the backs of his legs. Grasping Rory firmly around her waist, he sat back, pulling Rory down with him. The action caused their teeth to clink together. He pulled back from Rory and looked up at her flushed face.
"Should we really be doing this?" he asked, tucking her hair behind her ears.
"I don't know," she whispered. "Don't stop."
Her mouth descended on his again, effectively stifling his protests. She kissed him roughly, like she meant to mark him and make sure he wouldn't forget her. Delicate fingers curved roughly into the curls behind his ears, scratched down his neck and sides, and tugged his shirt up to reveal his stomach. When Rory's cold hands splayed across his bare chest under his shirt, Jess jerked away again.
"Rory, are you sure you want to do this?"
She blushed but didn't move off of him. "I wanted to do this a long time ago. You just kept asking in the wrong places."
Jess' breathing sped, but he tried to keep Rory from noticing. "That was then. Is this what you want now? What you really want?"
"It's what I want," Rory affirmed in a soft voice. "I want you, Jess."
His breath shuddered in his chest, and Jess knew Rory noticed that time. He reached up and tangled one of his hands in her hair, the other setting against her hip. "Come 'ere," he whispered, urging her down to his lips again. Rory sighed against his mouth and melted into him.
The last thing either of them remembered of the fading evening was the setting sun filling the room with a soft orange light as Jess tumbled Rory to the bed, and then the world narrowed to the two of them. Nothing else mattered.
*********
Jess lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. The sun had gone down and the street lights outside were starting to flicker on and bathe the room in a eerie acid yellow glow. Rory was curled on her side next to him using his outstretched left arm as a pillow. That was the only contact between the two of them; her cheek on his upper arm. She had her knees pulled up, and her arms were wrapped around her chest. Jess' other arm was free, but he hadn't made any move to touch her. She didn't seem like she'd accept that right now. He wasn't sure why.
The sensation of something wet slipping down his arm caused him to turn his head. Rory's eyes were closed, but her eyelashes were damp. As he watched, a tear slid from her closed eye. The angle of her head caused it to roll across her lips, and she licked it away.
"Rory?" he asked quietly. "Are you okay?"
"No," she whispered without opening her eyes.
Jess' breath hitched in his chest. "Did I hurt you?"
"No," she whispered again, but this time she opened her eyes and looked up through her wet lashes at him. She looked at him for a moment in the sallow light and then rolled away, dragging the blanket with her to wrap herself in.
Jess sat up, sheet pooling in his lap, and silently watched her cross the room until she came to a stop at the window. She rested her forehead against the glass, tilting slightly to try to see the beach.
"We shouldn't have done that," she said eventually.
"I thought you wanted to," he returned. He'd given her at least a dozen opportunities to say no, to change her mind, but she'd only urged him forward.
"I did." She turned from the window to face him and managed a faint smile. "I don't want you to think I didn't like it, 'cause I did. I mean, you told me once that you were good, and I mostly passed that off as hyperbole, but it wasn't. It was really very . . . really." She blushed and looked down at her feet.
He smiled softly back at her for a moment as he stood and pulled his boxer shorts back on. "Then what's wrong?" he asked seriously, crossing the room to stand near her.
"It doesn't change anything. We can pretend it changes things, and it does to a point, but not enough," she sighed. "I'm still going home tomorrow, you're staying here, and there's still no way you and I will work with so much distance between us."
Jess nodded in reluctant agreement. He knew she was right. An entire continent was too much to overcome, especially with their past. "So, what, then?"
Rory turned back to the window. "I'm not sure. I think I need some time."
"Now, or when you get home?" he asked, confused. "You aren't going to hide in the bathroom until morning, are you?"
"Jess, I think that after I get back home, we shouldn't talk for a while." Rory reached out and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. "Not forever," she said quickly. "I just need to figure out some things."
He took a deep breath, stung by her words but not about to let her know that. "If that's what you need," he told her instead, extracting his hand from hers and stepping closer to her. He touched her hip lightly, and when she didn't pull away, he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. "But you're not home yet," he whispered, burying his head against her neck and breathing her in.
Rory wrapped one of her arms over his and leaned against him, the other hand reaching up to tangle in his hair. "Not quite," she whispered back.
"I wish things really were different," Jess mumbled against her neck.
Rory didn't respond. She just curled her fingers tighter in his hair and watched a stray cat prowl down the shadowy alley. It wouldn't do any good for her to tell him what she was thinking at that moment anyway. She was fairly sure he already knew.
**********
The next morning, Rory woke up early, smiling in her early morning haze at the arm across her hip and the smooth chest under her cheek before it came rushing back to her. She'd allowed Jess to lead her away from the window and back to bed the night before. His hands and lips had started to roam her body again but stopped abruptly when she'd started to cry once more. Then he'd pulled her close, hands smoothing over her back, and whispered soothing nonsense into her hair. Rory had allowed herself to be comforted by those words and the warmth of his body pressed to hers. She'd felt safe then, and had almost broken down and told Jess that she loved him, especially when she thought she heard him whisper those words to her. But she'd decided against that, feeling that it would only make things more complicated if he thought that she had heard him and returned his feelings.
Now, in the quiet morning, she almost regretted not telling him. Almost. Her heart was screaming for her wake Jess and tell him, but she sided with her head and pulled away from him instead. Moving slowly so as not to wake him, Rory crept into the bathroom to shower. When she was finished, she opened the bathroom door to find Jess making coffee. There was a stack of toast on a plate on the counter, and he nodded his head toward it when he saw her but didn't say a word.
In fact, neither one of them spoke to each other at all. They moved around the apartment silently, communicating only by gestures and uneasy sighs. They brushed against each other a few times as Jess got ready for the day and Rory packed up her belongings, but they still remained resolutely silent, not sure what to say or how to say it.
Jess put Rory's suitcase into the trunk of the car he once again borrowed from his boss, and the two of them drove in awkward silence to Jimmy's house. The atmosphere there continued to be subdued, the exuberance of the week's earlier visits tainted by the fact that Rory was leaving in a few hours to return to Connecticut. Lily insisted on taking Rory out to the yard to say good-bye to each of the dogs individually, and when the door had shut behind the pair of girls, Jimmy tugged Jess into the kitchen.
