I've lost everything. Manny. Ashley. Myself. In a moment of blind passion, I lost everything I hold so close to my heart. Why? Why couldn't I just have kept my promise to Manny? But what about Ash. I promised her things too. I promised them both the world. I lied to them both. I lied through my teeth, like a dog. Like the dog that I am. I'm a selfish dog. I'm the typical stereotype of a man. I've been demoted to scum. Less than scum. What is there left? What of my pride, my dignity….yeah, I cheated on my girlfriend. But did anyone even care to ask me why? No. because, like always, no one really cares about Craig. Everyone hates Craig. Even I hate Craig and I AM Craig.
'the cup is not half empty as pessimists say as far as he's sees nothings left in the cup a whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up'
It still amazes me that they both wanted me. Me and Ash….we were inseparable. She was the closest anyone has ever gotten to understanding me. She was an individual. Ash didn't try to please anyone. She didn't even try to please me. And that's what was so intriguing. It was an upfront 'what you see is what you get' kind of deal. And she had this look in her eyes, whenever she saw me, as if the only reason she had bothered to wake up and go to school that day was to see me. And it made my days worth going through, just to know that someone liked me that much. And even when it seemed like I had screwed up so bad that we must've been over, she wanted me back. She wanted ME. She loved me. And I loved her, too. She was impatient with me for a time, but she knew. She could see how I felt about her. But it wasn't enough. No, not for me.
'a singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere he gave heed to nothing, and all that he was.
is just a tragedy'
The first time me and Manny gave it a shot, neither of us was ready. Especially not her. She was going through a phase, and I felt like I was with my sister, which is sick and disturbing. But Manny has always wanted me, I know it. And she picked the perfect night to get me. She manipulated me. But I let her. I thought Ash and I were over, so I ran into the arms of the first girl who had interest in me. I don't think I ever really liked her. I just wanted to be loved. Besides, she was really hot. But she still had that fucking childish thing about her and it made me want to rip her head of sometimes. But Manny had more than an interest. Oh yes, my friend. Manny wanted a whole relationship. She wanted me to pick her over Ashley. What a ditz. And then after Ash and I got back together, I wanted to stop what I was doing with Manny. But I couldn't. I was with two girls, something no man has ever gotten away with, and I thought that I could actually get away with it. I felt so wanted. So needed. So…loved. Being loved is the greatest feeling in the world, and I deserved it. Didn't I? So far in life I had been a good person, but hadn't been receiving what I was giving. So I figured this was my payment for being a good person. Besides, I didn't have much love as a child, so why not stock up?
'so he voyages in circles succeeds getting nowhere and submits to the substance that first got him there'
Two seemed like a good number, at the time. I knew eventually that I had to choose. And I was going to, too. Caitlin helped me realize that I had to be with the one girl who was right for me. And in my mind, that was Manny. But I don't know why it was Manny. She had the childish thing, which bugged me, but underneath that, she was sweet, and seemed to love me more than Ashley did. All I wanted was love. I figured that if she loved me enough, she would stop being such a kid. So I ran out to find her, and tell her. And I did. I promised to cut things of with Ashley. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, I could finally have just one girlfriend, I wouldn't have to sneak around anymore. I went straight to Ash's house to break it off with her. I told her we needed to talk. And then….and then she shoved a Christmas present into my arms before I could even say anything. How was I supposed to hurt her after she had given me something? Something that was SO amazing and was her grandfather's? That would just be down right cruel to break her heart right there. So, I didn't. I did pretty much the opposite. I told her that I loved her. How could I have been so stupid?
'than in violent, frustration he cries out to God or just no one is there a point to this madness and all that he was.
is just a tragedy'
I figured I would just have to wait awhile. Let Manny think we broke up, and let Ash think she was the only one. Manny had asked me if we broke up, I lied again, saying we did, and I was still hanging out with Ashley because we had to do the Christmas show together still. And Manny, poor Manny, she believed me. I just couldn't let go. Of either of them. They both had things the other didn't, and with the two of them, I got everything I ever wanted. But somewhere down the line, I screwed up. I don't know how, but Ashley found out about me and Manny. Which meant that Manny found out that I hadn't broken up with Ashley. Yet. I actually was planning on doing it, but never got the chance. On stage, Ash froze on me. Then she slapped me. That kind of gave me the hint something was wrong. So I chased her after she ran away, and she confronted me. And then she left me. I was hurt, yes, but momentarily, I thought now me and Manny could be together. Oops. Then Manny came up to me. Called me stupid, told me things I already knew but didn't want to hear. And then she left me, too. And that brings us to present time. I had two girlfriends. Now I have none. I was so loved, needed, and wanted. And now I am none of those things. I am simply…alone.
'he feels alone his heart in his hand he's alone he feels alone I feel....'
But who could blame them? They were scorned women, wanting their revenge. Just as I had broke their hearts, they ripped mine out and spit on it. I would forgive them in a second, just to know the feeling of love again. Because now….now I'm back to what I once was. Just a lonely, messed up boy, looking for some comfort. I was always afraid of this moment. When my actions would catch up with me. Somehow, I thought it never would happen though. I was convinced that I had a fool-proof plan. If only I had known that a fool-proof plan doesn't work if it is created by a fool. I'm so much more than a fool. And less, at the same time. But I don't think anyone really understands that. And I guess, they never will. Because I, Craig Manning, have a social disease. And I go, unloved.
