C.C.C.- Blood... Yum... I mean... Uh... ::shifty eyes:: Uh, like... Run away!!!
LivingImpared- Ork! Oops. He didn't, did he... Ssk. Well that's odd.
Draikitha- Hiei and Shadow are cute? Why? O.o And no, it wouldn't be bad to make out with Kurama, but Eclipse gets horrified when they accuse her of this stuff... Either because she has a major crush on Kurama and doesn't want anyone to know, or she hates his guts and really doesn't like him... In that way... I like tormenting people... Muwahahaha...
Jasmine101- Yelling the yelly parts? Eee. Was anybody around to hear this?
Koneko Chibi- Yeah. She's dense. Her brain is so small, it can't process pain and complex muscle control at the same time (like fighting)... Yeah, that's it... ::shifty eyes::
xkuroxshinobix- The world may never know... OooooOOOOoooOOOoOOoOooOOo...
lita kitsune- Shhh... It's secret. Either that or I could just say 'the world may never know' but I already said that to somebody... But the world might not ever know, so it'd just be truthful if I said that...
Nilkanowen- I have less than a week before school starts... And you know what that means... Less frequent updates. RUN AND HIDE! The minions of doom (of which there is many) will drain your mind for Shadow's purposes!
Risika Karew- The Gestapo, eh? That makes me think of Hogan's Heroes... I loved that show... But TVLAND DOESN'T SHOW IT ANYMORE... Damn them. Good thing I taped some! :D
Robin Autumn- Good to hear! Because if you die, I'll send Dr. Miroku on over to you to give you CPR.
UnicornGirl-DragonLady- I was wondering if anyone would notice that Pirates of the Caribbean quote... WOOHOO FOR POTC! I've watched it a million times since last Christmas... Eheheheheheh... In fact I think I'm gonna watch it again tonight... Oooo...
Black Cat- You couldn't beat Youko at cards! He CHEATS doomifully! Dooooooomifully... Wooooooo! The suspenseful music! OOooooooh Nooooooooo... Ahem. Anyway... O.o By the way, 'chick flick' isn't even in my vocabulary... I watch stuff like Pirates of the Caribbean, The Last Samurai, and Bruce Almighty... Muwahahaha... Funny stuff and violent stuff (God, The Last Samurai was VI-O-LENT! Awesome!)
Mari Youma- Yeah, when you laugh like a maniac for reasons oblivious to other nearby people, they tend to think you're odd. To say the least.
Bar-Ohki- Jin... Jeez, have I ever written a story with him in it? I don't think I have. WOOHOO! I just had a loverly idea... Must write down... ::scurries away like a crab::
Shessha's Crazy- Really? What's the site? It sounds fun. Muwahahahahah-- I mean, Yay!
Sugarmaster15- I think I'll have Koga in the next chapter. COOKIES! ::tackles and steals and runs away::
Silver Lena- Yeah, she didn't get too injured and what injuries she did get, she kept forgetting about... Baka...
Ookami Aya- Shadow HAS gotten LOTS stupider... Okay, so maybe my heights have loopholes... DON'T MESS WITH THE LOOPHOLES! Gr! Just ignore them.
Flame 34- Good greepies! I'm probably gonna have Koga in the next chapter, don't bite off my head... AND WHY WOULD I DRAW A PICTURE OF A CHIPMUNK EATING A WEASEL? I'll draw a picture of a weasel eating a chipmunk! You draw your precious chipmunks... Grr! Norman will prevail! Y'know, I had a nightmare when I was little that a giant weasel was trying to kill me and my sister... We were like, tiny little and the weasel was like giant big and it wanted to kill us and I was terrified. This one girl told me little kids dream about weasels a lot. She said she had a dream about weasels killing her parents.
Wild Roses- It's not my fault... So she's retarded... Her brain's the sixe of a pea... That's been squished... And disintegrated... And stuff.
suriko song- Crowbars are better weapons. You slam them in the head with THAT and they won't be conscious to stare! Muwahaha!