"What the hell is the matter with you two?" the older man demanded.
"I don't want to talk about it," Jess shrugged.
"Tough," Jimmy hissed. "You're going to tell me, or I'll get Sasha to drag it out of you."
Jess warily eyed the woman in the living room and relented. "Something happened between Rory and me last night, and she's confused and there's nothing I can do about it."
"Something happened?" Jimmy asked incredulously. "That's all you're going to say?" He stared hard at Jess, who only raised an eyebrow. But that was enough, and Jimmy caught on. "Okay, so that's all you need to say."
"Thank you," Jess snapped. "She's avoiding me the best she can, and everything I can think of to say seems like the wrong thing, so neither of us is saying anything."
"That's your solution?" Jimmy asked. "It's confusing, so we won't deal with it?"
Jess shrugged. "It's going to have to work for now. She doesn't want to talk about it; she made that clear last night. And I've fucked with her head and her heart enough, so she gets her way this time. I at least owe her that, to do to me what I've done to her . . . to shut me out until she's ready."
Any response Jimmy might have made was truncated by Rory and Lily's return to the house. Rory gave an odd look at the close conference Jess and Jimmy seemed to be having but didn't say anything about it. However, she did pointedly look at the clock and then at Jess.
"We should probably get going," he said to the room in general.
His words caused Lily to burst into tears. "Rory, I don't want you to go," she sobbed, throwing her arms around Rory.
Rory teared up and hugged Lily back. "Don't cry," she said hoarsely. "We'll still talk, and you can write me letters. I love getting mail at school," she said with a small smile. "And maybe someday I can come visit again." She looked over at Jess as she said that, but he was turned away from her.
Lily cried harder, "I'm going to miss you so much." She clutched at Rory harder, until Sasha came into the room and gently drew her away.
"I'm going to miss you too, Lily," Rory said, bushing some of the tears off the girl's face. Lily was hiccuping now with the force of her sobs, and Rory turned apologetic eyes to Sasha. The older woman smiled gently and pulled Rory into a one armed embrace.
"She'll be okay," Sasha whispered into Rory's ear. "I hope you had a good visit."
"I did," Rory stammered, still fighting back tears. "Thank you for everything." She stepped away from Sasha and addressed Jimmy. "I mean that. I can't thank you enough for giving me the opportunity to come out here."
Jimmy shook his head. "It was my pleasure," he said, reaching out and shaking Rory's hand. "I hope this isn't the last time we see each other."
"Me too," Rory nodded, but she was again looking at Jess. This time she caught his eye, but his expression was unreadable. She knew their silence today had everything to do with what she'd told him last night about holding off on their phone calls, but she wished he would at least give her a sign that the calls would be welcome again once she'd had time to think.
Jess only cleared his throat. "We really have to go. Friday traffic's gonna be murder."
Rory nodded, bid everyone one last good-bye, and followed Jess back to the car. They rode in continued silence all the way to the airport. Jess waited patiently while Rory checked in and checked her bag. Without asking her if she wanted him to, he followed her to the security gate. At that point, Rory turned to him, looking like she wanted to say something, but she set her jaw at the last minute and proceeded to the gate. It was then that Jess had had enough.
"Rory!" he called out, waiting for her to turn around. "I'm not sorry this time!"
She managed a small watery smile and raised a hand in a final wave. "Me either!" she called back just before the crowd swallowed her up. She let herself be carried along, moving blindly on automatic until she was settled into her seat some time later. It was only then that she allowed herself to cry.
********
While Rory was breaking down on the plane, Jess was wandering aimlessly along the boardwalk in an attempt to avoid going home. However, he eventually ran out of places to go and had no choice but to return to his apartment . . . the scene of his latest crime the dark part of his brain kept chanting. The place where he'd finally taken the last of Rory's innocence and probably once again ruined any relationship that they had built up.
Jess kicked the door shut behind him with a bang, and the wood of the frame cracked with the force. He sighed as he regarded the damage, but found it was repairable. It was likely the only thing that had happened that day that was something that could be fixed. Jess scuffed across the room and flopped back onto the bed. The lingering smell of Rory's shampoo, of just simply Rory, wafted up from the pillow. He wanted to die.
**********
Author's Notes the Second: So, that was chapter twelve. It took longer than I expected to get up, but it just kept getting longer and longer. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. I've only got vague ideas of where I want it to go(before anyone asks or suggests, Jess isn't going back to Stars Hollow yet; that much I do know). But be patient, let me know what you think of the story so far, and the next chapter will come eventually.
Okay, now that we're all caught up, this chapter is kind of long. I toyed with the idea of breaking it up, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. So consider the extra length my holiday gift to all of you; I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I own nothing other than the plot and a few original characters. All events through the end of Season 3 have occurred, but the only thing I'm borrowing from Season 4 is Rory's haircut. Any other similarities are purely coincidence. Chapter titles come from various Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers songs. I do not own those either.
**********
Chapter Twelve: How Could I Get So Close To You
Rory woke the next morning with a jolt of momentary panic, forgetting briefly where she was. The double bed was bigger than she was used to, the sheets smelling of a different laundry detergent. There was no lingering smell of strong coffee in the air, no clucking chickens or mooing cows echoing from upstairs. There was a faint rustling of pages, a foreign sound in the early morning Gilmore household, and that was what brought everything rushing back to Rory. She wasn't at home in Stars Hollow; she was in California. She wasn't waking up to her mother banging around the kitchen; she was waking up to Jess . . . doing something.
Pushing the covers off of her head, Rory looked across the room at Jess. He was sitting in the far corner of the couch, blanket wrapped around him, reading. His hair was tousled and looked like it couldn't decide if it wanted to stick up or fall into his eyes. There was a look of concentration on his face that Rory remembered from watching him read behind the diner counter, and she couldn't help but smile as he reached for a pen on the low coffee table in front of the couch to scribble something in the margin of the book. No matter what else, some things didn't change.
