Author's Notes: There's no excuse as to why this update took so long. I'm
simply a master at procrastination, and if I don't have a set deadline I
tend to really put things off. About the only remedy I have is if one or
two of you kind souls out there throw me an email every few weeks or send
messages to my AIM name, and ask me how the story's is coming. Both of
those items can be found in my profile if anyone is interested in taking on
the task. Anyway . . .
There is a big timeline jump in this chapter, so please pay attention to the date given after the opening paragraphs to avoid confusion as to when this is happening. I think it's pretty clear, but what I think I'm writing and what you actually read could be very different, and would be my fault as the writer for not making my intentions clear. Please don't let me be a sloppy writer, and tell me if I'm confusing.
Disclaimer: I own nothing save for plot and any original characters. All the rest is the property of those individuals and corporations involved with the production of Gilmore Girls. The chapter titles come from various Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers songs and are the property of those individuals and corporations.
**********
Chapter Fifteen: One Day In Some Far Off Place
The uneasiness of that autumn bled into a tentative winter between Rory and Jess. The holidays passed with a phone conversation and an exchange of friendly if somewhat impersonal cards. The new year brought resolutions from both of them to try and curb their tempers when dealing with each other. Despite those vows, the pair occasionally still fought when emotions ran high. Apologies usually followed swiftly, and by spring their friendship had almost returned to the ease it had held the previous year. However that spring the calls became shorter due to increasing stress on both coasts. Rory was approaching the end of another school year, grappling with having to decide on a major, and wondering if it was the right time to find some kind of summer job or internship. Jess on the other hand was finishing his GED course work and contemplating finding a third job or finding a higher paying job and leaving the bookstore.
Summer came before either of them felt like they had a chance to breathe. Rory had done well on her final exams, not quite as well as she'd hoped but still well above average, and had managed to land a part-time assistant position with a Hartford newspaper. It amounted to a lot of coffee fetching and filing, but it was giving her a lot of insight into how a larger market newspaper was put together.
Jess had decided to leave the slower pace and familiarity of the bookstore to once again drive a forklift in a warehouse. He spent four days a week moving pallets and boxes and his weekends back on the beach shilling hot- dogs. It wasn't that he liked working at the Inferno as much as he like working with the people there. Finally, he was feeling accomplished and somewhat content in his life. However, a sinking feeling remained in the deepest part of his heart that things couldn't possibly continue to go as well as they were. If anything, history had proved that just when things seemed to be going well they completely fell apart.
**********
June 2005
Screaming inside his head, Jess gratefully left the Inferno without looking back. It had been nonstop people all day, all seeming to have stupid questions and not enough change. He wandered the boardwalk until he found a place to perch and pulled out his ever present book. Promptly losing himself in Rushdie's words, Jess barely noticed the passing of people to and from the beach and the lowering of the sun until he felt a tapping on his shoulder. He looked up, expecting to see one of the few people he knew, and was startled to find a strange girl standing next to him. Jess stared at her expectantly while the girl shifted a large sketch pad to her left hand and presented her free right hand to him. He took it hesitantly and shook it briefly.
"Hello," she said brightly but with a voice huskier than one expected to come from a person as small as she was. She pointed off down the boardwalk to a small stand draped with costume jewelry. "Ah . . . I work a that stand over there."
"Good for you," Jess said flatly, confused as to why she'd thought he'd care.
The stranger picked up on his mood. "Right. I didn't mean to bother you, but I was over there working, noticed you sitting here, and I had to draw you."
"You had to what?"
"Draw you," the girl repeated. "See, I'm applying to art schools, and I need to put together a portfolio of different kinds of work. I came over here to ask you if it would be all right if I included the drawing I just did of you."
Jess fought the urge to bite the inside of his cheek to make sure he wasn't in some kind of bizarre dream. It wasn't a normal occurrence in his life for girls to approach him with an apparent portrait. He looked over the girl again, taking in her appearance fully this time. She was as short as he'd originally thought, the top of her head would probably just come to his nose, and accordingly petite. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail but it was still obvious that it was very curly and dyed an almost blood red. Dressed simply in jeans and a t-shirt, her clothes weren't anything outlandish or revealing, and she wore them comfortably. Jess finished taking her in and looked back up at her face.
"Can I see what you've drawn?" he asked.
"Sure, of course," the girl said quickly. She turned the sketch pad so that he could see it. He'd been drawn sitting on the bench, legs kicked out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. In one hand was the book he'd been reading and the other was laid across the back of the bench, bent at the elbow and propping up his head. His face was done in profile, lips parted and hair curling over his forehead while he concentrated on the pages in front of him.
"Huh," Jess said casually, unsure of what to tell her. It was a wonderfully done, if a little rough around the edges. It made him nervous that she was able to capture him so well without even knowing him.
"It needs a bit of cleaning up and smoothing out, but . . ." she told him quickly and shrugged. "Would you be willing to let me use it?"
Jess nodded slightly. "It's good, but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable letting you send it around."
The girl hummed in disappointment. "Well, would you think about it for a couple of days? I can give you my number, and you can give me a call after you've thought it over." She tore off a corner of one of the blank pages in the sketch pad and scribbled a number on it, handing it to Jess with a hopeful look in her eyes. The hope had a bit more behind it than just wanting to be able to use the drawing, but he didn't seem to acknowledge it.
"Okay," he agreed somewhat reluctantly. "I'll think about it, but I can't call you unless you tell me who you are."
"Oh!" She blushed and thrust out her hand again, more nervously that before. "I'm Dana."
"Jess." He tucked the phone number into his book and got to his feet. "I guess I'll give you a call when I've decided."
"I'd appreciate that," Dana said earnestly. "Thank you, Jess."
"No problem. Look, I've had a long day, and I've got to work early in the morning so . . ."
"Sure, don't let me keep you." Flipping the pad closed, she slipped into a bag Jess hadn't noticed laying at her feet. "I look forward to hearing from you."
Jess only nodded again and gave a small wave of acknowledgment as he turned to head toward home. "Weird," he muttered to himself when he was sure he was out of earshot. Taking a chance, he looked over his shoulder. Dana was still standing near the bench watching him walk away. Jess couldn't be sure, but he thought she was checking out his butt.
**********
A few days later Jess let himself into the kitchen door of Jimmy and Sasha's house. It was late in the evening, and Lily was seated at the kitchen table with her homework while Sasha rinsed dishes in the sink. They both looked up as Jess shut the door behind him.
"Hey," Sasha said, "were we expecting you?"
"Nope," Jess replied, moving to stand behind Lily and look over her homework. "I'm unexpected."
Sasha laughed. "As always. We finished dinner, but there are some leftovers I can reheat if you're hungry."
"No thanks. I'm good," he told her. Looking down, he tapped Lily on the top of the head. "You're gonna want to double check your multiplication tables, kid."
"The sevens mess me up," the young girl grumbled.
Jess nodded in commiseration. "Yeah, for me it was the nines. I'll teach you a way to remember them better on Thursday, okay?"
"You can't do it now?" Lily asked.
"Sorry. I need to talk to Jimmy right now." Jess looked at Sasha. "He around?"
"Doing the books in his office."
"Okay." Giving Lily another affectionate tap, Jess turned and went back toward the office. The door was shut and he could head Jimmy singing off key along with David Bowie. Knocking once, Jess pushed the door open.
Jimmy turned, startled by the interruption. "What're you doing here?"
Jess shrugged and shut the door again, leaning against it. "I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Um . . . what? Like a work thing?" Jimmy looked thoroughly confused.
"Actually, no," Jess sighed. "It's more of a personal thing. I know I don't usually talk to you about that kind of stuff; I usually go to Luke. But this sort of involves Rory, and Luke might not be the best person when it comes to this so . . ."
"So I get to take it by default?" Jimmy waved Jess's argument off. "No, no. It's cool. I mean, you're comfortable enough to come to me now, and you used to not be. That's progress, right?"
"Yeah, progress," Jess said, slightly amused. "Anyway, Sunday when I left work I was reading on the boardwalk, and this girl came up to me."
"A girl," the older man said slyly. "I've got you now."
"No, I don't think you do," Jess protested. "It wasn't like that . . . I don't think. She drew me."
Jimmy's eyebrows arched. "She what now?"