A-chan-otaku- They better freakin' not find out where I live... Cuz I dunno where my crowbar is, and I don't have the ability to magically pull it out of my pocket...
CHAPTER SEVEN
The Bloodthirsty Dust Bunnies from Hell
"I still don't see why you had to bring along that stupid animal..." Kuwabara complained, eyeing Shadow. She glared.
"Got a problem?" she snapped.
"Horses are stupid!"
"You just don't like them because they aren't cats!"
"That's not true! I just don't like them because they're big, ugly, and stupid!"
"You just described yourself perfectly," Hiei muttered. "You should love horses; if they are as you describe them then you have lots in common."
"Shut it, shrimp!"
If you're wondering what's going on, why they're talking about a horse, I'll fill you in. Shadow eventually found Umidori's black horse and stole it right out from under the noses of five stableboys... Of course, since normal humans haven't got eyes in their noses, and were instead looking up at the fire she'd started to the hay loft to distract them, they were bound to miss it.
"I don't see what's so great about cats, anyway. They're stupid and useless," Shadow muttered, just loud enough for Kuwabara to hear. He took a swing at her, missing almost as bad as he does when he attempts to hit Hiei, and nearly hitting the horse Shadow was leading, which reared slightly and glared, neighing angrily. Kuwabara jumped away.
"Cats are not stupid or useless! They're very useful!"
"Ha! I'd like to see a good argument of that point!" Shadow laughed.
"Look at Kirara! She's--"
"--a two-tailed demon cat," Shadow finished, cutting him off. He glared.
"Well cats are friendly and soft and cute and you can hold them and pet them and stroke their fur and they purr and they can stay in your house and provide company! And..."
"Tell me what part of that is useful?" Shadow said quietly to Sesshoumaru while the baka kept rambling. Instead of answering her, he rose his voice over Kuwabara's and said, "You can eat cats, that's useful."
Kuwabara flipped out. Nobody could resist laughing at the look on his face.
"THAT'S EVIL! HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK SUCH A THING? THAT'S THE WORST, MOST EVILEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD A PERSON SAY! YOU'RE EVEN MEANER THAN HIEI! STUPID DOG GUY!"
"He's not meaner than me," Hiei retorted, sounding slightly insulted.
"Yes he is. You don't try to kill your siblings," Youko said, then realized what he'd said and sped up to put Miroku, Inuyasha, and Yusuke between himself and the little demon.
"You have siblings?!" Kuwabara asked, startled. "Are they as evil as you?"
Hiei sighed, pulled the ward off his Jagan, and wiped Kuwabara's memory of that little instance, then jumped over the people separating himself from the fox and tackled him, trying to strangle him.
That's the second time I've had to wipe that particular bit of information from that baka's tiny brain! Hiei screamed telepathically, wrestling with the fox.
Second?
Yeah, once he actually found out who she was, now I'd appreciate it if you kept your FOX MOUTH SHUT!
Sor-RY!
Kuwabara, meanwhile, had resumed his argument with Shadow.
"Well I bet you can't list as many uses for a horse!" he said confidently.
"Well, you can eat horses, but that's just a waste of a beautiful animal."
"WHAT?"
"Well the only use for a cat is to eat it, so--"
"IS NOT! Start listing! I had at least five!"
"Well, you can ride horses, as transportation and just for fun, that's two, you can use them to carry stuff, plow fields, haul stuff, tow stuff, they're big and strong and fast, they're powerful, which incidentally is just a synonym for strong, they're smart and emotional and can trample cats into the ground! Is that enough reasons?" Shadow said proudly. Kuwabara sniffled.
"You're mean."
"I know! Proud of it, too!"
"Where are we gonna-- No, first off, how are we getting the horse back to our time? It won't fit through the well, if Koenma's even fixed the time barrier to let us back through..." Hiei said, through with strangling Youko and now helping the fox to his feet because he was laughing so hard he couldn't stand. Hiei kicked him in the leg and hissed under his breath, "Stop laughing!"