Jess felt the prickling sensation behind his ears that had always suggested he was being watched in the past and turned his head. Rory was leaning up on an elbow staring at him with sleep glazed eyes.
"Morning," he said as he closed the book and tossed it and the pen onto the table. "Sleep okay?"
Rory found herself suddenly struck silent by the raspy quality of Jess' morning voice and the things it was making her feel. She only nodded in response to Jess' question.
If Jess noticed her reaction, he didn't say anything about it. "You feel like breakfast yet?" he asked, rising and moving toward the refrigerator. "I don't have a whole lot, but I can scramble eggs or make French toast."
"Whatever you feel like making," Rory said after a few attempts to find her voice.
It was then that Jess eyed her strangely. "You're oddly agreeable this morning. You sure you're all right?"
"Yeah, fine," Rory insisted weakly.
"Well, when you say it like that I have no choice but to believe you," Jess chuckled, leaning against the refrigerator.
Rory huffed and shifted uncomfortably under Jess' eyes. "Under the current circumstances, I am as 'all right' as I'm ever going to get."
"What circumstances?" Jess asked, raising his hands to push his shaggy hair off his forehead. The action caused the slightly threadbare t-shirt he was wearing to pull across his chest and tighten around his upper arms, his stomach bared to above his navel as the hem of his shirt rose. He left his hands clasped behind his neck when he completed the sweep through his hair, arching his back in an attempt to ease the stiffness that sleeping on the couch had left in his muscles. The waistband of his boxer shorts shifted when he did that, and his hipbones were easily definable under the smooth skin of his abdomen.
"THESE circumstances," Rory snapped, gesturing wildly in Jess' direction and averting her eyes. "You're over there in your underwear practically posing in front of me. How is that supposed to make me feel?"
"I am not posing!" Jess hissed, but his arms dropped quickly anyway. "And if you want to talk about feelings, what about how I feel with you sitting over there?" he growled, flinging a hand in her direction.
Rory's eyes widened. "I'm just sitting here!" she cried. "I'm not stretching all over the place, flexing muscles and showing off my stomach!"
"No, you're just sitting in my bed looking all rumpled and heavy-lidded and like you belong there!" Jess shouted back. "And let's talk about what you're wearing!"
Jess' first comment had caused Rory to slide quickly out of the bed, but his second made her wheel on him. "They're my pajamas!"
"Right, pajamas," Jess snorted, eyeing her up and down. He'd barely noticed them the night before, but now he was getting more than an eyeful. The so-called pajamas were a matching pale blue tank top and shorts sprinkled with little stars and moons. They would have looked ridiculously childish if they hadn't been clinging to her so closely, outlining the curves of her body. "Did they not have them in your size, or did you pick them up in the children's department?"
Rory took a couple of angry steps in Jess' direction. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Rory, come on! If the shirt were any tighter you'd have trouble breathing." It was his turn to stalk closer to her. "And those shorts? I hate to break it to you, but when you go over to pick out clothes for the day and bend or crouch or whatever to get into your suitcase, I'm gonna be able to see your ass. And if the air conditioner should happen to come on while your standing near it?" His gaze drifted down to her chest, and he arched an eyebrow before looking her in the face again.
If he were standing close enough, Rory would have slapped Jess. Since he was too far away, she balled her hands into fists and folded her arms securely over her chest. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes. "That was a horrible thing to say," she whispered.
"Yeah, it was," Jess admitted softly, scrubbing his hands over his face. "I'm sorry. I think I'm . . . I need to go outside for a minute." He snagged his jeans off of the back of the couch where he tossed them the night before and pulled them on. His hand groped blindly at the table where he'd put his keys, but they weren't what he was after. Instead, his fingers closed over the cool metal and plastic of a lighter, and he shoved it into his front pocket. Without another glance or word to Rory, he slipped out the door and down the stairs.
The door to the alley outside clicked loudly as it shut behind Jess, and Rory sighed, unwrapping her arms from around herself. She brushed away the single tear that had escaped and sank down on the edge of the bed. Things were starting to go exactly the way she feared that they might. Tense and uncomfortable, punctuated with occasional bouts of screaming. She needed to talk to someone.
Searching the apartment, Rory found the phone resting in its cradle on a corner of the small kitchen counter. Picking it up, she carried it back to the couch and dialed.
"Yellow?"
"Hi, Mom."
"Hi, daughter," Lorelai chirped. "You're alive!"
"Yep. Made it safe and sound," Rory said as sunnily as she could.
Lorelai sighed, "Nice to know one of us is. I tell ya, sweetie, the next time you run off to spend a week with an ex-boyfriend that no one liked, you're telling your grandma. She froze me out so fast last night I wished I'd brought my mittens."
Rory laughed thinly, "I'm sorry, but I don't think that'll be a problem in the future."
"Is something wrong?" Lorelai went into protective mother mode. "Did Jess try something last night? Rory, I told you I didn't think you should stay in his apartment . . ."
"Mom! Relax, Jess hasn't touched me," Rory said quickly. "It's just . . . he said some stuff, I said some stuff . . . well, more like yelled, but . . ."
"What kind of 'stuff?'" Lorelai wanted to know.
"Just stuff," Rory said, not wanting to tell her mother the content of her fight with Jess. That would really set Lorelai off. "I don't get it. We were fine last night. He took me to meet Jimmy and Sasha, Lily's great, and Jess and I were getting along. Then when we woke up this morning, and it got all weird."
"When you woke up?" Lorelai asked, amusement creeping into her voice. "That's interesting."
"Mom," Rory whined, "it's not interesting. It's frustrating."
"Exactly."
Rory became confused, even more that she was before she called her mother. "What?"
"You said it yourself, babe. It's frustrating." Lorelai heaved a sigh and addressed her daughter as calmly as she could. "As much as I don't want to believe it, Rory, you're still attracted to Jess. And it sounds like he might still be attracted to you, and you're snapping at each other because neither one of you wants to admit it. Seeing each other all sleepy and bed- heady . . . that's got to make you think of things you could do to make each other all sleepy and bed-heady."