'then on that last day he breaks and he stood tall and he yelled... and he takes his life'
'the cup is not half empty as pessimists say as far as he's sees nothings left in the cup a whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up'
It still amazes me that they both wanted me. Me and Ash….we were inseparable. She was the closest anyone has ever gotten to understanding me. She was an individual. Ash didn't try to please anyone. She didn't even try to please me. And that's what was so intriguing. It was an upfront 'what you see is what you get' kind of deal. And she had this look in her eyes, whenever she saw me, as if the only reason she had bothered to wake up and go to school that day was to see me. And it made my days worth going through, just to know that someone liked me that much. And even when it seemed like I had screwed up so bad that we must've been over, she wanted me back. She wanted ME. She loved me. And I loved her, too. She was impatient with me for a time, but she knew. She could see how I felt about her. But it wasn't enough. No, not for me.
'a singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere he gave heed to nothing, and all that he was.
is just a tragedy'
The first time me and Manny gave it a shot, neither of us was ready. Especially not her. She was going through a phase, and I felt like I was with my sister, which is sick and disturbing. But Manny has always wanted me, I know it. And she picked the perfect night to get me. She manipulated me. But I let her. I thought Ash and I were over, so I ran into the arms of the first girl who had interest in me. I don't think I ever really liked her. I just wanted to be loved. Besides, she was really hot. But she still had that fucking childish thing about her and it made me want to rip her head of sometimes. But Manny had more than an interest. Oh yes, my friend. Manny wanted a whole relationship. She wanted me to pick her over Ashley. What a ditz. And then after Ash and I got back together, I wanted to stop what I was doing with Manny. But I couldn't. I was with two girls, something no man has ever gotten away with, and I thought that I could actually get away with it. I felt so wanted. So needed. So…loved. Being loved is the greatest feeling in the world, and I deserved it. Didn't I? So far in life I had been a good person, but hadn't been receiving what I was giving. So I figured this was my payment for being a good person. Besides, I didn't have much love as a child, so why not stock up?
'so he voyages in circles succeeds getting nowhere and submits to the substance that first got him there'
Two seemed like a good number, at the time. I knew eventually that I had to choose. And I was going to, too. Caitlin helped me realize that I had to be with the one girl who was right for me. And in my mind, that was Manny. But I don't know why it was Manny. She had the childish thing, which bugged me, but underneath that, she was sweet, and seemed to love me more than Ashley did. All I wanted was love. I figured that if she loved me enough, she would stop being such a kid. So I ran out to find her, and tell her. And I did. I promised to cut things of with Ashley. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, I could finally have just one girlfriend, I wouldn't have to sneak around anymore. I went straight to Ash's house to break it off with her. I told her we needed to talk. And then….and then she shoved a Christmas present into my arms before I could even say anything. How was I supposed to hurt her after she had given me something? Something that was SO amazing and was her grandfather's? That would just be down right cruel to break her heart right there. So, I didn't. I did pretty much the opposite. I told her that I loved her. How could I have been so stupid?
'than in violent, frustration he cries out to God or just no one is there a point to this madness and all that he was.
is just a tragedy'
I figured I would just have to wait awhile. Let Manny think we broke up, and let Ash think she was the only one. Manny had asked me if we broke up, I lied again, saying we did, and I was still hanging out with Ashley because we had to do the Christmas show together still. And Manny, poor Manny, she believed me. I just couldn't let go. Of either of them. They both had things the other didn't, and with the two of them, I got everything I ever wanted. But somewhere down the line, I screwed up. I don't know how, but Ashley found out about me and Manny. Which meant that Manny found out that I hadn't broken up with Ashley. Yet. I actually was planning on doing it, but never got the chance. On stage, Ash froze on me. Then she slapped me. That kind of gave me the hint something was wrong. So I chased her after she ran away, and she confronted me. And then she left me. I was hurt, yes, but momentarily, I thought now me and Manny could be together. Oops. Then Manny came up to me. Called me stupid, told me things I already knew but didn't want to hear. And then she left me, too. And that brings us to present time. I had two girlfriends. Now I have none. I was so loved, needed, and wanted. And now I am none of those things. I am simply…alone.
'he feels alone his heart in his hand he's alone he feels alone I feel....'
But who could blame them? They were scorned women, wanting their revenge. Just as I had broke their hearts, they ripped mine out and spit on it. I would forgive them in a second, just to know the feeling of love again. Because now….now I'm back to what I once was. Just a lonely, messed up boy, looking for some comfort. I was always afraid of this moment. When my actions would catch up with me. Somehow, I thought it never would happen though. I was convinced that I had a fool-proof plan. If only I had known that a fool-proof plan doesn't work if it is created by a fool. I'm so much more than a fool. And less, at the same time. But I don't think anyone really understands that. And I guess, they never will. Because I, Craig Manning, have a social disease. And I go, unloved.
'then on that last day he breaks and he stood tall and he yelled... and he takes his life'