Shadow spared Youko a curiously confused look, then stared up the path for a minute. "Hey! There's Koenma! Let's ask him if he's fixed it yet!" She was pointing up ahead, and sure enough, teen Koenma was standing there glaring, his arms crossed ove his chest. Shadow did ballet jumps up to him, dragging Sesshoumaru and Eclipse and the nameless horse with her.
"What the heck are you doing here?" Koenma snapped. "Why do you have a horse? Who is this, and why are you chained to him?"
"You ask many questions," Shadow said wisely. Hiei and Youko were at her sides almost the second she'd stopped ballet jumping, with Yusuke and the baka close behind. Inuyasha's group hung back slightly, a bit confused.
"Yusuke, explain," Koenma ordered.
"Ah, well, we fell through a magical well, and we ended up here... Well, not here, but like, several days-worth of travel east... Where the well is."
"Speaking of east, see, it wasn't all that horrible to come into your lands, was it Fluffy? Nobody recognized you, except that one guy we killed," Shadow said cheerfully, like Koenma wasn't really standing right next to her. It was okay, though, because he hadn't hear her and before Sesshoumaru could answer, Koenma exploded.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU GUYS?!"
"Probably about five or something days..." Yusuke guessed.
"WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST COME BACK? WHY DOES SHADOW LOOK LIKE SHE HAD THE CRAP BEAT OUT OF HER? WHY DOES SHE HAVE A HORSE? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!"
Koenma was either angry beyond human comprehension or happy to see them alive but annoyed, either that or he was just totally panicked.
"I'M GETTING SICK OF THIS! YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONES TO FIX THE PROBLEMS SO I DON'T HAVE TO, NOT THE ONES TO CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR ME TO FIX!"
"...Kay..." Yusuke said. Hiei sighed.
"Koenma, snap out of it."
"Okay... Just answer my questions."
"Yusuke already answered 'what the heck are you doing here' so... Shadow's got a horse because she fought this horse's owner and beat the shit out of him, then we killed him. That also answers why Shadow looks so beat up. She got shot, too, by the way," Youko said casually, hoping to cause Koenma more panic as he pulled the collar of Shadow's shirt to one side to make the bandages more visible.
Koenma looked horrified.
"You killed somebody?!"
Shadow stared. "So glad you care about me so greatly."
"What about the other questions?" Koenma asked, intentionally ignoring Shadow.
By then, Inuyasha and the others were gathered around Koenma.
"How about you answer 'who are these people' and 'who is this and why are you chained to him.'"
"This," Shadow said, pointing at Sesshoumaru, "is his-" (she pointed at Inuyasha) "-half brother. He's a demon."
"Who's that, then?" Koenma asked, pointing at Inuyasha.
"His half brother!" Shadow said cheerfully, pointing at Sesshoumaru.
"Argh!" Koenma said. Youko spoke up.
"Inuyasha, Miroku, Shippou, Kirara, Sango, Kagome, who is from our timeline by the way, and Sesshoumaru," he said, pointing to each of them as he introduced them.
"THAT'S LORD FLUFFY-SAMA TO YOU, YOUNG MAN!" Shadow and Eclipse both shouted, pointing their fingers mere centimeters from the fox's gold eyes.
Inuyasha snorted. "Care to tell us who you are?"
"Koenma!" Shadow said, dancing circles around him. Sesshoumaru found himself chained to the horse's halter, holding its lead rope. The animal snorted at him and he looked at it boredly. Shadow continued her introduction of Koenma. "He is the son of the ruler of the DEAD PEOPLE! RESPECT HIM, EVEN THOUGH I DON'T!"
"Psh! Let's see if I save you a place in Reikai..." Koenma muttered.
"Ahh! You will!" She pointed her finger in his face. "Because I have helped with your Reikai tantei cases, and I have helped keep Hiei from killing innocent bystanders and burning down half of Japan!"
"Yeah, by doing it all for him," Yusuke said. Shadow punched him.
"Anyway," Koenma persisted, bringing their attention back to his original topic and totally ignoring Yusuke's whining. "You still haven't answered 'what have you been doing' and 'why are you chained to him'."