"MOM!" Rory blushed hotly and was grateful that Jess hadn't come back inside yet.
"I'm not suggesting you do those things! Especially not with Jess. In fact, I'd prefer it if you waited to do those things with anyone until after I'm dead, but, as everyone has been pointing out to me with increasing frequency, whatever's between you and Jess isn't about what I want. It's about what you want." Lorelai was torn between crying and giggling, "And it sounds like you want Jess."
Rory was about to launch another protest, but Jess chose that moment to return to the apartment. She looked at him with wide eyes. "Well, okay, Mom. I just wanted to let you know that I got here okay. I'll call you again before I come home. Bye!" Rory could hear Lorelai sputtering in her ear, but she clicked off the phone anyway.
"You called Lorelai?" Jess asked. The scent of cigarette smoke wafted through the room as he moved toward the kitchenette.
"Yeah." Rory followed Jess and replaced the phone in its charging cradle. "Is that okay?"
"Fine," Jess said, turning around. He stopped up short and blinked rapidly a few times when he realized how close Rory was to him. "About before . . . I'm . . ."
Rory cut him off. "Don't apologize again. We're both tense and tired. We said some stuff we shouldn't have, but it's over. Forget about it."
Jess laughed, "Yeah, sure, forget about it until it happens again tomorrow."
"What makes you think it's going to happen again?" Rory asked with a nervous quaver in her voice.
"It's not like I want to get into screaming matches with you," Jess said, "but you scare me, Rory."
"I scare you?" Rory asked, not believing her ears. She reached out toward Jess, fingers brushing against his forearm. "How do I scare you?"
He jumped back from her touch like he'd been burned. "That. That right there. You touching me. That's scary."
"Why?" Rory's voice trembled again.
"Jeez, don't cry. I want you to touch me, I really do. It's scary because I want to touch you back."
"You can, you know." Rory tentatively moved closer to Jess.
"No, actually I didn't."
"Well, now you do."
He swallowed thickly and smiled softly. "You realize that if there were someone listening to us right now, this conversation would sound kind of dirty."
Rory blushed and laughed a little. "It probably would." She became serious again after a few moments, and she watched Jess watching her. He was still smiling gently, but his eyes were guarded and unsure. Biting her lip, Rory impulsively rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Jess' chest. He smelled familiar, like cigarette smoke, fabric softener, and hair gel. She pressed her cheek to his shoulder and tightened her grip on him.
Jess stood motionless as Rory pressed closer to him. He looked down at the top of her head and sighed with a mixture of trepidation and joy. Slowly, his arms came up and wrapped around her shoulders. Dropping his head, he let his cheek rest lightly on the crown of her head and relished in the feel of her in his arms again. He held her close for a few silent moments, and then reluctantly pushed her away gently.
Rory looked up at him, and the blush that hadn't quite left her cheeks deepened. "Um . . . I should probably shower and get dressed."
"You do that," Jess agreed, "and I'll scramble eggs. Okay?"
"Sure." Rory went back to the bed and her suitcase lying next to it. She fidgeted next to the case until Jess started to laugh.
"I won't watch you bend over," he told her. Turning, he yanked open the refrigerator and rifled around inside of it. He didn't straighten up until he heard the bathroom door close and the water start running. Then he bolted for the phone.
"Luke's."
"Help me!"
"Jess?"
"This is going to be a disaster, Luke!"
"What? Having Rory there?" Luke asked.
"Yes, having Rory here," Jess hissed. He gave a nervous glance toward the bathroom door. "I can't do this!"
Luke snorted, "Little late for that, isn't it?"
Jess started pacing the kitchen in small circles. "Luke, you're not here. You have no idea . . ."
"So, tell me," Luke said. "I can serve and listen. Kirk, duck." Kirk's startled yelp echoed over the phone.
"Luke, she's . . . she's here, and everybody loves her, and she's sleeping in my bed . . . God, she's sleeping in my bed in these little pajamas, and . . ."
"Jess, please tell my you aren't trying anything stupid I'm going to have come out there and beat you for," Luke interrupted sternly.
"NO!" Jess yelled, then looked sharply behind him as the water in the bathroom shut off. He dropped his voice before continuing. "I haven't done anything . . . well, maybe I let my shirt ride up to make her uncomfortable, but she was sitting in my bed wearing a tank top I could practically see through. I felt justified." He broke off to take a breath.
Luke thought Jess was done and was about to respond when the younger man rallied.
"And she keeps touching me!" Jess practically whimpered. "She keeps brushing at my hair and touching my arm. And now there's hugging!"
"I wish I could see your face right now," Luke laughed. "I've never seen you freak out."
The sound of a hairdryer whirring to life came from the bathroom, making Jess jump. He continued to talk but also hustled around the small space of the kitchen to make something that at least resembled breakfast. "Luke, this is not funny. She's hugging me, and it's meant to be friendly, I know it is, but when she's pressed up against me the last thing I'm thinking about is being her friend."
"Jess, you've got to relax. She just got there; you've got to get used to each other again. Let her dictate the physical stuff if it's making you nervous. Just figure that any way she touches you is okay for you to touch her. Rory's not going to let you do something she doesn't want you to do, and I think you have more control than you're giving yourself credit for. Just calm down and let things happen."
"That's what I'm worried about. Things happening," Jess grumbled.
Luke cleared his throat roughly. "Do you want things to happen?"
"No . . . I don't know . . . maybe."
"So, that's a yes, then?"
"No, it's a maybe." Jess would have said more, but the hairdryer shut off in the bathroom. "Luke, I gotta go."
"Okay. Jess, just remember to relax. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. You and Rory are adults; you're capable of handling this. And remember, you can call me anytime," Luke reminded his nephew.
"Yeah, I know," Jess sighed. "I really have to go. Rory's coming, and I've got slightly charred eggs on the stove."
"I don't even want to know you're doing," Luke laughed. "Bye, Jess."
"Bye," Jess said hurriedly and turned the phone off as the bathroom doorknob started to rattle. In one move, he replaced the phone and pulled a couple of plates out of the cabinet over the phone base. By the time Rory emerged brushed and dressed from the bathroom. Jess was standing next to the stove with two plates of sad looking scrambled eggs in his hands.