"Drew me. You know, pencils and paper. Like a portrait or something. She said she was an art student, and she was putting together a portfolio. Wanted to know if she could include the drawing."
"And you said?"
"That I'd think about it." Jess shifted uncomfortably. "I've got her number, and I'm supposed to call when I've decided whether or not I'm going to let her use it. That's not the problem."
"Then what is?" Jimmy asked, leaning forward expectantly.
"See, when I walked off . . . I'm pretty sure she was checking me out. Not a new thing. It happens."
"So?"
"I sort of also got the feeling that if I called her she might be expecting me to talk to her about more than the picture."
"You mean ask her out?"
Jess groaned and nodded. "Do you know how long it's been since I've asked a girl out, since I've been on anything that could be considered a date?"
"Would you even want to go out with this girl?" Jimmy asked.
"I don't know," Jess admitted. "We didn't talk much, but she seemed cool. Maybe I might want to spend some time with her. That's the problem. There's Rory, and I will always care about her, but I can't have her right now."
Jimmy leaned back in his chair and regarded Jess seriously. "Then I don't know why this is a problem. You've been saying for months that you've got to move on and date other people. Do that. This isn't as big a deal as you're making it."
"Not to you maybe." Jess sighed and slid down the door, forearms coming to rest on his bent knees. He looked up at his father. "I can talk all I want about seeing someone else, but actually doing it? Jimmy, I don't know."
"What are you saying then, Jess? You wanna spend the rest of your life alone because you're scared?"
"I'm not scared."
"You sure as hell look scared from here," Jimmy chuckled. "Look, I know that Rory is special to you, but I don't think she'd want you to sit around and be miserable because of her, would she?"
Jess fiddled with a crease in his jeans petulantly. "No, she wouldn't."
"Then make a decision about the portrait thing, and call this other girl. Talk to her a little bit and ask her out if you want to, or let her ask you out. Besides, you don't even know if she'd want that or if you'd have anything in common. You could be freaking out over nothing," Jimmy said reasonably.
"I am not freaking out," Jess protested indignantly. "And maybe you're right."
Jimmy reached frantically for his calendar. "Wait, let me right this down and mark the date. 'Jess said I was right.'"
"Funny, funny." The younger man pushed to his feet and swatted the calendar away. "Bad comedy aside, thanks for listening to me."
"Thanks for wanting me to listen," Jimmy said. "Maybe we can do it again sometime?"
Jess nodded and smiled slightly. "Maybe. I'll see you Thursday." Pulling the door open, he left the office with another nod, said goodbye to Sasha and Lily on his way through the kitchen, and walked quickly home.
As soon as he entered the apartment, Jess went straight for the book he'd been reading the other day. In actuality, he'd decided whether or not he would let Dana use her drawing of him earlier, but he had been putting off calling her for the reasons he just discussed with Jimmy. Jess just wasn't sure how to talk to a girl who wasn't Rory anymore . . . especially if the girl might be interested in him. Not that he knew that for certain. For all Jess knew, Jimmy could be right and this girl could be completely uninterested in him as anything other than a subject for a drawing.
Groaning at how ridiculous he sounded to himself, Jess flipped the pages of the novel and caught the scrap of paper as it fluttered free. He took the paper over to the phone and leaned his hip against the counter. Gnawing nervously on the inside of his lower lip, Jess dialed the number and prayed he wouldn't sound as jumpy as he felt.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, hi, is Dana there?"
"This is Dana."
"Hey. This is Jess. From the other day." He rolled his eyes at himself.
"Sure, hi!" She took on a much more excited tone than she'd had when she answered the call. "I'm assuming you've made a decision for me?"
Jess tired not to laugh at her eagerness. "Yeah. I gave it a lot of thought, and it would be okay with me if you use the drawing."
Dana's grin was nearly audible. "Really? That's great! I really appreciate this."
"Sure. I mean, they'd be judging your talent and not me personally, so I guess it's not that big of a deal."
"Well, it's sort of a big deal to me," she told him. "It has some hold over my future."
"True," Jess agreed. "Are you sure you want to trust part of your future to a guy like me?"
"I don't know. What kind of guy are you?"
"Really depends on who you ask," Jess said honestly.
She laughed. "Okay, then. Maybe I could get a chance to figure it out for myself?"
Jess hummed in his throat, neither saying yes or no.
"Because I was thinking," Dana continued, "that I could really use you to sit for me again to clean up the drawing better, get the right lines and angles of your jaw and stuff. I could pay you for your time."
"I could do that for you," he said after some consideration, "and you don't have to pay me. It wouldn't feel right getting paid for letting you watch me read."
"Would you let me buy you dinner after?" she asked. "Pizza or something? Because I wouldn't feel right not compensating you in some way. I really should have offered you something the other day."
"Pizza'd be okay if you think you have to do something for me. Nothing fancy."
"All right. When would be a good time for you?"
He thought over his schedule for the next few days. "Saturday night? I have to work until seven, but I'm free after that. Would that work for you?"
A fluttering of turning pages came over the line. "That would be okay," Dana answered him. "Meet me at that bench again?"
"Sure." Jess was silent for a moment, waiting to see if she had something else to say. When she didn't, he continued, "I'll see you on Saturday then."
"Great," Dana said brightly. "Thanks again, Jess."
"No problem. Bye, Dana."
"Good night," she told him and hung up gently.
Jess hung up on his end of the line and leaned more fully against the counter. It occurred to him all of a sudden that he still didn't know if this was a date or not, and then he wondered if it really mattered what it was.
**********
That Saturday Jess strolled up to the agreed upon bench and found Dana already waiting for him, sitting hunched over a smaller sketch pad. He approached her silently and peered over her shoulder.
"Who're you drawing now?" he asked.
Dana jumped and dropped the charcoal pencil she was drawing with. "Don't do that! If I'd had a bad heart you could have killed me," she grumbled, turning to look up a Jess.
He smiled lightly. "But you're still alive, so your heart must be fine."
"I know a couple of people that would tell you I don't have one, but that's neither here nor there. Not to mention probably of very little interest to you." She reached down and retrieved her pencil and then got to her feet. "Thanks for meeting me again."
"No problem." Jess shrugged and pulled a paperback from his rear pocket. "It's not the same book, but I did manage to find one that's the same size. You want me to sit here again?"
"Actually, no." Dana folded up her smaller book and tucked it away in the same bag she'd carried the other day. "I've been here for awhile studying the light, and I think I can recreate it, or at least well enough for the little shadowing that I didn't get the first time around. I was hoping we could go to my place. It will be easier for me, and more comfortable for you."
Jess shifted skeptically for a moment but eventually agreed. "How far is it from here?"
"About twenty minutes on the bus. That okay?"
"If it's between that and a crazily long walk, yeah the bus is great."
She laughed. "Well, come on then." Dana led Jess to the bus stop, and they only had to wait for a moment before the correct bus pulled up.
"We timed that well," Jess commented after they'd gotten settled on the bus.
"Or I'm an evil mastermind who has the bus schedules memorized and I kept you talking long enough to make the bus just in time."
He looked askance at her, not sure what to think. "That's devious on a level I only dream of reaching."
"To bad it's just a coincidence," Dana laughed. "Though it's somewhat thrilling to think that I might be capable of that level of trickery. Almost everyone else I know thinks I'm far too open."
Jess snickered as Rory's and Lorelai's voices whispered 'Dirty!' in his head. The laugh was quickly squelched as Rory's face flashed across his mind, and he felt a momentary pang of guilt. Shaking it off, he looked down at his feet.
Dana noticed the change in his mood. "Something wrong?"
"No . . . sort of . . . it's complicated. I don't want to talk about it."
"All right." She asked him no more questions and made no more attempts to engage him in conversation other than to alert him to their stop. He was more appreciative than she could imagine.
The neighborhood they entered looked dilapidated and slightly dangerous. Dana led Jess a few blocks away from the bus stop to a squat gray building with a cracked facade. She gave him a sideways look, seeming to expect him to make a comment on the state of the place where she lived. His face remained impassive as he waited for her to direct him inside. They climbed to the third floor, and she let him into the apartment at the end of the hall.
Jess entered quietly and surveyed the space. It was a large single room with three beds lofted in three separate corners. A small refrigerator hummed near the large windows opposite the door; a hot plate perched on top of it. The rest of the room was littered with canvases, art supplies, and even a rickety looking potter's wheel. The corner that lacked a bed was crammed with lighting equipment.
