A/N: Here it is at last! My first non-Dr. Who fanfiction! For those of you who have read these bits already, there are very few changes, and those are mostly typos and the whatnot. There are a few technical dicontinuities that I am taking care of. When I originally wrote this, Ragetti was not originally from Britain. Oh well, he is now. And the time constraints. I figure the raid that the Black Pearl, when Elizabeth was taken (first time) must be about two months to the end of the story. So, I may be full of it, but that is what Fanfiction is all about.
Disclaimer: If I owned Pirates of the Caribbean, I wouldn't be writing this here, and you would be buying my books at Barnes and Noble for $6.95 a piece! But, since I don't own many folks in this story, you get to read it for free! I do own a few incidental folk, Estella, Lucy, and Marita . . . in the opposite order of appearance, and anyone else that might show up in the course of this story that you don't recognize.
The Mishappen Tales of Two Inept Pirates
Chapter 1: The Not So Great Escape
The HMS Dauntless pulled into the harbor of Port Royal. The gathered crowd applauded and cheered. It had been announced in the Town Square that the proud ship and her crew were returning and apparently in victory. The brave commodore had chased down those ruthless pirates, and now the villains would be properly taken care of for their crimes against the town and the crown. It had been a long time since a good hanging took place in town. For the murders, destruction, and thievery, hanging was too good for them, but the British citizens here still observed the laws of England, and they were civilized. Besides, drawing and quartering was such a messy job.
The gangplank was lowered, and the Governor Swann and Commodore Norrington appeared at the top. The people cheered again. The young men admired the brave Commodore and wished to live up to his grandeur. The women swoon, because he was so handsome (and rich). The governor's daughter was all the envy of these young women. How could she refuse such a dashing 26-year-old gentleman?
Norrington's face flushed with embarrassment. The migraine he was nursing was not much help either. The crowd called for a speech. He hated to make speeches. His tongue always felt tied, and he feared he looked remarkably stupid when he spoke. His stomach did some amazing squishing about, and he felt worse than when he found out exactly what he was eating at one of those natives' parties. Speeches were more of the governor's job, but unfortunately, they wanted his words. He had gone on a rescue mission . . . one too many in his opinion. He was only concern with Elizabeth's safety. That lousy little blacksmith could take care of himself. Men just didn't go out and rescue other men in distress. What kind of fop was this Will Turner anyway!! Oh well, at least it did lead to the capture of the raiding pirates and that slippery Jack Sparrow. In a way, it was a shame that Sparrow had to be such an unsavory sort. He would have made an excellent naval officer. He did seem to have some sort of honor, but he knew that the first time the man did some crazy off the wall off the book type of thing, the Commodore would have to knock him in the head and throw him in the brig for mutiny. That brought all these things back to square one.
It took nearly an hour for all the formalities and what not to get over with. Finally, it was time to move the prisoners off the ship to their new less cozy temporary quarters. The illustrious Captain Jack Sparrow was at the head of the line. He staggered and swaggered his way along, and he didn't miss a thing or a chance to flirt with a woman or two in the audience. A wink and a smile said tons of things that his escort would not allow him to put to words. He paused at one exceptional beauty, who was all of 16 summers. He took her delicate hands in his chained and shackled hands.
"Oh, ma cherie, what say I show ye 'bouts the town and take ye on one those rare sea voyages and beyond Saturday night?"
The guard smacked him in the head and pushed him onward from the blushing girl. "Can't ye let a doomed man 'ave 'is way a bit and appreciate the fine beauty of youth?"
The guards weren't amused. "You aren't likely to be keeping that date Saturday night," one of the guards answered cryptically.
"Och! What a bunch of pessimist ye bunch are!" Sparrow replied as he was moved on.
The crowds were most enthused with the assumed captain of the pillaging pirates of two months ago. Well, he sort of was their captain at one time. The other prisoners came along quietly. It had been ten years since this kind of threat held any kind of meaning for them. Not to mention, it had been ten years since they had had a decent meal, and they were inclined to be a bit of gluttons those first few nights, and the bellies had many an objection to such abuse.