Rory gave him a tentative smile and took one of the plates. Looking around, she realized for the first time that there was no dining table in the apartment. Jess cracked a lopsided grin at her bewildered look and led her to the low coffee table in front of the couch. Sitting on the floor on one side of the table, Jess waved Rory to the other. When she sat across from him, he smiled again and dug into his plate. Rory watched him eat for a minute and then started on her own breakfast. Neither one of the them had said a word to each other since she had come out of the bathroom. They continued not to speak all through breakfast, choosing instead to let the unasked question of what exactly was happening between them to remain unasked for the time being.
********
The week passed quickly, the long and awkward first morning notwithstanding. That first full day, Saturday, Jess showed Rory around Venice, taking her to the bookstore and Jimmy's stand as well as the music shops he frequented and his own secret little hiding spots. Sunday was spent around Jimmy and Sasha's house. Lily and Rory shared Jess stories, much to his embarrassment. He retaliated later in the day by turning the hose on them while they whispered in the corner of the yard, which rapidly turned into an all out water fight that left the three of them in a giggling, gasping heap in the yard.
Monday morning Rory learned what Jess meant when he said that living over the body shop was a little loud. The sound of grinding metal jolted her awake so violently that she actually fell out of the bed. Jess laughed at her mercilessly only stopping when she looked as though she were about to cry. He rushed to her side, apologizing profusely and checking for bruises. He promised to do what ever she wanted that day, and that was when she burst into laughter of her own and informed him that she wanted to spend the day at the beach. He sputtered and tried to backpedal his way out of it, but Rory wouldn't have it. She forced him onto the sand and informed him that he would have a good time or die trying. That nearly came true when Jimmy joined them in the late afternoon and offered to teach them to surf. After ten minutes, Jess sucked in a lung-full of water and spent the rest of the day sulking on the sand while Rory made attempt after attempt to get up on the board, never succeeding but grinning from ear to ear the entire time anyway. She fell into a dead sleep early that night, and it was only then that Jess admitted to her that he'd had fun that day.
Jess borrowed another car, from Lee this time, on Tuesday and drove Rory into L.A. so that she could shop and play annoying tourist. He grudgingly took her picture with her hands in Marilyn's handprints. She begged until he drove her through Bel-Air and along Rodeo Drive where he laughed at her insistence that she'd seen Catherine Zeta-Jones shopping. They drove silently through the hills and along the coast, radio off and windows open. Rory reached over then and placed her hand over Jess' on the gearshift, tracing the muscles and bones in his wrist as he shifted through the curves in the road. She didn't pull away until they reached the city again and needed to return the car. Taking a cue from Luke's advice earlier in the week, Jess reached out while they were walking back to the apartment and twined his fingers with Rory's. They stayed in that night, curling up on opposite ends of the couch with books Hours later, Jess looked up from his book to realize that Rory had crept across the couch and was leaning against his shoulder. When she noticed that she had his attention she slipped a hand through his hair, kissed him on the cheek, and then disappeared into the bathroom. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, and Rory remained awake long after him, just watching him sleep from across the room.
Rory followed Jess to work a shift at the bookstore on Wednesday. She wandered the shelves and dark corners of the store while Jess was at the counter. Sasha and Lily came to take her to lunch, and the three of them shopped and laughed along the boardwalk during the afternoon. It was on that day that Rory realized that Jess' assertion that she and Lily were alike was true. Rory saw so much of herself, and of Jess, in the little girl that it brought unbidden thoughts of what it would be like to have children with Jess. The thoughts scared her so much that she was unnaturally silent that night, and Jess became concerned though he didn't say anything.
That concern lingered into Thursday night while he and Rory watched Lily.
**********
Jess set the last plate to dry in the rack and turned back around to face the table. Lily and Rory were sitting, heads bent together, reading a copy of 'Dubliners' that Lily had found in Jimmy's office. They were discussing each of the short stories as they finished them, and Jess had been offering comments from where he was standing at the sink. Now that he was finished, he moved to join them at the table. Wrapping up a discussion on the meaning of light in 'Araby' that Lily was really getting into, Jess nudged the little girl's shoulder.
"Hey, you. I know you're having fun," Jess said, "but your mom'll kick both our butts if your room isn't clean by the time she gets home."
"Jess," Lily whined, dragging his name out to three syllables.
He held up his hands, "Sorry, Lil, but I don't make the rules. I just vaguely enforce them."
"But this is Rory's last night here," Lily said petulantly. "It's the last time I'll get to see her before she goes home."
Rory smiled at Lily and laid a hand on hers. "I don't leave until the afternoon. What if Jess and I come back over in the morning, and we can spend a little more time together then?"
Lily looked back and forth between Jess and Rory. "You'll do that?"
"Sure," Jess nodded. "But that means you have to go clean now."
"Okay," Lily sighed, but she got up and disappeared to her room without anymore complaining.
"Thanks for that," Jess said, turning back to Rory after Lily was gone. "I tend to cave when she pouts."
"Luke was the same way when I was little," Rory said without thinking. Seconds later, she replayed the comment in her head and felt herself go pale when it made her think about watching Lily yesterday and wondering what it would be like if she and Jess . . . well, that was a thought she wasn't going to finish again.
Jess noticed the change in Rory's body language, the way she stiffened up and her smile faltered, and decided that it was time to call her on it. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing's the matter," Rory said, looking over at Jess with wide eyes. "What makes you think something's the matter?"
"You just look like something is bothering you. You're all stiff, and you look like you're gonna pass out," he said. "You have since last night."
"I have not," she protested. "I'm fine."
"I'm not blind Rory. Something is going on. We've been having a good time this week, not counting that first morning, but now you're all jumpy. I'd blame it on caffeine, but it's you, so . . ."
She pushed away from the table, going to the refrigerator and looking over the snapshots and drawings she'd already seen at least three times during the past week. "It's nothing, Jess."