"It's a mess, but it's home," Dana said glibly.
"How do you afford a place like this?" Jess wanted to know. His apartment was a quarter of the size of this place, and some months he scrambled to pay rent even with his two jobs.
"I've got two roommates, obviously," she said gesturing to two of the beds, "and one of them has a brother who pays part of the rent to keep his lights and stuff here." Mentioning the lights, she went to that corner of the room and pulled a few items to the center of the room. "He lets us use them . . . not that he knows that."
"What does he use them for?" Jess asked, moving to help untangle an extension cord.
Dana giggled. "He's in a wretched ska band. They think they're the second coming of Fishbone, and no one has the heart to tell them they're not 'cause we need the money." She adjusted a low sitting light and then flicked the setup on. "There, that should be all the sunlight I need. I mostly want to focus on your face. Would you be terribly uncomfortable on the floor?"
"Nah."
"Great, then get settled in front of the light. I'll get my stuff." She went to the bed farthest from the window and pulled some things from the pile of stuff underneath it.
Jess made himself as comfortable as possible on the floor and waited. Eventually, she came back across the room and sat in front of him, flipping through the pages of the larger sketch book she'd had the other day to find the drawing of him. Jess got a look at it and saw that more shading had been done and his clothes were better defined, creases and wrinkles accentuated.
"Okay if I touch you?" When he nodded affirmatively, Dana reached out and tilted his head down slightly and turned his chin more in her direction, studying his face. "Why is it that men are always the ones born with impossibly long, thick, beautiful eyelashes?" she wondered aloud.
"Payback for male pattern baldness," Jess deadpanned.
"Somehow I don't think that'll be a problem for you," she returned, trying to reorder his perpetually unruly hair to resemble the portrait.
He shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I never met my mother's father to know how much hair he had when he got older."
"You can't ask her?"
"She probably wouldn't know either. They didn't speak much after she left home. And I don't speak to her much anymore."
The easy conversation suddenly came to a grinding halt. "Um . . . I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up," Dana said quietly.
"You didn't know," Jess said with no trace of emotion. "It's not a big deal."
"I don't talk to my parents much anymore either," she offered in an attempt to even the awkwardness.
"No?"
"They think I'm wasting my time with my art. 'Doodling won't put food in your stomach.' That's my dad's big line. He wants me to study accounting and join his CPA office. I'd rather drink paint thinner."
Jess shifted his eyes in her direction. "That seems like an extreme way out."
"Between death and double column accounting, death wins every time." Dana tilted Jess's head down one more time. "Okay, now stop talking and sit still," she said sternly, taking up her pencil and starting to draw.
He sat as still as possible, listening to the gently scratching of charcoal against paper. It would have been an incredibly annoying sound if it had been any higher in pitch. As it was, Jess found himself becoming hypnotized by the soft rasping, and his thoughts turned, as they usually did when he wasn't concentrating on anything, to Rory. Rory was going to have a good laugh about all of this when he told her about it. The Jess that she knew back in Stars Hollow would never have sat still and let someone draw him, especially not if the portrait was going to sent out for viewing by people he didn't even know. He wasn't even sure that the Jess he was now would do something like that, but here he was. Letting a girl he didn't even know draw his portrait so she could send it to art schools. And on top of that, he was still under the impression that Dana was interested in him. When she'd been adjusting his position, her had hand lingered a little longer then he thought necessary on his jaw or on the nape of his neck. Not enough that he could call her on it with out looking paranoid, but it still raised questions that he felt that he would have to broach at some point during the evening . . . and then later with Rory. Jess swallowed hard and heaved a sigh.
"Uncomfortable?" Dana asked, pausing in her sketching.
"No," Jess said glumly, trying not to move too much. "Just thinking."
"Must have been some serious thoughts. I thought you were going to blow out a lung." She leaned forward and touched his arm. "I know we don't really know each other, but maybe you want to talk about it now? Get a new perspective?"
He looked down at her hand on his elbow. "We can start with that," he said nodding down at her hand.
Dana snatched her hand back quickly. "Sorry. Was that . . . I just . . . I was hoping that . . .. Whatever you think, I didn't start drawing you as a come on. I don't do things like that."
"I never thought that," Jess said. "I mean, I did think that maybe you were interested in me . . . that's what I was thinking about."
"Oh. Would that be a bad thing, if I were interested? Do you have a girlfriend . . . or boyfriend maybe?"
He couldn't stop the surprised bark of laughter. "Not interested in guys. Got an offer once when I was living in New York, but that's not important."
"So you have a girlfriend then." Dana sounded dejected and embarrassed. "Well, that's okay . . ."
"But I don't have a girlfriend," Jess protested gently, "not really, anyway."
"Then I'm confused." Dana tucked a lock of her oddly red hair behind her left ear. "Are you just not interested in me? Because you can say that. I'll understand."
"It's not that. I just met you, but you seem like someone I would like to get to know better. It's just that there's this girl, and it's really complicated."
Dana looked at him but not with the artist's eye she'd been viewing him with earlier. She seemed genuinely concerned with Jess's turn for the maudlin. "Will you tell me about it?"
Jess looked over at her, weighing his decision. Heaving a sigh, he shook his head. "No. I won't; I'm sorry." He just couldn't spill his soul to a person he hardly knew.
"Oh. Okay." Dana looked down at her lap, tugging at her left shoe where it was tucked under her right knee. Both she and Jess were quiet for a long time until she swallowed and looked back up. "So . . . do you want to maybe eat, or do you just want to go?"
"I think food would be good. I did promise you that you could feed me." Jess held out a hand when she moved to get up. "I just . . . it's not because I don't . . . I can't talk about it yet."
"It's all right. Like you said, you just met me," Dana replied. "Maybe someday you'll tell me?"
"Maybe," he said even though he wasn't sure he would ever be able to talk about Rory with another girl.
"Okay. So, pizza?"
Jess nodded, and he and Dana found themselves sitting in a slightly awkward silence after a brief discussion of toppings. He didn't quite no what to say to the girl sitting on the floor across from him. Normally, he wouldn't have minded the quiet; it was the way he usually preferred things. But this was different due to the fact that the person he was sitting with seemed to want to say something but was unsure of how to start.
Dana fiddled absently with her portrait of Jess, smudging lines here and there. Every so often she would look up at him, but it was unclear if it had to do with the drawing or her wanting to ask him further questions about the subject he refused to speak about. The stillness in the room made her nervous, and when the door buzzed signaling the arrival of the pizza, she jumped to her feet in shock.
She opened the door with a nervous laugh, paid the delivery person, and dropped the box on the floor in front of Jess. "We don't have a table," she apologized.
He flipped open the box. "Pizza doesn't really need one," he said with a shrug.
Nodding, she fetched a pile of napkins from the top of the small refrigerator and returned to sit on the other side of the pizza box. The previous silence continued while they ate, but at least it was less awkward now that they had something to do. But eventually the box was empty, and someone had to say something.
"I should probably get going," Jess said, standing and brushing his hands against he back of his legs. "I promised a friend I'd help her with something tomorrow."
"The friend you can't talk about?" Dana asked as she stood up. It was a question she probably should have left alone, but it slipped out. "Sorry. Not my business."
"It's okay. It's a different friend anyway. My father's girlfriend's kid." Jess tipped his head and watched the girl in front of him. He hadn't been wrong when he'd thought she was nice, and she knew enough to back off when he didn't want to talk, didn't force her way into his life. And he could certainly use a friend that wasn't in elementary school to spend time with. It was time for him to stop talking about moving on with his life and really do it.
"Listen," he said easily, "do you have any plans next weekend?"
Dana looked up at his face sharply, eyes surprised yet caution filled her voice. "No. Why?"
"I thought, if you weren't busy, we could hang out sometime."
She smiled then. "What about Friday night? Maybe a dinner somewhere with furniture? Just friends, though. I understand that," she said quickly so he couldn't protest that that sounded like a date.
"Okay," Jess agreed.
"We can meet at that bench again."
He held out his hand. "I'll see you there, around seven?"
"Sure." Dana shook his hand gently and then moved to open the door. "There'll be a bus in about five minutes. This time I do have the schedule memorized," she said with a small laugh. "Thanks again for sitting for me."