"We're chained to him because we worship him and cannot leave his sides," the girls said in mechanic voices.
"... Ah."
"You do NOT worship me!" Sesshoumaru said.
"Ah, you are wrong, great lord of these lands," Shadow said, smiling. She danced up to the front of the group and cleared her throat. Eclipse danced up behind her. Sesshoumaru found his other wrist chained to Koenma somehow. He groaned.
"YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!" Shadow snapped. Everyone grudgingly looked at her, knowing it would be best to humor her now then put up with her complaints later.
"While traveling with His Lordship, Fluffy, more commonly known as the great Sesshoumaru, we have learned the five most important rules for survival," Shadow said, poofing a magical easel up out of nowhere beside her.
"Yes," Eclipse said. "We call them... the 'Rules for Surviving Around The Sesshie.'"
Sesshoumaru sighed, but saw they were waiting for a comment. "Dare I ask?"
Several painting canvases appeared, though you couldn't really tell there was more than one since they were all in front of each other. The first one had blue and gold lettering that read "Rules for Surviving Around The Sesshie."
Shadow pulled a pointer out of her back pocket, as well as a pair of small glasses that would put you in mind of a strict school teacher.
"Rule Number One!" she said. Eclipse pulled off the first canvas and flung it carelessly over her shoulder. Shadow pointed to the painting with her pointer stick. "OBEY The Sesshie!"
The picture displayed her and Eclipse bowing to a slightly startled-looking Sesshoumaru.
"Rule Number Two!" Shadow said, and Eclipse flung Rule Number One off to the side to reveal the second picture, this one of a rather horrified looking Sesshoumaru with a happy-looking Shadow latched onto his leg and a happy-looking Eclipse hugging his middle, both having their arms and legs wrapped around him.
"LOVE The Sesshie," she said, pointing. The girls switched roles and places.
"Rule Number THREE!" Eclipse said in almost the exact same voice as Shadow. It was Shadow's turn, now, to fling the previous rule carelessly away to reveal the third.
"Be KIND to The Sesshie!" Eclipse said. This one showed Shadow and Eclipse holding up wrapped gifts to Sesshoumaru. "Rule Number FOUR!"
Shadow flung three off to the left. It hit a tree and went tumbling into the middle of the path, face down, which, oddly, somehow all the other pictures had ended up face down as well.
"Do no ANGER The Sesshie!"
The fourth picture showed a glowy-eyed Sesshoumaru holding a swirly-eyed Shadow by her arm and a cartoonly dead Eclipse by her hair.
Both girls now had pointers and glasses, in preparation for the fifth and final rule. They moved as one, grabbing the painting and flinging it over everyone's heads. The group ducked though the painting cleared them all safely anyhow.
"Rule number FIVE, most important and above all," the girls said in unison, hitting their pointers against the painting. "WORSHIP THE SESSHIE!"
This one showed Sesshoumaru lying down in a chair-ish bed kinda thingy with Shadow standing next to him in a kinda skimpy uniform wearing sunglasses while Eclipse knelt on the ground holding an extremely large leaf over him to shade him from the sun.
Then everything poofed back to normal and all the paintings, the easel, the glasses, and the pointers were all gone. Shadow and Eclipse stood with their hands clasped behind their backs, smiling happily.
"Loverly or loverly?" Shadow asked, grinning. There was a pause.
"If only you'd known those rules before you broke every single one, this journey would have been a lot more bearable," Sesshoumaru said calmly.
"I wish the same rules applied to me..." Koenma said. The girls stuck out their tongues, and Yusuke said, "They do apply to you, Pacifier Breath, it's just that we don't obey them."
"Good point. And you should, you ingrateful children! Now BEFORE THIS INTERRUPTION I think I asked you something," Koenma snapped.
"You asked us many somethings," Eclipse said, appearing on his right.
"But that distracted us all and nobody remembers what somethings you asked and what somethings were answered!" Shadow said, appearing on his left. They both grinned up at him proudly. Koenma groaned.
