Oh, my heck, this chapter was a PAIN. Actually, it was quite hilarious, really fun! I just love doing stuff like this, so sorry if you're lost. You just might be, if you've never heard the Dumb and Dumber soundtrack or at least seen the movie.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything pertaining, nor do I own The Bear Song or Boom Shakalak. I do own the Green Beast and the plot.

Green Beast, Green Jelly, and Green Faces All Around:

Are We THERE Yet?!

With one graceful movement, Gai threw open the rolling storage door to reveal . . .

The horror! The lime greenness! That was one pimped-out . . . thing? What was it? "Hey, hey!" Naruto finally shouted. "What's going on here? What is this? Is that really all it's cracked up to be?

Gai was appalled at Naruto's ignorance and lack of taste in this particular field of interest. How dare he insult the Sexy Lime Green Beast! "Why, Naruto! I'm shocked!" He moved closer, put his arms around the Beast lovingly, gave a cheesy smile. "Of course it's all it's cracked up to be! Why, Asuma and I put all our love and care and spare time into this, and it's time for its rebirth!" He stepped around to model the remaining features. "You see, with its mach 6.5 turbo intake, super low-riding body kit, iridescent purple metallic flames that brilliantly change color in the sun, super hydraulics, 87.497 chrome interior, authentic limited edition spinning Pimpsta rims . . ." And on and on and on. Let's just say the entire group was quite lost in Gai's speech that only half made sense in reality. Kakashi intruded into Gai's one-sided informative conversation.

"What is it?"

"What is it?!" cried Asuma as he walked closer, put his hand on the front. Tearfully, he smiled. "It is our pride and joy! It is our love! Our passion! Our one and only!"

"Yes, but . . . I guess I'd better emphasize a different word . . . what is it?"

Boldly, Gai stepped forward, hair and all (which was grossing everybody out at this moment—I mean, would you be grossed out? He was wearing a child's shirt!). "This, the Sexy Lime Green Beast," he belted out, "is a van!"

A van? What the heck was that? None of the genin really understood the word, as cars weren't exactly common in Konoha, but a few of the teachers knew what it was.

"It's a 1984 Toyota van!" cried Iruka in horror. "The ugliest sin known to man!!!" Gai and Asuma looked at him with wide eyes. How dare he insult this precious relic! Asuma looked at Gai mischievously.

"Shall we show them what the Beast can do?" he asked, emitting an evil chuckle. Gai returned the evil tone with an evil smile and dug in his pockets for something. Out came candy wrappers, chap stick, silly putty that was probably in there since he was about seven years old, nail clippers, lint, and finally . . . a key! Attached to this key was an array of different gaudy, ugly key chains, including a rabbit's foot and a key chain that read, "I (Heart) My New Toyota Van." Then Gai pranced over and opened a door and hopped inside the Beast. Within moments, it roared vociferously and rolled out of the storage shed, then began bouncing up and down in the air as the bass Apache Indian's "Boom Shakalak" (on the "Dumb and Dumber" soundtrack, the one in the beginning after Lloyd tries to pick up on the "Austrian" chick) thumped through the air. Asuma smiled, emitting tears of joy that he attempted to hide from everyone else. Inside the Beast, Gai looked all too overjoyed. It was almost scary. So scary that Iruka had to run and hide behind Kakashi.

"It's a sin! It's so ugly! Help me! Help me!!" Iruka cried in horror. Kakashi agreed; it was pretty ugly. Naruto only stared with supremely wide eyes in either repulsion or utter amazement.

"That," he began, his voice suddenly becoming very excited and anxious, "is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life!" He ran over and threw open a door and hopped in. Even though he so easily entered it, not quite everyone was so sure about this . . . thing.

"It doesn't look harmful," began a very weirded-out Sakura, interrupted by a still hysterical Iruka. Poor thing.

"It doesn't look harmful, but it couldn't pass emissions if it were brand new! We'll suffocate!" Emissions? What the heck was that? And why was Iruka so worried about it, after all? Regardless, the group brushed it off as useless information that would only be harmful to their health if they heeded it, so they all began to approach the van, throw open the doors (which was quite difficult as Gai was excitedly working the hydraulics) and pile in. Asuma had suddenly become extremely worried at the condition of this mob's thronging, but there was nothing he could do; the Beast was irresistible.

"Hey," cried Shikamaru (amazing that he could be heard above the thumping bass and screaming, excited mob), "What about our stuff?"

"Just cram it all in, sonny! We'll all fit!"

And it was rather miraculous that they all did. This van, with the help of the cheap jump seats, was only intended to seat fifteen people (not including the garmongous speakers and luggage, especially the massive amounts Kakashi and Gai and Asuma packed . . . and if you've seen the interior of a 1984 Toyota van, I'm surprised they can even fit ten in there), but concerning their situation, they had to make do with what they had. So, in a rather crowded and atrocious display of teenagers with too much free time painted with iridescent purple flames, their journey to the wonderful "Disneyland" began.