"No problem," Jess said. "See you later." He stepped into the hall, and the door clicked shut behind him. Shaking his head, he hurried out of the building and toward the bus stop wondering what on earth was he doing.
**********
The following Thursday night Jess was again sitting with Lily, and she was in rare form. She'd been sent home with a letter stating that she was reading in math class instead of paying attention to the teacher. It was the third time that such a letter had been sent home, and considering Lily's previous trouble with math, Sasha had taken fairly severe measures, to Lily anyway, as punishment. There was now a padlock holding the doors of Lily's reading cabinet shut, and she was furious at the loss of her favorite hiding spot. Jess was also under strict orders to make sure Lily did all of her homework and to check it over before she was allowed to even look at a non-school book. It made for a very tense evening of Jess having to be firm about the rules, and Lily shrieking with indignation whenever he pulled her copy of 'Jane Eyre' away from her.
"No, Lil," Jess grumbled for what felt like the sixty-first time in the last ten minutes. "Look, you can sigh over Jane and Mr. Rochester all you want as soon as you finish your long division worksheets."
Lily's eyes turned dark. "You're evil. I hate you," she hissed.
"Uh-huh. Divide." Jess pointed at the sheet in front of Lily, rolling his eyes at her melodramatic pouting. He was saved by another one of her ear- shattering tirades by the trilling of the phone.
He snatched up and growled an exasperated, "Yeah?"
"Wow. Grouchy," Rory decreed from the other end of the line.
"Very," Jess agreed.
"Why?"
"Lily."
Rory was surprised. "Really? What happened?"
"She got in trouble at school, and she's being punished. It's not a good scene."
"What did you do, take away her books?" Rory meant it as a joke.
"Yep."
"You're kidding?"
He laughed. "Nope. I wasn't even the one who decided to do it, but since I'm here enforcing it, I'm now the devil."
"Poor baby," Rory cooed.
"Her or me?"
"Both of you. But aside from non-literary Lily, what else is new?" Rory asked.
"Ouch, that was some ugly alliteration," Jess said and then cleared his throat. "Actually, it's been a little strange around here even without Lily getting in trouble."
"Really?" Rory sounded curious. "How strange?"
"I was sitting outside after work a around a week ago, and this totally random girl came up to me and said she'd drawn my portrait."
"What?!" Mirth and shock radiated in that one word.
"Yeah, that was pretty much my first reaction," Jess laughed. "Anyway, she wanted to use it in an art school application portfolio, and I let her."
It was Rory's turn to laugh. "You're going to be part of her art school apps? Won't your scowling scare the admissions office?"
"I'm reading," Jess protested. "There's nothing scary about that."
"Unless it's Hemmingway."
"Did Ernest wrong you in another life or something? Kill your puppy?"
"You're not funny," Rory said dryly.
"I never said I was," Jess told her. "And it's actually a pretty good drawing, especially after the second sitting."
Rory made a strange noise. "Second sitting?"
Jess swallowed heavily. There was no avoiding it now. "Yeah. Dana asked if she could meet with me again to clean up the portrait a little. She bought me to dinner afterward as payment."
"Dinner? Like a date?" Rory wanted to know. She still sounded odd, hollow.
"Not exactly. It was just a pizza," he said. "She just wanted to pay me for my time, and I wouldn't take her money."
"Uh-huh. So, that's it then? You did her a favor and she paid you back?"
He faltered for an answer. "Well, no more drawing, I don't think . . ."
"But . . ." Rory prompted.
"I'm having dinner with her again tomorrow."
Rory sucked in a breath. "And that's a date." It wasn't a question, and it was evident in her tone that Rory wouldn't believe that it wasn't no matter what Jess said.
"No, not really. It's just a friendly thing. Dana's really nice, and we had a lot to talk about other night. You'd like her. I like her." Almost immediately Jess wanted to take that back.
"I see," Rory said icily. "I hope you have a nice time with her, but I have to go."
Jess groaned. "Rory, come on! Don't do this; we had a deal." His plea fell on deaf ears. Rory had hung up on him . . . again. He stared at the buzzing phone in disbelief. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go. She was supposed to be understanding; that was what they had agreed to. Of course, if it had been Rory telling him that she had a sort-of-but- not-really-date, he might have had a very similar reaction. So maybe he couldn't blame her. But he didn't have to let her get away with it.
"I told you that you were evil," Lily piped up from the table behind Jess.
He turned and saw the girl's head buried in a book and her homework unfinished on the table. Reaching out, he pulled the hardcover book easily from her smaller hands. He shut it with a snap and hurled it into the living room. It opened as it fell through the air and landed face down with a thump, pages crumpling against the floor.
"Hey!" Lily shrieked. "Literature abuse!"
"Math." Jess shoved the worksheet back in front of her. "I mean it, Lil. Don't mess with me right now."
She took up her pencil again with a huff. "I still hate you."
"Right now, I really don't care." He sat across from her, throwing out stern looks when ever Lily glanced up. While she scribbled away, he tried to figure out what to do about his latest disastrous phone call. It began to be clear that, while he had a few options, only one thing could be done to try and save things with Rory with a minimum of pain for both of them.
Ten minutes after she hung up on him, Jess called Rory back.
"I give you enough time to have your little temper tantrum?" he asked when she answered. "I can call back in another ten if you're not finished stomping and pouting or whatever."
"I did not stomp," Rory protested weakly. "There was no tantrum."
"Uh-huh. Did you throw something?"
"Perhaps."
"Then it was a tantrum," Jess decreed.
Rory huffed. "I was upset. I reacted . . . and now I feel foolish and childish and stupid."
"Which is enough of an apology for me." He paused thoughtfully, deciding on whether or not to say something else in an attempt to appease her smarting feelings. It probably wouldn't hurt; it would be what he wanted if their roles were reversed. "I'm sorry this is so hard."
"Me too," she sighed. "It's not that I don't want you to have friends and meet new people. I want you to be happy, Jess, I really do. It's just that I wish I could be the one to make you happy."
"'You can't always get what you want,'" Jess sang softly.
Rory laughed. "Don't sing. I hurt enough right now."
"Hey, you think I'm bad? You should hear Jimmy butcher Cat Stevens."
"Jimmy listens to Cat Stevens?" Rory forgot for a moment that she was upset with Jess. "I can't really picture that."
Jess hummed in agreement. "Yeah, it was a weird moment when I caught him belting that out one afternoon."
"Yikes." Rory was about to comment further when she remembered how she'd been feeling not even a minute before. "Hey, you changed the subject," she accused.
"I was hoping you wouldn't notice." Jess sighed heavily. "I just don't know what else to say to you. I know you're mad, I know you're hurt, but there isn't anything else that we can do."
"You can still come home," Rory tried to reason again. "There's still a place for you here."
"Not this again," he groaned. "There's a place for me here too, Rory. A place that I've gotten together on my own. It isn't just about getting to know Jimmy anymore. It's about getting to know myself. I have to say here . . . probably not forever, but for now it's where I have to be."
Rory was very quiet for a moment. "I don't think you've ever said it like that before. With that much intensity."
"I probably haven't. But do you understand now?"
"I understand why you're staying out there, why you won't come back . . . but I'm not going to be understanding about the dating, not right away. You've got to give me time to get used to that."
"I will. I'd need that too . . . will need that eventually," Jess said softly.
"What does that mean?" Rory wanted to know.
"Well, I don't think you're planning on living as a spinster, are you? At some point you're going to date someone. And no matter what's going on in my life, that will be hard for me to hear."
"We'll see," she told him. There was something in her tone that suggested that it wouldn't be his reaction they'd being looking for, it would be whether or not she dated at all.
Jess cleared his throat, the seriousness of their conversation making his chest ache a little. "Just know that, whatever happens, you will always be more than special to me."
Rory let out a shaky little whimper. "I love you, Jess."
"I know you do. Good night, Rory."
"Good night," she whispered and hung up for the second time.
Blowing out his breath, Jess turned off the phone. He leaned forward on his knees and looked from the living room where he'd retreated when he'd called Rory back to the kitchen where Lily still sat working angrily on her homework. As Jess watched her, a small pained smiled tugged at his lips. He thought it must be nice to have your biggest worry be how many times nine went into one hundred and eighty-nine.