"You're both such idiots."
"We know!" they said cheerfully.
"And you're proud, too, let me guess."
"Yup!"
"Idiots..."
"Yup!"
"Okay, shut up, you're annoying."
"Yup!"
"Yup!"
"I didn't say anything."
"Yup!"
"Shut up."
"Yup! Yup! Yup, yup, yup!"
"Nope."
"GASP! THE DOOMIFUL NERVE OF IT ALL!" Shadow said, horrified. Both girls fell over, stiff as boards.
"Well that gets them out of the way," Inuyasha said.
"Where's the key for this?" Koenma asked, holding up his wrist. Nobody said anything. Then Youko grinned.
"I'll get it!" He slung Shadow over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and walked towards the forest. Hiei had a zoned out look on his face before his head snapped up with realization and he looked around wildly.
"What? No, Youko, don't do that!"
Youko took off running, flashing a grin over his shoulder, and Hiei gave chase.
"What was all that about?" Koenma asked. Yusuke looked into the forest enviously.
"I wanna get the key..."
"Why? Where's the key?" Koenma asked, starting to have some idea.
"Shadow's bra," Yusuke said casually, still looking into the forest. Koenma's right eyebrow rose and his eyes widened slightly.
"Why does she stash stuff there...? Wouldn't it be uncomfortable?"
"I don't know! I don't wear a bra!" Yusuke snapped. "Maybe she does it intentionally to bait Hiei."
"Why would Hiei want the key?" Sesshoumaru asked dryly. "I was the one chained to her."
"Then she wants to bait you."
"Gross."
"Anyway, Yusuke, while we're waiting for Shadow to wake up and kill Youko, why don't you fill me in one what the hell you've done for the past few days that was so much more important than coming back to your normal time so you didn't screw up the space-time continuem," Koenma said. Yusuke blinked.
"Repeat that, just without the big words..."
"What. Were. You. Do.Ing. Here. That. Was. So. Im.Por.Tant. That. You. Could. Not. Go. Back. To. Your. Time. Yusuke," Koenma said, slowly enunciating each syllable in a clear voice. Yusuke stared, then nodded.
"I. Un.Der.Stand," he mocked. "We. Were--"
"DON'T say the entire answer like that. I'll knock you out," Koenma snapped.
"Like you could..."
"Just answer it!"
"We were helping these people look for the shards of some magical jewel."
"And why didn't you just come back?"
"Because the well didn't work."
Koenma blinked. "Say what?"
"We came here through a magical well! This is the Magical States era, isn't it?"
"No... It's the Warring States Era, baka," Koenma said. "But you honestly came here through a magical well."
"Yes, they did," Kagome said. "It's at Higurashi Shrine, my home."
"Oh," Koenma said, slightly confused. "That explains why there's always that little time fluxuation thing there... So anyway, why didn't it work?"
"Kurama says it's because you flipped out after those wolves came back to our time and were with Shadow and you sealed it so nobody could go into our time, but you didn't bother sealing it both ways so nobody could leave, either, so, we were stuck here! That's what fox boy said anyway, and I'm just assuming he's right because he always is."
"Well, he was right, and if that's true, then I guess I'm stuck here too," Koenma said, wide-eyed. Yusuke stared, terrified.
"Please God no."
"Well after I get this cuff off, I'll see about leaving."
Eclipse sat up. "I'm awake! Where's Shadow?"
There was a scream from the forest, then a startled shout followed by a yelp of pain and an angry string of swear words that sent flocks of birds fleeing the trees in fear.
"Shadow's awake too," Eclipse said cheerfully. "But she's not here!"
"No, Eclipse, she's in the forest most likely being groped by Youko," Yusuke said. "Either that or she was about to be and fried him, that would explain the swear words, but I wonder where Hiei ended up."
"Who cares," Kuwabara said. A rock came flying out of the trees and slammed him in the head. "Oww!!!"
Hiei and Shadow walked out a second later, followed by a silver fox with multiple tails. Everyone's attention was on the fox, which had a leash attached to the collar around its neck. Shadow led the critter behind her.