The parade of prisoner was arranged by the most powerful to the most useless of the pirates, with appropriate guards to each. The better men of His majesty's Navy were gathered about the more capable pirates. Norrington and Gillette with three more of the Commodore's more trusted men were gathered about the illustrious Captain. All except Sparrow were chained together in pairs as they were marched down the streets. So, therefore, no one noticed in the procession that the party was two short on either the pirates' side or the guards' side. The end of the parade was to be brought up by the tall red haired officer of Martog and his rotund companion of Mulroy, escorting the two lesser known pirates of the crew the tall lanky one eyed known as Tony Ragetti especially by his mum on his good days, ( . . . discussion of his other names would not allow for a PG-13 rating on this story . . .) and his equally roguish smaller rounder fellow known, (see above description for Ragetti) as Henry Eugene Pintel. All involved were still aboard the Dauntless in a not so noble position. Mulroy and Martog were leaning heavily on their bayonets and snoring loudly. One of the ship's clean up crew happened by the foursome, and gave them a curious look. The guards stood up, somewhat, and the pirates were on the deck. Ragetti's hands were on parts of Pintel's body, where no male hands should fall on a fellow pirate and the owner hope to keep them. Pintel, for his part, was giggling lecherously and mumbled out some name like Mandy or could have been Candy. The cleaner smirked and bashed the guards with the mop. Martog and Mulroy were instantly awake and stood at attention.
It only took the guards a few moments to take stock of where they were and their prisoners were not at attention with them. Martog and Mulroy glanced down at the pair on the deck at their feet. Martog's face turned redder than his hair, and Mulroy was not to be out done on the bloodrush. The two guards simultaneously cleared their throats, and acting as if they had seen nothing, gave the prisoner a sound kick. The two pirates immediately noticed their compromising position and pulled away from each other as if one had some kind of vermin the other didn't share. The chains on their wrists went taunt and bounced them back into each other's arms.
Ragetti gave him a stupid grin. Pintel was not amused and smacked him on the back of the head. "I dunno what ye be thinkin', boy, but it ain't gonna involve me!"
Martog and Mulroy cleared their throats again. They urged the prisoners forward. The final prisoner escort was finally atop the gangplank. Oh well, better late than never. The four of them looked down on the empty streets.
"Criminy!" Martog remarked, "Where'd everyone go?"
"Mebbe they be 'aving a fish fry or something like that," Pintel suggested, "Tis Friday and all, ye know."
"And we di'n't get invited! Bugger it all!" complained Ragetti, "You know, we Brits have the best fish'n chips!"
Pintel gave him a sidelong condescending look. "Don't ye think ye e't 'nough last night?"
His fellow pirate shrugged. "It 'ad been ten years since me last meal!" he complained, "Gotta make up for lost time, ye know."
"Right, the two of you, shut your mouths!' Mulroy ordered, "Where you be going, ye won't be worrying about no grub!"
"What! Ye ain't gonna be feeding us! I demand prisoner's rights and all that stuff!" Ragetti complained.
"Oh hush!" Mulroy ordered.
The prisoners grumbled, but the guards urged them through the quiet streets. After a couple of blocks, Ragetti began to squirm and turned to Martog with an urgent pressing message. "I've gotta go," he complained.
"I'm certain you do," the red haired guard returned.
"No, I means real bad!"
Mulroy getting the hint grimaced exasperated as he understood the pirate's meaning. "Why didn't you go back at the ship!" he growled.
"I didn't 'ave to then," he replied. Mulroy rolled his eyes.
Pintel just shrugged. "Ain't not'in' I can do 'bout it."
"You'll just have to wait til we get to the fortress," Mulroy answered.
"I don't think it will 'old that long! I really gotta go bad!" Ragetti answered with the proper wriggling and such. Because Pintel was chained to him, he was being yanked around in an uncomfortable way. The smaller pirate gave the chain a good jerk to settle him down.
"Ye'll 'ave to wait," Mulroy insisted.
"I can't!" the prisoner insisted.
"I ain't gonna to remain chained to 'im if 'e goes in his drawers. 'E stinks bad 'nough as it is!" Pintel complained.
"Oh, let him go in the bushes," Martog remarked.
Mulroy made some derogatory remarks, but the small party pulled off the road to some of the greenery lining the town. The two guards moved to escort them, but Ragetti turned to them. "Can't a feller get any privacy to take care of business?"
"You're our prisoners. You think we're daft enough to let you out of our sights?"
"'Ey! It's a private moment!" the prisoner returned, "I don't watch ye relieve yerself, now do I?"
The two guards looked at each other and shrugged. "Oh, get to it!" Martog complained.
Pintel crossed him arms in defiance, but he felt the yank of the chain, and was pulled into the shrubbery also, but Martog was quick enough to grabbed the pirate by the collar and pull him back out.
"Where so you think you're going?" he demanded.
"We are rather connected, ye know!" the captive complained.
The smaller pirate soon disappeared in the bushes with his partner. The guards looked at each other and shrugged. They waited a few moments, but the two did not emerge. Mulroy was getting tired of this. How long did it take the man to empty his bladder! He poked his bayonet into the greenery, but it made no contact with anything but leaves and branches.