No one thought the ride was all too comfortable, of course—being so packed together with so many people—but no one complained, only because they were afraid that if they acted in anymore disgust than they already had, they might be pushed a bit to the left or right and find themselves flying through the window to meet the road below.

"Hey, guys," Gai giggled. "Check this song out." And within seconds, they heard the discordant mess of the song known as "The Bear Song" by Green Jelly (also on the "Dumb and Dumber" soundtrack—it's the song that's playing when they're in Dante's Inferno, I think. They must really like that movie). Asuma's eyes lit up at the sound of a ragged electric guitar and he joined Gai in harmonizing to this most wonderful song:

The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see!! HEY!!

The other side of the mountain was all that he could see!! SO!!

He went back over the mountain to see what he could see!! HEY!!

The other side of the mountain

WAS ALL THAT HE COULD SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

(Take note that Gai and Asuma (sitting in the driver's and passenger's seat, respectively) would jump up out of their seats and scream whenever words in all capitals would occur.) At the end of that particular verse, they laughed giddily, reminiscing about old times . . .

And somewhere in that song, someone was screaming about a cabbage with funky hair. Kakashi liked this song:

You darn fool, you darn fool, can't you plainly see!! HEY!!

It's nothing but a cabbage head his grandma said to me!! HO!!
Many a-miles I've traveled, a thousand miles or so!! HEY!!

I never saw a head of cabbage

WITH HAIR UPON IT BEFOOOOOOOORE!!!!

Sadly enough, the whole group was getting into it, and Gai and Asuma were having so much fun with it, they thought they'd cry—well, they were crying, they were laughing so hard. Surely all of the crammed-in passengers were afraid of crashing, but this song, like a sacred charm, instantly revealed all their stress.

That is, except for Iruka's.

WHAT'S THIS CABBAGE?!!!

"Gai!" Trying to scream above this music was insanity. Iruka grew more nervous, sweating in the rising heat in the car from so many bodies (he himself was squished between and eating Chouji and a very enthusiastic, dancing, jumping, bouncing Naruto. Apparently, he liked this. HOW COULD HE!!! IT WAS CHAOS!!!

The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see!! HEY!!

The other side of the mountain was all that he could see!! SO!!

He went back over the mountain to see what he could see!! HEY!!

The other side of the mountain

WAS ALL THAT HE COULD SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

"GAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Iruka was about to cry. This was scary, especially when everyone in the whole van was jumping up and down and screaming in the close quarters they were. "ARE WE THERE YET!!!!"

HEY, IS THAT A BEAR OVER THERE?!!
''Hey, Boo Boo, let's scare the ranger.''
''Gee, Yogi...''

And so he cried. Poor Iruka!! Green Jelly would scare me too!

You darn fool, you darn fool, can't you plainly see!! HEY!!

It's nothing but a cabbage head his grandma said to me!! HO!!
Many a-miles I've traveled, a thousand miles or so!! HEY!!

I never saw a head of cabbage

WITH HAIR UPON IT BEFOOOOOOOORE!!!!

"This is so fun, Gai!! Just like old times!!"

"Yes, my Asuma. I'm also glad we can share the joy!"

SOMEBODY GIVE THAT CABBAGE A HAIRCU—

And it stopped with the slamming of the breaks as everyone flew forward and smacked into either the windshield or something else. Iruka had been the only smart one and buckled his seatbelt—or he was the only one who knew what something like that was for. Poor Iruka!

"Hey!" cried Gai. "We're at the airport!" Rejoicing filled the entire cab of the car for a while, everybody partying around Iruka, who was crouched over, holding his head and quietly chanting lullabies his mom sang him when he was a young boy. All this rejoicing was cut short, however, when Asuma suddenly stopped yelling when he saw Gai's disappointment. That led to a chain reaction in which eventually only Kakashi and Naruto were dancing around screaming. They went ignored.

"What is it, Asuma?"

Gai was embarrassed, flushed. "We didn't even get tickets, did we?" Asuma thought he was going to cry. Their dreams were crushed! All because of one stupid little forgotten item! The result was an immediate ambience of sighing and crying genins, jounins, and one chuunin still holding his head and singing, "Hush, little baby, don't say a word . . ."

When he finished singing to himself, he sat up and sighed, "Oh, we're there! Thank heavens!" and tried to unbuckle his seatbelt to get out. As he squeezed toward the door, however, he saw the power locks immediately sink into the door. Iruka's hopes sank with those locks, and he began thinking of other lullabies to sing. Oh, crap.

"I don't think so, IRUKA!!!" cried Gai. "We'll just have to drive the whole way!" These words were like poison to Iruka's brain. Immediate rejoicing from the crowd, and a scream of pain from Iruka.

This was going to be a long trip.

Poor Iruka!!

So, to save his sanity, he managed to join the luggage on the roof of the car and enjoy the breeze the whole way to Anaheim—while he repeatedly threw up, of course, because of all the rattling and shaking the car was performing. Oh, well. It was better than being in there.

Whoa, prepare to be lost. Please R&R!! Share with your friends!