"Where's Youko?" Miroku asked. Hiei pointed at the fox.
"The only form where he's shorter than me."
"So... He's got three forms?"
"In a way. He wouldn't let Shuichi be on the outside so now he's a multi-tailed silvery fox!" Shadow said, grinning. "And he can't transform, either, because if he does, the collar will choke him to death! He has to ask first, and promise to keep his hands off me."
Yusuke looked curiously at Youko as he walked past.
"How's that gonna work...? Foxes can't talk."
"IT'S SO CUTE!" Eclipse squealed. She tackled Youko and hugged him. The little fox squirmed and screeched.
"I think you're crushing him, Eclipse," Koenma said.
"Huh? Crushing what?" she said, relaxing her hold. She looked at Youko and squealed in delight. "Oh my God! A fox! It's so cute!" And she then proceeded to hug him. Again.
"Animal abuser," Koenma muttered. "AS I WAS SAYING!"
Everyone looked at him. Youko took Eclipse's second of distraction to wriggle out of her grip and hide behind Hiei's leg.
"I'd like to be able to see if I can leave," the prince continued, annoyed.
"Oh! Right!"
The cuffs were switched and Koenma promptly vanished.
"Well apparently the all-freakin'-mighty Prince of Reikai is the only one who can break through his own freakin' barrier," Yusuke said.
"I want a hamburger," Shadow said randomly. Koenma reappeared with a hamburger and handed it to her, not really even paying attention. She inhaled it.
"Where's mine?" Eclipse asked.
"Your what?"
"MY HAMBURGER, BITCH!"
"I'm not a bitch, you don't get one!"
"Pff. See if I help out on any of your stupid missions anymore... Won't even give me a hamburger... Why'd you give Shadow one? How'd you even hear her? I deserve a hamburger more than her!"
"Anyway," Koenma said, completely ignoring her, "it seems I can go through the barrier, but that's because I'm the Almighty Koenma. I think I have an idea of how to get you six home."
"Seven," Shadow corrected.
"Six, baka. Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei, and you two baka girls," Koenma said.
"And the horse," Shadow said, pointing.
"The horse. What do you need with a horse?"
"COMPANIONSHIP!"
"You have a companion! He lives with you! His name is Hiei! And what about those weasels and the fish and those singing shoes in your bathroom!? Aren't they your companions?"
"The weasels are my minions, all except Norman. The singing shoes, I don't know where the hell they came from, but they aren't my companions. I think they sing to keep anyone from going in that bathroom and seeing their world domination plans. The fish, however, are there to look pretty and give the impression to anyone who sees them that perhaps I'm more normal than I seem. Until they see the weasels. There are many other creatures you did not name, for example, the Pulsating Egg Creature, which I ate, well he was the most dangerous creature ever to be in that house, aside from me... He absorbed the evil from many things in that fridge during his month-long stay... The Evil Aura of Doom, and the Bloodthirsty Dust Bunnies from Hell, for example, are also very dangerous--"
"Write a book, Shadow. Call it 'Guide to The House of Doom.' It'll be a best-seller," Koenma said sarcastically.
"I need to name my house."
"What? Who names their house?!"
"Me. I'll think of that later. Also, I need to name this horse. I'll think of that later, too."
"No you won't cuz you aren't keeping it."
"WHY THE HELL NOT?"
"BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE DAMNED WEASELS, YOU DON'T NEED MORE PETS!"
"THEY AREN'T PETS, THEY'RE MINIONS! GET IT RIGHT!"
"I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE YOUR MINIONS OR YOUR DINNER! YOU DON'T NEED A HORSE!"
"WHAT DO YOU CARE? IF I BOUGHT A HORSE FROM MY TIME IN NINGENKAI YOU WOULDN'T CARE! YOU JUST DON'T WANT ME TO KEEP THIS ONE BECAUSE HE'S FROM THE MAGICAL CHEESE ERA OF FUEDAL JAPAN AND HIS PRESENCE MAKES YOUR TRANSPORTATION OF US TO OUR ERA JUST A MAJOR PAIN IN THE YOU-KNOW-WAT!" Shadow screamed this all in one breath and was therefore panting a bit by the end. Koenma looked at her before replying calmly.
