Interlude

(In which the author discovers that she had completely forgotten about an important, even if not a major, character in the story.)

Victoria: Where is Max?

Me: Uh...with Annie, where he belongs.

Victoria: No, I mean Max, my little puppy? The one Vincent bought for me?

Me: (very embarrassed) Um...what puppy?

Victoria: Oh come on! After all the deal you made? Heaping that stuff on me about feeling sympathy for the little guy? The one the guy was holding in his hand at Union Station? You remember the puppy. You remember Max.

Me: Well, wasn't he at the house with you in Mexico?

Victoria: He was...oh my gosh, we left him!

(Vincent enters the room)

Vincent: What are you two carrying on about?

Me: Nothing.

Victoria: My puppy! We have to go back for him!

Vincent: You mean Max? That puppy I paid eight hundred and fifty dollars for?

Me: Oh bloody hell.

Vincent: What do you mean, we forgot him?

Victoria: We left him at your house in Mexico. We have to go back.

Vincent: We can't go back. You're tied up on a bed with a gun to your head. I'm about to open a can of whoop-ass. There isn't time.

(Vincent turns and looks at me)

Vincent: You forgot about the dog, didn't you?

Me: What are you talking about? He's your dog. Yours and Victoria's. It's YOUR responsibility, not mine.

Vincent: Don't give me that shit. You were in charge of keeping track of everybody. And you forgot all about the dog. Now look how upset Victoria is.

Victoria: (sobbing) I want my puppy!

Me: Oh crap in a hat...pull it together, woman, you got bigger problems.

Vincent: Don't talk to her like that.

Victoria: Don't talk to me like that!

(Claudia enters)

Claudia: What the hell is going on in here?

Vincent: She forgot the puppy.

Claudia: You forgot the puppy?

Me: Victoria, stop crying!

Vincent: I said, don't talk to her like that. You're the one who forgot her puppy.

Claudia: You forgot the puppy. Man, that's cold. Even I wouldn't have forgotten the puppy.

Me: Oh, great, now I'm getting hell from two murdering psychopaths.

Vincent: Excuse me, not psychopaths, sociopaths. There is a difference.

Me: Whatever. What am I supposed to do about it?

Vincent: You're the author, think of something.

Claudia: Man, poor little puppy, back in that big house, all by himself.

Victoria: (sobbing harder) Poor little Max!

Claudia: (to Vincent) You let her name the puppy Max?

Vincent: Don't blame me, that's her fault again.

Me: Bloody hell. You know, this would never have happened if I'd had an editor looking through my story before I published it. She would have gone, "Hey, where's that puppy?" and I would have put him in and all of this wouldn't have happened. Although I think SweetArwen did try to warn me...

Vincent: Well, that's the price you pay for free publishing on the internet. Now, oh great and powerful author, you need to get your ass back to that house and get the puppy. We've got a bad situation here and you're the only one who can take care of it right now. Besides, it would look even more stupid than it already does if you made us go back to get the puppy. People would think WE were to blame or something, when it was just you.

Me: (without a word, goes to the house in Mexico, trips over the coffee table by the couch, throws out the rotten oranges, searched through the dark for Max the puppy because the electricity has all been shut off because Vincent and Victoria didn't pay the bill. Finds the puppy, picks it up, puts it in its carrier.)

Victoria: Max!

Me: Yeah, yeah, here's Max. In his carrier.

Vincent: About time.

Me: Don't get all worked up. It won't do you any good where the next chapter is going.

Claudia: Well, at least Victoria will shut up about it.

(Vincent punches her. Victoria kicks her. Various reviewers throw rotten tomatoes at her)

Claudia: Hey! (gets tomatoes out of her hair) What the hell?

Me: Better you than me.

Claudia: I didn't forget about the puppy!

Me: No, you just tied up Victoria and keep torturing Vincent.

Claudia: Oh please, like you don't like it when I torture Vincent.

Me: I'd prefer not to comment with him standing right there.

Vincent: Right. Well, shall we get on with this? Get back to the regular story?

Me: Yeah, I just got to figure out how I'm going to explain Max sudden reappearing.

(Victoria is too busy kissing Max to pay any more attention to the conversation)

Claudia: Just slip it in. Nobody will notice.

Vincent: That's what the girls always say to me...hey, that wasn't cool!

Me: Sorry, couldn't resist. Okay, hope this solves our problem. See you in a few days with the continuing drama!