He cursed and went into the bushes followed by Martog. There was no pirates to be seen.
Mulroy cursed, and Martog grimaced. "I guess we won't be getting that promotion now."
Disclaimer: If I owned Pirates of the Caribbean, I wouldn't be writing this here, and you would be buying my books at Barnes and Noble for $6.95 a piece! But, since I don't own many folks in this story, you get to read it for free! I do own a few incidental folk, Estella, Lucy, and Marita . . . in the opposite order of appearance, and anyone else that might show up in the course of this story that you don't recognize.
The Mishappen Tales of Two Inept Pirates
Chapter 1: The Not So Great Escape
The HMS Dauntless pulled into the harbor of Port Royal. The gathered crowd applauded and cheered. It had been announced in the Town Square that the proud ship and her crew were returning and apparently in victory. The brave commodore had chased down those ruthless pirates, and now the villains would be properly taken care of for their crimes against the town and the crown. It had been a long time since a good hanging took place in town. For the murders, destruction, and thievery, hanging was too good for them, but the British citizens here still observed the laws of England, and they were civilized. Besides, drawing and quartering was such a messy job.
The gangplank was lowered, and the Governor Swann and Commodore Norrington appeared at the top. The people cheered again. The young men admired the brave Commodore and wished to live up to his grandeur. The women swoon, because he was so handsome (and rich). The governor's daughter was all the envy of these young women. How could she refuse such a dashing 26-year-old gentleman?
Norrington's face flushed with embarrassment. The migraine he was nursing was not much help either. The crowd called for a speech. He hated to make speeches. His tongue always felt tied, and he feared he looked remarkably stupid when he spoke. His stomach did some amazing squishing about, and he felt worse than when he found out exactly what he was eating at one of those natives' parties. Speeches were more of the governor's job, but unfortunately, they wanted his words. He had gone on a rescue mission . . . one too many in his opinion. He was only concern with Elizabeth's safety. That lousy little blacksmith could take care of himself. Men just didn't go out and rescue other men in distress. What kind of fop was this Will Turner anyway!! Oh well, at least it did lead to the capture of the raiding pirates and that slippery Jack Sparrow. In a way, it was a shame that Sparrow had to be such an unsavory sort. He would have made an excellent naval officer. He did seem to have some sort of honor, but he knew that the first time the man did some crazy off the wall off the book type of thing, the Commodore would have to knock him in the head and throw him in the brig for mutiny. That brought all these things back to square one.
It took nearly an hour for all the formalities and what not to get over with. Finally, it was time to move the prisoners off the ship to their new less cozy temporary quarters. The illustrious Captain Jack Sparrow was at the head of the line. He staggered and swaggered his way along, and he didn't miss a thing or a chance to flirt with a woman or two in the audience. A wink and a smile said tons of things that his escort would not allow him to put to words. He paused at one exceptional beauty, who was all of 16 summers. He took her delicate hands in his chained and shackled hands.
"Oh, ma cherie, what say I show ye 'bouts the town and take ye on one those rare sea voyages and beyond Saturday night?"
The guard smacked him in the head and pushed him onward from the blushing girl. "Can't ye let a doomed man 'ave 'is way a bit and appreciate the fine beauty of youth?"
The guards weren't amused. "You aren't likely to be keeping that date Saturday night," one of the guards answered cryptically.
"Och! What a bunch of pessimist ye bunch are!" Sparrow replied as he was moved on.
The crowds were most enthused with the assumed captain of the pillaging pirates of two months ago. Well, he sort of was their captain at one time. The other prisoners came along quietly. It had been ten years since this kind of threat held any kind of meaning for them. Not to mention, it had been ten years since they had had a decent meal, and they were inclined to be a bit of gluttons those first few nights, and the bellies had many an objection to such abuse.
The parade of prisoner was arranged by the most powerful to the most useless of the pirates, with appropriate guards to each. The better men of His majesty's Navy were gathered about the more capable pirates. Norrington and Gillette with three more of the Commodore's more trusted men were gathered about the illustrious Captain. All except Sparrow were chained together in pairs as they were marched down the streets. So, therefore, no one noticed in the procession that the party was two short on either the pirates' side or the guards' side. The end of the parade was to be brought up by the tall red haired officer of Martog and his rotund companion of Mulroy, escorting the two lesser known pirates of the crew the tall lanky one eyed known as Tony Ragetti especially by his mum on his good days, ( . . . discussion of his other names would not allow for a PG-13 rating on this story . . .) and his equally roguish smaller rounder fellow known, (see above description for Ragetti) as Henry Eugene Pintel. All involved were still aboard the Dauntless in a not so noble position. Mulroy and Martog were leaning heavily on their bayonets and snoring loudly. One of the ship's clean up crew happened by the foursome, and gave them a curious look. The guards stood up, somewhat, and the pirates were on the deck. Ragetti's hands were on parts of Pintel's body, where no male hands should fall on a fellow pirate and the owner hope to keep them. Pintel, for his part, was giggling lecherously and mumbled out some name like Mandy or could have been Candy. The cleaner smirked and bashed the guards with the mop. Martog and Mulroy were instantly awake and stood at attention.