"Why don't we let Hiei decide? He's closer to you than me, and he'd have to put up with the stupid thing more often."
"You just have a horse-o-phobia, don't you?" Shadow said. Koenma ignored her.
"Well, Hiei?"
"Honestly, Koenma, you think you can stop her? She wants the horse, she'll kill you if you don't let her have it, and she'll kill me for agreeing she doesn't need it, so I won't agree," Hiei said dryly. Shadow hugged him.
"YAY!"
Youko was lying on the horse's back with his tails over his nose, clearly bored with their arguing and deciding since he was little and unnoticed, he could sleep if he wanted to. Shadow looked at him, shrugged, and tied his leash to the horse's halter.
"So, Koenma, that'll be seven," Shadow said, handing him a piece of paper with the number on it. He took it, shredded it, and dropped it on her head.
"Baka. You annoy me. Fine. The horse goes. But there's some stuff you guys will need to do in order to be able to come back to your time," Koenma said.
"Like what?" Yusuke asked dryly.
"Well... Like gather these ingredients and mix them in a pot of boiling water, then drink it," Koenma said, handing Yusuke folded paper. He opened it up and several pairs of curious eyes peered over his shoulders. Shadow was picking the shreds of paper off her head one-by-one and she and Eclipse were examining each one with amazed awe, looking at each other like they were getting richer each time Shadow picked up a new shred.
"What is all this stuff?" Yusuke asked, looking at the list. Sesshoumaru was the only one hard pressed to ignore the girls, since they had picked off all the pieces of paper from Shadow's head and were now decorating him with them.
"Plants common to this area and era. It's a simple concoction, really," Koenma said. "Well, chow!" He vanished.
"Hey Youko," Yusuke said. Then he blinked and looked at the fox, then leaned over to Hiei. "Can foxes read? Can he even understand us in that form?"
"Let's see!" Shadow said cheerfully, carelessly flinging all the remaining papers up in the air, having lost interest. "Hey stupid baka retard fox!"
He looked at her with what was obviously a fox glare.
"Yes he can!"
Yusuke held up the list in front of Youko. "What would this make if we mixed it in water like Koenma said?"
Youko looked dryly at Yusuke, then at Shadow. She sighed.
"Fine, dammit," she mumbled. She took off the collar and the fox jumped to the ground and turned into his seven-foot humanoid form.
"Let me see that," he said, snatching the list and leaning slightly against the black horse. "Blah blah blah... Blah blah... And... Blah. Well, Koenma just gave you the recipe for a powerful sedative."
"Are you serious?" Yusuke said, more of a statement than a question. Youko nodded.
"Yeah. A small dose of this would knock a ningen out cold for at least 48 hours. It wouldn't be as potent on any of you, except Kuwabaka over there... Even the fumes are enough to make you drowsy," Youko said.
"Are you sure it wouldn't just kill you?" Hiei asked, snatching the list and looking at it. "There's poisonous herbs on this list!"
"Yeah, but the others kinda counteract them, somewhat."
"Are you sure Koenma's not just trying to kill us all?" Yusuke said.
"Why in the seven circles of hell would he want to do that, you fool?" Hiei snapped. "We're his little detectives, aren't we?"
"Well, yes... But I think he's just pissed."
"Anyway," Youko said, grabbing the list and scanning it again, "I see nothing on here that would cause a rip to open in the space-time continuem, so I think that fool was just trying to get us to go on a wild goose chase for Makai herbs in Ningenkai so he could think of a magical solution to his problem."
"I don't see why he doesn't just remove the barrier... I mean, he put it up, he can travel through it, why can't he just take it down long enough for us to go home?" Yusuke said.
"You almost sound smart, Yusuke," Hiei said. "And that's scaring me."