**********
Author's Notes the Second: I know that I have done something in this chapter that might upset some readers, but I want you all to know that I have this story planned out to the end and beyond. Just stick with me, and I promise it will all come together in the end. Thanks for reading and review if you've got the time.
There is a big timeline jump in this chapter, so please pay attention to the date given after the opening paragraphs to avoid confusion as to when this is happening. I think it's pretty clear, but what I think I'm writing and what you actually read could be very different, and would be my fault as the writer for not making my intentions clear. Please don't let me be a sloppy writer, and tell me if I'm confusing.
Disclaimer: I own nothing save for plot and any original characters. All the rest is the property of those individuals and corporations involved with the production of Gilmore Girls. The chapter titles come from various Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers songs and are the property of those individuals and corporations.
**********
Chapter Fifteen: One Day In Some Far Off Place
The uneasiness of that autumn bled into a tentative winter between Rory and Jess. The holidays passed with a phone conversation and an exchange of friendly if somewhat impersonal cards. The new year brought resolutions from both of them to try and curb their tempers when dealing with each other. Despite those vows, the pair occasionally still fought when emotions ran high. Apologies usually followed swiftly, and by spring their friendship had almost returned to the ease it had held the previous year. However that spring the calls became shorter due to increasing stress on both coasts. Rory was approaching the end of another school year, grappling with having to decide on a major, and wondering if it was the right time to find some kind of summer job or internship. Jess on the other hand was finishing his GED course work and contemplating finding a third job or finding a higher paying job and leaving the bookstore.
Summer came before either of them felt like they had a chance to breathe. Rory had done well on her final exams, not quite as well as she'd hoped but still well above average, and had managed to land a part-time assistant position with a Hartford newspaper. It amounted to a lot of coffee fetching and filing, but it was giving her a lot of insight into how a larger market newspaper was put together.
Jess had decided to leave the slower pace and familiarity of the bookstore to once again drive a forklift in a warehouse. He spent four days a week moving pallets and boxes and his weekends back on the beach shilling hot- dogs. It wasn't that he liked working at the Inferno as much as he like working with the people there. Finally, he was feeling accomplished and somewhat content in his life. However, a sinking feeling remained in the deepest part of his heart that things couldn't possibly continue to go as well as they were. If anything, history had proved that just when things seemed to be going well they completely fell apart.
**********
June 2005
Screaming inside his head, Jess gratefully left the Inferno without looking back. It had been nonstop people all day, all seeming to have stupid questions and not enough change. He wandered the boardwalk until he found a place to perch and pulled out his ever present book. Promptly losing himself in Rushdie's words, Jess barely noticed the passing of people to and from the beach and the lowering of the sun until he felt a tapping on his shoulder. He looked up, expecting to see one of the few people he knew, and was startled to find a strange girl standing next to him. Jess stared at her expectantly while the girl shifted a large sketch pad to her left hand and presented her free right hand to him. He took it hesitantly and shook it briefly.
"Hello," she said brightly but with a voice huskier than one expected to come from a person as small as she was. She pointed off down the boardwalk to a small stand draped with costume jewelry. "Ah . . . I work a that stand over there."
"Good for you," Jess said flatly, confused as to why she'd thought he'd care.
The stranger picked up on his mood. "Right. I didn't mean to bother you, but I was over there working, noticed you sitting here, and I had to draw you."
"You had to what?"
"Draw you," the girl repeated. "See, I'm applying to art schools, and I need to put together a portfolio of different kinds of work. I came over here to ask you if it would be all right if I included the drawing I just did of you."
Jess fought the urge to bite the inside of his cheek to make sure he wasn't in some kind of bizarre dream. It wasn't a normal occurrence in his life for girls to approach him with an apparent portrait. He looked over the girl again, taking in her appearance fully this time. She was as short as he'd originally thought, the top of her head would probably just come to his nose, and accordingly petite. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail but it was still obvious that it was very curly and dyed an almost blood red. Dressed simply in jeans and a t-shirt, her clothes weren't anything outlandish or revealing, and she wore them comfortably. Jess finished taking her in and looked back up at her face.
"Can I see what you've drawn?" he asked.
"Sure, of course," the girl said quickly. She turned the sketch pad so that he could see it. He'd been drawn sitting on the bench, legs kicked out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. In one hand was the book he'd been reading and the other was laid across the back of the bench, bent at the elbow and propping up his head. His face was done in profile, lips parted and hair curling over his forehead while he concentrated on the pages in front of him.
"Huh," Jess said casually, unsure of what to tell her. It was a wonderfully done, if a little rough around the edges. It made him nervous that she was able to capture him so well without even knowing him.
"It needs a bit of cleaning up and smoothing out, but . . ." she told him quickly and shrugged. "Would you be willing to let me use it?"
Jess nodded slightly. "It's good, but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable letting you send it around."
The girl hummed in disappointment. "Well, would you think about it for a couple of days? I can give you my number, and you can give me a call after you've thought it over." She tore off a corner of one of the blank pages in the sketch pad and scribbled a number on it, handing it to Jess with a hopeful look in her eyes. The hope had a bit more behind it than just wanting to be able to use the drawing, but he didn't seem to acknowledge it.
"Okay," he agreed somewhat reluctantly. "I'll think about it, but I can't call you unless you tell me who you are."
"Oh!" She blushed and thrust out her hand again, more nervously that before. "I'm Dana."
"Jess." He tucked the phone number into his book and got to his feet. "I guess I'll give you a call when I've decided."
"I'd appreciate that," Dana said earnestly. "Thank you, Jess."
"No problem. Look, I've had a long day, and I've got to work early in the morning so . . ."
"Sure, don't let me keep you." Flipping the pad closed, she slipped into a bag Jess hadn't noticed laying at her feet. "I look forward to hearing from you."
Jess only nodded again and gave a small wave of acknowledgment as he turned to head toward home. "Weird," he muttered to himself when he was sure he was out of earshot. Taking a chance, he looked over his shoulder. Dana was still standing near the bench watching him walk away. Jess couldn't be sure, but he thought she was checking out his butt.
**********
A few days later Jess let himself into the kitchen door of Jimmy and Sasha's house. It was late in the evening, and Lily was seated at the kitchen table with her homework while Sasha rinsed dishes in the sink. They both looked up as Jess shut the door behind him.
"Hey," Sasha said, "were we expecting you?"
"Nope," Jess replied, moving to stand behind Lily and look over her homework. "I'm unexpected."
Sasha laughed. "As always. We finished dinner, but there are some leftovers I can reheat if you're hungry."
"No thanks. I'm good," he told her. Looking down, he tapped Lily on the top of the head. "You're gonna want to double check your multiplication tables, kid."
"The sevens mess me up," the young girl grumbled.
Jess nodded in commiseration. "Yeah, for me it was the nines. I'll teach you a way to remember them better on Thursday, okay?"
"You can't do it now?" Lily asked.
"Sorry. I need to talk to Jimmy right now." Jess looked at Sasha. "He around?"
"Doing the books in his office."
"Okay." Giving Lily another affectionate tap, Jess turned and went back toward the office. The door was shut and he could head Jimmy singing off key along with David Bowie. Knocking once, Jess pushed the door open.
Jimmy turned, startled by the interruption. "What're you doing here?"
Jess shrugged and shut the door again, leaning against it. "I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Um . . . what? Like a work thing?" Jimmy looked thoroughly confused.
"Actually, no," Jess sighed. "It's more of a personal thing. I know I don't usually talk to you about that kind of stuff; I usually go to Luke. But this sort of involves Rory, and Luke might not be the best person when it comes to this so . . ."
"So I get to take it by default?" Jimmy waved Jess's argument off. "No, no. It's cool. I mean, you're comfortable enough to come to me now, and you used to not be. That's progress, right?"
"Yeah, progress," Jess said, slightly amused. "Anyway, Sunday when I left work I was reading on the boardwalk, and this girl came up to me."
"A girl," the older man said slyly. "I've got you now."
"No, I don't think you do," Jess protested. "It wasn't like that . . . I don't think. She drew me."
Jimmy's eyebrows arched. "She what now?"
"Drew me. You know, pencils and paper. Like a portrait or something. She said she was an art student, and she was putting together a portfolio. Wanted to know if she could include the drawing."
"And you said?"