"Bullshit," he snapped, swinging his feet up onto her empty chair. "Just tell me. If it's something I did or didn't do, I think I deserve to know. Yell at me again if you have to, just stop with this stiff silent thing you've got going on."
Rory spun around and glared at Jess. "You want to know? Fine. You were right. Happy now?"
His brow furrowed in confusion. "You're freaking out because I was right about something? That's . . . really weird. What could I possibly have been right about that's got you this uptight? It's not like I've been foretelling the end of the world or Republican re-election all week."
"You were right about Lily," Rory said softly, crossing her arms and leaning back against the refrigerator door. "She is just like you . . . and like me."
Jess shrugged, "Still not seeing the problem."
"Lily is like parts of your personality and parts of my personality all balled up into this other person, and it sort of made me think about what it would be like if you and I . . . if we were . . . if we had . . ."
Realization spread slowly across Jess' features. His feet dropped loudly back to the floor, and he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "Oh," he breathed. "Okay, then." He looked up at her, "Had you ever thought about that before?"
"Maybe once or twice," Rory admitted. She crossed her arms tighter, fingers twisting into the sides of her shirt to stop herself from reaching out and brushing the hair out of Jess' eyes. The silence of the room became oppressive as she stood there watching the top of his head. "Say something," she pleaded.
"I'm thinking," he mumbled more to himself that to her. Jess pushed to his feet but stayed next to the table. "Why?" he asked eventually.
Rory sighed and turned her head to avoid his searching eyes. "It's just a thing that some girls think about. You know, when they're in love."
Jess' breath shuddered a little. "Uh-huh. So, that would explain why you might have thought about it before . . . when you might have been in love with me. But you're still thinking about it now."
The unaskable question, the one they'd been skirting all week, could no longer be ignored. Taking a deep breath and gathering his courage, Jess moved to stand in front of Rory. She twisted to keep avoiding his gaze, but he just shifted with her until she had no choice but to look at him. His dark stare bored into her light eyes, and he saw her shiver. Jess stepped closer to her, only a few inches separating them. He placed a hand flat on the door next to her shoulder. Rory made a soft noise in her throat as he leaned closer still.
"If you're still thinking about it now," Jess whispered, "does that mean you still might be in love with me?"
Her hand shaking, Rory reached up and smoothed the hair out of his eyes, tucking it behind his ear, and leaving her palm pressed to his cheek. "I might be," she whispered back.
Jess nodded slowly, and brought his other hand up to rest against the cool metal of the refrigerator door on Rory's other side. He leaned forward, brushing his lips against her cheek. Rory whimpered in the back of her throat again as her hand slipped from Jess' cheek to rest against his chest. His heart beat frantically under her palm. Her head turned to chase his mouth as it brushed over her cheek again, but just as their lips were about to meet, a loud crash and a shriek came from Lily's bedroom.
Rory's head jerked back, and Jess' swung wildly in the direction of the doorway. "What was that?" Rory asked breathlessly.
"Lily," Jess said, voice full of concern. He backed away from Rory and the refrigerator, preparing to rush to Lily's room when the girl screamed again. This time it was clear what she was crying about. Jess groaned and shoved his hands through his hair. He gave Rory an apologetic look and took off in Lily's direction, much slower than he had just been prepared to go.
Rory shook herself and followed Jess a few moments later. She caught up with him just as he was about to push open Lily's bedroom door. Lily shrieked again, and Rory winced at how loud it was now that they were just outside the door.
Looking at Rory again, seeing her eyes bright and swirling with emotion, Jess sighed over the lost moment in the kitchen. Lily's continued screaming brought his attention back to the task at hand. "This better be a damn big spider."
**********
It was close to nine o'clock when Jess and Rory were finally able to walk back to his apartment in the dusk of the late summer night. What Lily had been proclaiming a 'giant mutant spider' had, in actuality, been the size of a nickel. Still, her arachnophobia ran deep, as it does in many young girls, and she'd been adamant that Jess stay with her while she finished straightening up her room. Rory had joined them only because she was at a loss as to what else to do. Sasha had come in later than usual, Jimmy in tow. The two of them had kept Jess and Rory busy with questions about Rory's departure and what time they were planning on returning to the house in the morning for proper good-byes. This string of interruptions had kept the younger couple from saying even one word to each other about what had almost transpired in the kitchen, and they were both tense and expectant as they walked the short distance to Jess' home in the cooling evening air.
Jess pushed open the apartment door and let Rory go through first. She moved to the side and remained pressed to the wall near the light switch. He continued into the room without noticing that she was staying against the wall. Jess dropped his keys in their customary place on the side table and dropped onto the corner of the couch at the same time. His head fell against the back of the couch, and he sighed heavily.
"So, that's Thursdays with Lily. For someone who has whole passages of 'Charlotte's Web' memorized, she really panics around spiders. I've never seen her that bad before," Jess said.
Rory hummed in agreement but stayed near the door.
Jess looked up when he heard how far away Rory's response was. "What are you doing way over there?" he asked when he noticed her stationed near the door. "Is the wall in eminent danger of falling down, and you have to hold it up?"
"No," Rory said softly, a giggle slipping out after her response.
He grinned at her. "Then why are you trying to become one with the wall?"
She just shrugged. "I like it over here."
"Because it's such a comfy spot." Jess regarded her silently for a few long moments. She was slouching slightly, and her arms were folded across her stomach, hands balled up in tight fists. "You're freaked out about earlier, in the kitchen," he concluded.
"Shouldn't I be?" Rory asked. "I mean, I said . . . I practically admitted that I . . ."
"I was there," Jess reminded her. "I remember what you said."
"Right," Rory nodded, "so you can understand why I might be a little bit embarrassed about it, and about what almost happened after it."
Jess got to his feet. "Why? There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Rory. It was a moment, you and I both felt it, and it happened." He watched her continue to fidget uncomfortably. "Jeez, just come over here, would you?"
Rory moved marginally away from the wall but stopped half way to Jess. "Why?" she suddenly asked skeptically.
He rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to bite you. Just come over here and hug me, so I can prove to you that what happened earlier doesn't have to change anything and that there's nothing to be embarrassed about."