It only took the guards a few moments to take stock of where they were and their prisoners were not at attention with them. Martog and Mulroy glanced down at the pair on the deck at their feet. Martog's face turned redder than his hair, and Mulroy was not to be out done on the bloodrush. The two guards simultaneously cleared their throats, and acting as if they had seen nothing, gave the prisoner a sound kick. The two pirates immediately noticed their compromising position and pulled away from each other as if one had some kind of vermin the other didn't share. The chains on their wrists went taunt and bounced them back into each other's arms.
Ragetti gave him a stupid grin. Pintel was not amused and smacked him on the back of the head. "I dunno what ye be thinkin', boy, but it ain't gonna involve me!"
Martog and Mulroy cleared their throats again. They urged the prisoners forward. The final prisoner escort was finally atop the gangplank. Oh well, better late than never. The four of them looked down on the empty streets.
"Criminy!" Martog remarked, "Where'd everyone go?"
"Mebbe they be 'aving a fish fry or something like that," Pintel suggested, "Tis Friday and all, ye know."
"And we di'n't get invited! Bugger it all!" complained Ragetti, "You know, we Brits have the best fish'n chips!"
Pintel gave him a sidelong condescending look. "Don't ye think ye e't 'nough last night?"
His fellow pirate shrugged. "It 'ad been ten years since me last meal!" he complained, "Gotta make up for lost time, ye know."
"Right, the two of you, shut your mouths!' Mulroy ordered, "Where you be going, ye won't be worrying about no grub!"
"What! Ye ain't gonna be feeding us! I demand prisoner's rights and all that stuff!" Ragetti complained.
"Oh hush!" Mulroy ordered.
The prisoners grumbled, but the guards urged them through the quiet streets. After a couple of blocks, Ragetti began to squirm and turned to Martog with an urgent pressing message. "I've gotta go," he complained.
"I'm certain you do," the red haired guard returned.
"No, I means real bad!"
Mulroy getting the hint grimaced exasperated as he understood the pirate's meaning. "Why didn't you go back at the ship!" he growled.
"I didn't 'ave to then," he replied. Mulroy rolled his eyes.
Pintel just shrugged. "Ain't not'in' I can do 'bout it."
"You'll just have to wait til we get to the fortress," Mulroy answered.
"I don't think it will 'old that long! I really gotta go bad!" Ragetti answered with the proper wriggling and such. Because Pintel was chained to him, he was being yanked around in an uncomfortable way. The smaller pirate gave the chain a good jerk to settle him down.
"Ye'll 'ave to wait," Mulroy insisted.
"I can't!" the prisoner insisted.
"I ain't gonna to remain chained to 'im if 'e goes in his drawers. 'E stinks bad 'nough as it is!" Pintel complained.
"Oh, let him go in the bushes," Martog remarked.
Mulroy made some derogatory remarks, but the small party pulled off the road to some of the greenery lining the town. The two guards moved to escort them, but Ragetti turned to them. "Can't a feller get any privacy to take care of business?"
"You're our prisoners. You think we're daft enough to let you out of our sights?"
"'Ey! It's a private moment!" the prisoner returned, "I don't watch ye relieve yerself, now do I?"
The two guards looked at each other and shrugged. "Oh, get to it!" Martog complained.
Pintel crossed him arms in defiance, but he felt the yank of the chain, and was pulled into the shrubbery also, but Martog was quick enough to grabbed the pirate by the collar and pull him back out.
"Where so you think you're going?" he demanded.
"We are rather connected, ye know!" the captive complained.
The smaller pirate soon disappeared in the bushes with his partner. The guards looked at each other and shrugged. They waited a few moments, but the two did not emerge. Mulroy was getting tired of this. How long did it take the man to empty his bladder! He poked his bayonet into the greenery, but it made no contact with anything but leaves and branches.
He cursed and went into the bushes followed by Martog. There was no pirates to be seen.
Mulroy cursed, and Martog grimaced. "I guess we won't be getting that promotion now."