"That I'd think about it." Jess shifted uncomfortably. "I've got her number, and I'm supposed to call when I've decided whether or not I'm going to let her use it. That's not the problem."
"Then what is?" Jimmy asked, leaning forward expectantly.
"See, when I walked off . . . I'm pretty sure she was checking me out. Not a new thing. It happens."
"So?"
"I sort of also got the feeling that if I called her she might be expecting me to talk to her about more than the picture."
"You mean ask her out?"
Jess groaned and nodded. "Do you know how long it's been since I've asked a girl out, since I've been on anything that could be considered a date?"
"Would you even want to go out with this girl?" Jimmy asked.
"I don't know," Jess admitted. "We didn't talk much, but she seemed cool. Maybe I might want to spend some time with her. That's the problem. There's Rory, and I will always care about her, but I can't have her right now."
Jimmy leaned back in his chair and regarded Jess seriously. "Then I don't know why this is a problem. You've been saying for months that you've got to move on and date other people. Do that. This isn't as big a deal as you're making it."
"Not to you maybe." Jess sighed and slid down the door, forearms coming to rest on his bent knees. He looked up at his father. "I can talk all I want about seeing someone else, but actually doing it? Jimmy, I don't know."
"What are you saying then, Jess? You wanna spend the rest of your life alone because you're scared?"
"I'm not scared."
"You sure as hell look scared from here," Jimmy chuckled. "Look, I know that Rory is special to you, but I don't think she'd want you to sit around and be miserable because of her, would she?"
Jess fiddled with a crease in his jeans petulantly. "No, she wouldn't."
"Then make a decision about the portrait thing, and call this other girl. Talk to her a little bit and ask her out if you want to, or let her ask you out. Besides, you don't even know if she'd want that or if you'd have anything in common. You could be freaking out over nothing," Jimmy said reasonably.
"I am not freaking out," Jess protested indignantly. "And maybe you're right."
Jimmy reached frantically for his calendar. "Wait, let me right this down and mark the date. 'Jess said I was right.'"
"Funny, funny." The younger man pushed to his feet and swatted the calendar away. "Bad comedy aside, thanks for listening to me."
"Thanks for wanting me to listen," Jimmy said. "Maybe we can do it again sometime?"
Jess nodded and smiled slightly. "Maybe. I'll see you Thursday." Pulling the door open, he left the office with another nod, said goodbye to Sasha and Lily on his way through the kitchen, and walked quickly home.
As soon as he entered the apartment, Jess went straight for the book he'd been reading the other day. In actuality, he'd decided whether or not he would let Dana use her drawing of him earlier, but he had been putting off calling her for the reasons he just discussed with Jimmy. Jess just wasn't sure how to talk to a girl who wasn't Rory anymore . . . especially if the girl might be interested in him. Not that he knew that for certain. For all Jess knew, Jimmy could be right and this girl could be completely uninterested in him as anything other than a subject for a drawing.
Groaning at how ridiculous he sounded to himself, Jess flipped the pages of the novel and caught the scrap of paper as it fluttered free. He took the paper over to the phone and leaned his hip against the counter. Gnawing nervously on the inside of his lower lip, Jess dialed the number and prayed he wouldn't sound as jumpy as he felt.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, hi, is Dana there?"
"This is Dana."
"Hey. This is Jess. From the other day." He rolled his eyes at himself.
"Sure, hi!" She took on a much more excited tone than she'd had when she answered the call. "I'm assuming you've made a decision for me?"
Jess tired not to laugh at her eagerness. "Yeah. I gave it a lot of thought, and it would be okay with me if you use the drawing."
Dana's grin was nearly audible. "Really? That's great! I really appreciate this."
"Sure. I mean, they'd be judging your talent and not me personally, so I guess it's not that big of a deal."
"Well, it's sort of a big deal to me," she told him. "It has some hold over my future."
"True," Jess agreed. "Are you sure you want to trust part of your future to a guy like me?"
"I don't know. What kind of guy are you?"
"Really depends on who you ask," Jess said honestly.
She laughed. "Okay, then. Maybe I could get a chance to figure it out for myself?"
Jess hummed in his throat, neither saying yes or no.
"Because I was thinking," Dana continued, "that I could really use you to sit for me again to clean up the drawing better, get the right lines and angles of your jaw and stuff. I could pay you for your time."
"I could do that for you," he said after some consideration, "and you don't have to pay me. It wouldn't feel right getting paid for letting you watch me read."
"Would you let me buy you dinner after?" she asked. "Pizza or something? Because I wouldn't feel right not compensating you in some way. I really should have offered you something the other day."
"Pizza'd be okay if you think you have to do something for me. Nothing fancy."
"All right. When would be a good time for you?"
He thought over his schedule for the next few days. "Saturday night? I have to work until seven, but I'm free after that. Would that work for you?"
A fluttering of turning pages came over the line. "That would be okay," Dana answered him. "Meet me at that bench again?"
"Sure." Jess was silent for a moment, waiting to see if she had something else to say. When she didn't, he continued, "I'll see you on Saturday then."
"Great," Dana said brightly. "Thanks again, Jess."
"No problem. Bye, Dana."
"Good night," she told him and hung up gently.
Jess hung up on his end of the line and leaned more fully against the counter. It occurred to him all of a sudden that he still didn't know if this was a date or not, and then he wondered if it really mattered what it was.
**********
That Saturday Jess strolled up to the agreed upon bench and found Dana already waiting for him, sitting hunched over a smaller sketch pad. He approached her silently and peered over her shoulder.
"Who're you drawing now?" he asked.
Dana jumped and dropped the charcoal pencil she was drawing with. "Don't do that! If I'd had a bad heart you could have killed me," she grumbled, turning to look up a Jess.
He smiled lightly. "But you're still alive, so your heart must be fine."
"I know a couple of people that would tell you I don't have one, but that's neither here nor there. Not to mention probably of very little interest to you." She reached down and retrieved her pencil and then got to her feet. "Thanks for meeting me again."
"No problem." Jess shrugged and pulled a paperback from his rear pocket. "It's not the same book, but I did manage to find one that's the same size. You want me to sit here again?"
"Actually, no." Dana folded up her smaller book and tucked it away in the same bag she'd carried the other day. "I've been here for awhile studying the light, and I think I can recreate it, or at least well enough for the little shadowing that I didn't get the first time around. I was hoping we could go to my place. It will be easier for me, and more comfortable for you."
Jess shifted skeptically for a moment but eventually agreed. "How far is it from here?"
"About twenty minutes on the bus. That okay?"
"If it's between that and a crazily long walk, yeah the bus is great."
She laughed. "Well, come on then." Dana led Jess to the bus stop, and they only had to wait for a moment before the correct bus pulled up.
"We timed that well," Jess commented after they'd gotten settled on the bus.
"Or I'm an evil mastermind who has the bus schedules memorized and I kept you talking long enough to make the bus just in time."
He looked askance at her, not sure what to think. "That's devious on a level I only dream of reaching."
"To bad it's just a coincidence," Dana laughed. "Though it's somewhat thrilling to think that I might be capable of that level of trickery. Almost everyone else I know thinks I'm far too open."
Jess snickered as Rory's and Lorelai's voices whispered 'Dirty!' in his head. The laugh was quickly squelched as Rory's face flashed across his mind, and he felt a momentary pang of guilt. Shaking it off, he looked down at his feet.
Dana noticed the change in his mood. "Something wrong?"
"No . . . sort of . . . it's complicated. I don't want to talk about it."
"All right." She asked him no more questions and made no more attempts to engage him in conversation other than to alert him to their stop. He was more appreciative than she could imagine.
The neighborhood they entered looked dilapidated and slightly dangerous. Dana led Jess a few blocks away from the bus stop to a squat gray building with a cracked facade. She gave him a sideways look, seeming to expect him to make a comment on the state of the place where she lived. His face remained impassive as he waited for her to direct him inside. They climbed to the third floor, and she let him into the apartment at the end of the hall.
Jess entered quietly and surveyed the space. It was a large single room with three beds lofted in three separate corners. A small refrigerator hummed near the large windows opposite the door; a hot plate perched on top of it. The rest of the room was littered with canvases, art supplies, and even a rickety looking potter's wheel. The corner that lacked a bed was crammed with lighting equipment.
"It's a mess, but it's home," Dana said glibly.