She shyly shuffled closer to him until she was near enough for him to reach her. He then stopped waiting for her to come to him and pulled her into his arms. Jess enfolded Rory, one hand on the small of her back and the other between her shoulder blades, pulling her to his chest. Her head tucked under his chin, and she carefully brought her arms up around his ribcage.
"See," Jess told her, "just a hug. Nothing has to be different."
"What if I want it to be different?" Rory asked softly. She felt Jess' arms stiffen slightly. Taking a deep breath, she kissed the hollow of his throat. Her lips trailed up his neck to his ear. "Jess," she whispered in his ear, "can it be different?"
Jess' hand moved up from her shoulders to cup the back of her head. He stroked her hair gently, but took a step back form her. Looking at her face, Jess exhaled strongly. His fingers left off stroking her hair and traced the curve of her ear, across her cheek, over her lips and down the side of her neck until he met the collar of her shirt. His fingers lingered on her collar bone. "Are you sure?" he breathed, afraid to speak louder in case the moment should be lost again.
Rory licked her lips and looked into Jess' eyes. "I'm sure."
He nodded once and slowly leaned into her, finishing what they'd started hours ago in Jimmy and Sasha's kitchen. Her mouth was still as soft as he remembered. She still tasted like coffee. Her fingers still curled into his hair, and his hands still fit perfectly on the curves of her hips. The next thing outside of the feel of Rory's mouth and hands that Jess registered was the couch pressing against the backs of his legs. Grasping Rory firmly around her waist, he sat back, pulling Rory down with him. The action caused their teeth to clink together. He pulled back from Rory and looked up at her flushed face.
"Should we really be doing this?" he asked, tucking her hair behind her ears.
"I don't know," she whispered. "Don't stop."
Her mouth descended on his again, effectively stifling his protests. She kissed him roughly, like she meant to mark him and make sure he wouldn't forget her. Delicate fingers curved roughly into the curls behind his ears, scratched down his neck and sides, and tugged his shirt up to reveal his stomach. When Rory's cold hands splayed across his bare chest under his shirt, Jess jerked away again.
"Rory, are you sure you want to do this?"
She blushed but didn't move off of him. "I wanted to do this a long time ago. You just kept asking in the wrong places."
Jess' breathing sped, but he tried to keep Rory from noticing. "That was then. Is this what you want now? What you really want?"
"It's what I want," Rory affirmed in a soft voice. "I want you, Jess."
His breath shuddered in his chest, and Jess knew Rory noticed that time. He reached up and tangled one of his hands in her hair, the other setting against her hip. "Come 'ere," he whispered, urging her down to his lips again. Rory sighed against his mouth and melted into him.
The last thing either of them remembered of the fading evening was the setting sun filling the room with a soft orange light as Jess tumbled Rory to the bed, and then the world narrowed to the two of them. Nothing else mattered.
*********
Jess lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. The sun had gone down and the street lights outside were starting to flicker on and bathe the room in a eerie acid yellow glow. Rory was curled on her side next to him using his outstretched left arm as a pillow. That was the only contact between the two of them; her cheek on his upper arm. She had her knees pulled up, and her arms were wrapped around her chest. Jess' other arm was free, but he hadn't made any move to touch her. She didn't seem like she'd accept that right now. He wasn't sure why.
The sensation of something wet slipping down his arm caused him to turn his head. Rory's eyes were closed, but her eyelashes were damp. As he watched, a tear slid from her closed eye. The angle of her head caused it to roll across her lips, and she licked it away.
"Rory?" he asked quietly. "Are you okay?"
"No," she whispered without opening her eyes.
Jess' breath hitched in his chest. "Did I hurt you?"
"No," she whispered again, but this time she opened her eyes and looked up through her wet lashes at him. She looked at him for a moment in the sallow light and then rolled away, dragging the blanket with her to wrap herself in.
Jess sat up, sheet pooling in his lap, and silently watched her cross the room until she came to a stop at the window. She rested her forehead against the glass, tilting slightly to try to see the beach.
"We shouldn't have done that," she said eventually.
"I thought you wanted to," he returned. He'd given her at least a dozen opportunities to say no, to change her mind, but she'd only urged him forward.
"I did." She turned from the window to face him and managed a faint smile. "I don't want you to think I didn't like it, 'cause I did. I mean, you told me once that you were good, and I mostly passed that off as hyperbole, but it wasn't. It was really very . . . really." She blushed and looked down at her feet.
He smiled softly back at her for a moment as he stood and pulled his boxer shorts back on. "Then what's wrong?" he asked seriously, crossing the room to stand near her.
"It doesn't change anything. We can pretend it changes things, and it does to a point, but not enough," she sighed. "I'm still going home tomorrow, you're staying here, and there's still no way you and I will work with so much distance between us."
Jess nodded in reluctant agreement. He knew she was right. An entire continent was too much to overcome, especially with their past. "So, what, then?"
Rory turned back to the window. "I'm not sure. I think I need some time."
"Now, or when you get home?" he asked, confused. "You aren't going to hide in the bathroom until morning, are you?"
"Jess, I think that after I get back home, we shouldn't talk for a while." Rory reached out and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. "Not forever," she said quickly. "I just need to figure out some things."
He took a deep breath, stung by her words but not about to let her know that. "If that's what you need," he told her instead, extracting his hand from hers and stepping closer to her. He touched her hip lightly, and when she didn't pull away, he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. "But you're not home yet," he whispered, burying his head against her neck and breathing her in.
Rory wrapped one of her arms over his and leaned against him, the other hand reaching up to tangle in his hair. "Not quite," she whispered back.
"I wish things really were different," Jess mumbled against her neck.
Rory didn't respond. She just curled her fingers tighter in his hair and watched a stray cat prowl down the shadowy alley. It wouldn't do any good for her to tell him what she was thinking at that moment anyway. She was fairly sure he already knew.