"You're scared? Well that's scaring me. Well, no, not so much. You get scared. Shadow scares you. I should be used to it by now, but I guess your old 'I hate you all, so die slow and painfully' attitude is stuck in my mind for some reason..."
"Get stuffed," Hiei snapped. "Shadow doesn't scare me."
"BOO!" Shadow shouted, jumping up from behind him and grabbing his shoulders.
"AGH! Shadow! God, go choke on your food and die!"
"You wouldn't want that to happen! You love me too much!"
"I don't love you!"
"Sure ya don't... That's not what you said before..."
"Shadow, you're a creep," Hiei said. "Stay away." He waved a stick in her face. Shadow followed it with her eyes until they popped out and rolled across the ground.
"Ahh! Me eyes!" she wailed. "Where's me eyes! I lost me eyes!"
"Sick," everyone said in unison.
"I wonder what eyeballs taste like," Eclipse mused curiously.
"Oh, for the love of God!" Hiei graoned, disgusted.
"You don't love God, so shut up."
"DON'T EAT ME EYES! I NEED THEM TO SEE!" Shadow screeched. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE, MOMMY!" She was crawling around on the ground, feeling for her eyes. An unpleasant squelch signalled that she'd found one.
"Ah-ha!" she said triumphantly, picking it up and popping it back in. She screeched. "IT BURNS! IT BURNS! IT'S GOT A BUG ON IT! EEE! THERE'S A BUG BEHIND MY EYE! GET IT OUT!"
She clawed at her eye until her face turned red and fell off. "GAH! This is just not my day!"
"That's an interesting sight," Hiei said, peering at Shadow. "That's never happened before."
"I SHOULD THINK NOT!" Yusuke yelled, disgusted. "PUT HER BACK TOGETHER! BEFORE HER ARMS FALL OFF TOO!"
"I'm not quite as concerned about her arms as other things," Youko said.
"YOU SHUT UP, BAKA FOX!" Shadow's faceless, one-eyed skull yelled, pointing at him. "GET ME MY OTHER EYE!"
"This is really, really sick," Kuwabara said.
Well, several hours later...
Shadow was singing one of the most annoying songs in the world. "My leg bone's connected to my, hip bone, my hip bone's connected to my, tail bone, my tail bone's connected to, another bone, and eventually it reaches my skull! My skull is connected to my, neck bones, my neck is connected to some, other bones, those bones connect to my, hip bones, my hip bone's connected to my, leg bones--"
Those aren't the exact words, but since I'm ignorant of human anatomy (you've got a head, a middle, arms, and legs, you put them all together right and it forms a body), I can't tell you the exact words. Live. Shadow doesn't know much about human anatomy either, obviously.
"Shadow! Sing something DIFFERENT!" Youko said, walking along ahead of her, next to Hiei, who'd long ago taken to covering his ears and muttering.
"Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!" Shadow started singing.
"I hate you all..." Sesshoumaru said psychotically, eyes glowing slightly red. Everybody simultaneously moved away from him a foot or two... Except Shadow and her head, shoulders, knees, and toes, and Eclipse with her mumbling about some BLT she'd eaten that didn't have any tomatoes so really it was a BL which really is almost practically BS, but isn't, because a Bull Shit sandwich is a gross thing to eat, she would know.
"What are we supposed to be doing, anyway?" Yusuke asked Youko.
"You expect me to know?"
"Hiei?"
Hiei was muttering under his breath. Yusuke stared at him for a minute, as did Youko and Kuwabara. The fox soon announced that Hiei had taken to reciting the Greek alphabet backwards to the tune of 'I'm Lookin' Over a Four Leaf Clover,' which incidentally sounded awful and didn't quite work. Yusuke moved a foot or so away from Hiei as well, giving him funny looks and leaving him to walk next to Kuwabara.
I think I'll have Koga in the next chapter... Cuz I like him. He's cool. And he's a wolf demon! And wolves are cool! Woohoo!
Oh yeah, check out myotaku art page for the illustrations of The Rules For Surviving Around The Sesshie... (as of now, I only have 1-4...)