"How do you afford a place like this?" Jess wanted to know. His apartment was a quarter of the size of this place, and some months he scrambled to pay rent even with his two jobs.
"I've got two roommates, obviously," she said gesturing to two of the beds, "and one of them has a brother who pays part of the rent to keep his lights and stuff here." Mentioning the lights, she went to that corner of the room and pulled a few items to the center of the room. "He lets us use them . . . not that he knows that."
"What does he use them for?" Jess asked, moving to help untangle an extension cord.
Dana giggled. "He's in a wretched ska band. They think they're the second coming of Fishbone, and no one has the heart to tell them they're not 'cause we need the money." She adjusted a low sitting light and then flicked the setup on. "There, that should be all the sunlight I need. I mostly want to focus on your face. Would you be terribly uncomfortable on the floor?"
"Nah."
"Great, then get settled in front of the light. I'll get my stuff." She went to the bed farthest from the window and pulled some things from the pile of stuff underneath it.
Jess made himself as comfortable as possible on the floor and waited. Eventually, she came back across the room and sat in front of him, flipping through the pages of the larger sketch book she'd had the other day to find the drawing of him. Jess got a look at it and saw that more shading had been done and his clothes were better defined, creases and wrinkles accentuated.
"Okay if I touch you?" When he nodded affirmatively, Dana reached out and tilted his head down slightly and turned his chin more in her direction, studying his face. "Why is it that men are always the ones born with impossibly long, thick, beautiful eyelashes?" she wondered aloud.
"Payback for male pattern baldness," Jess deadpanned.
"Somehow I don't think that'll be a problem for you," she returned, trying to reorder his perpetually unruly hair to resemble the portrait.
He shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I never met my mother's father to know how much hair he had when he got older."
"You can't ask her?"
"She probably wouldn't know either. They didn't speak much after she left home. And I don't speak to her much anymore."
The easy conversation suddenly came to a grinding halt. "Um . . . I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up," Dana said quietly.
"You didn't know," Jess said with no trace of emotion. "It's not a big deal."
"I don't talk to my parents much anymore either," she offered in an attempt to even the awkwardness.
"No?"
"They think I'm wasting my time with my art. 'Doodling won't put food in your stomach.' That's my dad's big line. He wants me to study accounting and join his CPA office. I'd rather drink paint thinner."
Jess shifted his eyes in her direction. "That seems like an extreme way out."
"Between death and double column accounting, death wins every time." Dana tilted Jess's head down one more time. "Okay, now stop talking and sit still," she said sternly, taking up her pencil and starting to draw.
He sat as still as possible, listening to the gently scratching of charcoal against paper. It would have been an incredibly annoying sound if it had been any higher in pitch. As it was, Jess found himself becoming hypnotized by the soft rasping, and his thoughts turned, as they usually did when he wasn't concentrating on anything, to Rory. Rory was going to have a good laugh about all of this when he told her about it. The Jess that she knew back in Stars Hollow would never have sat still and let someone draw him, especially not if the portrait was going to sent out for viewing by people he didn't even know. He wasn't even sure that the Jess he was now would do something like that, but here he was. Letting a girl he didn't even know draw his portrait so she could send it to art schools. And on top of that, he was still under the impression that Dana was interested in him. When she'd been adjusting his position, her had hand lingered a little longer then he thought necessary on his jaw or on the nape of his neck. Not enough that he could call her on it with out looking paranoid, but it still raised questions that he felt that he would have to broach at some point during the evening . . . and then later with Rory. Jess swallowed hard and heaved a sigh.
"Uncomfortable?" Dana asked, pausing in her sketching.
"No," Jess said glumly, trying not to move too much. "Just thinking."
"Must have been some serious thoughts. I thought you were going to blow out a lung." She leaned forward and touched his arm. "I know we don't really know each other, but maybe you want to talk about it now? Get a new perspective?"
He looked down at her hand on his elbow. "We can start with that," he said nodding down at her hand.
Dana snatched her hand back quickly. "Sorry. Was that . . . I just . . . I was hoping that . . .. Whatever you think, I didn't start drawing you as a come on. I don't do things like that."
"I never thought that," Jess said. "I mean, I did think that maybe you were interested in me . . . that's what I was thinking about."
"Oh. Would that be a bad thing, if I were interested? Do you have a girlfriend . . . or boyfriend maybe?"
He couldn't stop the surprised bark of laughter. "Not interested in guys. Got an offer once when I was living in New York, but that's not important."
"So you have a girlfriend then." Dana sounded dejected and embarrassed. "Well, that's okay . . ."
"But I don't have a girlfriend," Jess protested gently, "not really, anyway."
"Then I'm confused." Dana tucked a lock of her oddly red hair behind her left ear. "Are you just not interested in me? Because you can say that. I'll understand."
"It's not that. I just met you, but you seem like someone I would like to get to know better. It's just that there's this girl, and it's really complicated."
Dana looked at him but not with the artist's eye she'd been viewing him with earlier. She seemed genuinely concerned with Jess's turn for the maudlin. "Will you tell me about it?"
Jess looked over at her, weighing his decision. Heaving a sigh, he shook his head. "No. I won't; I'm sorry." He just couldn't spill his soul to a person he hardly knew.
"Oh. Okay." Dana looked down at her lap, tugging at her left shoe where it was tucked under her right knee. Both she and Jess were quiet for a long time until she swallowed and looked back up. "So . . . do you want to maybe eat, or do you just want to go?"
"I think food would be good. I did promise you that you could feed me." Jess held out a hand when she moved to get up. "I just . . . it's not because I don't . . . I can't talk about it yet."
"It's all right. Like you said, you just met me," Dana replied. "Maybe someday you'll tell me?"
"Maybe," he said even though he wasn't sure he would ever be able to talk about Rory with another girl.
"Okay. So, pizza?"
Jess nodded, and he and Dana found themselves sitting in a slightly awkward silence after a brief discussion of toppings. He didn't quite no what to say to the girl sitting on the floor across from him. Normally, he wouldn't have minded the quiet; it was the way he usually preferred things. But this was different due to the fact that the person he was sitting with seemed to want to say something but was unsure of how to start.
Dana fiddled absently with her portrait of Jess, smudging lines here and there. Every so often she would look up at him, but it was unclear if it had to do with the drawing or her wanting to ask him further questions about the subject he refused to speak about. The stillness in the room made her nervous, and when the door buzzed signaling the arrival of the pizza, she jumped to her feet in shock.
She opened the door with a nervous laugh, paid the delivery person, and dropped the box on the floor in front of Jess. "We don't have a table," she apologized.
He flipped open the box. "Pizza doesn't really need one," he said with a shrug.
Nodding, she fetched a pile of napkins from the top of the small refrigerator and returned to sit on the other side of the pizza box. The previous silence continued while they ate, but at least it was less awkward now that they had something to do. But eventually the box was empty, and someone had to say something.
"I should probably get going," Jess said, standing and brushing his hands against he back of his legs. "I promised a friend I'd help her with something tomorrow."
"The friend you can't talk about?" Dana asked as she stood up. It was a question she probably should have left alone, but it slipped out. "Sorry. Not my business."
"It's okay. It's a different friend anyway. My father's girlfriend's kid." Jess tipped his head and watched the girl in front of him. He hadn't been wrong when he'd thought she was nice, and she knew enough to back off when he didn't want to talk, didn't force her way into his life. And he could certainly use a friend that wasn't in elementary school to spend time with. It was time for him to stop talking about moving on with his life and really do it.
"Listen," he said easily, "do you have any plans next weekend?"
Dana looked up at his face sharply, eyes surprised yet caution filled her voice. "No. Why?"
"I thought, if you weren't busy, we could hang out sometime."
She smiled then. "What about Friday night? Maybe a dinner somewhere with furniture? Just friends, though. I understand that," she said quickly so he couldn't protest that that sounded like a date.
"Okay," Jess agreed.
"We can meet at that bench again."
He held out his hand. "I'll see you there, around seven?"
"Sure." Dana shook his hand gently and then moved to open the door. "There'll be a bus in about five minutes. This time I do have the schedule memorized," she said with a small laugh. "Thanks again for sitting for me."
"No problem," Jess said. "See you later." He stepped into the hall, and the door clicked shut behind him. Shaking his head, he hurried out of the building and toward the bus stop wondering what on earth was he doing.