**********
The next morning, Rory woke up early, smiling in her early morning haze at the arm across her hip and the smooth chest under her cheek before it came rushing back to her. She'd allowed Jess to lead her away from the window and back to bed the night before. His hands and lips had started to roam her body again but stopped abruptly when she'd started to cry once more. Then he'd pulled her close, hands smoothing over her back, and whispered soothing nonsense into her hair. Rory had allowed herself to be comforted by those words and the warmth of his body pressed to hers. She'd felt safe then, and had almost broken down and told Jess that she loved him, especially when she thought she heard him whisper those words to her. But she'd decided against that, feeling that it would only make things more complicated if he thought that she had heard him and returned his feelings.
Now, in the quiet morning, she almost regretted not telling him. Almost. Her heart was screaming for her wake Jess and tell him, but she sided with her head and pulled away from him instead. Moving slowly so as not to wake him, Rory crept into the bathroom to shower. When she was finished, she opened the bathroom door to find Jess making coffee. There was a stack of toast on a plate on the counter, and he nodded his head toward it when he saw her but didn't say a word.
In fact, neither one of them spoke to each other at all. They moved around the apartment silently, communicating only by gestures and uneasy sighs. They brushed against each other a few times as Jess got ready for the day and Rory packed up her belongings, but they still remained resolutely silent, not sure what to say or how to say it.
Jess put Rory's suitcase into the trunk of the car he once again borrowed from his boss, and the two of them drove in awkward silence to Jimmy's house. The atmosphere there continued to be subdued, the exuberance of the week's earlier visits tainted by the fact that Rory was leaving in a few hours to return to Connecticut. Lily insisted on taking Rory out to the yard to say good-bye to each of the dogs individually, and when the door had shut behind the pair of girls, Jimmy tugged Jess into the kitchen.
"What the hell is the matter with you two?" the older man demanded.
"I don't want to talk about it," Jess shrugged.
"Tough," Jimmy hissed. "You're going to tell me, or I'll get Sasha to drag it out of you."
Jess warily eyed the woman in the living room and relented. "Something happened between Rory and me last night, and she's confused and there's nothing I can do about it."
"Something happened?" Jimmy asked incredulously. "That's all you're going to say?" He stared hard at Jess, who only raised an eyebrow. But that was enough, and Jimmy caught on. "Okay, so that's all you need to say."
"Thank you," Jess snapped. "She's avoiding me the best she can, and everything I can think of to say seems like the wrong thing, so neither of us is saying anything."
"That's your solution?" Jimmy asked. "It's confusing, so we won't deal with it?"
Jess shrugged. "It's going to have to work for now. She doesn't want to talk about it; she made that clear last night. And I've fucked with her head and her heart enough, so she gets her way this time. I at least owe her that, to do to me what I've done to her . . . to shut me out until she's ready."
Any response Jimmy might have made was truncated by Rory and Lily's return to the house. Rory gave an odd look at the close conference Jess and Jimmy seemed to be having but didn't say anything about it. However, she did pointedly look at the clock and then at Jess.
"We should probably get going," he said to the room in general.
His words caused Lily to burst into tears. "Rory, I don't want you to go," she sobbed, throwing her arms around Rory.
Rory teared up and hugged Lily back. "Don't cry," she said hoarsely. "We'll still talk, and you can write me letters. I love getting mail at school," she said with a small smile. "And maybe someday I can come visit again." She looked over at Jess as she said that, but he was turned away from her.
Lily cried harder, "I'm going to miss you so much." She clutched at Rory harder, until Sasha came into the room and gently drew her away.
"I'm going to miss you too, Lily," Rory said, bushing some of the tears off the girl's face. Lily was hiccuping now with the force of her sobs, and Rory turned apologetic eyes to Sasha. The older woman smiled gently and pulled Rory into a one armed embrace.
"She'll be okay," Sasha whispered into Rory's ear. "I hope you had a good visit."
"I did," Rory stammered, still fighting back tears. "Thank you for everything." She stepped away from Sasha and addressed Jimmy. "I mean that. I can't thank you enough for giving me the opportunity to come out here."
Jimmy shook his head. "It was my pleasure," he said, reaching out and shaking Rory's hand. "I hope this isn't the last time we see each other."
"Me too," Rory nodded, but she was again looking at Jess. This time she caught his eye, but his expression was unreadable. She knew their silence today had everything to do with what she'd told him last night about holding off on their phone calls, but she wished he would at least give her a sign that the calls would be welcome again once she'd had time to think.
Jess only cleared his throat. "We really have to go. Friday traffic's gonna be murder."
Rory nodded, bid everyone one last good-bye, and followed Jess back to the car. They rode in continued silence all the way to the airport. Jess waited patiently while Rory checked in and checked her bag. Without asking her if she wanted him to, he followed her to the security gate. At that point, Rory turned to him, looking like she wanted to say something, but she set her jaw at the last minute and proceeded to the gate. It was then that Jess had had enough.
"Rory!" he called out, waiting for her to turn around. "I'm not sorry this time!"
She managed a small watery smile and raised a hand in a final wave. "Me either!" she called back just before the crowd swallowed her up. She let herself be carried along, moving blindly on automatic until she was settled into her seat some time later. It was only then that she allowed herself to cry.
********
While Rory was breaking down on the plane, Jess was wandering aimlessly along the boardwalk in an attempt to avoid going home. However, he eventually ran out of places to go and had no choice but to return to his apartment . . . the scene of his latest crime the dark part of his brain kept chanting. The place where he'd finally taken the last of Rory's innocence and probably once again ruined any relationship that they had built up.
Jess kicked the door shut behind him with a bang, and the wood of the frame cracked with the force. He sighed as he regarded the damage, but found it was repairable. It was likely the only thing that had happened that day that was something that could be fixed. Jess scuffed across the room and flopped back onto the bed. The lingering smell of Rory's shampoo, of just simply Rory, wafted up from the pillow. He wanted to die.
**********
Author's Notes the Second: So, that was chapter twelve. It took longer than I expected to get up, but it just kept getting longer and longer. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. I've only got vague ideas of where I want it to go(before anyone asks or suggests, Jess isn't going back to Stars Hollow yet; that much I do know). But be patient, let me know what you think of the story so far, and the next chapter will come eventually.