**********
The following Thursday night Jess was again sitting with Lily, and she was in rare form. She'd been sent home with a letter stating that she was reading in math class instead of paying attention to the teacher. It was the third time that such a letter had been sent home, and considering Lily's previous trouble with math, Sasha had taken fairly severe measures, to Lily anyway, as punishment. There was now a padlock holding the doors of Lily's reading cabinet shut, and she was furious at the loss of her favorite hiding spot. Jess was also under strict orders to make sure Lily did all of her homework and to check it over before she was allowed to even look at a non-school book. It made for a very tense evening of Jess having to be firm about the rules, and Lily shrieking with indignation whenever he pulled her copy of 'Jane Eyre' away from her.
"No, Lil," Jess grumbled for what felt like the sixty-first time in the last ten minutes. "Look, you can sigh over Jane and Mr. Rochester all you want as soon as you finish your long division worksheets."
Lily's eyes turned dark. "You're evil. I hate you," she hissed.
"Uh-huh. Divide." Jess pointed at the sheet in front of Lily, rolling his eyes at her melodramatic pouting. He was saved by another one of her ear- shattering tirades by the trilling of the phone.
He snatched up and growled an exasperated, "Yeah?"
"Wow. Grouchy," Rory decreed from the other end of the line.
"Very," Jess agreed.
"Why?"
"Lily."
Rory was surprised. "Really? What happened?"
"She got in trouble at school, and she's being punished. It's not a good scene."
"What did you do, take away her books?" Rory meant it as a joke.
"Yep."
"You're kidding?"
He laughed. "Nope. I wasn't even the one who decided to do it, but since I'm here enforcing it, I'm now the devil."
"Poor baby," Rory cooed.
"Her or me?"
"Both of you. But aside from non-literary Lily, what else is new?" Rory asked.
"Ouch, that was some ugly alliteration," Jess said and then cleared his throat. "Actually, it's been a little strange around here even without Lily getting in trouble."
"Really?" Rory sounded curious. "How strange?"
"I was sitting outside after work a around a week ago, and this totally random girl came up to me and said she'd drawn my portrait."
"What?!" Mirth and shock radiated in that one word.
"Yeah, that was pretty much my first reaction," Jess laughed. "Anyway, she wanted to use it in an art school application portfolio, and I let her."
It was Rory's turn to laugh. "You're going to be part of her art school apps? Won't your scowling scare the admissions office?"
"I'm reading," Jess protested. "There's nothing scary about that."
"Unless it's Hemmingway."
"Did Ernest wrong you in another life or something? Kill your puppy?"
"You're not funny," Rory said dryly.
"I never said I was," Jess told her. "And it's actually a pretty good drawing, especially after the second sitting."
Rory made a strange noise. "Second sitting?"
Jess swallowed heavily. There was no avoiding it now. "Yeah. Dana asked if she could meet with me again to clean up the portrait a little. She bought me to dinner afterward as payment."
"Dinner? Like a date?" Rory wanted to know. She still sounded odd, hollow.
"Not exactly. It was just a pizza," he said. "She just wanted to pay me for my time, and I wouldn't take her money."
"Uh-huh. So, that's it then? You did her a favor and she paid you back?"
He faltered for an answer. "Well, no more drawing, I don't think . . ."
"But . . ." Rory prompted.
"I'm having dinner with her again tomorrow."
Rory sucked in a breath. "And that's a date." It wasn't a question, and it was evident in her tone that Rory wouldn't believe that it wasn't no matter what Jess said.
"No, not really. It's just a friendly thing. Dana's really nice, and we had a lot to talk about other night. You'd like her. I like her." Almost immediately Jess wanted to take that back.
"I see," Rory said icily. "I hope you have a nice time with her, but I have to go."
Jess groaned. "Rory, come on! Don't do this; we had a deal." His plea fell on deaf ears. Rory had hung up on him . . . again. He stared at the buzzing phone in disbelief. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go. She was supposed to be understanding; that was what they had agreed to. Of course, if it had been Rory telling him that she had a sort-of-but- not-really-date, he might have had a very similar reaction. So maybe he couldn't blame her. But he didn't have to let her get away with it.
"I told you that you were evil," Lily piped up from the table behind Jess.
He turned and saw the girl's head buried in a book and her homework unfinished on the table. Reaching out, he pulled the hardcover book easily from her smaller hands. He shut it with a snap and hurled it into the living room. It opened as it fell through the air and landed face down with a thump, pages crumpling against the floor.
"Hey!" Lily shrieked. "Literature abuse!"
"Math." Jess shoved the worksheet back in front of her. "I mean it, Lil. Don't mess with me right now."
She took up her pencil again with a huff. "I still hate you."
"Right now, I really don't care." He sat across from her, throwing out stern looks when ever Lily glanced up. While she scribbled away, he tried to figure out what to do about his latest disastrous phone call. It began to be clear that, while he had a few options, only one thing could be done to try and save things with Rory with a minimum of pain for both of them.
Ten minutes after she hung up on him, Jess called Rory back.
"I give you enough time to have your little temper tantrum?" he asked when she answered. "I can call back in another ten if you're not finished stomping and pouting or whatever."
"I did not stomp," Rory protested weakly. "There was no tantrum."
"Uh-huh. Did you throw something?"
"Perhaps."
"Then it was a tantrum," Jess decreed.
Rory huffed. "I was upset. I reacted . . . and now I feel foolish and childish and stupid."
"Which is enough of an apology for me." He paused thoughtfully, deciding on whether or not to say something else in an attempt to appease her smarting feelings. It probably wouldn't hurt; it would be what he wanted if their roles were reversed. "I'm sorry this is so hard."
"Me too," she sighed. "It's not that I don't want you to have friends and meet new people. I want you to be happy, Jess, I really do. It's just that I wish I could be the one to make you happy."
"'You can't always get what you want,'" Jess sang softly.
Rory laughed. "Don't sing. I hurt enough right now."
"Hey, you think I'm bad? You should hear Jimmy butcher Cat Stevens."
"Jimmy listens to Cat Stevens?" Rory forgot for a moment that she was upset with Jess. "I can't really picture that."
Jess hummed in agreement. "Yeah, it was a weird moment when I caught him belting that out one afternoon."
"Yikes." Rory was about to comment further when she remembered how she'd been feeling not even a minute before. "Hey, you changed the subject," she accused.
"I was hoping you wouldn't notice." Jess sighed heavily. "I just don't know what else to say to you. I know you're mad, I know you're hurt, but there isn't anything else that we can do."
"You can still come home," Rory tried to reason again. "There's still a place for you here."
"Not this again," he groaned. "There's a place for me here too, Rory. A place that I've gotten together on my own. It isn't just about getting to know Jimmy anymore. It's about getting to know myself. I have to say here . . . probably not forever, but for now it's where I have to be."
Rory was very quiet for a moment. "I don't think you've ever said it like that before. With that much intensity."
"I probably haven't. But do you understand now?"
"I understand why you're staying out there, why you won't come back . . . but I'm not going to be understanding about the dating, not right away. You've got to give me time to get used to that."
"I will. I'd need that too . . . will need that eventually," Jess said softly.
"What does that mean?" Rory wanted to know.
"Well, I don't think you're planning on living as a spinster, are you? At some point you're going to date someone. And no matter what's going on in my life, that will be hard for me to hear."
"We'll see," she told him. There was something in her tone that suggested that it wouldn't be his reaction they'd being looking for, it would be whether or not she dated at all.
Jess cleared his throat, the seriousness of their conversation making his chest ache a little. "Just know that, whatever happens, you will always be more than special to me."
Rory let out a shaky little whimper. "I love you, Jess."
"I know you do. Good night, Rory."
"Good night," she whispered and hung up for the second time.
Blowing out his breath, Jess turned off the phone. He leaned forward on his knees and looked from the living room where he'd retreated when he'd called Rory back to the kitchen where Lily still sat working angrily on her homework. As Jess watched her, a small pained smiled tugged at his lips. He thought it must be nice to have your biggest worry be how many times nine went into one hundred and eighty-nine.
**********
Author's Notes the Second: I know that I have done something in this chapter that might upset some readers, but I want you all to know that I have this story planned out to the end and beyond. Just stick with me, and I promise it will all come together in the end. Thanks for reading and review if you've got the time.